Cooking and household skills vs having a career (in a woman)

March 28, 2014

I'm not an expert in a kitchen but do some stuff and can find my way; though at times I might order delivery if I wanted something that requires way more work. As for my major (tourism and business management), I'll be done by Oct-Nov 2015. I plan on establishing my own business afterward.

When it comes to a LTR or marriage, would most men choose:

1) A woman that though only graduated from HS she's an excellent cook and has great household skills or

2) A woman with mediocre-average cooking and household skills (depending on who she's being compared to; if he expects elegant dishes and a great home decorator then I suck and is not what I excel in) but career minded and who likes travelling?

Sometimes I have a feeling that woman 1 can override 2. I've seen certain women that might not even know basic history or very limited vocabulary when talking (might even hate reading books) but have excellent cook and household skills somehow land a man easier than type 2 with not as great as woman 1 in those two aspects even if she were as smart.

Real life example:

One of my father's relative was once dating a gf who was majoring in law school and his mother didn't like the girl. The mother would go on telling him who she missed his ex gf Sandra (a woman who is poor and uneducated but with a great cook).

In the end, he end up dumping his smart gf and going got married to Sandra.

Edited March 28, 2014 by dragon_fly_7

March 28, 2014

I'd take either. If I had to choose I'd go for #2 simply due to where I am in life.

Unfortunately I ended up with neither of those in my marriage. My ex didn't work, which was fine as she was a stay-at-home mother. Unfortunately she also didn't cook, barely cleaned, and barely shopped (groceries). She would typically drop our daughter off at school and then sit around the house for six hours until it was time to pick our daughter up from school.

March 28, 2014

It depends on the man.

I can't cook to save my life. DH actually suggested I try out for the game show Worst Cooks in America on the Food Network.

My response when people complain about my lack of domestic skills is that they didn't offer Home Economics as a class choice when I was in grad school.

March 28, 2014

I'm not an expert in a kitchen but do some stuff and can find my way; though at times I might order delivery if I wanted something that requires way more work. As for my major (tourism and business management), I'll be done by Oct-Nov 2015. I plan on establishing my own business afterward.

When it comes to a LTR or marriage, would most men choose:

1) A woman that though only graduated from HS she's an excellent cook and has great household skills or

2) A woman with mediocre-average cooking and household skills (depending on who she's being compared to; if he expects elegant dishes and a great home decorator then I suck and is not what I excel in) but career minded and who likes travelling?

Sometimes I have a feeling that woman 1 can override 2. I've seen certain women that might not even know basic history or very limited vocabulary when talking (might even hate reading books) but have excellent cook and household skills somehow land a man easier than type 2 with not as great as woman 1 in those two aspects even if she were as smart.

Real life example:
One of my father's relative was once dating a gf who was majoring in law school and his mother didn't like the girl. The mother would go on telling him who she missed his ex gf Sandra (a woman who is poor and uneducated but with a great cook).

In the end, he end up dumping his smart gf and going got married to Sandra.

I can see 3 other options :

- marry a chemist or even a chef

- marry a woman who wants to be a SAHM

- marry a man who is ok with being a home dad

March 28, 2014

It depends on the man.

True.

My response when people complain about my lack of domestic skills is that they didn't offer Home Economics as a class choice when I was in grad school.

That's a fair reason. Once in a while both my female cousin who can barely cook and I get the ''And how you gonna do once you get married'' or ''But what are you doing to cook for him, who is going to iron his clothes'' from certain female members (also form an older former female co-coworker) of an older generation. Even my mother is isn't even old stated how I might have to find a patient man that doesn't expect those qualities. The very first time I got told that, it totally surprised me. That's like saying I'm going to college for no reason at all and that cooking and domestic skills is way more important than having a major and studying what you love.

March 28, 2014

Tell them you'll hire someone to do those things once you are making bank...

Anyone can learn how to cook. They may not like it... but anyone can learn.

As for me... I have both... I'm a great cook... I'm very domestic (can sew, garden... etc)... but I can also build things (like a man) and have a PhD in a technical field.

One of my best female friends has 75 patents (!!). Her H owns a construction company and winds down by making the family meals.

Noone needs to be cubbyholed into one thing or another these days... men or women.

March 28, 2014

Do you live in a society with traditional values?

The husbands I know cook basic meals, just as the wives do. Dinner is a problem to be solved, and resources are pulled. I don't know any wives who iron for their husbands. I pull out an iron as needed, as I'm dressing for work. H does the same!

It may be that woman #2 in your example is less motivated to "land a man". Maybe she values her independence, maybe she's harder to impress, or maybe she simply is too busy building her career to give time to a relationship.

March 28, 2014

I'm not an expert in a kitchen but do some stuff and can find my way; though at times I might order delivery if I wanted something that requires way more work. As for my major (tourism and business management), I'll be done by Oct-Nov 2015. I plan on establishing my own business afterward.

When it comes to a LTR or marriage, would most men choose:

1) A woman that though only graduated from HS she's an excellent cook and has great household skills or

2) A woman with mediocre-average cooking and household skills (depending on who she's being compared to; if he expects elegant dishes and a great home decorator then I suck and is not what I excel in) but career minded and who likes travelling?

Sometimes I have a feeling that woman 1 can override 2. I've seen certain women that might not even know basic history or very limited vocabulary when talking (might even hate reading books) but have excellent cook and household skills somehow land a man easier than type 2 with not as great as woman 1 in those two aspects even if she were as smart.

Real life example:
One of my father's relative was once dating a gf who was majoring in law school and his mother didn't like the girl. The mother would go on telling him who she missed his ex gf Sandra (a woman who is poor and uneducated but with a great cook).

In the end, he end up dumping his smart gf and going got married to Sandra.

You mention how one woman was going to law school, and how the other was just poor and uneducated, but there is more to a relationship that home and school skills. What were each personalities like? Maybe the girl that was "poor and uneducated" made your father's relative feel much better, or she had a personality that was a lot easier to mesh with.

Having just a HS diploma doesn't automatically make you worse any more than having a college degree automatically makes you better. After high school, I had the opportunity of joining a casino business, and if I had stuck to it, I'd probably be making a 6 figure income. However I went to the education route, and while I may obtain a 6 figure income this route also, my life, or rather, career side of life, wouldn't have been a poor one for just having a HS degree.

Keeping all things equal, I honestly would probably pick the one that is a great cook, but that's just because I love to eat Also I'm not sure how "loves to travel" has anything to do with this, I would imagine a "great" cook would love to travel also, due to wanting to try different styles of food.

March 28, 2014

I'm not an expert in a kitchen but do some stuff and can find my way; though at times I might order delivery if I wanted something that requires way more work. As for my major (tourism and business management), I'll be done by Oct-Nov 2015. I plan on establishing my own business afterward.

When it comes to a LTR or marriage, would most men choose:

1) A woman that though only graduated from HS she's an excellent cook and has great household skills or

2) A woman with mediocre-average cooking and household skills (depending on who she's being compared to; if he expects elegant dishes and a great home decorator then I suck and is not what I excel in) but career minded and who likes travelling?

Sometimes I have a feeling that woman 1 can override 2. I've seen certain women that might not even know basic history or very limited vocabulary when talking (might even hate reading books) but have excellent cook and household skills somehow land a man easier than type 2 with not as great as woman 1 in those two aspects even if she were as smart.

Real life example:
One of my father's relative was once dating a gf who was majoring in law school and his mother didn't like the girl. The mother would go on telling him who she missed his ex gf Sandra (a woman who is poor and uneducated but with a great cook).

In the end, he end up dumping his smart gf and going got married to Sandra.

It depends on the man and what's important to him.

For some people that nurturing aspect is more important to them than having an intellectual equal or rather than career-mindedness. It's not right or wrong but a preference. For other men, they could care less about that and find an intellectual equal or a career-minded woman a turn on. And still, for some, if they like the woman, then that overrides certain preferences.

Fortunately I'm both . I always joke that being a house wife is my Plan B if the whole PhD thing doesn't work out. I'm as great a homemaker as I am at intellectual and career things. In fact what I do to procrastinate most times from my work is cook elaborate meals, bake and have friends over for impromptu dinner parties. The men I date seem to like this a lot and I do find it true that the mantra "f--k him and feed him", seems to work lol! But they also love my ambition and intellect. It really depends on the man and how much he is into you as well.

March 28, 2014

It's gonna depend on the man.

I personally find it best to nurture both sides, for my own benefit. I like to be career minded and independent while also being able to cook and clean.

If I'm career minded but can't cook or clean, I'd be eating takeout, ruining my health, and living in a filthy house. If I can cook and clean, but have no career, well, good luck to me even having a roof over my head to cook and clean in.

March 28, 2014

Domestic skills are lacking pretty much across the board....Its a lost art...I know a lot of guys who are neat as a pin and a lot of women who are absolute slobs.....The opposite is true as well..I do get that...Its just silly to think that all women can cook and clean...

Most guys dont mind if a woman lacks in these areas-if they are a career oriented woman and bring good $ to the table.., I think what I hear a lot of guys complain about it is that they are working 70HR weeks so that their wives can stay at home with the kids and the house is a disaster, nothing in the fridge, and she cant make a ham sandwich....Then you are going to see some pissed off guys...Cant really blame them...

I can clean a house as good as any woman and I actually am a bit OCD when it comes to neatness/cleanliness....Cooking? I have a bland diet and can feed myself...Dont ask me to host a dinner party and cook for them...Then its going to get ugly...

TFY

March 28, 2014

Which one is the prettiest/slimmest?

March 28, 2014

I'm not an expert in a kitchen but do some stuff and can find my way; though at times I might order delivery if I wanted something that requires way more work. As for my major (tourism and business management), I'll be done by Oct-Nov 2015. I plan on establishing my own business afterward.

When it comes to a LTR or marriage, would most men choose:

1) A woman that though only graduated from HS she's an excellent cook and has great household skills or

2) A woman with mediocre-average cooking and household skills (depending on who she's being compared to; if he expects elegant dishes and a great home decorator then I suck and is not what I excel in) but career minded and who likes travelling?

Sometimes I have a feeling that woman 1 can override 2. I've seen certain women that might not even know basic history or very limited vocabulary when talking (might even hate reading books) but have excellent cook and household skills somehow land a man easier than type 2 with not as great as woman 1 in those two aspects even if she were as smart.

Real life example:
One of my father's relative was once dating a gf who was majoring in law school and his mother didn't like the girl. The mother would go on telling him who she missed his ex gf Sandra (a woman who is poor and uneducated but with a great cook).

In the end, he end up dumping his smart gf and going got married to Sandra.

Currently females outnumber males in higher education. Working women outnumber stay at home moms. In most demographics a two income marriage is an essential just to stay above water.

Where are all these "dumb women" with limited vocabulary but can cook and clean real good. Lol...

Are you ninety years old or is this a joke.

March 28, 2014

I think most people expect their spouse will have both a job that will bring in household income, and some decent household skills (cooking, cleaning, etc.) I think most couples in egalitarian countries expect to share these responsibilities. I imagine for more patriarchal countries, men would consider domestic skills to be more important for a woman to have. Of course, the ideal would be to have a spouse with a career and great domestic skills, but I think most men in egalitarian countries would prefer the job skills plus good enough domestic skills, over the woman with no job skills, but only good domestic skills. Life in many countries takes two incomes to make a go of it, and so I do think a woman's job skills are an important consideration for most men in egalitarian countries.

I would be concerned if my sons married women who had little to no job skills, and only had domestic skills alone.

Edited March 28, 2014 by KathyM

March 28, 2014

There isn't really a reason why anyone cannot be a good cook these days. With step-by-step recipes on the Internet, it's not hard to cook even really complicated things.

Why not both? I have a decent job with a company that most people would give a left arm to work for, I'm studying a new degree, and am an awesome cook.

March 28, 2014

It is good to see love and personality have nothing to do with it. Or looks and sexual attraction.

I have a career but it wasn't a driven, rise above others type job. I had to keep puttin it on hold due to my failed pregnancies. My husband and I decided I would stay home with the kids until they were in school. Okay, I decided because I just have never been driven to make the almighty dollar or prove I am woman, hear me roar or had a passion for my job. I can cook and clean and don't mind doing that. I don't feel dumb for having wanted to be a SAHM over a carreer driven woman.

March 28, 2014

There isn't really a reason why anyone cannot be a good cook these days. With step-by-step recipes on the Internet, it's not hard to cook even really complicated things.

Why not both? I have a decent job with a company that most people would give a left arm to work for, I'm studying a new degree, and am an awesome cook.

I agree. It's a bit irksome that the OP almost makes it sound like the two are mutually exclusive. My chosen career path did not call for a college degree, just trade certification/licensure, so I do not have one. But I'm a pretty bright, intelligent person. I also happen to be a great cook and good at keeping a home orderly.

I also agree that there's really no excuse for anyone to be a poor cook these days - there are recipes, step-by-step walkthroughs, and even how-to videos available online 24/7. You can pretty much find anything under the sun that you'd want to cook.

March 28, 2014

I agree. It's a bit irksome that the OP almost makes it sound like the two are mutually exclusive. My chosen career path did not call for a college degree, just trade certification/licensure, so I do not have one. But I'm a pretty bright, intelligent person. I also happen to be a great cook and good at keeping a home orderly.

I also agree that there's really no excuse for anyone to be a poor cook these days - there are recipes, step-by-step walkthroughs, and even how-to videos available online 24/7. You can pretty much find anything under the sun that you'd want to cook.

I'm the only person in my family who went to university. I tell anyone who will listen that my brother is 10 times smarter than I am.

March 28, 2014

There isn't really a reason why anyone cannot be a good cook these days. With step-by-step recipes on the Internet, it's not hard to cook even really complicated things.

Why not both? I have a decent job with a company that most people would give a left arm to work for, I'm studying a new degree, and am an awesome cook.

This is what I was gonna ask. why can't we be/have both??

My mom has an awesome career and is an AMAZING cook! I don't give myself as an example as I don't think my cooking is that amazing, but it's far from bad!

I can clean, I can cook (I am actually better when I'm not just cooking for myself), I can iron (but choose not to). I am also awesome at what I do professionally.

March 29, 2014

I never met a man that didn't enjoy a good home-cooked meal, and if you've ever dated someone who can cook and loves to do it, it's a world of difference from someone like me who only cooks because I have to and just to eat right, but don't really enjoy it all that much...especially the dishes it creates, but I'll do the dishes if she cooks.

I was working 70 hours a week with my GF at the time and since I'm a meat and potatoes kind of guy she would sometimes (often cooked though) have a steak dish with all the sides hot and ready to go, with a beer or root beer on the table and the house was clean and smelled nice with candles and dimly lit and we'd take a shower then relax together...man after a hard days work there was NOTHING better than that, I could have not survived that schedule in the beginning without her, I was practically a dead man walking through that door as my job was physically and mentally exerting.

I also dated another woman who also quite the cook, and she'd make some kick-@ss mexican food dishes, I would drop by If I was finishing up work in the area and she'd pull out a full on meal in a snap...then she'd sex me up and I'd sleep like a damn baby with my thumb in my mouth.

I'm not a foodie, but I do remember the ones especially that knew how to cook, baking was a close runner up but I'm not a sweets kind of guy so much, just give me some sort of read meat, it can kind of sort of still be mooing and that's fine. If a woman knows how to cook I just really enjoy that, I guess I am partial to the loving, attentive, affectionate type and that kind of treatment makes me feel cared for and loved.

Most of the women I date are typically more on the career-oriented side, so they're usually eating out or ordering in...they don't tend to be the tidiest or have the greatest cooking skills because they're usually busy, which is sadly missed once you know the other side, also if you think about day to day life, someone who cooks will definitely make your meals more interesting and less take-out/fast-food ish. It's still fine to eat out on occasion but some people depend on that too much, If I'd like some variety at home that tends to be more limited with the career-oriented type and also tends to just be a more rare skill in today's society period.

I could always date a traditional Hispanic woman, have 5 kids, pay most or all of the bills and she'll cook and clean, taking care of the kids but that's not really my thing either, that's an extreme. But even that from what I've seen that is going away and I like the more "equality" thing going on anyway.

So it would be a hard choice, I would need a combination of talents...but I definitely couldn't blame a guy going for girl A alone, if she can cook and clean that's going to add a nice quality to your life, especially with kids..because if she can't cook and you can't cook the kids are going to be eating pretty crappy tasting food , I've seen it and that's not good! But if I were in a situation where neither of us cooked really, I'd learn because I believe someone has to know how to get that done on a reasonable level for a family if that's where things were going. I'm a very basic eater, plus I don't really want a lot of unhealthy crap either so I wouldn't go crazy with the meals anyway...I can feed myself just can't cook anything I know others will like, not sure If I'd subject them to that.

As far as cleaning I usually do that better anyway, I'm not a super clean person or anything, I like mid range cleanliness or else I feel like I'm in an unlivable quarters where messing something up is suicide or if it's too messy it just looks like a wreck, clean dishes, clean clothes, not food/trash around is my kind of clean, clean bathroom but you can throw stuff around to make it look like human beings actually reside there, I'm fine with that.

Edited March 29, 2014 by Ninjainpajamas

March 29, 2014

It's not as if females can't be both. Same goes for males. Cooking and domestic tasks don't take rocket science and neither do the majority of jobs.

Are people really that limited or is it that they limit themselves because of stereotypes?

March 29, 2014

I've noticed that the more successful a man is, the more he seems to want a more traditional wife to cater to him when he comes home from a hard day at the office. When lack of money is a factor, then he wants someone who can contribute financially. Nothing to do with education or intellectual capacity of the woman.

March 29, 2014

I didn't graduate from high school. Thankfully, I'm literate enough to read and follow a recipe. I'm pretty sure that's why my husband married me.

March 29, 2014

Sad to see posts like this. It really is not a choice that should need to occur. Relationships are about so much more than what's described in the OP.

My husband and I have strengths and weaknesses, preferences and traits.

I am career-minded and driven, he loves to create in the kitchen and gets a lot of fulfilment from feeding his family. He has a career, but at a moderate level. And I'm capable of all things in the house but have little interest.

I think it's about 'fit' as much as anything. And someone who makes a perfect housekeeper today might decide to go in to further education tomorrow and change their life beyond all recognition. And vice versa, many people classed as high-fliers choose a simpler, less stressful life later.

March 29, 2014

For me, it's important that my wife be feminine. Ideally, I'd like one that focuses on keeping a good home and raising the children properly, but is intelligent enough to have a career if necessary.

I value more traditional, patriarchal gender roles over this new age equality nonsense, personally.

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Cooking and household skills vs having a career (in a woman)

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