Am I in an Office romance?

[Jack2105]

I wanted to ask some advice please.

 

I am a man in his early 30's, I work in London, in the media industry. The people I work with have an average age of 25, so it's a young crowd.

 

About a year ago, a Spanish girl joined the company, For the purposes of this I will call her Bex. Her English is impeccable so very little is lost in translation. I have to work fairly closely with her. She is 25, very animated, passionate, she sings, dances and is a positive person where everything comes from the heart, whereas I am fairly laid-back and chilled.

 

For the first eight or so months we worked together, I never really paid Bex any mind, I just never really noticed her. We always had a laugh and a joke, part of the banter would be mock disappointment every time she came over, or asked me for something. She always enjoyed the fact that I used to pretend I did not want her around. Its hard to explain, its just the way we used to act.

 

Late last year, she was at my desk for some help. Whilst I was hammering the keyboard I noticed she had been softly singing for at least a couple of minutes. It was the same lyric, over and over. "I want to marry you" which I believe is a Bruno Mars song.

 

I asked her, "who do you want to marry." She awkwardly laughed it off and said it was just a song she sings. I didn't really pay it any more mind.

 

A couple of weeks later, again at my desk I am helping her with something, after about 2 minutes we start messing around, talking trash and having a general laugh. I cant explain exactly what happened, because I am still not sure but I noticed her in a way I had never before. It was like we were the only two people in the world and the conversations became very intense and personal. All the usual distractions of the office such as loud music, meetings, the kitchen melted away. I felt punch drunk, like everything in my life, had just changed.

 

This occurred last thing on a thursday afternoon, I had three days off so went home and over the weekend, I convinced myself I went a bit weird and it was a one off. I don't usually get feelings like that, as quickly as that and its never happened before.

 

On the monday I go back to work, late in the afternoon she comes over and for the next hour the same thing happens. We spend the time laughing, joking. Only this time I am mesmerised by her. Without my asking, she starts showing me pictures of her as a kid, pictures of my mum & dad and where she grew up in Spain. Very quickly we start to become comfortable in each other space, she constantly gets very close when we are doing computer related stuff. She shows me Facebook pictures, when she asked if I am on there I tell her no (I closed my account a year or so), she was disapointed.

 

At this point my mind is starting to daydream. We start to chat a lot more on messenger, just to say hi and general rubbish. We exchange numbers and a bit of texting, just funny pictures and banter.

 

This leads me to three things.

 

Bex and I spend now spend a good deal of time talking, she often comes over to me desk as it is away from the office crowds, so we can usually talk without others eavesdropping.

 

I was going to resign due to a work dispute with my boss. I told her I was leaving over e-mail. She has a meltdown, saying "she wasn't ready for this" and "no" several times over in one of her replies.

 

A week later, she comes over, looking a bit tired. I ask whats up, she says she is feeling under the weather. We continue to talk for about an hour, I notice she has a pencil and paper and is doodling whilst we are chatting. When I look she is doodling my name several times on the paper. I don't say anything but ask is she wants to go out and get some lunch, the first time I have asked. She says no as she is feeling a bit poorly. I say ok, think nothing of it. Until about an hour later when I go to lunch, I see her go out on her own.

 

 

 

Last week, its late on a Friday afternoon, she comes over and is in a very good mood. We muck about for an hour and she starts to tell me a funny story. She get right in my personal space, her face about two inches from mine. The last time I was that close to a woman, we kissed. She held this position for about three minutes, constant eye contact. I was mesmerised.

 

I am now at the stage where I cant stop thinking about her. I find myself staying at work later, just on the off chance we have a chance meet or chat over messenger. I start to feel depressed on a Friday evening, because it's the longest possible time before I see her agin on the Monday.

 

I know she likes me, thats a given, how do I know if she loves me? Because we work together I have to be so careful.

 

Trying to get her to go do something outside of work seems impossible, she is always out and about, as usually am I. When she blew me out for lunch it threw me but since then she has become more friendly.

 

I have also noticed a stab of jealousy if I talk to other women in the office but I have also noticed if I am distant or don't speak for a couple of days, she is more responsive and interested. I don't like to do this, my nature is to be friendly, and chat loads, as you can probably tell from the length of this post.

 

Its doing my head in, I so want to ask her out. Because we work together its difficult, if I am wrong and she is acting like this just because she is more comfortable with me, then I would have to leave the job.

 

I am now at the stage where I think about all the time, to the detriment of my work. I have lost interest in my own passions and for the last week I go to bed at 8pm just so I don't have to think about it anymore.

 

Based on what I have written, where do you think I stand, and what if in my shoes, would you do?

 

Thanks for your time.

 

Jack.

[Caryopteris]

Why haven't you asked her out? Does she have to drag you off by the hair?

 

 

I wanted to ask some advice please.

 

I am a man in his early 30's, I work in London, in the media industry. The people I work with have an average age of 25, so it's a young crowd.

 

About a year ago, a Spanish girl joined the company, For the purposes of this I will call her Bex. Her English is impeccable so very little is lost in translation. I have to work fairly closely with her. She is 25, very animated, passionate, she sings, dances and is a positive person where everything comes from the heart, whereas I am fairly laid-back and chilled.

 

For the first eight or so months we worked together, I never really paid Bex any mind, I just never really noticed her. We always had a laugh and a joke, part of the banter would be mock disappointment every time she came over, or asked me for something. She always enjoyed the fact that I used to pretend I did not want her around. Its hard to explain, its just the way we used to act.

 

Late last year, she was at my desk for some help. Whilst I was hammering the keyboard I noticed she had been softly singing for at least a couple of minutes. It was the same lyric, over and over. "I want to marry you" which I believe is a Bruno Mars song.

 

I asked her, "who do you want to marry." She awkwardly laughed it off and said it was just a song she sings. I didn't really pay it any more mind.

 

A couple of weeks later, again at my desk I am helping her with something, after about 2 minutes we start messing around, talking trash and having a general laugh. I cant explain exactly what happened, because I am still not sure but I noticed her in a way I had never before. It was like we were the only two people in the world and the conversations became very intense and personal. All the usual distractions of the office such as loud music, meetings, the kitchen melted away. I felt punch drunk, like everything in my life, had just changed.

 

This occurred last thing on a thursday afternoon, I had three days off so went home and over the weekend, I convinced myself I went a bit weird and it was a one off. I don't usually get feelings like that, as quickly as that and its never happened before.

 

On the monday I go back to work, late in the afternoon she comes over and for the next hour the same thing happens. We spend the time laughing, joking. Only this time I am mesmerised by her. Without my asking, she starts showing me pictures of her as a kid, pictures of my mum & dad and where she grew up in Spain. Very quickly we start to become comfortable in each other space, she constantly gets very close when we are doing computer related stuff. She shows me Facebook pictures, when she asked if I am on there I tell her no (I closed my account a year or so), she was disapointed.

 

At this point my mind is starting to daydream. We start to chat a lot more on messenger, just to say hi and general rubbish. We exchange numbers and a bit of texting, just funny pictures and banter.

 

This leads me to three things.

 

Bex and I spend now spend a good deal of time talking, she often comes over to me desk as it is away from the office crowds, so we can usually talk without others eavesdropping.

 

I was going to resign due to a work dispute with my boss. I told her I was leaving over e-mail. She has a meltdown, saying "she wasn't ready for this" and "no" several times over in one of her replies.

 

A week later, she comes over, looking a bit tired. I ask whats up, she says she is feeling under the weather. We continue to talk for about an hour, I notice she has a pencil and paper and is doodling whilst we are chatting. When I look she is doodling my name several times on the paper. I don't say anything but ask is she wants to go out and get some lunch, the first time I have asked. She says no as she is feeling a bit poorly. I say ok, think nothing of it. Until about an hour later when I go to lunch, I see her go out on her own.

 

 

 

Last week, its late on a Friday afternoon, she comes over and is in a very good mood. We muck about for an hour and she starts to tell me a funny story. She get right in my personal space, her face about two inches from mine. The last time I was that close to a woman, we kissed. She held this position for about three minutes, constant eye contact. I was mesmerised.

 

I am now at the stage where I cant stop thinking about her. I find myself staying at work later, just on the off chance we have a chance meet or chat over messenger. I start to feel depressed on a Friday evening, because it's the longest possible time before I see her agin on the Monday.

 

I know she likes me, thats a given, how do I know if she loves me? Because we work together I have to be so careful.

 

Trying to get her to go do something outside of work seems impossible, she is always out and about, as usually am I. When she blew me out for lunch it threw me but since then she has become more friendly.

 

I have also noticed a stab of jealousy if I talk to other women in the office but I have also noticed if I am distant or don't speak for a couple of days, she is more responsive and interested. I don't like to do this, my nature is to be friendly, and chat loads, as you can probably tell from the length of this post.

 

Its doing my head in, I so want to ask her out. Because we work together its difficult, if I am wrong and she is acting like this just because she is more comfortable with me, then I would have to leave the job.

 

I am now at the stage where I think about all the time, to the detriment of my work. I have lost interest in my own passions and for the last week I go to bed at 8pm just so I don't have to think about it anymore.

 

Based on what I have written, where do you think I stand, and what if in my shoes, would you do?

 

Thanks for your time.

 

Jack.

[anne1707]

Just ask her out! Please! She likes you A LOT! Plus you are leaving the company soon so you don't have that dilemma about whether you should date someone you work with.

[newmoon]

leave the company first, then ask her out. you can already see how an office "romance" is ruining your ability to concentrate on work, and it'll get much worse if you ask her out whilst still there. get on with your career and the decision you need to make about the job and then ask her out. usually when people know they are leaving a company - or start to contemplate leaving a company - they get more 'bold' with their actions because they know it won't soon matter, it could be you're allowing your feelings to escalate because you know you won't be around much longer. it sounds as though she has some interest but the interest will remain even when you go, if it's meant.

[Kamila]

Ah yes, I know that feeling too well...

And to answer your question: yes, you are in an office romance. But nothing has taken off yet...

The fact you work together makes it hard to develop a relationship. Therefore, you need to stop working together, leave the job.

Then you can reevaluate the state you're in and ask her out.

All the emotions you have are heightened by the fact you nearly see her everyday. Normally, relationships need time and space to develop.

Try to think with your head and ask her out after you leave the job.

[FloridaKeys]

What if you leave your job, then ask her out and says no? Then you've been rejected, and also have no job! Women have expressed major interest in me before, then they act like it's a big shocker when I ask them out - so you have to be careful in interpreting her actions. You're in love with her, so you're also a little biased in your interpretations.

 

My recommendation would be to ask her to grab a drink or a bite after work, and ask how she felt about office place romances, and let her know you would like to take her on a date. You tell her you will be totally professional and respect her boundaries in every regard if she feels negatively towards it.

 

The alternative to never asking her is to wonder 'what if', till you drive yourself bonkers.

 

GO FOR IT. She could be the one, you never know.