Christian Marriages...Holy Sex!

[truthbetold]

First it's good to understand the word “holy” means set apart for a divine purpose. It shouldn't be confused with the archaic images of “look but don't touch” As in the holy of holies. That's different, we are called as Christians to be “holy” set apart for God. Now that also doesn't mean holier than thou!

 

 

I am referencing a book “Holy Sex” by Gregory Popcak. Yes it's deemed a “catholic” guide to toe curling, mind blowing ,infallible intimacy. But it's still very much “Christian” in it's roots and it still imparts wisdom in the invitation that God is extending for you within your marriage. I'm not debating differing denominations against Catholicism. I'm not pushing an agenda. If you are happy in your sex life whatever that means for you, Great! This likely doesn't apply for you. What it is meant to do is shatter myths that Catholics are repressed 'fraidy cats that are all buttoned up. And *if* you are in a Christian marriage that may have lost that spark and intimacy, ways to restore it. Obviously God is going to be a big part of that, because we are talking about Christian marriages! If you're open to the mindset, wonderful! If not, not a problem whatsoever.

 

 

Now there are things I knew even before the book (as do those in successful marriages) It's more than the chemistry. We're told the chemistry and limerence fades after 2 or 3 years and becomes “comfortable”. IME there's that ebb and flow that the butterflies still peek through on occasion as well as the passion can very much still be there but sometimes it gets lost. We enjoy PDA not over the top. Every good marriage should have respect, and compassion in communications and it takes work! You need a healthy dose of humor and be able to laugh at yourselves. And even be goofy as well as serious when need be.

 

 

You should be able to discuss anything and everything. Without this vulnerability true intimacy can't really be built. We know that touch fosters more intimacy, it's that gentle squeeze when holding hands, that coming up from behind bear hug when doing dishes, that caress of the face, “just because”, intertwining legs while watching tv. These are just some of the building blocks of physical intimacy. It's hard to go from working all day, and life's demands and then be able to fall in bed like magic and be able to give “all” to your partner, without having that consistent touch and connection.

 

 

I think that's why in some marriages you have that waxing and waning when some feel that they are “in love” more than other times. You can't expect “feelings” to carry your relationship. You have to work at love, to stay “in love”. And then express love.

 

 

So anyway in our case, we consider ourselves happily married. Great sex life, but like everything else some encounters were better than others. But hey, that's life right? It's normal so we guess. Without going all tmi, we're passionate people. In everything in life, but in love as well. My husband and I consider ourselves “in love” but we also know love takes action. It's the little things that are done that show daily love. However that passion part can cause a discrepancy if you're a Christian.

 

 

Society constantly bombards us with erotic messages. It “feels good” to send and receive a racy text message from our lover. It sets us on fire! It can make us feel powerful for a short while to be a “dirty girl” in the bedroom. Psychologists study the madonna/whore complex. Often the more free with sex the more shame and confusion (when not married) Even if you don't think there's a problem with eroticism, the problem is it doesn't last and then what? You may need more titillation to get the same high. And what about sending a racy text even though our spouse should be concentrating on work and not amped up to jump your bones upon arrival?! Sound familiar? It sure did to me.

 

 

 

We're told since it's our spouse, it's all okay. But then why as we deepen our faith, do we get a pang, maybe this is wrong to God and like you're turning your spouse into an object? Then you question why did God give us this awesome gift of sex but then create guilt? You may get mad at God. You may say “men” make stupid rules about what I should and shouldn't do with my body. But you may go looking for answers and find the problem isn't God, it's us.

 

 

So what's the alternative for a Christian? Have boring, polite sex? That doesn't appeal. I will add a reference in my past I had a curiosity towards bdsm. I dated someone who was developing strong leanings while I liked the milder side.I learned it wasn't something I wanted to pursue further. My point to sharing that is I understand fully well the lure of the illicit. I thank God do not have “vast” dating experience but enough to realize casual wasn't me. God takes the weak and makes them strong. So how to reconcile a strong passion for love matters and God?

 

 

I always felt blessed when God brought my husband into my life. We both knew it was of God. I was tired enough of user guys that only could see me for my “face” and not my heart. I was done with “casual” and if you weren't on the same page...cya. I wasn't compromising any more. Even though we've done things that were more eroticism within the marriage in the past, I'm really so blessed that we were both open to finding out what God's path is for us, more than our “human desires”. But shockingly we are finding out that opening ourselves to his desires is so much better than what we thought were our desires! Our desires were shallow in comparison.

 

 

This is where the book comes in. it gave me better understanding to the things I knew but not necessarily why. And why it was important to keep consistent effort. It explains why eroticism appeals to our brain chemistry. It also explains why it doesn't last and isn't very deep. It explains why some think we aren't meant to be monogamous (based on desires) God designed us that we are.

 

 

 

It's why people feel so devastated after a break up and why subsequent breaks de-sentize the person for true intimate bonding. He explained why we aren't made for “casual sex” It's like using a curling iron to stir spaghetti, it may get the job done and seem okay, but eventually it'll break down, it's not how God designed us. So if you believe in God, you need to understand he's the authority on how he made us.

 

 

One of the big things I learned early in the marriage is that love should be self giving love. You give what you have to another person. In that if your partner is doing the same, there's a reciprocity. So that one doesn't feel like they are taken for granted because each is more concerned with the other! So many people confuse selfish love with love. It's not love at all if you are more concerned with yourself than your partner. But if you are both giving of yourself, then you both still get what you need! If you had a good marriage prep class like we did, we learned that making love is the celebration of our vows.

 

 

 

We learned that as marriage being a sacrament,having that ability of feeling the ecstasy that lovemaking brings, is a taste of heaven on earth! It's showing God's love for us. And it's a beautiful and not “dirty” thing at all. Humans have scandalized it, but God never did. That's why marriage is such a treasure here on earth. It's a magnificent, glorious, explosive expression! But it belongs to God. He created it.

 

 

However, the book emphasizes it's even more. It's saying “I do” over again that when you come together you are fully expressing what you have in your daily life. All the parts that make you who you are and all the friendship, fun, and vulnerability, especially the vulnerability. Pleasure without God can certainly trick the senses that it “feels” great. But when you experience it “with” God.. God IS love. So it's nearly indescribable, no contest with eroticism whatsoever. Eroticism becomes cheap imitation of what God truly desires for us.

 

 

Basically, it's putting all of those things “we already knew” into consistent practice. Things like intimacy in the bedroom starts with intimacy out of it. That a good or not so good sex life is reflective on how the couple interacts in day to day life. That true intimacy is being best friends, partners and lovers. That you can feel that connection or spark doing mundane chores with one another. How? By keeping intimacy free flowing throughout the day. Give your partner loving touches even in the mundane parts of the day every day not just when the mood strikes. Massages are fantastic, but it's not always realistic. Doesn't mean you shouldn't keep up with planning special things and date nights, it's all that and more! It's still being flirty, down to knowing that you can count on them no matter.

 

 

For me what made the difference was praying together though. May seem like a no brainer, but for whatever reason, we did that separately. Now we make a point to pray together which has opened up yet another channel of vulnerability through this vulnerability is even increased intimacy. You mean we can pray to ask God to be even better lovers to each other and he listens? YES! (we pray on other things too!)

 

 

For me this book has taken all the bits that I knew made a marriage good that were swirling around in my mind and when applied and depending on how applied, were hit or miss. It was taking all of that and applying it into a consistent synchronicity. For example when you argue, and all healthy couples do, it's how it's handled. If you stop your routines like eating dinner, speaking kindly, touching, praying, then you're sending the message, “I'm only here for you as long as things are good, not when they're difficult”. If instead you keep you routines, and still touch and pray, and agree to perhaps respectfully discuss later as to not dismiss the other, you send the message “I'm here for you always, in good and bad" Otherwise if you don't do the routines consistently it's harder to bridge that gap to intimacy.

 

 

I just wanted to share the joy of what I learned! I hope you may be open to this book.It felt like a door opened and that's why I wanted to share. Or even if you are having to what you think is awesome sex but want to see if there's more! Even if you're not Catholic there's still wisdom. I read all sorts of books. I enjoy the writing of Max Lucado and the simplicity. I enjoyed how Billy Graham spoke of how becoming a believer is like the transformation of a butterfly. I thought that's beautiful! Incidentally for those of you that like to mix a little of your science in, the Greek word for butterfly is psyche meaning soul! May give you new meaning to psychology!

 

 

I may not agree with everything a book says but I hope that's not why you read! Even in Holy Sex, I don't agree with the author on some minor points, nor do we follow any of the NFP stuff. Even still, it has valuable insight If nothing else, you'll learn some really sound reasons why we are wired as we are. Perhaps you are someone who read all this and have an awesome sex life, maybe it's because you apply many of the tips!

 

 

There's a quote in the book that is really appropriate, It's taken the beauty and pleasure of making love from “singing a song, to BECOMING the song” Think about that, it's powerful stuff!

 

Any other couples out there finding that marriage can get better through the years, depending on what you put into it? Please Share!

[angel.eyes]

Thanks for sharing! It sounds like a very useful book. I'll add it to my reading list.

[pureinheart]

 

So anyway in our case, we consider ourselves happily married. Great sex life, but like everything else some encounters were better than others. But hey, that's life right? It's normal so we guess. Without going all tmi, we're passionate people. In everything in life, but in love as well. My husband and I consider ourselves “in love” but we also know love takes action. It's the little things that are done that show daily love. However that passion part can cause a discrepancy if you're a Christian.

 

Awesome post TBT!!!!

 

It's difficult to reply because it's been a bit since being married or even being in a romantic relationship- my choice because of making too many mistakes due to not recognizing "the signs" that none of these relationships were for me to begin with. So I'm grateful to find great joy in being single.

 

You on the other hand "saw" your soulmate (or whatever term is used now) and both of you are doing it all the right way…Awesome TBT!!!!

[truthbetold]

Awesome post TBT!!!!

 

It's difficult to reply because it's been a bit since being married or even being in a romantic relationship- my choice because of making too many mistakes due to not recognizing "the signs" that none of these relationships were for me to begin with. So I'm grateful to find great joy in being single.

You on the other hand "saw" your soulmate (or whatever term is used now) and both of you are doing it all the right way…Awesome TBT!!!!

 

And that is truly awesome as well! Before I met him, because I was "seeking first the kingdom" I too had joy in being single. I think though God knows what we need better than we do! I think if you pray for the grace to be joyful no matter single or married, you are blessed with that! I understand so much better the joy that the saints etc...had in their being single. As true ecstasy no matter what, comes from God. And we'll all share that one day! Thank you for your kindness again. It's been really enlightening here in many ways, and I just would hope to try to "give back". And share in the good news! I think each single or coupled has their trials and triumphs. But I've seen too many times people going against God (Christians) that can't understand it's like that square peg in a round hole.

 

Oh and I read your response on M30USA thread and all I can say is yikes!:eek:As you can see I try to see all sides lol, and I know people who do follow that stuff so I wanted to express I have an understanding of it even though I don't follow it! See? I am NOT good on forums lol. Too many misinterpretations on what's written! But yes I love to swim as well! I am hoping for a "big ocean" in heaven! Peace and JOY to you!!

[pureinheart]

And that is truly awesome as well! Before I met him, because I was "seeking first the kingdom" I too had joy in being single. I think though God knows what we need better than we do! I think if you pray for the grace to be joyful no matter single or married, you are blessed with that! I understand so much better the joy that the saints etc...had in their being single. As true ecstasy no matter what, comes from God. And we'll all share that one day! Thank you for your kindness again. It's been really enlightening here in many ways, and I just would hope to try to "give back". And share in the good news! I think each single or coupled has their trials and triumphs. But I've seen too many times people going against God (Christians) that can't understand it's like that square peg in a round hole.

 

Oh and I read your response on M30USA thread and all I can say is yikes!:eek:As you can see I try to see all sides lol, and I know people who do follow that stuff so I wanted to express I have an understanding of it even though I don't follow it! See? I am NOT good on forums lol. Too many misinterpretations on what's written! But yes I love to swim as well! I am hoping for a "big ocean" in heaven! Peace and JOY to you!!

 

Ah ha! You went about it the right way IMO. It's the place God wants us all to come to. My problem was I made every relationship "of God" because it was "of me":laugh: …so I wouldn't discount relationships personally, although don't trust my picker.

 

It's been a neat journey, hard in some ways because old thinking patterns are changing, but coming out on the other side is amazing.

 

There seems to be a stereotype where Christians are concerned, and I've seen several comments and labels over the years which simply aren't true for the vast majority (this includes sex).

 

I could definitely go into the issues that create problems in all marriages, but that is NOT how God intended it. Read the Songs of Solomon for instance.

 

This book sounds absolutely fascinating and of course not everyone will not agree with all of it, but it sounds to me like it gives the basics of what God really intended.

 

Oh yes, I completely understand what you're saying. I think it's important to give everything the benefit of doubt and look at all sides and understand why one believes the way they do. Thinking I was disappointed concerning the "Noah" movie and had assumed too much before checking…all the while knowing I carry some strong opinions concerning these things, so go figure- definitely my bad.

 

I am so glad you started this thread! We have no idea of how many Christians are trying to work out dysfunctional marriages, or contemplating marriage that will read this and possibly the book. Peace and joy to you also and thank you!

[truthbetold]

Ah ha! You went about it the right way IMO. It's the place God wants us all to come to. My problem was I made every relationship "of God" because it was "of me":laugh: …so I wouldn't discount relationships personally, although don't trust my picker.

 

It's been a neat journey, hard in some ways because old thinking patterns are changing, but coming out on the other side is amazing.

 

There seems to be a stereotype where Christians are concerned, and I've seen several comments and labels over the years which simply aren't true for the vast majority (this includes sex).

 

I could definitely go into the issues that create problems in all marriages, but that is NOT how God intended it. Read the Songs of Solomon for instance.

 

This book sounds absolutely fascinating and of course not everyone will not agree with all of it, but it sounds to me like it gives the basics of what God really intended.

 

Oh yes, I completely understand what you're saying. I think it's important to give everything the benefit of doubt and look at all sides and understand why one believes the way they do. Thinking I was disappointed concerning the "Noah" movie and had assumed too much before checking…all the while knowing I carry some strong opinions concerning these things, so go figure- definitely my bad.

 

I am so glad you started this thread! We have no idea of how many Christians are trying to work out dysfunctional marriages, or contemplating marriage that will read this and possibly the book. Peace and joy to you also and thank you!

 

OMIGOSH! Right?! Talk about love story! And people don't understand that God is all about love!

 

I totally hear you on making God fit "your" version of a relationship. Too many times did I pray "please God let "this" thing happen" o "please God make it work out, I don't care how" or even the more polite, "please God let this be your will". It wasn't until I started to pray for his will and for my mind and heart to be molded if need be to fit his will, did my life change.

 

I remember years ago watching Charles Stanley, I just loved the fire he spoke with. Anyway he talked about God allowing a phoenix of sorts rise from the ashes of pain. And boy was that true when I looked at my son!

 

Then I heard another lady speaking once, she was addressing the youth. And she was talking about love/sex. She talked about how fire in a fireplace or a candle was "good". In it's context and contained. But if you let that fire spill into other areas, it causes destruction and can rage out of control. She equated love/sex to that. I thought that was pretty good and it stuck with me. However I had to date a couple more users before the point was hammered home. No more! I finally didn't care if that meant I would lose the relationship or not. I was determined to do it on God's terms.

 

Now the issue I have sometimes with his will is patience. I have a tough time with "his" time vs my needs. But I know my every "need" is provided for. It may not fit a "want" at the time, but definitely every need. Especially lately financially. Not perfect by a long shot, but still provided for!

 

Thank you again! I am humbled if I can help others! That to me is what life is all about, helping each other.

[Silver93]

First it's good to understand the word “holy” means set apart for a divine purpose. It shouldn't be confused with the archaic images of “look but don't touch” As in the holy of holies. That's different, we are called as Christians to be “holy” set apart for God. Now that also doesn't mean holier than thou!

 

 

I am referencing a book “Holy Sex” by Gregory Popcak. Yes it's deemed a “catholic” guide to toe curling, mind blowing ,infallible intimacy. But it's still very much “Christian” in it's roots and it still imparts wisdom in the invitation that God is extending for you within your marriage. I'm not debating differing denominations against Catholicism. I'm not pushing an agenda. If you are happy in your sex life whatever that means for you, Great! This likely doesn't apply for you. What it is meant to do is shatter myths that Catholics are repressed 'fraidy cats that are all buttoned up. And *if* you are in a Christian marriage that may have lost that spark and intimacy, ways to restore it. Obviously God is going to be a big part of that, because we are talking about Christian marriages! If you're open to the mindset, wonderful! If not, not a problem whatsoever.

 

 

Now there are things I knew even before the book (as do those in successful marriages) It's more than the chemistry. We're told the chemistry and limerence fades after 2 or 3 years and becomes “comfortable”. IME there's that ebb and flow that the butterflies still peek through on occasion as well as the passion can very much still be there but sometimes it gets lost. We enjoy PDA not over the top. Every good marriage should have respect, and compassion in communications and it takes work! You need a healthy dose of humor and be able to laugh at yourselves. And even be goofy as well as serious when need be.

 

 

You should be able to discuss anything and everything. Without this vulnerability true intimacy can't really be built. We know that touch fosters more intimacy, it's that gentle squeeze when holding hands, that coming up from behind bear hug when doing dishes, that caress of the face, “just because”, intertwining legs while watching tv. These are just some of the building blocks of physical intimacy. It's hard to go from working all day, and life's demands and then be able to fall in bed like magic and be able to give “all” to your partner, without having that consistent touch and connection.

 

 

I think that's why in some marriages you have that waxing and waning when some feel that they are “in love” more than other times. You can't expect “feelings” to carry your relationship. You have to work at love, to stay “in love”. And then express love.

 

 

So anyway in our case, we consider ourselves happily married. Great sex life, but like everything else some encounters were better than others. But hey, that's life right? It's normal so we guess. Without going all tmi, we're passionate people. In everything in life, but in love as well. My husband and I consider ourselves “in love” but we also know love takes action. It's the little things that are done that show daily love. However that passion part can cause a discrepancy if you're a Christian.

 

 

Society constantly bombards us with erotic messages. It “feels good” to send and receive a racy text message from our lover. It sets us on fire! It can make us feel powerful for a short while to be a “dirty girl” in the bedroom. Psychologists study the madonna/whore complex. Often the more free with sex the more shame and confusion (when not married) Even if you don't think there's a problem with eroticism, the problem is it doesn't last and then what? You may need more titillation to get the same high. And what about sending a racy text even though our spouse should be concentrating on work and not amped up to jump your bones upon arrival?! Sound familiar? It sure did to me.

 

 

 

We're told since it's our spouse, it's all okay. But then why as we deepen our faith, do we get a pang, maybe this is wrong to God and like you're turning your spouse into an object? Then you question why did God give us this awesome gift of sex but then create guilt? You may get mad at God. You may say “men” make stupid rules about what I should and shouldn't do with my body. But you may go looking for answers and find the problem isn't God, it's us.

 

 

So what's the alternative for a Christian? Have boring, polite sex? That doesn't appeal. I will add a reference in my past I had a curiosity towards bdsm. I dated someone who was developing strong leanings while I liked the milder side.I learned it wasn't something I wanted to pursue further. My point to sharing that is I understand fully well the lure of the illicit. I thank God do not have “vast” dating experience but enough to realize casual wasn't me. God takes the weak and makes them strong. So how to reconcile a strong passion for love matters and God?

 

 

I always felt blessed when God brought my husband into my life. We both knew it was of God. I was tired enough of user guys that only could see me for my “face” and not my heart. I was done with “casual” and if you weren't on the same page...cya. I wasn't compromising any more. Even though we've done things that were more eroticism within the marriage in the past, I'm really so blessed that we were both open to finding out what God's path is for us, more than our “human desires”. But shockingly we are finding out that opening ourselves to his desires is so much better than what we thought were our desires! Our desires were shallow in comparison.

 

 

This is where the book comes in. it gave me better understanding to the things I knew but not necessarily why. And why it was important to keep consistent effort. It explains why eroticism appeals to our brain chemistry. It also explains why it doesn't last and isn't very deep. It explains why some think we aren't meant to be monogamous (based on desires) God designed us that we are.

 

 

 

It's why people feel so devastated after a break up and why subsequent breaks de-sentize the person for true intimate bonding. He explained why we aren't made for “casual sex” It's like using a curling iron to stir spaghetti, it may get the job done and seem okay, but eventually it'll break down, it's not how God designed us. So if you believe in God, you need to understand he's the authority on how he made us.

 

 

One of the big things I learned early in the marriage is that love should be self giving love. You give what you have to another person. In that if your partner is doing the same, there's a reciprocity. So that one doesn't feel like they are taken for granted because each is more concerned with the other! So many people confuse selfish love with love. It's not love at all if you are more concerned with yourself than your partner. But if you are both giving of yourself, then you both still get what you need! If you had a good marriage prep class like we did, we learned that making love is the celebration of our vows.

 

 

 

We learned that as marriage being a sacrament,having that ability of feeling the ecstasy that lovemaking brings, is a taste of heaven on earth! It's showing God's love for us. And it's a beautiful and not “dirty” thing at all. Humans have scandalized it, but God never did. That's why marriage is such a treasure here on earth. It's a magnificent, glorious, explosive expression! But it belongs to God. He created it.

 

 

However, the book emphasizes it's even more. It's saying “I do” over again that when you come together you are fully expressing what you have in your daily life. All the parts that make you who you are and all the friendship, fun, and vulnerability, especially the vulnerability. Pleasure without God can certainly trick the senses that it “feels” great. But when you experience it “with” God.. God IS love. So it's nearly indescribable, no contest with eroticism whatsoever. Eroticism becomes cheap imitation of what God truly desires for us.

 

 

Basically, it's putting all of those things “we already knew” into consistent practice. Things like intimacy in the bedroom starts with intimacy out of it. That a good or not so good sex life is reflective on how the couple interacts in day to day life. That true intimacy is being best friends, partners and lovers. That you can feel that connection or spark doing mundane chores with one another. How? By keeping intimacy free flowing throughout the day. Give your partner loving touches even in the mundane parts of the day every day not just when the mood strikes. Massages are fantastic, but it's not always realistic. Doesn't mean you shouldn't keep up with planning special things and date nights, it's all that and more! It's still being flirty, down to knowing that you can count on them no matter.

 

 

For me what made the difference was praying together though. May seem like a no brainer, but for whatever reason, we did that separately. Now we make a point to pray together which has opened up yet another channel of vulnerability through this vulnerability is even increased intimacy. You mean we can pray to ask God to be even better lovers to each other and he listens? YES! (we pray on other things too!)

 

 

For me this book has taken all the bits that I knew made a marriage good that were swirling around in my mind and when applied and depending on how applied, were hit or miss. It was taking all of that and applying it into a consistent synchronicity. For example when you argue, and all healthy couples do, it's how it's handled. If you stop your routines like eating dinner, speaking kindly, touching, praying, then you're sending the message, “I'm only here for you as long as things are good, not when they're difficult”. If instead you keep you routines, and still touch and pray, and agree to perhaps respectfully discuss later as to not dismiss the other, you send the message “I'm here for you always, in good and bad" Otherwise if you don't do the routines consistently it's harder to bridge that gap to intimacy.

 

 

I just wanted to share the joy of what I learned! I hope you may be open to this book.It felt like a door opened and that's why I wanted to share. Or even if you are having to what you think is awesome sex but want to see if there's more! Even if you're not Catholic there's still wisdom. I read all sorts of books. I enjoy the writing of Max Lucado and the simplicity. I enjoyed how Billy Graham spoke of how becoming a believer is like the transformation of a butterfly. I thought that's beautiful! Incidentally for those of you that like to mix a little of your science in, the Greek word for butterfly is psyche meaning soul! May give you new meaning to psychology!

 

 

I may not agree with everything a book says but I hope that's not why you read! Even in Holy Sex, I don't agree with the author on some minor points, nor do we follow any of the NFP stuff. Even still, it has valuable insight If nothing else, you'll learn some really sound reasons why we are wired as we are. Perhaps you are someone who read all this and have an awesome sex life, maybe it's because you apply many of the tips!

 

 

There's a quote in the book that is really appropriate, It's taken the beauty and pleasure of making love from “singing a song, to BECOMING the song” Think about that, it's powerful stuff!

 

Any other couples out there finding that marriage can get better through the years, depending on what you put into it? Please Share!

 

Brilliant post! I am a 20 year old male and I am a devout Catholic and I can't wait to get married to the future woman of my dreams (when I find her ) and I hope to use a lot of these tips. Thanks.

[truthbetold]

Brilliant post! I am a 20 year old male and I am a devout Catholic and I can't wait to get married to the future woman of my dreams (when I find her ) and I hope to use a lot of these tips. Thanks.

 

Silver! I am so happy you found and commented on this! I still keep you in my daily prayers! Definitely recommend the book, especially for young marriages. God will lead you to the right person for you. Don't let the naysayers get to you, and trust me...you will run across naysayers!

 

When God is with you, who can be against you?! Just keep the faith and pray for grace. As long as you pray for his will, he knows what you need and he will provide. I, and many others are living proof in God's love!

 

Surround yourself with good people. I don't ever have a problem IRL having good support. Forums are another matter, but there's really good people here too! I wish you the best, really Silver. I have no idea "who" you are, but I do carry you in my thoughts as God knows and lift you up to him!

[Silver93]

Silver! I am so happy you found and commented on this! I still keep you in my daily prayers! Definitely recommend the book, especially for young marriages. God will lead you to the right person for you. Don't let the naysayers get to you, and trust me...you will run across naysayers!

 

When God is with you, who can be against you?! Just keep the faith and pray for grace. As long as you pray for his will, he knows what you need and he will provide. I, and many others are living proof in God's love!

 

Surround yourself with good people. I don't ever have a problem IRL having good support. Forums are another matter, but there's really good people here too! I wish you the best, really Silver. I have no idea "who" you are, but I do carry you in my thoughts as God knows and lift you up to him!

 

Thank you!

[FredRutherford]

It's why people feel so devastated after a break up and why subsequent breaks de-sentize the person for true intimate bonding.

 

He explained why we aren't made for “casual sex” It's like using a curling iron to stir spaghetti, it may get the job done and seem okay, but eventually it'll break down, it's not how God designed us.

True. Many of us experienced the sour taste of that (a little, for me, 2X in my late 20's were enough to turn me against from ever engaging in sex outside of love again).

 

It's difficult to reply ....

Difficult for me too.

We have no idea of how many Christians are trying to work out dysfunctional marriages, or contemplating marriage that will read this and possibly the book. Peace and joy to you also and thank you!

Many marriages are dysfunctional.

 

When God is with you, who can be against you?! Just keep the faith and pray for grace. As long as you pray for his will, he knows what you need and he will provide. I, and many others are living proof in God's love!

I need to pray more. I don't. I know I should, but I don't pray as much as I should.

 

One of the big things I learned early in the marriage is that love should be self giving love. You give what you have to another person. In that if your partner is doing the same, there's a reciprocity. So that one doesn't feel like they are taken for granted because each is more concerned with the other!

 

So many people confuse selfish love with love. It's not love at all if you are more concerned with yourself than your partner. But if you are both giving of yourself, then you both still get what you need! If you had a good marriage prep class like we did, we learned that making love is the celebration of our vows.

I need to read the book.

I'm not Catholic, but wife was, so went to her church when we dated, married there and took the marriage prep class.

 

For me what made the difference was praying together though.

That might be a good idea.

 

However, the book emphasizes it's even more. It's saying “I do” over again that when you come together you are fully expressing what you have in your daily life.

All the parts that make you who you are and all the friendship, fun, and vulnerability, especially the vulnerability .

I truly long for that...

 

 

Basically, it's putting all of those things “we already knew” into consistent practice. Things like intimacy in the bedroom starts with intimacy out of it. That a good or not so good sex life is reflective on how the couple interacts in day to day life. That true intimacy is being best friends, partners and lovers. That you can feel that connection or spark doing mundane chores with one another. How? By keeping intimacy free flowing throughout the day. Give your partner loving touches even in the mundane parts of the day every day not just when the mood strikes. Massages are fantastic, but it's not always realistic. Doesn't mean you shouldn't keep up with planning special things and date nights, it's all that and more! It's still being flirty, down to knowing that you can count on them no matter.

Am hurt and tired of trying.

No matter what I do, no matter the flowers, the dinners, me being flirty, telling jokes, the trying to be a "gentleman" (like I was with Christian women in my 20s before I met her @ 30), nothin' doin'. No improvement.

 

Am so discouraged I don't really try that much anymore.

If I try to approach again, will only get rejected, so why try?

 

It's not all her fault, of course, but she doesn't help.

 

Years of this affects one, causes them to question things about themselves.

 

Hey, sorry to be a downer, but felt I needed to say something....

I really wish I could have a marriage like your's and the one depicted in the book...