They met when they were already in a relationship

[irc333]

I'm hearing of this quite often, and with somedudes recent post it appears that there are times when men have successfully "stolen" the girl away from another man.

 

As disturbing as that sounds, but I heard quite a few "how we met stories" when someone had already been in a relationship, or even more unfortunate.....engaged to me married.

 

I would hear their story, and it would appear that story would be no different any other one where people have met outside of this scenario. Guy flirted, woman flirted back and before you know it....dump current guy and now you have a new one!

 

Some situations, they knew the person when they were MARRIED, but the marriage was rocky and now the couple is dating

 

It seems a lot of "how we met stories" are due in part some kind of transitional situation.

 

Also, is this the part of being an alpha male is?

 

I recall an old high school friend that I had bumped into recently. We started talking about dating and marriage, he's currently married and had been with the same women since his teen years. Have 2 young adult kids...things are great.

 

But apparently, when they were young he had met her when she was a cashier at local grocery store...He was 16, she was 15. Of course he asked her out and she said, "I have a boyfriend".

 

One day, I think her boyfriend comes to pick her up and when he was going to see her at the grocery store...he was drunk ( and driving ) and "accidentally" did the fender bender thing on her boyfriends car.

 

Apparently he backed into her in the grocery store parking lot, didn't cause a major reck, just a minor fender bender. He goes to the boyfriend's passenger side asks if she's okay, then goes to see the boyfriend on the other side, grabs his arm and said to him, "She's my girlfriend now, you make sure she makes it home safe"

 

The guy sheepishly agreed and now, many years later..they're married with children.

 

Go figure, eh? THat was one of the more unsual stories I ever heard, lol...there could be more to the story, but I think there's something about stealing a man's woman that cements something on a sub-consious level, yes?

[Imajerk17]

Irc, if this is how things are really like where you live then you need to move.....

[VeronicaRoss]

When you're young and figuring things out it makes total sense because you probably aren't too aware of the power of flirting and where it's taking you when it starts to become more. You're learning what 'love' actually is and feels like.

 

Then you learn, make better choices, and become protective.

 

It's amazing when adults treat relationships like parking spaces, waiting for something better while telling the person they're parking on how much they love them. When you're older, say out of college, and you're still 'overlapping' you're just a cowardly, using douche. I wouldn't say it's the norm though.

[irc333]

When you're young and figuring things out it makes total sense because you probably aren't too aware of the power of flirting and where it's taking you when it starts to become more. You're learning what 'love' actually is and feels like.

 

Then you learn, make better choices, and become protective.

 

It's amazing when adults treat relationships like parking spaces, waiting for something better while telling the person they're parking on how much they love them. When you're older, say out of college, and you're still 'overlapping' you're just a cowardly, using douche. I wouldn't say it's the norm though.

 

Veronica....it is like a monkey who swings from one branch to the next, such as relationships it appears people seem to follow suit in the same fashion. They won't go of the branch behind them until they good, firm grip onto the branch in front of them.

 

For the single man to get in between that it's near impossible.

 

It's like you have to be an orbitor of the woman, like a vulture waiting for the demise of a relationship.

 

I actually had a big crush on a woman that was only separated for a good while, so that was a dealbreaker for me as she was still considered a married woman.

 

Then some guy, who had no issues dating a woman that's in a separated status moved in on her...me and my stupid ethics got in the way. LOL

[Teraskas]

Personally I haven't run into this kind of situation yet.

However, that said, recently there was a former female English classmate of mine who broke up with her boyfriend.

Tried to get on her side to see if she would be interested, yet a week and a half later she was back together with him.

(This guy is a complete and utter douche who treats women badly from what I've observed.)

 

Why she did this I dunno. Clinging onto the belief that he's the only 'good guy' (subjective term, despite how he treats women, lol.) in the world ?

 

Personally, I have never 'stolen' someone who was in a relationship at the time they met me.

Considering I've been cheated on twice now, perhaps it might've been the other way around that the single guy stole her from me.

[iris219]

Some people hate the thought of being alone.

 

I see this more with men than women though. Their STBX wife has barely moved out and they are dating a new woman.

[organizedchaos]

It's been happening for ages. Nothing new here. No necessarily alpha male. Just human beings who are not happy in their current relationship.

[Noproblem]

Wow, that was the boldest move ever!

Wow

[Michelle ma Belle]

I haven't spent any time researching just how common this kind of thing is but it all boils down to being unhappy and/or unfulfilled in a relationship. No one can be "stolen" unless they want to be

[pickflicker]

My Dad was engaged to another woman when he met my Mum. Dad met Mum on holiday at a seaside town, they had a bit of a summer fling (they were teenagers, all very innocent hand holding and the like). Dad planned to go home and honour his commitment, and then about 6 weeks later (just when Mum was starting to get over him!) he rang her and said that he was coming back for her.

 

36 years later, still going strong.

[VeronicaRoss]

 

I actually had a big crush on a woman that was only separated for a good while, so that was a dealbreaker for me as she was still considered a married woman.

 

Then some guy, who had no issues dating a woman that's in a separated status moved in on her...me and my stupid ethics got in the way. LOL

 

Ouch! Waiting til the end though was smart. Did you let her know you were into her when you saw the other guy had made a move? Fair game at that point I'd say. She might choose you.

 

I had guys wait around for me to be over a break-up and even though I loved them and appreciated the distraction, my heart wasn't as in it. I don't think because they were lacking either.

 

I got to a place I wouldn't date a guy until he had been divorced for 2 years, people including me can be a real wreck for 2 years after, even an amicable divorce. You do lose out, but finding my husband eventually made it worth while.

[somedude81]

Is there any quick and easy way to find out what women are not happy in their relationship?

[pickflicker]

Is there any quick and easy way to find out what women are not happy in their relationship?

 

Would you listen to yourself?!

[somedude81]

Would you listen to yourself?!

Oh, I'm very aware of what I'm saying.

 

There's all kinds of conflicting thoughts buzzing around in my head.

 

The most important one, is that it's how I got my one and only girlfriend.

 

Six months of heaven is worth three months of hell.

 

I think I also let myself fall too hard for her too quickly.

Edited March 30, 2014 by somedude81

[xxoo]

My H had a girlfriend when we met.

 

I think this is really common among teens and young adults, where relationships are not considered permanent. At that age, we weren't dating to find spouses. We were dating to figure out this dating thing, what feels right and what doesn't. Kissing some frogs, so to speak.

[GravityMan]

Is it really that surprising, OP?

 

- Most young adults (60-75%) between the ages of 18 and 35 are not single. They are in some sort of relationship - casual, long-term or married.

 

- One of the top reasons a young adult ends it with their partner is because they found someone else that they felt stronger attraction and/or better compatibility with. I think that is true for both men and women. And oftentimes the current relationship is decent - no serious problems. Also, it's not like they were actively looking for someone else...that other person just organically crossed his or her path and sparks flew. That's just life.

[MidwestUSA]

Is there any quick and easy way to find out what women are not happy in their relationship?

 

 

 

I guess you could get ahold of irc and see if he'll be your wingman.

 

I think a wingman is a good idea for you, actually!

[Michelle ma Belle]

Is there any quick and easy way to find out what women are not happy in their relationship?

 

Yes. ASK her! I'm continually amazed how bad men and women are at communicating with one another. Seems to be an epidemic for whatever reason. Sometimes it's as simple as shifting from hearing what your partner is saying and actually listening to them. A BIG difference.

 

If you care about your partner and don't want them to want to be stolen, talk with him/her and find out what she needs and move in that direction.

 

Good luck!

[somedude81]

Yes. ASK her! I'm continually amazed how bad men and women are at communicating with one another. Seems to be an epidemic for whatever reason. Sometimes it's as simple as shifting from hearing what your partner is saying and actually listening to them. A BIG difference.

 

If you care about your partner and don't want them to want to be stolen, talk with him/her and find out what she needs and move in that direction.

 

Good luck!

LOL, no I'm not talking about my partner.

 

I'm talking about girls that are already in relationships and finding out if they are happy.

 

If she's unhappy, then I can try to rescue her.

[MidwestUSA]

LOL, no I'm not talking about my partner.

 

I'm talking about girls that are already in relationships and finding out if they are happy.

 

If she's unhappy, then I can try to rescue her.

 

Honestly, it sounds like something for which you need to run a highly specific ad on Craigslist. 'Are you currently in an unfulfilling relationship? I'm here to help, you poor damsel in distress. Call me, anytime, day or night, 555-1212.'

 

 

Please stop thinking this way; you can do better. You wonder why people get sarcastic and nasty with you, this line of thinking is giving them all the ammo they need.

[Woggle]

If you meet a woman or a man that way don't be shocked when they do the same thing to do you.

[xxoo]

LOL, no I'm not talking about my partner.

 

I'm talking about girls that are already in relationships and finding out if they are happy.

 

If she's unhappy, then I can try to rescue her.

 

Just focus on inspiring people in general to want to be around you. If being around you inspires a woman to leave her unsatisfying relationship, so be it. I promise she'll let you know that she is newly single.

[veggirl]

If you meet a woman or a man that way don't be shocked when they do the same thing to do you.

 

Agreed. I could never trust a guy who left someone else for me. It's not romantic, it's just squicky. I'd be outtie as soon as I found out he had a partner, though...certainly wouldn't stick around waiting for him to leave. I also wouldn't date someone freshly single. I think it's a huge mistake not to allow for a mourning/recovery period. Just asking for trouble. And "stealing" someone's partner? UGH. Shows the character of the person "stealing"

[somedude81]

Agreed. I could never trust a guy who left someone else for me. It's not romantic, it's just squicky. I'd be outtie as soon as I found out he had a partner, though...certainly wouldn't stick around waiting for him to leave. I also wouldn't date someone freshly single. I think it's a huge mistake not to allow for a mourning/recovery period. Just asking for trouble. And "stealing" someone's partner? UGH. Shows the character of the person "stealing"

When the choice is that or continue being single.

 

Either way, as a woman, your experiences dating are extremely different from a mans.

 

The vast majority of men do not know what it's like to be desired. Nor do most men have a few women waiting for him to be single so they can get their turn.

 

I know I was a huge factor in my ex leaving her BF. For all I know, if I didn't meet my ex last year, she might still be in a toxic relationship with him. It wasn't my intention to get them to break up. It just happened, though I did say some things to that made her think about her relationship.

 

Yes it was a mistake to date her so soon after a break up. But if I didn't make that mistake, I'd probably still be trying to get my first GF.

Edited March 30, 2014 by somedude81

[irc333]

Agreed. I could never trust a guy who left someone else for me. It's not romantic, it's just squicky. I'd be outtie as soon as I found out he had a partner, though...certainly wouldn't stick around waiting for him to leave. I also wouldn't date someone freshly single. I think it's a huge mistake not to allow for a mourning/recovery period. Just asking for trouble. And "stealing" someone's partner? UGH. Shows the character of the person "stealing"

 

It's funny, you only hear the "happy tale" of how someone met someone when they were already with....someone. But if someone takes a perspective on it, the "dumpee" , it isn't happy tale.