Gingerlee Posted March 29, 2014 Share Posted March 29, 2014 (edited) Can I just say, by posting this I'm not looking for sympathy, reassurance or anything pleasant. I just need to vent and maybe get some advice. I'm going to make a very long story short. I started work at 15 and became friends with another guy at work who was 21 at the time. We decided we were too different age wise and nothing ever came out of our flirting and texting, although we both fancied each other like mad. My temporary contract came to an end and although we kept each others numbers and flirted on fb chat and I came to visit him at the store all the time, soon, I got into a relationship and four years passed and I forgot about our feelings for eachother. I'm now 20 years old and started working in the same store again about 2 years ago. He is now my supervisor and the flirting is beyond obvious and there is a lot of touching and secret glances. I didn't think much off this, but he recently called me to "talk." He had sent me some rude snaps telling me he was trapped in his current relationship, that she didn't touch him, had not touched him in nearly a year and said he wishes I never got into the long term relationship with my ex because he'd be with me. I met up with him outside of work to talk about it and he told me he had been in lust with me since the first day he saw me, that I was the most beautiful girl he had ever seen and that he was too in love with his girlfriend to do anything about it. I left crying, and not really sure what I was expecting, but we agreed to be civil at work because there was really no other way around it. I didn't speak to him at first because I was angry that he had bought all these unresolved feelings up after nearly five years but soon we returned to our normal flirty banter and about 6 months passed. We started getting closer and closer at work and he began ranting to me about his relationship and I enjoyed the fact that he trusted me and let him let off steam. Last night I ran into his friend who told me how much his family hated his girlfriend and how much he wanted to see him be with me because I was friendly, intelligent and beautiful. The girl he is with ... is none of those things and that was his opinion, not mine! After going on a fabulous date this week and not hearing from the guy again, I was a bit upset and got stupidly drunk last night. I'm even struggling to write this now as I'm so hungover. I got home (not sure how) and sent him one snap of me getting undressed and another saying "always here for you if you need to talk" with me leaning over in my underwear. Atleast this is what I think I did, as I'm not actually 100% sure. I don't remember doing it, but according to his texts thats what I did. I'm ashamed of myself for sending dirty photos to my SUPERVISOR at work and am crying from the guilt. I will throw my hands, I'm really sad, lonely and just want to be loved. I know I don't deserve any sort of sympathy for what I have done. He texted me this morning saying "we need to talk." And I was beyond confused, because like i said, I had no recollection of doing it. I sent him one back saying "What are you talking about?" and he replied with "The snaps.. the missus saw them and screen shotted them, she was crying and asking how long it had been going on." I was startled at this point and looked at my snapchat history. I had snapped him and a couple others and my best friend. My heart lurched and I asked him what they were. I apologized about 50x and begged him for forgiveness and told him I'd do what ever it took to save their relationship, even if it meant messaging her and telling her I was just a stupid drunk little girl who wanted some attention. Is there a possibility I could lose my job over this too? I am in college and cannot afford to switch jobs right now. I cannot believe I have done this to myself, to him, and to her, I've become everything I despise in a female. I don't know what to do. I made a drunk and stupid mistake and I don't know what to do to make it right. Edited March 29, 2014 by Gingerlee Link to post Share on other sites
Author Gingerlee Posted March 29, 2014 Author Share Posted March 29, 2014 It turned out he lied, she hadnt seen it and he just wanted to teach me a lesson. Link to post Share on other sites
Poppyolive Posted March 29, 2014 Share Posted March 29, 2014 Panic! I panicked there for a sec....what an ass....lessoned learned..teach him one. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted March 29, 2014 Share Posted March 29, 2014 It turned out he lied, she hadnt seen it and he just wanted to teach me a lesson. Pardon? What type of "lesson" is he supposedly teaching you? This makes no sense to me. If he doesn't want you to send those types of pictures, he could've just said so. I have to wonder if she did in fact see them, he bluffed his way out of it, but wants to leave the door open to you sending more in the future. If you'd really believed his partner had seen them, you wouldn't send him any more skin pics. And then he wouldn't be able carry on flirting with you because you'd be too afraid of the consequences. See what I mean? In any case, this flirting and hanging out needs to stop immediately. Do not talk to him about personal things; don't let him rant to you about his girlfriend. If he really disliked her so much, he'd leave. The fact that he hasn't tells me he isn't planning to any time soon, but likes having you around to stroke his ego. Don't engage in this any more. And yes, it's possible you could be risking your job. I don't know what your workplace's policies are, but you've essentially given him ammo to claim you're behaving inappropriately with him, which could leave you without employment. He is a supervisor - it would very likely put you in a terrible position if he ever felt like he wanted to get rid of you. Link to post Share on other sites
shet Posted March 30, 2014 Share Posted March 30, 2014 That's a really ****ty way of handling what happened on his part considering the crap he said to you. So don't feel bad. At the same time, do take a lesson from it. Don't send that stuff to guys you don't know are free to receive it. Frankly, don't send it to anyone that isn't your boyfriend. I wouldn't worry about anything else happening, just don't engage with him any more. It's called professionalism and we all have to learn it, even when your boss is really hot. Especially then. Link to post Share on other sites
Omei Posted March 30, 2014 Share Posted March 30, 2014 WHY Do you even like this guy if this is how he treats his lady? He's a sneaky slime ball. Keep your job ditch the guy, even if you were together you wouldn't be safe from how shady he is to his gf, you dont wanna take her place. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
drifter777 Posted March 30, 2014 Share Posted March 30, 2014 What a great way for him to get you to wake up and face reality! Have you learned that sending naked selfies is probably not a good idea? Even someone you trust might get pissed at you and Tweet them to the world. Your teasing may be fun, but it's very, very dangerous to your reputation. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Gingerlee Posted March 31, 2014 Author Share Posted March 31, 2014 Of course I have learned that lesson. I have also learned I cannot handle tequila either... I'm still angry with this situation as what I did was wrong, but to play with my emotions was downright cruel. I could have screen-shotted the naughty photos he sent me last year, pretended I sent them to his girlfriend and taught him a "lesson" but I didn't, and I never would. I'm sad that 5 years of friendship is now gone, but also I feel saddened that sometimes I guess you really don't know someone. The fact that he told me himself that is girlfriend is pig-ugly (his words, not mine) fat, lazy and un-friendly but wont leave her because he has a mortgage with her speaks volumes about who he really is, I'm alarmed at myself that I couldn't see this sooner. I'm working with him tonight. He has deleted me from everything after I had a go at him about how cruel he was to try and teach me a lesson and he said I need to get over my temper tantrum. Any tips on how to deal with him tonight? Do I keep my head down and just ignore him, or do I hold my head high and pretend it never happened? Link to post Share on other sites
ASG Posted March 31, 2014 Share Posted March 31, 2014 So did he/she screen shot the snaps or not? That is easy to determine... Snapchat TELLS you if your snaps were screenshot.. If you had no such notification, then that is just not true. As for tips, just ignore him as much as you can. Be polite, though. Say hi if you have to, and respond if he speaks to you directly about anything to do with work. Other than that, steer clear! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Gingerlee Posted March 31, 2014 Author Share Posted March 31, 2014 Yes he did, but it was to rub it in my face that I had made a mistake. I asked him not to send them to me as I didn't want to see myself being so cringey and desperate, but he did anyway and they were not really too bad. Risque, but not downright sluttly if you catch my drift. They were cheeky more than anything. I ignored him. Thankfully he wasn't in charge, so I went to my other supervisor. He asked me numerous times what was up and was genuinely really nice. Literally everyone noticed how quiet I was, and I did burst into tears at one point when I was by myself but i composed myself pretty quickly. I don't think we once made eye contact. We walked past each-other a lot but nothing was ever said. He was also showing off and being a fool around the other employees when I was around. I'm not sure if he was trying to wind me up or trying to show he didn't care, but I wasn't interested. I just stayed professional and got on with my job. Link to post Share on other sites
ThatMan Posted April 1, 2014 Share Posted April 1, 2014 (edited) Welcome to the real world. Has anyone ever told you that before? I think it's a really harsh statement but there's truth to it. Bad things happen all the time and excuses won't change that. You never asked for it, and I think how you're being treated is horrible, but your own actions have led you here. No matter how unfair this may seem for you there's probably nothing you can do to make this problem disappear. Just be grateful that you didn't murder anybody by driving home drunk. Sending drunk/nude photos is trivial compared to all the reckless things that happen while plastered, including rape, car crashes, etc. Trust me when I say that people send nude photos all the time when drunk. If you do not like the consequences of your own actions, (drinking to the point of blacking out), then drink more responsibility in the future. It really is as simple as that. It sounds like your boss is harassing you. Will he become your supervisor in future shifts? If he continues the mistreatment then go to human resources. If there isn't an HR department than go to his superiors. He'll likely be fired immediately because this opens up all manner of liability of whatever company you work for. Push come to shove - you might need to quit. If you don't like it than that's just too bad. Learn to be more professional in the future. It suck, you'll probably rather not need to job hunt at this moment, but you might be out of options in the end. Edited April 1, 2014 by ThatMan Link to post Share on other sites
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