Lauren1204 Posted March 29, 2014 Share Posted March 29, 2014 This is my first post. I am lost. I started a relationship with a MM when my marriage was none existent. I was still living with my husband at the time but we didn't talk nor share a bed anymore. When I met my MM I never intended to get into anything, but I am head over heels in love with him. He is married with 2 grown up children. I know what we have done is wrong, I am fully aware of that, but you can't choose who you fall in love with. He says he is going to leave her for me, but that there are thing that have to happen first with work etc before he can do this. Its a very complicated situation but I can't help feeling I want it now! When we are together its amazing, he has met my children and they love him, we are like a proper family together. He spends sundays with myself and my girls, and I see him almost daily. But then he goes home, and it feels like my world crashes down on me. I'm lonely and sad when I'm sat here alone every night, go to bed alone, wake up alone. I've been considering an ultimatum. I don't want to lose him but I can't go on feeling like this. I've been thinking about telling him I don't want to see him again until he can be mine, even though I know this will break my heart. I just really don't know what to do. If anyone has any advice then please, I'm ready to listen. Link to post Share on other sites
Wambo Posted March 29, 2014 Share Posted March 29, 2014 I hate to tell you this but your outlook isn't great and any chance of a happy ending with him is unlikely to happen. If he does leave his marriage for you, according to the stats he will most likely leave you aswell because there's a good chance both of you are not meant to be. Most affair partners never have a successful future together and you need to accept this. Also if you two are meant to be then why are you posting here? He should be out of his wife door and moving in with you but he isn't. The reason why is because he isn't committed leaving his marriage for you or otherwise he would of done so by now. The other problem if he does leave, both of you need to leave each other alone so you can remove yourself from the affair fog. After this you need to take it slow and build a real relationship togeather. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Attachment issues Posted March 29, 2014 Share Posted March 29, 2014 How long have you been in the A and when did you divorce your H? If he is spending serious time with your children you need a to have a plan. Link to post Share on other sites
QuakerOats Posted March 30, 2014 Share Posted March 30, 2014 I assume you are now divorced? How is it that his W doesn't know what is going on with him spending time with your family? In your case I think you should think hard about if this is really a good thing. Maybe it was an exit affair from your dead marriage? Maybe you should take time. If you do proceed, I think you should give him an ultimatum...but only if you are prepared to stick to it. Link to post Share on other sites
jellybean89 Posted March 30, 2014 Share Posted March 30, 2014 Sounds like he has already laid the foundation for him not divorcing for a very long time... "Complicated situation". People divorce every day. Sometimes it quick and easy, sometimes it is longer. But with 2 grown children, there is no child support. Possibly alimony and splitting of all marital assets, including pensions, retirement accounts, etc. It's unfair of him to play Sunday dad to your children, they gave a father. He is building up your hopes, and I doubt he will ever leave for you (which is NOT what any person should do!!) Let him go. Tell him he is welcome to contact you after he has been divorced and living on his own for at least 6 months. Don't be his option because it is clear his wife is his priority. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
thinkingofhim Posted March 30, 2014 Share Posted March 30, 2014 I'm not a fan of ultimatums because usually they have a far-off date attached (let's say October 1st 2014), so MM can drag his feet and do nothing at all until the end of September and then October 1st 2014 he'll say he hasn't gotten divorced, filed for divorce, or contacted an attorney, but he HAS talked to a realtor about possibly looking for a new apartment. And then the deadline gets extended until October 1st 2015, and he will do nothing nothing nothing nothing at all, and then on October 1st 2015 he will tell you he looked up attorneys (although he hasn't actually talked to one yet). And these pathetic tiny "steps" continue forever because it's soooo complicated, his marriage is just so much more complicated than you can possibly understand, and when you leave he will turn it around on you and tell you you didn't love him enough to wait. I say... if you are SERIOUS about wanting a life with him, a real life, then leave and tell him to contact you with divorce papers in hand. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
cocorico Posted April 1, 2014 Share Posted April 1, 2014 How long should you wait? You shouldn't. Waiting for "one day" in *any* R is a waste of your life and emotions. If your R is not giving you what you want _today_, you should cut your losses and move on. Life is too short. (That said, if on reflection you feel that what you are currently getting is much better than what you would otherwise have, you may consider it worth your while to continue investing. That's OK too, as long as you're comfortable that what you have now is all you'll get. If you're still hoping for a big payout down the line, I'd say cut your losses. There are no guarantees in life, and living with an eye on some mythical future just robs you of your chance to have a wonderful today.) 6 Link to post Share on other sites
BehindTheseHazelEyes Posted April 2, 2014 Share Posted April 2, 2014 This is my first post. I am lost. I started a relationship with a MM when my marriage was none existent. I was still living with my husband at the time but we didn't talk nor share a bed anymore. When I met my MM I never intended to get into anything, but I am head over heels in love with him. He is married with 2 grown up children. I know what we have done is wrong, I am fully aware of that, but you can't choose who you fall in love with. He says he is going to leave her for me, but that there are thing that have to happen first with work etc before he can do this. Its a very complicated situation but I can't help feeling I want it now! When we are together its amazing, he has met my children and they love him, we are like a proper family together. He spends sundays with myself and my girls, and I see him almost daily. But then he goes home, and it feels like my world crashes down on me. I'm lonely and sad when I'm sat here alone every night, go to bed alone, wake up alone. I've been considering an ultimatum. I don't want to lose him but I can't go on feeling like this. I've been thinking about telling him I don't want to see him again until he can be mine, even though I know this will break my heart. I just really don't know what to do. If anyone has any advice then please, I'm ready to listen. My advice: break it off. He doesn't respect you. If he wanted to leave, he would. His kids are grown so there's no issue there. He wants to play with you when it suits him. Prove him wrong and make him put his money where his mouth is. And keep your kids out of it. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
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