Mid life crisis or just everything catching up, what can I do?

[BHsigh]

A couple of days ago I finally realized how old I'm getting, I thought to myself that I've now seen 18 years twice, and I have nothing to show for it, other than a job that isn't very secure and that I hate anyways, plus I hardly make a decent salary. If I was in a larger industry it would be better because I could change companies, but that's not really possible in my field, I've looked.

 

I'm married but lonely and I don't feel safe. She had an affair two years ago with a friend and that just obliterated any trust that I had for anyone. And the affair still kills me almost every day.

 

I have no friends and I'm an introvert. My closest friend moved out of state last year, and that made me happy. I mean I love him, he's easily the best friend that I've ever had, but I can't bring myself to trusting even him fully enough to be comfortable.

 

I'm 36 and going back to college, nothing wrong with that of course, but once I fully start my program I Wong be able to work full time, and we will gave to live on a greatly reduced salary until I graduate, and that makes me feel horrible. I make amazing grades, I'm in the honors society and on the dean's list, I am quickly picked out by my classmates as one of the smart ones and am constantly called over for help when the professor is busy. And yet I still can't become very close to anyone, I generally study on my own unless someone asks me for help.

 

But good grades and doing well in college isn't making me feel much better, worse in a way because I've waited so long to go back, and it almost feels like giving up on my current job, the job that moved us out of state, far from out families, just have my wife have an affair when we got down here. So consequently, I hate where I live, I hate my job, and I'm not very fond of the way of life here. But we don't have the option of moving right now.

 

I just feel that I need more in life "right now" and I don't know how to make myself happy anymore.

 

Well, I've procrastinated and never finished my life history thread, but suffice it to say that my family was permeated with affairs, deaths, murders and loss. My cousin missing since I was 13 was a major part, plus my parents divorcing and my dad marrying hid AP, and a cousins husband killing her and himself while their kids were downstairs, another cousin commuting suicide over her husband's affair, another cousin being murdered because he was having an affair and OW's BH found out and killed him. That's a very short list of my life, mainly focused on the major affairs of course.

 

So, mid life crisis, life just catching up with me? I have no idea, and I don't know what to do anymore.

 

I have no idea if this is even the right place for my thread or not.

[Caryopteris]

Say you could see the future (because that would fix everything), and this is what you see:

 

You and your wife drift apart and then she blindsides you by leaving you.

 

Do you want to be in your current dead-end job, or do you want to have bettered yourself and be ready for new challenges?

 

If your accounts are mixed and messy, once you are out of school you will want to sort that out so if there is a break in future, it won't be such a legal mess.

 

Work out. Pay attention to styles and what looks good on you. This will either cause your wife to pay attention to you or other women to. You won't act on other women's attention while you're married, but it will boost your ego.

 

Stick to your plans and be ready for anything, because life has its ups and downs. If you don't have kids, maybe don't start a family with this one because she's a flight risk.