Hoosfoos Posted March 30, 2014 Share Posted March 30, 2014 I don't really understand why I feel this way...towards the end our 2 year relationship things were far less than perfect, in fact she treated me like outright s#it sometimes. If I tried to complain about her showing me respect I would just get the "If you don't like the way I roll, there's the door" routine. Several times she would threaten to leave me if I didn't do A,B, or C. Her complaining, controlling, and unending list of demands never ceased. I was on a hamster wheel trying to please her. It was never enough. She even became physically violent towards me a couple of times. We both finished school at the same time; I supported her unconditionally while she was up to her neck in assignments, and she found a job right away. My job hunt went much worse and I became depressed; she offered nothing in the way of encouragement. When I finally had enough of her writing off my feelings and stood up to her, she dumped me. Despite these issues I valued the relationship a great deal and have felt unbelievably empty, depressed and confused since she left. I should be glad she's gone, but I am deeply grieving. I don't understand why I long so badly for a person that treated me so poorly. We did have some very good and rich times and there are many, many things about the relationship that I miss. I hate feeling this way, especially for someone who doesn't deserve to be mourned to this extent and has long since moved on. It's as if my entire life has stopped. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr Scorpio Posted March 30, 2014 Share Posted March 30, 2014 I'm guessing that you feel the way you do because you do not value yourself. I'm guessing that you don't believe that you deserve better, or anyone else at all. I'm guessing that -- in some perverse way -- you enjoy being a victim, either of her abuse, or the lack of a relationship. Then again, I'm just guessing. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Hoosfoos Posted March 30, 2014 Author Share Posted March 30, 2014 I'm guessing that you feel the way you do because you do not value yourself. I'm guessing that you don't believe that you deserve better, or anyone else at all. I'm guessing that -- in some perverse way -- you enjoy being a victim, either of her abuse, or the lack of a relationship. Then again, I'm just guessing. There is no enjoyment in this. I want the horrible feelings to go away. Youre right about one thing though...I have always felt she was about as good as I could get. Plus the shoddy treatment started so gradually I barely noticed when I was in over my head. Link to post Share on other sites
Priv Posted March 30, 2014 Share Posted March 30, 2014 Sounds exactly like my last relationship. 6 months in and still not healed. I guess the breakup wasn't amicable, with al lot blaming? It does creep in gradually and at some point you are starting to believe it´s all on you and you are just a unworthy person. TBH. I think the not valuing ourselves remark is correct. We (I at least) have lost our self esteem and a piece of my mind in that relationship. Takes time to heal from that. Link to post Share on other sites
Arieswoman Posted March 30, 2014 Share Posted March 30, 2014 Hoosfoos, Have a look at this, which defines a mentally abusive relationship, Dr. Phil.com - Advice - Are You In an Emotionally Abusive Relationship? May I suggest you get some counselling, as it seems your self-esteem is at an all-time low due to the treatment you received? It worked for me in a similar situation. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
kat1012 Posted March 30, 2014 Share Posted March 30, 2014 This is how I am feeling :/ Except I keep feeling I was the bad one and that I misunderstood him he was the bad one when I was still with him. I got dumped by my bf of 8 months 8 months ago (I know...) and still got crappy days from time to time. It's really hard to get out of it. 8 months and I still feel really crap about myself, even I am sick of myself doing this. But at least you know how poorly she was treating, and I keep thinking I probably messed up by reading into things and thought he's treating me poorly (while he may not be) then be "dramatic"/"emotional", which he prob hated it and dumped me You loved her, and it didnt work out. You may have accepted the fact that you two will not work out, but it doesnt mean you are totally happy with it yet, I guess it takes time. Being dumped hurts one's ego, especially when you didnt see the break-up coming. You thought you are doing things right, but then you got dumped. you started looking back at why it went wrong. And since you got dumped, it makes you feel like you must be the one doing wrong and got yourself dumped. Tell yourself you have done your best, it's not easy (I still cant do it), but from what you said, you really did. Tell yourself that you can do better, that you will one day meet someone better than your ex, someone who will treat you with love and care, someone who will respect you and communicate with you. Have you been going out or meeting new people? I think it can help taking your mind off it. (I wish I could do it now, but I need to work on my finals) Partly why you are still longing for that person could be because you are missing the attention or the feeling of dating someone. So go out have fun, meet new people, spend time with your friends. And delete your messages, photos with her (at least from your phone), so that even if you feel like looking back at them, you wont have the chance to. I guess the only thing that will help is time. One day, you will finally be healed, you don't care about the hurtful things she said or how badly she treated you anymore. At least that's what I am telling myself lol. Link to post Share on other sites
Simplysimon Posted March 31, 2014 Share Posted March 31, 2014 Your putting to much significance on one girl. Don't. There are millions who can make you happy. Move on Link to post Share on other sites
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