most important person

[d0nnivain]

I feel so bad for every person who writes a flirting thread. I am a big flirt & have always tried to distinguish what I feel is harmless flirting vs people who are genuinely on the path to infidelity

 

DH & I went out to dinner tonight. We were talking about another couple we know. The other woman (B) had recently been complaining to a group of women, including me, about how jealous her husband (K) was about her relationship with a different guy (E) who was also married. All the women in the group had been giving her all sorts of support: you didn't do anything wrong, your husband is overreacting etc.

 

I disagreed, which shocked all the women in the group since my behavior toward a lot of men was more overt than anything B did. But I went on to explain what I saw as the BIG difference. I always made sure that my husband knew he was the most important man in my life. I drew very clear boundaries with the flirting -- public only, there was no way in the world it was going beyond this moment. I don't call or text, or really even FB other men. I may "like" something on their wall but even if I want to comment on how sexy somebody looks I'll say something about how lucky his SO is (calling her by name so it pops up on her wall) that he looks good.

 

She (B) didn't do that but has started. She still talks to E but now kisses her husband before starting a conversation with E. Instead of being square on with E, she stands at more of an angle . . .visually welcoming others into the conversation & she periodically looks up & winks at her husband.

 

My husband admitted he never thought about why my flirting didn't bug him, even though when we first met he told me he had been previously been cheated on & had trust issues. He actually said he was surprised now that he thought about it but it never crossed his mind that I would cheat on him because I was so clear. I was happy to flirt with lots of people & encouraged hum to flirt but with clearly defined boundaries.

 

My point in posting is to try to reassure people who love "flirts" that not all flirting is nefarious or an open invitation to infidelity. I'd like to know if that helps anybody re-evaluate there stance on flirting.