What makes women give the dreaded label of "creepy"?

[M30USA]

I've been thinking about this for a few days. Now that I'm a single dad who isn't always around his kids and their mother, I'm wondering if any women might view me as "creepy". The only reason I ask is because I've been surprised to hear certain men get called creepy who I knew definitely were great people.

 

What makes a man "creepy"?

 

Right now I'm at a phase in my life where I'm a bit of a loner. No family or good friends around. A lot of the activities I enjoy are solitary--like fishing, guitar playing, reading, etc. I am generally healthy and hygienic, but I don't dress very fashionably. I have a basic, boring style most of the time. I am not the most social person and I do find many social situations awkward. I do great with relationships at work, I know I do, because I know WHY I'm there and I have a job to do. But I view most social situations as forced and awkward and this is one reason why I wonder if women would ever perceive me as creepy.

 

Please share your opinions and experiences.

[kodakgirl]

I think the "creepy" vibe often comes when people (not just men) aren't very good at picking up on the cues of others (both verbal and non-verbal). They keep trying to start a conversation when the other person clearly doesn't want to. They continue to flirt despite lack of reciprocal interest. They make jokes inappropriate to the company they're in. They think you have a closer relationship than you do. They either don't respect boundaries or don't know where they are. Now, any of these things might happen without the person coming across as "creepy"-- my dad, for instance, is awful at picking up cues, but he is very nice and sincere and doesn't have boundary problems, so he mostly just comes across as kind of awkward or annoying, depending on the person and situation.

 

I don't think there's anything at all inherently "creepy" about the way you've described yourself, though really it isn't usually about the person themselves, more the way they interact with others. A "great guy" might be regarded as creepy if he oversteps bounds-- he might still be great but just naive or not that socially adept, and some women just aren't that sensitive to those things (sadly). Are you generally able to tell how people are feeling without them flat-out saying it? Did your ex-wife or other people close to you ever feel you didn't "get it"? Have people ever actually seemed creeped out by your behaviour?

[SammySammy]

Persistent unwanted attention.

[topaMAXX]

Generally, if a girl doesn't like a guy and he likes her, she'll label him creepy.

 

It's a meaningless label. I wouldn't worry about it. It's a problem with the culture more than the man himself.

[M30USA]

Generally, if a girl doesn't like a guy and he likes her, she'll label him creepy.

 

It's a meaningless label. I wouldn't worry about it. It's a problem with the culture more than the man himself.

 

That's precisely what I was thinking. Couldn't have said it better. Thanks.

[Standard-Fare]

I agree with two things already mentioned: "Doesn't pick up cues" and "Persistent unwanted attention." Combine those two, and that's a recipe for creepiness.

 

I have a male friend who's a perfectly good guy normally, but in dating situations often crosses into "creep" zone. Examples: He texts women incessantly and displays intimacy too soon/easily, (i.e. texts something like "sleep sweetly" after the first date). And I know personally from being his friend that he does EXTENSIVE Google research on anyone before going on a date with them, so he usually knows just way too much about the woman before starting out.

 

That stuff = creepy.

[M30USA]

I agree with two things already mentioned: "Doesn't pick up cues" and "Persistent unwanted attention." Combine those two, and that's a recipe for creepiness.

 

I have a male friend who's a perfectly good guy normally, but in dating situations often crosses into "creep" zone. Examples: He texts women incessantly and displays intimacy too soon/easily, (i.e. texts something like "sleep sweetly" after the first date). And I know personally from being his friend that he does EXTENSIVE Google research on anyone before going on a date with them, so he usually knows just way too much about the woman before starting out.

 

That stuff = creepy.

 

I agree with this.

[Noproblem]

there is this guy at my college. He looks weird, but that's irrelevant!

 

Let me tell you what he does.

When ever he sees me at the library, he sits next to me.. which is OK except for the fact

 

He takes off his shoes and try to touch my feet with his....

sometimes I'd be sitting in front of the computer and he'll sit right in front of me and all of a sudden, I sense someone has touched my feet!

 

This is what I call a creepy!

 

His weird looks, how he act toward me..

[Eggplant]

Now that I'm a single dad who isn't always around his kids and their mother, I'm wondering if any women might view me as "creepy".

I don't know why you mentioned you weren't around your kids, but if you want to attract good women, be around your kids. Women are very drawn to men who attend to their children. (This is actually not even the biggest reason to be around your children.)

[spiderowl]

Someone who won't leave you alone, keeps staring or following you, and won't take no for an answer. As long as you are polite and respect a woman's wishes and don't stalk her, you shouldn't have a problem. Oh, never smiling in any interaction with a woman can seem very creepy for some reason. It's the incongruity of the guy seeming interested in hanging around but never seeming to enjoy himself or be happy.

Edited March 31, 2014 by spiderowl

[contact1]

Think of the character Milton from the movie Office Space

 

"That's my stapler"

 

that would be signs of someone creepy

[M30USA]

Think of the character Milton from the movie Office Space

 

"That's my stapler"

 

that would be signs of someone creepy

 

As long as poor Milton had the last laugh in the end when he burned down the building!

 

That movie is brilliantly hilarious! I think it's one of the 10 best comedies of all time. The scene where Peter decides he's just gonna stop going to work and stop paying bills is priceless!

 

 

Edited March 31, 2014 by M30USA

[GravityMan]

I agree with two things already mentioned: "Doesn't pick up cues" and "Persistent unwanted attention." Combine those two, and that's a recipe for creepiness.

 

Yep. I'm sure most women would definitely find that creepy. Other guys probably wouldn't be creeped out by the guy, but they almost surely would be quite annoyed by him.

 

Also, people who often behave significantly outside what is socially acceptable (taking culture into consideration) are often viewed as creepy. Noproblem's post above illustrates a good example of that. I think those kinds of folks may come across as a bit creepy even if the other person knew him pretty well. That said, I think there's a fine line there between creepy and merely "weird".

 

People who hardly ever smile or laugh may make others uncomfortable, especially if they otherwise seem friendly. They tend to give off a vibe of "fakeness", or calculated-ness. They are nice enough on the surface but their eyes are cold.

 

Lastly, there are certain people where you can just look at them and instantly sense that something is very "off" about them, even if they're on the other side of the room and even if their dress and interactions seem normal on the surface. There's just something about his body language or his vibe that indicates trouble. I'd bet any good bartender or bouncer with a decent amount of experience has encountered a few such folks.

 

That said...there are definitely some women - young women in particular - who are way too quick to toss around the "creepy" or "creeper" term.

[lino]

Generally, if a girl doesn't like a guy and he likes her, she'll label him creepy.

 

It's a meaningless label. I wouldn't worry about it. It's a problem with the culture more than the man himself.

 

Exactly right.

 

Anyone showing interest in a girl that she doesn't feel the same for is a 'creep'

[Eternal Sunshine]

When a guy persistantly pursues me despite me making it obvious that I am not interested.

 

When I block his email address and he opens up another one to email to ask why I haven't been responding to his emails?

 

When he keeps staring at me and not noticing that I avoid eye contact and that he is making me uncomfortable.

 

Stuff like that.

[M30USA]

So would a woman ever use the word creepy to describe a man who has shown no conspicuous interest in her and isn't giving her, specifically, any unwanted attention?

[maturityassets]

I mean I feel there have been times even I've been viewed as creepy. But I'm in a relationship and have met previous women. Sometimes people just give off vibes based on various factors. I've never really been very persistent with anyone, after one or two attempts with someone and if their unresponsive I don't bother. Staring? Well sometimes you catch yourself looking over a few times. but if you plan on talking to that woman... do it quickly. If it has taken you longer than 15 minutes after constantly looking her way to make conversation then it doesn't look very confident. Guys who aren't creepy are very smooth and confident when talking. don't even second guess how they are coming off. My close friend is king of flirtation. Sure there are times girls have viewed him as a douche or maybe even creepy but it never bothers him. He'll get 5 numbers within an hour no problem. Just has high self esteem and it really reads off everything he does. Smile, posture, walk, talk, clothes and etc. Its very difficult, basically though has to do with attraction. Guys who are confident generally are attractive and so they get a pass on being viewed as creepy. Guys who are viewed as unattractive are creepy simply because well they try to hit on someone who clearly isn't interested. I wouldn't worry much unless you think you are seriously inept in your social skills

[PinkSapphire]

The first poster had it right; the definition of the word creepy is a disregard for boundaries, whether the person is too socially unaware to detect them or is just too rude to respect them.

 

Respect boundaries and you will be free of the "creepy" label

 

Edit: all of you guys saying women only use it for guys they aren't interested in are just trying to blame others for your lack of respect and social skills. In reality, it's guys they aren't interested in who won't leave them alone (i.e., not respecting their boundaries), over-emailing, violating physical boundaries (I've had a surprising number of far-too-old men think it's okay to touch me inappropriately without my foreknowledge or consent - not okay!), etc.

Instead of blaming the women (or men, since women can be creepers, too) you are victimizing and making uncomfortable in this way, how about examine your behavior and adopt some manners, like the OP is doing by asking this question? Things will go far better for you.

And seriously, if I labelled every guy I'm not interested in as a creep, then 95% of the guys I know would be called creeps - and that just isn't true!

Edited April 1, 2014 by PinkSapphire

[melell]

I see it weirdly.

 

For me any interaction is a kind of balancing act where you find a level that both people can comfortably exchange information,ideas etc.

I think that happens pretty naturally after a few exchanges with someone- I find someone a little creepy if after a few exchanges the interaction is still really off balance ie. when someone is overly affectionate compared to the affection I am showing, or gives more praise than I am giving.

 

Usually it is that layer of affection over top of the off-balance conversation that makes it creepy.

 

It is all about feeling it. I really think in conversation you have to pay attention to what the other person is doing so that you can get the feel of the conversation.

 

I find that people who are socially awkward struggle to get the feel of it- or knowing all those cues and what not to react to, but as long as they aren't being affectionate, it really bothers me none.

 

Generally speaking I think most of us (even if our lives are fairly boring) are able to engage in conversation effectively without coming across as strange.

[VeronicaRoss]

Creepy is when they don't respect boundaries and you have no idea what they're going to do next, in a very bad way.

[thecrucible]

Creepy is...

 

- guys that keep staring at me from a distance without talking to me. Or they start talking to me but only after staring at me for longer than 30 seconds

- guys that touch parts of my body without my permission

- guys that don't know how to take the hint that I'm not interested

- guys that say outrageous or sexually suggestive things to me or about other women

-guys who give creepy sexual compliments to try and get into my pants

- guys who put on a good guy act just to get into my pants

[contact1]

Can I conclude a man should get permission before touching a woman in any fashion?

 

What if she is in a burning building and the man is trying to rescue her?

 

J/King, yes, no permission, no touching

[PinkSapphire]

So would a woman ever use the word creepy to describe a man who has shown no conspicuous interest in her and isn't giving her, specifically, any unwanted attention?

 

M30, she likely wouldn't even notice unless her friend/acquaintance started complaining about a creeper and then she started to watch. Or, if he was bothering the friend right in front of the other woman that he was not interested in, after the friend he was bothering complained to the other woman.

That's probably confusing, but unless she has an actual reason to notice, a guy can creep on every woman around her the entire night, and she would never notice at all.

[hotpotato]

Generally, if a girl doesn't like a guy and he likes her, she'll label him creepy.

 

It's a meaningless label. I wouldn't worry about it. It's a problem with the culture more than the man himself.

 

That's not even the whole picture. That in and of itself will not get a man labeled creepy.

 

Creepy is when a man refuses to read a woman's cues. He may become physical with her even we she says to stop. He is on an inappropriate level of intimacy.

 

Here's creepy. I had a man who would harass me. All the elements were there. He would talk to me for 20 minutes while I had my headphones in. I wouldn't even look at him or say a word, but he would talk talk talk. He would touch me accidentally on purpose. He would stare at my chest and make comments about my body. I didn't know him at all, but he would tell me how much he loved lesbian porn and ask if I were a lesbian.

[tbf]

It's overfamiliarity without permission to cross personal boundaries. Totally creeps me out every time.