Getting my language friend to meet me, finally?

[justwhoiam]

So, how did you meet her?

[racer120]

it was through a forum. I contacted her (because I saw where she was from, and that interested me).

 

I realise I live in a dream world, and for this to work out, it would take a miracle.

But surely with all we discuss, we should be able to meet up for coffee or something?

[justwhoiam]

I guess you'd have a better chance inviting someone from this forum.

[toml]

Sorry to hear this

[Brutus]

Let me tell you my experience. I fell in love with a Russian girl I met during a trip. One year after we started a LDR, I was madly in love with her and after 1.5 years we moved to the same country. As soon as she started a new, exciting life outside of her hometown I became secondary to her and finally she left me. Living dreams can be dangerous, as when they break, it hurts you way more than living reality. You missed a nice time, made mostly of waitings, Skype conversations and facebook chatting, but you spared yourself a lot of pain which would have eventually come soon. Perhaps is better like this.

[racer120]

With just two weekends to go (actually less, I'm there the 6th of May until the 12th); I would like to launch one final 'offensive'. She knows the dates I'm there.

 

As you know, I asked her to meet me two weeks ago. The answer then was "I don't think so", and I suggested she didn't have to decide then, could decide later. To which she said "ok"

 

After I asked the question, I felt there was a slight crash in our contact frequency. But in the meantime, that has been 'restored' again.

 

When we're chatting, I'd like to bring 'meeting up' again. Not sure if I should do it this weekend, or maybe next, or perhaps even the day before I leave; or even when I'm there already.

 

Normally I wouldn't ask again, but in this situation I think it would be right to bring it back up. I owe it to me, because if I never try, I'll never know.

I would really like to meet her, even if just for coffee, and for expressing my thanks in what she has meant for me over these past few years, and especially months. She is a good and special friend to me, and there's nothing wrong in friends meeting. It would really add that extra to my trip. The fact that we chat nearly every night can't possibly mean there is absolutely no interest in me?

 

Any good advice in this final try for meeting with her? Not necessarily in conquering her heart, but just meeting her. I can always see where it goes from there, but just seeing her would be great.

 

It's a very unlikely friendship we have, but could be so nice if it worked out and we brought it to a new level.

 

Thank you in advance for all your advice! And @justwhoiam: yes, I will play it more to your rules this time by

Edited April 26, 2014 by racer120

[TAV]

I thought the plan was that you would go low contact and give her the chance to miss you? Then, when she started looking you up, you could've used her new appreciation of you to suggest meeting.

 

I don't care what others say, I still think it is strange you would not want to meet a 'friend'. What's the point in talking to each other for ages but shying away from meeting that person for real if the chance presents itself?

 

The only reason I would shy away from that would be if I had the feeling this person wanted something of me that I could not give him/her. But then I would not have continued speaking to that person to begin with.

 

I think if you ask again, and really make sure that it sounds like a casual meeting and not a date, and she still tells you flat out 'no' you have to draw your conclusions and forget about it altogether.

 

And please still try to enjoy your trip; travelling is always great and it would be a waste if your disappointment would keep you from great experiences or even meeting some great new people who may change your outlook on life.

[racer120]

thank you for that valuable feedback TAV!

 

Exactly like you stated in your last point, I do hope to still have a great time, even if it doesn't work out. It will be difficult of course, as my main hope for it is to meet her. There are other people interested in meeting me whom I'm in contact with much less. But I'm keeping my agenda open for that one girl, and maybe I shouldn't do that or count on it.

 

In a way, I feel the ball is in her camp. I confirmed her the travel dates, asked her to meet me two weeks ago, and said that she didn't have to decide right away but could do so later on. Asking again seems a bit wrong, but given the 'exceptional' nature of this thing, I feel it's my duty to ask again - if only for my idealistic/dreamy self.

 

However, I'm not intending to 'just ask'. Instead, I want to wait until we have been chatting a while and I have her attention. At least, that's what I did last time by.

Maybe now I should actually pop the question as a stand-alone message / play it differently?

 

As you say, it seems somewhat weird that given our 'history' she would not want to meet me. As if she has something to hide/shy/afraid of. She knows sufficiently enough of me to know she is not dealing with a complete stranger here. Maybe it's just because I'm coming on too strong sometimes?

 

As for the question itself - last time I literally used "maybe we could meet?" Maybe it's better to word it differently?

 

The chatting and cutting off chapter -> it was difficult for me after popping the question and getting rejected. Especially because I felt I did everything right when I asked her: we had a nice chat going, she seemed to be in a good mood, had sent some photos of her etc. Then it crashed after asking her.

 

It was only the following Friday that we had a chat again, and a very fun relaxing one too actually (again sending her photos, chatting about my upcoming trip, general chit chat, just you know... nice). Over the last week, we didn't chat too much.

 

What I could do now is cut off all contact until my trip and hope she is the one to backtrack - but it's not in my nature to play games like that. And besides, I really like her. However, I'll do what it takes for her to meet me.

 

PS: it's also so mixed to know if she really really likes me. Sometimes she would send me messages out of the blue, sometimes really fun, while other times she doesn't seem to care. Obviously we wouldn't be chatting for all this time if we despised one another ... but why not meet when such a chance presents itself?

[TAV]

Have you told her you are meeting other people? I would since it makes meeting her seems much more casual. And it also tells her this trip is not all about you getting your hopes up over her.

[racer120]

I haven't, as I thought it would make her feel less special / jealous / angry with me.

 

edit: on a positive note, at least I'd imagine, she called me very cute early in the week.

Edited April 26, 2014 by racer120

[racer120]

I asked again, if she may have changed her mind. No is the answer, not even for a coffee for 15 minutes.

 

Honestly I'm wondering why we are even chatting much now...

[TAV]

Take your cue from there. The world is full of girls. Russia too.

[racer120]

thanks buddy. At least now I won't have to wonder or keep my planning open. It's a weird situation, but if she doesn't want to see me after all this time (yet continues to send photos), then I need to draw conclusions for my own sanity.

 

thankfully, others are meeting me

 

I would like to express my gratitude to each and everyone who has helped me in this. What I learned from it is that I shouldn't be afraid to just ask. I feel stronger now.