stillafool Posted April 2, 2014 Share Posted April 2, 2014 I think you should thank God that you are rid of this guy. Can you imagine being married to someone so inconsiderate and flaky? This guy doesn't seem to know what or who he wants. I also can't imagine enjoying attention from my best friends fiancee while she is in pain. WTF? I would have slammed his arse down to the ground for using me to hurt my friend. She isn't a good friend. What did her bf say? Was she talking to your fiancee in private on the phone? You poor thing, just take care of yourself. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author sooshi Posted April 2, 2014 Author Share Posted April 2, 2014 (edited) They never talked on the phone (although I know that's not the point you're trying to make). Just online and through texting. He didn't want to tell her what to do, but eventually, he asked her to stop talking to her. He also would rather not have known about the things he said (I think he means if he were in my position). They weren't together when this first happened, but he was in love with her and wanted to be with her and they were good friends. It infuriated him that my ex would do this (to me). My ex did persist in pursuing her even after my friend and her partner got into a relationship and when he knew about it. I don't think he used her. He really did seem to have feelings for her. Edited April 2, 2014 by sooshi Link to post Share on other sites
Author sooshi Posted April 2, 2014 Author Share Posted April 2, 2014 (edited) I think it's normal for a dumpee to go back and forth on how they feel towards their ex. My ex believed that I had feelings for him, and sometimes I did and sometimes I didn't. He acted on his feelings towards my ex while feeling that I had feelings for him (which I think makes it worse than if he felt like I didn't have feelings for him at all), and yet told me there was "nothing to say" after he had hit on her, telling her things like she was the only one he wanted. He had privately asked her to upload more of her singing and asked if it would weird her out if he listened to the song while drifting off to sleep. Is this really nothing to say?? He said he was trying his feelings on, and he doesn't know that I know he said these things (as far as I am aware). I went to bed last night, feeling angry. I was angry that my ex-fiance would be so cavalier with my heart. I was angry with my friend for the same. I dreamed about my ex apologizing to me, which was a good start. But then I woke up and there was still no word from him and now I feel angry again. It's so hard to make me angry, especially to sustain it. grrr Edited April 2, 2014 by sooshi Link to post Share on other sites
KaliLove Posted April 2, 2014 Share Posted April 2, 2014 Of course it's normal! You're in the anger stages. That's an excellent phase. You still have a few stages left but you're moving pretty fast through them. You're going to heal so fast Soosh! Stillafool makes a very good point. How can this chick enjoy attention from a guy who is knowingly hurting her friend? Not cool... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author sooshi Posted April 2, 2014 Author Share Posted April 2, 2014 Thanks, as always, for your support, Kali. My friend both enjoyed and was disgusted by getting that attention. I can understand both sides of that, but it still hurts. Yeah, not cool. That's for sure. But I think I am doing better overall. Link to post Share on other sites
KaliLove Posted April 3, 2014 Share Posted April 3, 2014 Better is good. I like better. Link to post Share on other sites
Author sooshi Posted April 3, 2014 Author Share Posted April 3, 2014 Yeah. I've dreamed about him the last two nights, both times with him apologizing. Nothing in waking life though. It makes me feel so disheartened that he may never recognize what he has done, and only sees how my reactions have hurt him. I know I shouldn't care, but I do. Link to post Share on other sites
redbaron005 Posted April 3, 2014 Share Posted April 3, 2014 You're awesome! Keep up the healing process and glad to hear you are doing better. Link to post Share on other sites
Author sooshi Posted April 3, 2014 Author Share Posted April 3, 2014 I am actually feeling sad right now, redbaron. My ex-fiance and my friend were the two closest people to me. I cared for them deeply, and I feel like their actions showed that they while they may have cared for me, they didn't care enough to stop what they were doing. It hurts badly. I feel like I'm going to let my friend go too. I feel like I need to stand up for myself and not allow people to be so cavalier with my (soft) heart. I love your signature, by the way. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
KaliLove Posted April 3, 2014 Share Posted April 3, 2014 Atta girl! The sads will fade. Can you go do something nice for yourself this weekend? I'm going to Vegas!! Want to come? Link to post Share on other sites
Author sooshi Posted April 3, 2014 Author Share Posted April 3, 2014 (edited) Have a good time in Vegas, Kali. Thanks for the invitation, haha. I really need to make some solid, meaningful friendships. With my ex and (potentially) friend out of the picture, I don't have anyone. Sometimes I still wonder if my perception of the situation really is skewed and my ex-fiance was right, that it's me who was in the wrong. But then you guys tell me I'm not. Even my friend did. I think the main reason why I sometimes think I'm in the wrong is because he was extremely infuriated with what I did and since I felt like he knew me better than anyone, I believed him when he said I was making myself the victim and how what I did was just stirring up drama, and how I was one of the most manipulative and untrustworthy people he has ever known. Sigh, I wish I didn't give him so much power all these years. But I know the power is losing its grip on me, bit by bit. Edited April 3, 2014 by sooshi Link to post Share on other sites
KaliLove Posted April 3, 2014 Share Posted April 3, 2014 CUT IT OUT! You are NOT in the wrong and if you say that **** again I will fly to wherever you are, pour tequila down your throat, and the two of us will go hunt down your ex and shoot him in the nads with a bb gun like he deserves!!! I feel the same way. I lost a lot of friends with this ex..they didn't like the way they perceived him to be treating me and now I don't really have anyone..no family or anything either. My best friend has a 2 year old and is 9 months pregnant with her second, and my other close friend is an actress and she's away on set most of the time, the others here have mostly disappeared..most of the rest of the friends I still have are back home in NYC so I barely see them. I'll be your friend! If your name implies that you enjoy sushi then we already have something in common because I could eat it every day and be very happy. Link to post Share on other sites
KaliLove Posted April 3, 2014 Share Posted April 3, 2014 PS. My roommate put a burrito in the oven last night and then passed out drunk on the couch. Guess who woke up to the fire alarm going off at 2am and had to spray the whole kitchen with the fire extinguisher? THIS GIRL! Consider yourself lucky that all you're going through is a break up. Link to post Share on other sites
Author sooshi Posted April 3, 2014 Author Share Posted April 3, 2014 Oh wow, you had to put out a fire?? That must've been frightening! Haha, okay, I will try not to say such nonsense again! I'm sorry to hear about the friends you've lost along the way It's saddening that these things happen, especially when we've been through a lot with them and when we were friends for several years. I don't actually eat sushi (only the vegetarian kind, which is yummy). Haha. Link to post Share on other sites
KaliLove Posted April 3, 2014 Share Posted April 3, 2014 Have you reached out to old friends you haven't seen in a while? You might be surprised by the reaction you get. I've actually been getting together with people I hadn't seen for a while recently and I'm starting to incorporate them back into my life. I also started going to dinner by myself more..people are friendlier than you think! Link to post Share on other sites
Author sooshi Posted April 3, 2014 Author Share Posted April 3, 2014 Not really, because although they're friendly, I don't feel a deep connection with them and the time we spend together isn't fulfilling. I think a lot of it has to do that I met them in person, whereas I met my ex-fiance and friend online and that's how I got close to them. It's hard for me to get close to people I know in person... but not imposssible. I just haven't done it with anyone yet. It's great that you're incorporating old friends back into your life though! I'm starting some classes next week, so that might help me make some new friends. Link to post Share on other sites
KaliLove Posted April 3, 2014 Share Posted April 3, 2014 There ya go! I'm older than you obviously but I've made some really good friends at work. You seem to be feeling much better about everything so I bet you'll be able to be your lovely charming self and not a snot-dripping mess, right? Link to post Share on other sites
Author sooshi Posted April 3, 2014 Author Share Posted April 3, 2014 Haha, snot-dripping mess. Nope, I won't be that around people. Thanks again Kali, for all of your support with this. <3 Link to post Share on other sites
KaliLove Posted April 3, 2014 Share Posted April 3, 2014 Back at ya babe. Where in the world are you anyway? I'm in California. Link to post Share on other sites
Author sooshi Posted April 3, 2014 Author Share Posted April 3, 2014 I figured you were probably in California, from your name (wasn't sure if Kali was your name though... maybe it is!). I'm in Canada. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Sasukie Posted April 4, 2014 Share Posted April 4, 2014 <3. Hope you're staying strong sooshi btw I'm also from Canada Link to post Share on other sites
redbaron005 Posted April 4, 2014 Share Posted April 4, 2014 You have so much to be happy about sooshi! And you seem like a very genuine, down-to-earth person; that is a rare combination of attributes that you should own. I know that you will have no problems making meaningful friendships in the future. For us with soft hearts, these losses really do cut deep, however, such pain and sadness is just a reminder of how capable you are of loving and being loved or else it would never hurt so bad in the first place. Also, it looks like you have a great breakup-buddy (Kali) to help you through and fight the fires of the breakup (). 1 Link to post Share on other sites
KaliLove Posted April 4, 2014 Share Posted April 4, 2014 You have so much to be happy about sooshi! And you seem like a very genuine, down-to-earth person; that is a rare combination of attributes that you should own. I know that you will have no problems making meaningful friendships in the future. For us with soft hearts, these losses really do cut deep, however, such pain and sadness is just a reminder of how capable you are of loving and being loved or else it would never hurt so bad in the first place. Also, it looks like you have a great breakup-buddy (Kali) to help you through and fight the fires of the breakup (). :laugh::laugh::laugh: Excellent post, and very true! Link to post Share on other sites
Author sooshi Posted April 4, 2014 Author Share Posted April 4, 2014 Thanks, Sasukie! redbaron, thank you for the incredibly sweet post. Yeah, Kali's been there for me and tells me how it is, like a few others have. That's been really helpful for me, because I've tended to see it through the lens of blaming myself. Thank you so much for your insights and support. Link to post Share on other sites
Author sooshi Posted April 5, 2014 Author Share Posted April 5, 2014 From reading and learning from the posts here, I feel like I can count on my ex-fiance to "come around", and I can't count my friend to stand up for me. Perhaps letting them both go is the best thing for me at this junction of my life. I am going to need to be strong. I am saddened to lose two of the dearest people to me, but it has been at a heavy cost. I wish for peace, closure, for support from them, but since I can't count on it, I will have to find peace and closure within, and to support myself the best I can. It still hurts though. It angers me and frustrates me and saddens me. It feels so unfair, and it feels like injustice has come and is here to say. But this is a period of letting go. So, Sooshi... breathe. Love yourself. Be kind to yourself. Know that what you did wasn't wrong, and that you've done the best you could do mend the situation. Link to post Share on other sites
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