greenfanman Posted March 31, 2014 Share Posted March 31, 2014 i looked through my girlfriend's phone and saw she cheated on me with two guys i broke up with her but no regret knowing. i feel dirty looking through her phone. part of me wishes i never did and i wouldnt know and i would be happy with her.instead i dumped her and im depressed why am i like this? Link to post Share on other sites
brown612 Posted March 31, 2014 Share Posted March 31, 2014 you needed to find out Link to post Share on other sites
blue40 Posted March 31, 2014 Share Posted March 31, 2014 Sorry this happened to you. It's still a man's world and you don't need to be committed to a cheat when you are a faithful guy. I have an attitude about my situation too , a sort of nice "guys" finish last, but I think it's also about game. Get some game, after some time to yourself to heal and get back in the game. You got her, you'll get and deserve someone better. Cheating (to answer your question) hurts. Makes you have lower self esteem. But you must remember it is her with the poor character, not you. (I assume) you did nothing wrong here. Don't let someone play you for a fool. You wanted to be with her, you still do , but she is not worthy. Keep moving forward. Lots of women looking for a faithful man. You feel rejected but truly it is her loss. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
phillymatson Posted March 31, 2014 Share Posted March 31, 2014 keep your head up...if you stayed she could have done it her whol life Link to post Share on other sites
aliveagain Posted March 31, 2014 Share Posted March 31, 2014 Standing up for your integrity may hurt in the short term but it's the right thing to do, you kept your dignity and you dogged a bullet. She isn't who she pretended to be. Your still in love with who she isn't. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted March 31, 2014 Share Posted March 31, 2014 You'd rather still be with someone who cheats multiple times, putting your life in danger from STDs? What would happen if you didn't find out? You get married, buy a house, have kids? Then in a couple of years she is still cheating with multiple other men, leaves you, and you lose the wife, house and the kids paying alimony for the rest of your life and always wondering if you're really your kids father or not? Nah - I'd take option A thanks. Link to post Share on other sites
Lani Posted March 31, 2014 Share Posted March 31, 2014 You wish you didn't know because of how you found out. Learn your lesson. Link to post Share on other sites
lolablue17 Posted March 31, 2014 Share Posted March 31, 2014 (edited) You wish you didn't know because of how you found out. Learn your lesson. :eek::laugh::sick: And what is the lesson he should learn if i may ask? (somehow i have a hint that you mean he should learn the wrong lesson especially the un-important one) Edited March 31, 2014 by lolablue17 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Lani Posted March 31, 2014 Share Posted March 31, 2014 :eek::laugh::sick: And what is the lesson he should learn if i may ask? (somehow i have a hint that you mean he should learn the wrong lesson especially the un-important one) The lesson of disrespecting people's privacy. You don't go through people's phones, there's a billion reasons why not. I don't deny that her cheating is a ****ty act, but he did one right back at her. If you've got trust problems you talk about it. And if that doesn't satisfy you, be an adult and realise it's an issue and get out. I'm not responding to you again BTW, because I can tell you're unreasonable. Link to post Share on other sites
italianjob Posted March 31, 2014 Share Posted March 31, 2014 The lesson of disrespecting people's privacy. You don't go through people's phones, there's a billion reasons why not. I don't deny that her cheating is a ****ty act, but he did one right back at her. If you've got trust problems you talk about it. And if that doesn't satisfy you, be an adult and realise it's an issue and get out. I'm not responding to you again BTW, because I can tell you're unreasonable. Disrespecting people privacy is surely wrong, but cheating is a lot worse. I don't think that this is the most important lesson to be learned here, though it may be an "additional" lesson to learn. If he had trust problems and thought she may be lying to him, talking doesn't sound as much of a solution. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
lolablue17 Posted March 31, 2014 Share Posted March 31, 2014 The lesson of disrespecting people's privacy. You don't go through people's phones, there's a billion reasons why not. I don't deny that her cheating is a ****ty act, but he did one right back at her. If you've got trust problems you talk about it. And if that doesn't satisfy you, be an adult and realise it's an issue and get out. Well, i never snooped on my wife's phone, mails, or anything. So you and I, we share the same view on that. The problem as i suspected is to distinguish wheat from the chaff. If you have a good reason to belive that your girl is cheating on you, It's still wrong to snoop, but cheating is much much worse. it's not on the same level. So if you murdered my family, but I stole 1,000$ from you, When we get to talk, we will always talk about the murder, not about the 1,000, which is Irrelevant in this situation. If you cheated on me, the snooping is the least important issue now. Link to post Share on other sites
Emilia Posted March 31, 2014 Share Posted March 31, 2014 why am i like this? Conflicting emotions are completely normal. You wish things were back to normal. You are also scared of trusting someone else in the future because of this. Link to post Share on other sites
Chi townD Posted March 31, 2014 Share Posted March 31, 2014 The lesson of disrespecting people's privacy. You don't go through people's phones, there's a billion reasons why not. I don't deny that her cheating is a ****ty act, but he did one right back at her. If you've got trust problems you talk about it. And if that doesn't satisfy you, be an adult and realise it's an issue and get out. I'm not responding to you again BTW, because I can tell you're unreasonable. WHAT?!?! So, you're saying that there should be secrets in a relationship. Sorry, I don't agree with this at all. To the OP, you had every right to find out what was happening in YOUR OWN relationship. Obviously, something was off enough to go looking. If she wasn't going to be honest with you, then don't feel bad about finding out the truth for yourself. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author greenfanman Posted March 31, 2014 Author Share Posted March 31, 2014 after i foun the text i asked her straight up if she had been cheating on me..i asked three times and she lied,then i told her i knew Link to post Share on other sites
Chi townD Posted March 31, 2014 Share Posted March 31, 2014 Okay, so she's a lair and a cheat. Do you want someone like that in your life? And let me guess, as soon and she found out how YOU found out, she got angry with you for invading her privacy. If she did this (and I'm guessing she did) then this is called blameshifting. Ignore it. Because what you did doesn't even compare to what she did. It's like comparing apples to oranges. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted March 31, 2014 Share Posted March 31, 2014 Snooping is only wrong if you don't find anything. They always lie, lie, lie about it. You did just right, to say that you KNOW what is going on so might as well admit it. No need to divulge your source, though. Let her think she slipped up or some mutual friend leaked it, whatever. Nothing good comes of revealing your source, it just acts as a convenient topic changer for the cheater. Link to post Share on other sites
lolablue17 Posted March 31, 2014 Share Posted March 31, 2014 what you did doesn't even compare to what she did. It's like comparing apples to oranges. More like comparing apples to poison mushrooms. Link to post Share on other sites
martaldn Posted March 31, 2014 Share Posted March 31, 2014 the title of the thread confuses me a bit... can I ask you why you wish you hadnt find out? I dont think you would prefer to stay with someone who is cheating on you right? and I dont think there is a "good" or "right" way to find out if someone is cheating on you but I definitely think you had all the righst to know. you shouldnt beat yourself up too much for snooping on her phone but the contrary.. at least now you know the true and you have the power to decide what to do with your relationship Link to post Share on other sites
drifter777 Posted March 31, 2014 Share Posted March 31, 2014 i looked through my girlfriend's phone and saw she cheated on me with two guys i broke up with her but no regret knowing. i feel dirty looking through her phone. part of me wishes i never did and i wouldnt know and i would be happy with her.instead i dumped her and im depressed why am i like this? You are like this because you don't enjoy emotional pain. You would rather live in ignorance than become enlightened to the painful truth. I'm the same way but it took me years to come to this conclusion. Your problem is that you are young and the girls you date share sex with guys a lot easier than girls did 20 - 30 years ago so you are going to face this cheating thing a lot more than I did. You are who you are and shouldn't try to change your "opinion" on this matter because you would be betraying your own sense of right and wrong. When you start getting serious about a girl make sure you tell her that cheating is a deal breaker. No excuses, no second chances. You need that level of commitment and if she's not willing or able to keep it then lets end it now. There are girls who think the same way as you do but have been influenced by peer-pressure to be sexually promiscuous. Don't condemn them for their past if they seem happy and relieved to enter into an exclusive relationship with you. It's their behavior when you are committed that matters. Link to post Share on other sites
Darren Steez Posted March 31, 2014 Share Posted March 31, 2014 Dear god man, be proud of yourself! Most man wouldn't have the b*lls to do what you did. Ignorance is not bliss my friend, this is the real world, you want to be in the dark while your girl bangs other dudes then coming home to you and putting you at risks of STDs? Think about it. Link to post Share on other sites
No Limit Posted March 31, 2014 Share Posted March 31, 2014 Finding out isn't the worst thing. Imagine you would have stayed with this person any longer. Gross! Link to post Share on other sites
phillymatson Posted April 1, 2014 Share Posted April 1, 2014 yea you looked through her phone but you deerved to know Link to post Share on other sites
Chi townD Posted April 1, 2014 Share Posted April 1, 2014 Blah, this is a hit and run thread. This guy isn't coming back. Link to post Share on other sites
Author greenfanman Posted April 1, 2014 Author Share Posted April 1, 2014 i guess its just a part of the whole thing Link to post Share on other sites
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