Living in hell

[violet1]

I agree with you and the OP is getting now exactly what she deserves. Having an affair with her son's teacher was simply callous.

Her husband having a revenge affair with their employee is not callous? Seriously guys, how's insulting the OP going to help with her situation.

[troubadour]

Her husband having a revenge affair with their employee is not callous? Seriously guys, how's insulting the OP going to help with her situation.

 

Her husband's affair is wrong, no question about it, but it isn't ever remotely camparable to what she has done. Do you know what it is like to go to school evryday for her two sons when everyone is laughing of them that their loving mom was playing hide the sausage with one of their teachers?

 

But she didn't care about any of this as long as she was getting her pleasures.

[veritas lux mea]

I think people definitely need to stop trying to put the husband at fault here. This woman DESTROYED him in every way that matters. Maybe it wasn't the best response, but the wife absolutely 100% brought this upon herself by being so selfish. He owes ZERO allegiance to this woman anymore. As soon as she dropped her drawers for another man all bets were off. Once you break your vows, they are BROKEN, period.

 

Not to say what he did is 100% right, but no, the husband is not being anywhere near as bad as the wife here. Sorry, you aren't owed loyalty or respect if you show ZERO in return, and that is really just the bottom line. The guy was either heavily grieving over being crushed or he legitimately just stopped loving his wife once she cheated. For some guys that is all it takes, the love can be shattered into a thousand pieces in a split second and then all bets are off. He owes you nothing, not loyalty, nada. You checked out of the marriage the second you opened yourself up to your son's teacher.

 

Sometimes the only way to learn a lesson is to feel what the other person is feeling and that is the route the husband chose to take. He has every right to do so, she bombed this marriage, not him. Maybe if this guy was interested in making it work then yes what he did would be a bad move, but he clearly has no interest in doing that, so, all bets are off. For some guys the relationship is over the second the cheating occurs, period.

 

 

 

 

It's nice in theory, but it's real hard to give your parent respect when they have zero respect for you or their spouse. I absolutely HATED when my parents pulled that "do as I say not as I do" crap. Once a child reaches a certain age respect for their parents is NOT A GOD GIVEN RIGHT. It has to be earned. This woman just utterly destroyed their lives and you want her to start talking to them about showing her respect? That will just cause them to respect her even less. She didn't just cheat, she slept with her kids teacher. I can guarantee you the kids in his school are NOT going to treat this situation delicately. I just find it utterly bizarre for you to tell this woman to demand respect when she is so very very bad at showing respect in return. It's like hiring a guy who weighs 800 lbs to be your physical trainer. If she can't show a shred of respect, decency, love, or compassion for the father of her children she just plain needs to keep her mouth closed about "respect". She doesn't know the meaning of the word. But hey, I'm sure she knows a real good teacher to help her out with that.

 

No one is blaming the husban for her affair. It is just some people actually believe full grown adults are responsible for their own actions and that the OP does not have to roll over and play dead while her husband cheats on her in revenge and her under age children insult her and call her names.

 

And only a weak minded person thinks otherwise. Someone who likes to pass off responsibility because heaven forbid they actually see two wrongs don't make a right. He should have filed for divorce and moved her out if it was truly over.

[thummper]

Living, from what you and others have said, I don't think you're marriage has any chance of surviving this. I know a lot of folks here have managed to reconcile eventually, and some even claim their marriages are better than ever, but in your case, I don't think you should hold out any hope. Start preparing yourself for the inevitable end, because unless your husband has a miraculous change of heart, I believe he's 100% finished with you, and I'm afraid your kids are, too. God, infidelity causes sooooo much heartache and pain!

[bubbaganoosh]

My children are 16 and 14 and at this moment they don't want to know anything about me and they don't want to know anything about counseling either. They feel very ashamed because everyone in the school knows about my affair and they have come to call me names (always when their father is not at home, he would have never tolerated that).

I hope this clarifies most of your doubts.

 

OK. I'm going to open up a huge can of worms her and get some negative responses................too bad.

 

First I want you to know that I'm one of the people that won't put up with an affair. Been burned and learned my lesson the hard way, but I will not under any circumstances kick a person when their down. I know it sounds like double talk since I won't forgive. Your right, I wont forgive but I wont. I'll file and be gone but will not grind my heels in their back.

 

The point I'm trying to make is this. No one needs to tell you that you were wrong and you created a huge mess that no doubt will end up with a broken marriage. Your kids are pissed and they have a right to be but they don't have the right to be ugly.

 

The next time your with you children and they start calling THEIR MOTHER derogatory names, then grab their collar and give them one good hard slap across the mouth and let them know that you already feel like $h!t but that doesn't mean that YOU DON'T HAVE TO TAKE IT AND MAKE IT CLEAR. Do you understand me? Do not allow them to talk to you like that. You were wrong and your going to pay for your mistake but that doesn't give your kid the right to hurl disrespectful names at you especially since their own father is having his own affair. DO NOT PUT UP WITH IT!

[violet1]

People need to stop focusing on the husband though, it's such a small part to the overall clusterf*ck of a situation this woman caused. She cheated, the relationship is done with, he can do whatever he damn well pleases after that. It's irrelevant, she is the betrayer, not him. Full grown adults are responsible for their own actions, I noticed the OP did not say that her full grown adult of a husband had told her he wants to be with her, he is free to screw who he pleases.

I completely disagree with you. He's still married and living with his wife. Does he have a right to be angry? Absolutely! Does he have a right to be a grown up and ask for a divorce? Yep! Does he have a right to screw who he wants? No! No! Two wrongs do NOT make a right. I'm not a supporter of revenge. Yes, she screwed up and broke her vows first. That does not give her H the right to go and get a revenge f*ck. I don't see him as the better person or parent. He should be supporting and helping his kids get through this. Banging his employee will only cause his kids more humiliation, but I guess you think that's okay, right??

[bubbaganoosh]

Just wow, no, please don't follow this advice OP. This is horrible, horrible advice. This woman betrays them in the worst way and you want her to SLAP them and scream at them to respect her?

 

Just..wow. The mind boggles. If my mother did that to my me that would be the last time she ever touches or speaks to me again, period. She'd be out of my life forever. Lady: don't do this. I guarantee your kids will not react well unless they are very very young. Do not teach your kids another bad lesson, that bad lesson being respect is automatically owed to someone instead of earned. She has done enough, she doesn't need to slap and scream at them.

 

You can certainly ask them to please not call you names, but you in no way, shape, or form put your hands on them, PERIOD. Not after what you have done, you have no right to do so. If you follow this advice kiss your kids goodbye forever.

 

Then what should she do? let her kids $h!t all over her? Right, wrong or indifferent she is still their mother and no kid........NO KID has the right to take it upon themselves and hurl ugly names at their mother and think they could get away with it.

 

To ask them to "please don't call me names" is the dumbest thing I ever heard in my life and you should be ashamed of yourself for making such a stupid statement.

 

Look friend. She might have done wrong and her husband has every right to be pissed at her although he ain't a the greatest example to follow either but her kids cannot and should not be given the go ahead to call their mother the kind of names that we all can pretty much figure out.

 

Once you let them get away with it, then your no longer the parent. That can't happen. maybe you want to treat your children as your buddies but the last thing a kid needs is for their parent s to be their buddy. They need them to be parents and you can't be both and expect to be successful.

[lolablue17]

An advice.

 

Your husband chooses to sit on the fence. Why should he give up the comfort being on the fence only because you're miserable? He likes you to be miserable as a punishment.

 

The only thing bothers me is that he doesnt realize the effect his behavior has on your children. by his behavior he unintentionally encourages your children to disrespect you and by that he damages their healthy growth and development.

 

Every therapist will tell you that in a marriage conflict non of the parents is allowed to use the children as a tool or weapon against the other spouse. well, he does that maybe not actively, but passively.

 

Try to talk to him. He has all the right to treat you as he choose only privately between you two. But he involves the children, and now he needs not only to stop, but to make some actions to regain their respect for you.

 

Is realy that what he wishes to his children? everyone knows that adults are happier and mentally healthier if they grew up while having a good relationship whith their parents. BOTH parents.

 

So, he needs to act. not for you - for his children. He should have serious talks with your children telling them that what's between you two is non of their business and they should respect you and love you because you love them and you're their mother. He should demand that.

 

If he understands and into it, he will have to give them a personal parent exemplary. Now i predict that if he does all of those things, he will start looking at you differently. I'm almost sure. He will not be on the fence anymore.

What he will decide to do? Who knows, but at least this bizzar situation will stop.

 

(sorry for my english:sick:)

Edited April 1, 2014 by lolablue17

[atreides]

Then what should she do? let her kids $h!t all over her? Right, wrong or indifferent she is still their mother and no kid........NO KID has the right to take it upon themselves and hurl ugly names at their mother and think they could get away with it.

 

Having seen very much the same thing with my in-laws, it is not up to her at this point. Consequences are just that, we focus so much on white-washing them and declaring abuse when in fact we are doing a disservice to those that truly are. It is not up to her on how her kids or H feel, that is the result of which, however she can be patient and not give up on her kids. She will have to endure a lot more than just name calling. Most of the time it's the carefully crafted spiteful things we say that do the most damage. To say "they think they can get away with it", is not the correct context, they are hurting, it's not lashing out over not being allowed to go to the friends party for example.

 

Look friend. She might have done wrong and her husband has every right to be pissed at her although he ain't a the greatest example to follow either but her kids cannot and should not be given the go ahead to call their mother the kind of names that we all can pretty much figure out.

 

She is and always will be their mother but your context sounds like dealing with a rebellious teenager when in fact it is nothing like that. At this point "respect" has to be earned, it is normally not an inherited trait. I am sure they are reminded daily of their mother did given the AP she chose.

 

To the OP First your H, while I don't consider what he is doing an affair because it lacks the most devastating attributes of an A, it is far too toxic to be living under those circumstances. Part of me feels that his open OW fling is not revenge as in tic for tac but to openly shame you, being blatantly like that is driven by strong emotions. I base this on the fact that he allows you to stay and did not divorce you. To me that does not add up to indifference, his love he had for you was clearly profound and is driving this reaction. I don't know enough to say one way or the other but you have nothing to lose in continually trying to basically get him to talk, it may never work as for some infidelity is unforgivable.

 

As for your kids, time usually heals but not all the time, you still have to parent them but as with my in-laws, it is going to be rough. I would get them out of that school, it will keep re-opening the wounds. For my in-laws it all came to a point in the car driving back from somewhere, just him and the kids and from what i was told... he just stopped the car broke down and gave a heartfelt speech and apology, mind you this was his 5th time doing this. However for some reason, things got better from that point. I don't know the magic pill that did it but just the circumstance from which healing began...

 

I would say file for D because it will bring out the true feelings of your H. It could go either way as it may make those emotions benefit you as in he will lose you and not play this dance he is doing by not filing for D but doing his best to shame you and perhaps make him come around with R OR it will be culminate to the "good riddance" or perhaps at least get him to talk and have a more amicable divorce in which he can help heal the kids with you.

[livinginhell]

Thank you all for your answers.

My husband and I had our first civilized conversation yesterday ever since I got outed, I don't think it was a nice conversation but it was civilized in the sense that we got to certain agreements. He doesn't want to have any contact with me at all at this moment, he doesn't want me to be physical with him at all, not only like in having sex but he doesn't want me to touch him in any way or even he doesn't want me to cook for him, he says he will bring the food from a restaurant at this moment anything coming from me is disgusting (his own words). He has been talking to the boys ever since Dday and he has been always very clear with them that the issue is between him and me and that they should not take part on it but he admits that his behavior at home does not add up with what he is telling them so he agreed to show some minimum respect when the children are around.

He says he doesn't want to divorce me but he doesn't want me as his wife either, he is not contemplating reconciliation because that is not an option for him as the only feeling I produce in him at this moment is repugnance but we are catholic and he doesn't believe in divorce either. We live in a small town (I live in Argentina) and there is only one school so unfortunately we can't change or children from school, my husband says he will be talking with the director to see when my son can be changed from the class where he has to face every day my ex AP to another class.

To answer some people question about how my son found out about my affair, there were already various rumors about me having an affair with the teacher (I didn't know that) and some other students have told my son so he followed me and saw me making out with the teacher in the car (Thanks God we were not having sex).

 

At this moment I am not willing to give up on my husband and children, I know I have destroyed everything I had and that I may need to work everything from zero but these three guys are the only thing I have in this world and I will fight for them till the end. Divorce it is definitely not an option from my side either as if I divorce him my children will choose for him and I will lose them for ever, only the thought of it destroys my soul.

I know I was being selfish but I was naive too, I thought I would not hurt anyone if they would not find out, it was never my intention to hurt them!

I offered my husband all the clarity and openness that he may need but he doesn't want to talk about my affair at all, he says he doesn't care anymore and that if I want I can go with whom ever I want but that I should never expect him back in my bed because only the thought was repulsive. He kept emphasizing how repulsive, repugnant and disgusting any physical contact with me is and the knowledge that he probably kissed me after I had been having sex with the OM. This thought never came to me when that happened but I can understand how he finds that disturbing.

[atreides]

I would take this as "for the moment" and keep trying as you stated. I think you know the answers you were seeking originally the best. For now religious ties are keeping things on hold BUT i think it is a lot more than he simply not believing in divorce, just my gut feeling. However small town politics compounded with strong religious rules can have its way on things.

 

eh.. I'm thinking as I write... do as he wishes but I am glad to see he will show respect when the children are present which will help hopefully.

 

Most importantly show him you are working on you, the new you. Go to IC for example do things above and beyond what you used to do. No guarantee it will work but this is a fight to keep your H and family.

 

I will conclude with what i said before... everything is "for the moment" tomorrow is another day.

[italianjob]

You'll have to do a lot better than "I didn't think it would hurt anyone if they didn't find out", I hope you didn't say that to your husband or your sons. You live in a small town and had a two years affair with a teacher of your son, you must be a 12 years old to really think you could get away with it and never get caught.

Also, the above sentence makes me doubt that you're actually remorseful about what you've done, but rather very sorry you got caught.

I don't think your marriage has a lot of hope, and it will take years, if ever, to recover your relationship with your kids, but that kind of talk won't get you anywere.

If ever your husband should decide to try R I think you should relocate somewhere else, it would be a good idea to do it anyway, but I guess your husband business would be a problem.

[fellini]

What the OP did is wrong. But the teacher involved is single and frankly the boys will grow up, leave the school, and that's that.

 

What the BS did is actually longer lasting. He is screwing an employee. It's a FAMILY BUSINESS. We have a power abuse issue right there. We don't know if she is single herself, but have no reason not to believe it.

 

The father has demonstrated how unfit the mother is, but then turns around and is educating his children that it's A-OKAY to screw paid employees.

 

Neither of these two have chosen well, their ways to respond to internal issues, and neither of these two have shown their children how to behave like adults.

 

For me the father is the worst because he KNEW he was doing something BAD on top of something bad as a demonstration to his kids his power. And this is unacceptable because his intention is to ridicule, humiliate and destroy their mother, instead of keeping it between the two of them.

 

 

 

Her husband's affair is wrong, no question about it, but it isn't ever remotely camparable to what she has done. Do you know what it is like to go to school evryday for her two sons when everyone is laughing of them that their loving mom was playing hide the sausage with one of their teachers?

 

But she didn't care about any of this as long as she was getting her pleasures.

[italianjob]

What the OP did is wrong. But the teacher involved is single and frankly the boys will grow up, leave the school, and that's that.

 

What the BS did is actually longer lasting. He is screwing an employee. It's a FAMILY BUSINESS. We have a power abuse issue right there. We don't know if she is single herself, but have no reason not to believe it.

 

The father has demonstrated how unfit the mother is, but then turns around and is educating his children that it's A-OKAY to screw paid employees.

 

Neither of these two have chosen well, their ways to respond to internal issues, and neither of these two have shown their children how to behave like adults.

 

For me the father is the worst because he KNEW he was doing something BAD on top of something bad as a demonstration to his kids his power. And this is unacceptable because his intention is to ridicule, humiliate and destroy their mother, instead of keeping it between the two of them.

 

Actually, I think the husband doesn't consider his new relationship to be an affair, the marriage is over to him, they're both not filing for divorce out of religious motivations, but he made it clear that he doesn't consider her his wife anymore.

I think what destroyed the family is Her affair, and there's no doubt about it. They should just divorce.

The kids will get out of school but the humiliation and shame they suffered from their peers in their teenage years will stay with them forever, and their mother is totally responsible for it.

[fellini]

Although you don't "believe" in divorce, you have to understand that as unreasonable it might sound to you as a permanent issue (his inability to get his head around your PA with the teacher) - because for many women it's not something unsurmountable, for some guys its TOTALLY unsurmountable.

 

It's not about "deal-breaker" really, as you can see. He simply, as a MAN (not as a husband) DOES NOT WANT ANY MORE physical contact with you.

 

So although you remained married, there is no marriage, because you cannot even have a "friendship" with him if he is going to hold onto these feelings. And for some men, they will never go away, for others, it takes years, and for a very few, they get over it as quickly as possible.

 

So you have to ask yourself what, at such a crucial age of your boys, are you "teaching" them by staying in this intolerable situation? Divorce not available? Okay. Separation then. You two need to address the fact that while you have two grown boys your relationship is quite seriously damaging the maturing process, especially about appropriate behaviours for men around women, and that you might very well be producing two misogynist boys if they have to live in an environment as TOXIC as the one you two are proposing.

 

I.E.: You might have to entertain that the BEST things for the BOYS' WELL BEING is to live apart, not together. And Im sorry, but you are not Oscar winning actors either of you: you cannot fake politeness in a home. You can fake politeness at a job interview, but not under a microscope of a family. You will only succeed in educating your boys that they only need to pretend to be polite with girls in their future relations.

 

Think about the big picture, not just your specific standpoint in it.

 

Thank you all for your answers.

My husband and I had our first civilized conversation yesterday ever since I got outed, I don't think it was a nice conversation but it was civilized in the sense that we got to certain agreements. He doesn't want to have any contact with me at all at this moment, he doesn't want me to be physical with him at all, not only like in having sex but he doesn't want me to touch him in any way or even he doesn't want me to cook for him, he says he will bring the food from a restaurant at this moment anything coming from me is disgusting (his own words). He has been talking to the boys ever since Dday and he has been always very clear with them that the issue is between him and me and that they should not take part on it but he admits that his behavior at home does not add up with what he is telling them so he agreed to show some minimum respect when the children are around.

He says he doesn't want to divorce me but he doesn't want me as his wife either, he is not contemplating reconciliation because that is not an option for him as the only feeling I produce in him at this moment is repugnance but we are catholic and he doesn't believe in divorce either. We live in a small town (I live in Argentina) and there is only one school so unfortunately we can't change or children from school, my husband says he will be talking with the director to see when my son can be changed from the class where he has to face every day my ex AP to another class.

To answer some people question about how my son found out about my affair, there were already various rumors about me having an affair with the teacher (I didn't know that) and some other students have told my son so he followed me and saw me making out with the teacher in the car (Thanks God we were not having sex).

 

At this moment I am not willing to give up on my husband and children, I know I have destroyed everything I had and that I may need to work everything from zero but these three guys are the only thing I have in this world and I will fight for them till the end. Divorce it is definitely not an option from my side either as if I divorce him my children will choose for him and I will lose them for ever, only the thought of it destroys my soul.

I know I was being selfish but I was naive too, I thought I would not hurt anyone if they would not find out, it was never my intention to hurt them!

I offered my husband all the clarity and openness that he may need but he doesn't want to talk about my affair at all, he says he doesn't care anymore and that if I want I can go with whom ever I want but that I should never expect him back in my bed because only the thought was repulsive. He kept emphasizing how repulsive, repugnant and disgusting any physical contact with me is and the knowledge that he probably kissed me after I had been having sex with the OM. This thought never came to me when that happened but I can understand how he finds that disturbing.

[DKT3]

What the OP did is wrong. But the teacher involved is single and frankly the boys will grow up, leave the school, and that's that.

 

What the BS did is actually longer lasting. He is screwing an employee. It's a FAMILY BUSINESS. We have a power abuse issue right there. We don't know if she is single herself, but have no reason not to believe it.

 

The father has demonstrated how unfit the mother is, but then turns around and is educating his children that it's A-OKAY to screw paid employees.

 

Neither of these two have chosen well, their ways to respond to internal issues, and neither of these two have shown their children how to behave like adults.

 

For me the father is the worst because he KNEW he was doing something BAD on top of something bad as a demonstration to his kids his power. And this is unacceptable because his intention is to ridicule, humiliate and destroy their mother, instead of keeping it between the two of them.

 

That will never be that. Infidelity has a way of altering the way people view relationships forever. Yes her boys will grow up and move on, the effects are lasting and will impact their future relationships. It will likely result in trust issues, and changed the way they see their mother forever.

 

So if I'm correct your saying that a married woman who had a two year affair in a small town with her sons teacher didn't know it was wrong? Gender biased much?

 

In the opening she stated he told her she could live with him messing with this other woman or leave. Where did she give him that option? What he is doing maybe wrong, not for me to judge, however he isn't hiding it or misleading her. Nor is he doing things with the OW then coming home like everything is ok and kissing her on the mouth like she was doing him.

 

My ex WW told me something about her affair that crushed me. "It wasn't that I never thought about you or how much it would hurt if you found out, at the time I didn't respect you enough for it to stop me" I think that is about how the OP saw it. She had to know that people in a small town with one school would find out. She knew what she risked, she simple didn't care enough about how it would hurt her husband and sons to stop it.

[fellini]

We really do not know the details of his relationship with his worker. Maybe he has been with her before Dday of affair 1. We dont know. But it doesn't matter.

It's not legal and it's not healthy. In fact the wife, as 50% owner should be worried that his relationship with her is going to hurt the company because the employee can easily hold him responsible for unfair dismissal if their "affair" ends.

 

And it doesnt matter that his religious convictions dont let him separate.

 

Let's do this right shall we: IF HE IS A DEVOUT CATHOLIC - which he claims to be and is why he cannot divorce, then he is COMMITTING ADULTERY UNDER CHURCH LAW - which is the law he claims to live by. He cannot have it both ways! Either he says his marriage is over, so applies for divorce, or he is a good catholic and he cannot, so he cannot either enter into a relationship with this women. Add on the legal issues and Id say he is CURRENTLY screwing up any chance this family has of resolving ANY ISSUES including the wife's previous indiscretions.

 

 

Actually, I think the husband doesn't consider his new relationship to be an affair, the marriage is over to him, they're both not filing for divorce out of religious motivations, but he made it clear that he doesn't consider her his wife anymore.

I think what destroyed the family is Her affair, and there's no doubt about it. They should just divorce.

The kids will get out of school but the humiliation and shame they suffered from their peers in their teenage years will stay with them forever, and their mother is totally responsible for it.

[fellini]

Sorry but transference is not necessarily accurate here.

 

There are plenty of WS's who believe exactly that: "never thought I would get caught", "always thought I could end it at any moment"

 

My WS was doing the same thing. She never believed any of it would come out, because doing so would ruin her career as a respected professor in a one university town. But she simple did NOT deal with the implications of getting caught. It's a typical reaction in many men and women entering into an affair. They believe that it's doable. And they do NOT think about the consequences on the remaining members of their families, their friends, or their careers. It happens a LOT.

 

My ex WW told me something about her affair that crushed me. "It wasn't that I never thought about you or how much it would hurt if you found out, at the time I didn't respect you enough for it to stop me" I think that is about how the OP saw it. She had to know that people in a small town with one school would find out. She knew what she risked, she simple didn't care enough about how it would hurt her husband and sons to stop it.

[fellini]

My first sentence, which I can hardly believe you missed:

What the

OP

did is wrong.

 

No gender bias. Bias is overlooking the fact that the HEAD of a COMPANY is BANGING an employee vs. his wife who was banging a SINGLE man with whom she has NO LEGAL questions, just moral.

So if I'm correct your saying that a married woman who had a two year affair in a small town with her sons teacher didn't know it was wrong? Gender biased much?

[DKT3]

My first sentence, which I can hardly believe you missed:

What the

OP

did is wrong.

 

No gender bias. Bias is overlooking the fact that the HEAD of a COMPANY is BANGING an employee vs. his wife who was banging a SINGLE man with whom she has NO LEGAL questions, just moral.

 

I don't think this is a who's more wrong. I know nothing of the laws there when it comes to sex in the work place so I won't comment on that.

 

For me its about knowing. She hide what she was doing (not very well, clearly), he isn't. She knows full well where she stands in his eyes. While he thought he had a loving devoted wife, who was sneaking around risking her husbands life (STD) as well as making her sons life hell with their peers. She never gave him a choice, she has one. Not much to debate there.

[Man Mountain Makino]

Some folks insist on calling the husband's relationship an affair and the woman his mistress.

 

Neither is necessarily accurate. Once he was free of his marriage, it may be that he decided to cultivate a relationship with a woman he found appealing.

 

It's not an affair, he's dating the woman. She's not his mistress, she's his girlfriend.

 

Personally I think they should live separate lives, if divorce isn't an option. But unless he carried on with this woman before his wife's romantic relationship was exposed, he has just checked out of the marriage. I can understand that.

[lolablue17]

Living...

 

If divorce is not an option for you, you direct yourself to a position which you have no cards to play with.

 

Your children LOST THEIR MOM! they lost the option to consult with their mom, to share their life, loves, experiences with their mom. They lost the possibility to cry to moms shoulder when they're sad. Children needs their mom!!

 

your husband is tearing mother from children. the "Ok i will try to make a show for the children and act as if respect you a little more" is a bad solution. by accepting his behavior you're accomplice to this Injustice to your children.

 

Cheating is nothing compare to the emotional abuse your husband causes them with your consent!

Edited April 1, 2014 by lolablue17

[fellini]

When a man gets angry and punches a wall, that is a reaction.

 

When a man gets angry and starts banging an employee, and then again, and again, and again, night after night, week after week, month after month, I THINK ITS SAFE TO SAY THIS IS NOT ABOUT HIS ANGER.

 

You say you hate when people "trivialize" legal acts, but Ill bet some people, myself included, HATE IT WHEN PEOPLE PULL THE AUSCHWITZ CARD to prove a point in LS.

Give us a break. Stop interpreting things I AM NOT SAYING just because YOU INFER THAT I SAY THEM.

 

This woman HAD and affair, it's over. THIS FAMILY is suffering because of the way her husband is responding to it. THAT is the issue facing this family today. The affair is over. The healing has NOT ONLY NOT begun, but the key players are making matter not only impossible to solve but in FACT WORSE FOR EVERYONE INVOLVED. That you cannot read my posts for what they are is your problem. I suggest you simply stop reading them, especially if you cannot be civil and start comparing my arguments to Hitler's Germany.

 

And by the way, last time I checked Burning 6 million people because of their religion isn't exactly, as you say, LEGAL.

 

Funny how you disregard the whole affair with this man because he was single and not an employee of the company and don't have any kind of empathy with a guy who's wife has cheated on him and has a angry reaction.

So you want to compare what a guy does out of anger (wrong but we all do stupid things when we are angry) with OP willingly deceiving her whole family for 2 years? Do you realize that this man is the teacher of OP's son and therefore has also a power position with OP?

By the way I hate when people trivialize acts because they are legal. Legality is a geography accident, it is not the same in every country and place and I doubt (Because I am Mexican and I know how things work at this side of the border) that there is a legal issue with a guy banging an employee in Argentina. Last but not the least... Everything that Hitler did in Germany was legal, that something is legal doesn't make it the best option or even moral.

Edited April 1, 2014 by fellini

[italianjob]

When a man gets angry and punches a wall, that is a reaction.

 

When a man gets angry and starts banging an employee, and then again, and again, and again, night after night, week after week, month after month, I THINK ITS SAFE TO SAY THIS IS NOT ABOUT HIS ANGER.

 

You say you hate when people "trivialize" legal acts, but Ill bet some people, myself included, HATE IT WHEN PEOPLE PULL THE AUSCHWITZ CARD to prove a point in LS.

Give us a break. Stop interpreting things I AM NOT SAYING just because YOU INFER THAT I SAY THEM.

 

This woman HAD and affair, it's over. THIS FAMILY is suffering because of the way her husband is responding to it. THAT is the issue facing this family today. The affair is over. The healing has NOT ONLY NOT begun, but the key players are making matter not only impossible to solve but in FACT WORSE FOR EVERYONE INVOLVED. That you cannot read my posts for what they are is your problem. I suggest you simply stop reading them, especially if you cannot be civil and start comparing my arguments to Hitler's Germany.

 

And by the way, last time I checked Burning 6 million people because of their religion isn't exactly, as you say, LEGAL.

 

The one who is interpreting here is you.

1. The family is suffering from her affair not from her husband reaction however wrong it may be. Their children have been put to shame by her behaviour, not his, even if his behaviour is doing no good either.

2. On an international site, unless we are talking about murder or robbery, it's logical to focus on the moral issues as laws are different in different countries. Unless you are from Argentina like the OP, you should stop insisting on the legal aspect of his relationship with the employee, because you don't really know if he's breaking any law there and to which degree.

[fellini]

It doesn't take two seconds to determine that Argentina has "just cause" requirements in labor dismissal just like every other developed country.

 

My arguments are valid, yours, pun intended, are all over the map.

 

The one who is interpreting here is you.

1. The family is suffering from her affair not from her husband reaction however wrong it may be. Their children have been put to shame by her behaviour, not his, even if his behaviour is doing no good either.

2. On an international site, unless we are talking about murder or robbery, it's logical to focus on the moral issues as laws are different in different countries. Unless you are from Argentina like the OP, you should stop insisting on the legal aspect of his relationship with the employee, because you don't really know if he's breaking any law there and to which degree.