rosebyothername Posted March 31, 2014 Share Posted March 31, 2014 I was in a 1.5 year LDR with my ex. I have been a regular visitor of this site and must say that reading other's threads has helped me a lot to cope up with my break up. Yet there are a few questions which remain unanswered for me. Thus I need your help. Incident 1 : Barely a few months into our relationship, my ex gf went on a trip (about 400 Kms, sea beach) with her friends. Let me be a little clearer about this trip. One of her friends A who met with some guy in a train decided to go on a trip along with him, A's brother and A's friends. My ex-gf was one of her friends. There was one A's brother's friend also in that trip. Incident 2 : Once my gf told me on the phone that she wanted to go on a motor bike ride. I said that as soon as we meet up, I'll ensure that we do. A few days later she told me that she and one of her girl friends went separately on a motor bike ride with two boys. Incident 3 : In a separate incident, my gf went to a hookah parlour along with two of her roommates around 12:00 AM and returned by 2:00 AM. Other than these three incidents which I have mentioned, she was in a regular habit of returning home late at night. She also used to chat with several men on gtalk or fb, and at several occasions used to keep chatting with them while talking to me on phone (we were in a LDR). I used to have problems with these things which along with other things ultimately led to our break up. She dumped me a couple of years ago. I was in pathetic shape back then, and resorted to excessive drinking and marijuana use. But now I am almost back to normal. Yet, I want opinion from you guys whether her behaviour was correct or not, as she used to allege me of being narrow minded and over conservative. Sorry about the long post. Please reply ASAP. Link to post Share on other sites
Author rosebyothername Posted March 31, 2014 Author Share Posted March 31, 2014 A little more info, we both were in our early 20s when the relationship started. I was in the first year of my college. I am from India. Link to post Share on other sites
Arieswoman Posted March 31, 2014 Share Posted March 31, 2014 Rosebyothername, Sorry to be blunt but IMO she was never really serious about either you or the relationship. She sounds like a party animal. You were right to object to her behaviour which was disrespectful and insensitive. She also used to chat with several men on gtalk or fb, and at several occasions used to keep chatting with them while talking to me on phone (we were in a LDR). ^^^^^ How rude is that ?! Keep working on yourself, get (and stay) clean and sober so you can be ready to meet someone who deserves you and will treat you properly. Good Luck. Link to post Share on other sites
Chi townD Posted March 31, 2014 Share Posted March 31, 2014 Can't say that she cheated on you, but I can say that she never dedicated herself to you or to your relationship. She acted like she was still single. Doing things that were questionable for a girl that's supposed to be in a committed relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
Author rosebyothername Posted March 31, 2014 Author Share Posted March 31, 2014 Well, at this point, I would like to add one more thing. She had a classmate who used to hang around all the time at her place (where she lived with 2-3 other girls). Once she told me that this "friend" had a habit of touching her in the inappropriate places while pretending the act to be unintentional. But according to her all this was in the past and after she stopped talking to him for a while, he stopped doing that. She was not comfortable sharing this information with me at first, and the reason was that I would object to her still being friends with him. I had to literally pry out this information out of her ( I don't remember why or how). I did object to her hanging out with this person, but again she said that it was none of my business. There were other classmates also who had either directly or indirectly expressed a desire to be with her. She used to keep them in a close loop, and used to get upset with my objections. In this particular case, was I really being over protective and nosy? From all the data which I have provided till now, do I come across as being a control freak or narrow minded? If you all need any more information, I will be happy to comply. Link to post Share on other sites
Author rosebyothername Posted March 31, 2014 Author Share Posted March 31, 2014 Thank you so much arieswoman and chi townd for replying. I have not given up on drinking or marijuana, but have instead minimised their usage (about once a week). The only problem is that despite the fact that a lot of time has passed since the break up, I am yet to forget her completely. I foolishly tried to contact her several times. She never replied to any of my mails. Once I managed to talk to her on phone, and we talked candidly. I was not in any mood to get her back or something. It was just that I genuinely missed her. But she made it clear that we can't talk again. If possible please suggest some ways for me to get over her. She was the first woman I had been with, and the only woman I have ever been with. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted March 31, 2014 Share Posted March 31, 2014 Well, at this point, I would like to add one more thing. She had a classmate who used to hang around all the time at her place (where she lived with 2-3 other girls). Once she told me that this "friend" had a habit of touching her in the inappropriate places while pretending the act to be unintentional. But according to her all this was in the past and after she stopped talking to him for a while, he stopped doing that. She was not comfortable sharing this information with me at first, and the reason was that I would object to her still being friends with him. I had to literally pry out this information out of her ( I don't remember why or how). I did object to her hanging out with this person, but again she said that it was none of my business. There were other classmates also who had either directly or indirectly expressed a desire to be with her. She used to keep them in a close loop, and used to get upset with my objections. In this particular case, was I really being over protective and nosy? From all the data which I have provided till now, do I come across as being a control freak or narrow minded? If you all need any more information, I will be happy to comply. I have a question: did you meet her in person? Also, did she view herself as officially being in a relationship with you? I ask because I've read many threads in which one party believes they're in a committed LDR, but it's clear that their boyfriend/girlfriend doesn't view it that way. Just wondering what the status was on your relationship at the time. Link to post Share on other sites
Author rosebyothername Posted March 31, 2014 Author Share Posted March 31, 2014 We started talking online, but eventually started meeting whenever possible. I used to visit her during holidays, and she also visited me a few times. Overall, during those 1.5 years that we were in a commited relationship, I must have spent at least 60 days with her. Yes, she definitely was sure about being in a commited relationship. She was the one who actually started the whole affair. While we were apart, we used to talk for about 4-5 hours on phone everyday. Link to post Share on other sites
Author rosebyothername Posted March 31, 2014 Author Share Posted March 31, 2014 One other thing worth mentioning is that she used to blame me from time to time (whenever we used to have any big argument) of manipulating her into having sex with me. She used to claim that she wanted to consummate our relationship only after getting married (as is believed to be the-right-thing-to-do in our culture, however it is very rarely practised and generally couples lie about not having physical intimacy before getting married). However she was the one who asked for it the first time. Her defence was that she did because she knew that it would make me happy. She even ended up writing a poem about how I "defiled" her, after dumping me. Link to post Share on other sites
Author rosebyothername Posted March 31, 2014 Author Share Posted March 31, 2014 After reading my own words, I somehow feel very pathetic about the whole situation. She definitely treated me like a dog, perhaps worse that that. She ultimately left me, and did that in a very ugly manner. Yet here I am, on this forum, seeking help to move on after more than two years of having been dumped. Is this normal ? Do I appear to be a big time loser ? Please help Link to post Share on other sites
Fearful Posted April 3, 2014 Share Posted April 3, 2014 You just have to be strong. Get some thing doing and keep your self busy. Stop fantasizing about her. Stop entertaining the thought of future relationship with her. Start seeing her as a scum bag. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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