Having a hard time letting go when he asked me to

[lovesickgirl]

Ive been with my bf for 2 years now & Monday we broke up for good.

 

It all started with the evil website facebook. He had asked for space a week ago for work purposes and I believed him, letting him do his thing since he runs his own business. Well I noticed a few days later in my fb feed that he was liking other random girls pictures of them half naked lying in bed telling them they were "looking good". Jealously kicked in, he asked for space and this is what he does in his spare time?? I called him out on it saying "hey if your interested in other girls during time apart why don't you just be honest with me instead of hiding it" He got upset and said "I'm breaking up with you cause I cant battle YOUR demons anymore and your jealously. Please leave me alone and i'll talk to you when i'm ready too. I said I needed space and you didnt respect that so I need to push you away further to think about if I want to continue this relationship forward"

 

I'm just heartbroken.

Last night I had a meltdown because he and I were suppose to go to a concert obviously he wasnt taking me anymore. I asked our group of friends if he went with them (since we were all going as a coupled group) and they said no one has seen him but he has checked himself at the venue. This leads me to believe hes out on a date and avoiding our friends. So I left a message saying "hey if your going to see people so soon, I want you to be honest with me so I can move on peacefully instead of wondering whats going on between us" He didnt answer me back.

So I called his roommate who is also a very close friend of mine...so I thought, If I could come over and get my belongings while hes gone and he said if I come over he'll call the cops on me??? I said okay that is really drastic since you know I mean well and just want to move on with my life right now and he says I dont know whats going on between you two but talk to him about it. (even though he refuses to answer me)

 

I dont know why I am not strong enough to move on, most people would be fed up at this point and move the **** on but I cant, I simply cannot. I go out with friends, I work out, I have hobbies but nothing can keep my mind off him.

 

I know he cares about me but I cant grasp whats going on and him avoiding me is tearing me apart

 

I should also note that he is not a player kind of guy. He doesnt seek women out to flirt normally and is very shy.

Edited March 31, 2014 by lovesickgirl

[ExpatInItaly]

Oh, dear...

 

First, I have to start by saying that FB is not the evil here. There was a major breakdown in the relationship and it manifested itself online. Just saying. However, of course it hurts to see someone interacting and flirting with someone else. So, block him. You don't need to see that.

 

What led to this breakup? It sounds as though jealousy has been a problem before. Have you and your ex had other similar issues in the past?

 

Do not contact his roommate again. If you want your stuff back (and I have to wonder if that is the real reason you called? Or more to check up on him?) speak to your ex directly. Don't involve anyone else. It sounds as though the roommate did react drastically. Again I ask, were there problems there before? That's a pretty serious threat to make if your friendship with him has been fine up until this point.

 

The only thing you can do is keep living your life. Give yourself time to grieve and heal. Continue going out with friends, working on your hobbies, etc. It will take plenty of time to overcome this breakup - just take it one day at a time now. You will move past it. Whatever you do, do not analyze your ex's behaviour anymore. Don't tell yourself he's shy, not a player, etc. That's you trying to create false hope that he'll come back to you. It isn't your concern anymore, hard as that is. And do not call him making snide or passive-aggressive remarks. That's only going to make you feel worse as you''ll annoy him to the point that he cuts of literally all communication with you.

[Zahara]

I know he cares about me but I cant grasp whats going on and him avoiding me is tearing me apart

 

I should also note that he is not a player kind of guy. He doesnt seek women out to flirt normally and is very shy.

 

I have a hard time figuring how his treatment of you is him caring for you.

 

He doesn't seek women out and is very shy? He certainly wasn't shy about showing his interest in the half naked women on FB.

[lovesickgirl]

Oh, dear...

 

First, I have to start by saying that FB is not the evil here. There was a major breakdown in the relationship and it manifested itself online. Just saying. However, of course it hurts to see someone interacting and flirting with someone else. So, block him. You don't need to see that.

 

What led to this breakup? It sounds as though jealousy has been a problem before. Have you and your ex had other similar issues in the past?

 

Do not contact his roommate again. If you want your stuff back (and I have to wonder if that is the real reason you called? Or more to check up on him?) speak to your ex directly. Don't involve anyone else. It sounds as though the roommate did react drastically. Again I ask, were there problems there before? That's a pretty serious threat to make if your friendship with him has been fine up until this point.

 

The only thing you can do is keep living your life. Give yourself time to grieve and heal. Continue going out with friends, working on your hobbies, etc. It will take plenty of time to overcome this breakup - just take it one day at a time now. You will move past it. Whatever you do, do not analyze your ex's behaviour anymore. Don't tell yourself he's shy, not a player, etc. That's you trying to create false hope that he'll come back to you. It isn't your concern anymore, hard as that is. And do not call him making snide or passive-aggressive remarks. That's only going to make you feel worse as you''ll annoy him to the point that he cuts of literally all communication with you.

 

Yes jealously has been a issue in the past, a year ago we broke up and started going on dates with another girl. When I finally moved on with my life he came back saying that he wanted his life to be with me and understood what he had done was wrong, I forgave him but never really forgot. I know I need to let go of the past but IT IS SO HARD.

 

His roommate making that threat came from no where, I'm a really chill understanding person and had always been there for him when my bf could not so his threat was super uncalled for.

 

I did ask my ex for my belongings back when we first broke up and he tried to explain to me that there was nothing at his place that I needed to get right away and I could wait??? He said give him a couple weeks to clear his head of drama before hes ready to talk to me or continue what we have...& yes you are right about cutting off all communication. He already blocked me on fb and refuses to answer my serious texts BUT (to make this sound even more stupid and childish) When I post pictures on my instagram he's been liking them. SUPER confusing.

Edited March 31, 2014 by lovesickgirl

[ExpatInItaly]

Yes jealously has been a issue in the past, a year ago we broke up and started going on dates with another girl. When I finally moved on with my life he came back saying that he wanted his life to be with me and understood what he had done was wrong, I forgave him but never really forgot. I know I need to let go of the past but IT IS SO HARD.

 

His roommate making that threat came from no where, I'm a really chill understanding person and had always been there for him when my bf could not so his threat was super uncalled for.

 

I did ask my ex for my belongings back when we first broke up and he tried to explain to me that there was nothing at his place that I needed to get right away and I could wait??? He said give him a couple weeks to clear his head of drama before hes ready to talk to me or continue what we have...& yes you are right about cutting off all communication. He already blocked me on fb and refuses to answer my serious texts BUT (to make this sound even more stupid and childish) When I post pictures on my instagram he's been liking them. SUPER confusing.

 

I don't follow this part. You guys broke up and he dated other women. While it hurts, I don't see how it's wrong or why you needed to "forgive" him for that. That's what happens when couples split up.

 

In any event, you need to start imagining your life without him. Him liking your pictures on Instagram is a way for him to keep his hooks in you, which is unfair. It doesn't mean much, really. I feel the same thing about him not allowing you to come and get your things. Tell him to drop them off at your place (when you're not home) or a friend's. It honestly sounds as though he wants to date, and maybe already is dating, other girls but keep you on the backburner in case it doesn't work out with them. Don't allow yourself to be Plan B.

[stillafool]

It seems he was already going to break up with you again and the FB incident gave him the reason. You know, it's spring and a young man's fancy rises (or something like that); anyway I agree with Zahara he certainly doesn't seem too shy if he's liking all of the girls pictures. He knows you saw that and that is probably why he liked your pics. You need to do as he asked and give him space. Me thinks you should start dating other people because I don't see this guy wanting to get back together with you except for an occasional roll in the hay.

[preraph]

He needs to let you get your stuff. If it's something you really need, call the cops yourself if you need to to get it. If it's something you can leave behind, do it.

 

You say he's not a player guy. Well, they never are until they think the opportunity is there. There are so many ho's on Facebook pretending to like "not player" guys that it's disturbing. He sees opportunity. You clearly want and need a committed relationship. He clearly does not. This means he is not the right guy for you.

 

You need to stop letting yourself dwell on this. It takes self-discipline. For every thought you have about missing him, make yourself recite two bad things about him (acting like a ho on Facebook would be one)

 

Go out with friends, stay busy, don't contact him except to get your stuff. Stop begging him. You will absolutely hate yourself for it later. Keep your self-respect and walk away into a better life.

[lovesickgirl]

Yesterday I noticed my ex took down all our photos on fb...& left the relationship status blank (used to say in relation)

 

So my ex called ME this morning...

 

He said things have gotten out of hand when they were never suppose too.

 

He started crying saying (WHICH IS RARE) "I wish you would have given me space when I first asked for it, time and time again you refuse to stop being so clingy and I thought if I told you "were done, lets break up" you would finally stop being stubborn and be yourself again. I feel horrible about it cause all I wanted was some space and for you to be yourself again, you just choke hold me, hover over me, I cant breathe! Your the person that is suppose to love me the most and you dont trust me at all! You make me feel like I am doing something horrible when I've done nothing at all. I see you working out, going out with your friends and YES thats what I want you to do!!! but when you call me accusing me of going out with other girls, cheating on you, wanting your stuff back, it all breaks my heart, I had to block, delete, hide from you cause I am so mad and hurt from you. So please just leave me alone until im ready to come back. trust me"

 

he later said the girl he took to the concert was his family friend who just had a baby few months back, was begging to get out of the house and her husband is my boyfriends employee.. my gut feeling says trust it.

 

I really dont know how to feel now. I am clingy which is my BIGGEST flaw...never used to be this way till the first time we broke up a year back.

 

I'm going to continue to keep doing my own thing but I still can't let go.

 

what the hell is wrong with me

Edited April 2, 2014 by lovesickgirl

[preraph]

Well, if that's all that girl was, why didn't he take you along or at the very least explain her ahead of time?

[lovesickgirl]

Well, if that's all that girl was, why didn't he take you along or at the very least explain her ahead of time?

 

Not sure why he didnt tell me, he's just a reserve quiet person like that, like for example, he'll cancel our netflix account but wont tell me till I notice. Thats just him.

 

He loves this friend he took very much, they just moved up here to work with him last month and he couldnt be more thrilled, we had them over almost every night for dinner. The girl and him are very close like brother sister love. It makes sense to me he took her instead of me (since we were broken up)