On the ledge in my A and ?

[JamesM]

You can't PM until you have been for awhile longer. This is to prevent spammers from controlling PMs.

 

As for your life and affairs and marriage, I think you need to step back and look at yourself.

 

Getting into one affair and contemplating a second all the while still wanting to stay in your marriage is as kiwi said...a train wreck just waiting to happen.

 

I cannot fathom the stress that this would cause. I cannot imagine the guilt (at least for me) this would produce.

 

I don't think the pleasure is worth the pain.

 

If you truly are in this situation, then I would say that you need to seek some professional help. Individual counseling is in order. Ask yourself why you seek so many affairs knowing that it is not good for you. And knowing that you are causing pain to yourself, ask why you do it to yourself?

 

I fear that if you don't, then life will come crashing down and make you confront this all, but then it won't be pretty.

[AlwaysGrowing]

Sounds very much like Conflict Avoidant type of reactions from you, in regard to any/all stress in your life.

 

Not wanting to deal with issues, wanting to be the good guy, wanting to please...but also resenting when you do. So you seek out things/people to make you feel better. They feel good in the moment, but are really only adding to your stress. Giving you another person/situation to want to avoid dealing with...which builds more resentment.

 

I agree...get thy self into counselling. We often do not see how we sabotage our life until it is much too late.

[BrokenPrincess]

Does one go from broken to kiwi now imply one is ripe and edible? If so, I want a taste so PM me please!!!!!

 

Umm no. Apparently multiple princesses have followed your threads here.

[Sub]

Rick,

how will it blow up? I have this fear that we will get seen together. At a public place, movies, amusement park, eatery, etc.

I'm amazed you can juggle the two R's. The above sounds like things you do in an open R, not an A.

 

I was about to get involved in another A this week. I had to end it before it started as we were close to getting a private place to meet. The thought of adding another A (that would be 2 A's) would have just been the end of me.

I don't think your MOW is the only one with an addictive personality.

[muststopthecycle]

Loveandsorrow - its funny, as I read your post, I thought you might be MY XOM!!!! I had to read some of your others posts to figure out you weren't!

 

 

I was just away on a cruise not long ago, as well, and exact same thing.....I kept contact with him the entire time via text/email, not caring for the costs. I loved him, and was not goin to go a week not communicating with him! NO WAY!

 

 

If you need any perspective from the OW's side right now, please feel free to ask! Reading your situation, it seems we are in absolute parallel A's....... maybe we can offer some comforts/opinions from the opposite side!

 

 

We just ended our A about 2 weeks ago. Same reasons, really - we felt so much for each other, but not in positions to leave right now (he just had a baby - I have two youngins of my own).

 

 

It became too much (for him) to accept what it all meant (his marriage sucks, essentially). I have never heard someone try so hard to convince themselves that they want to be where they are, than when I listened to him talk about his homelife. He's miserable.........but doesn't like or want to face the garbage that comes along with splitting from her. He doesn't want to lose his comforts, his home, his "good guy" reputation. And I understand all of it! I am at that point myself (although much closer to ending my M).

 

We left things on very good terms.......however, I don't think I can handle his occasional "check in" texts anymore. I fear he's doing it to keep me on the line, more that to actually check HOW I'm doing..... and I don't want to start feeling anger or resentment towards him, so I may tell him to stop.

 

It will hurt, but its what I signed up for!

[Confusedlonelyman]

Have you been completely honest to her with the way you are feeling? There is gonna be hurt either way, but the prolonging of it, hurts the most.

[Sub]

Does one go from broken to kiwi now imply one is ripe and edible? If so, I want a taste so PM me please!!!!!

 

What the h*ll is this about?

[JamesM]

What the h*ll is this about?

 

I responded at first as you did.

 

I think he was referring to two posters: one named broken princess and the other kiwi princess.

 

It came off kinda wrong.

[Sub]

I responded at first as you did.

 

I think he was referring to two posters: one named broken princess and the other kiwi princess.

 

It came off kinda wrong.

 

Ah. Because for a second it seemed like the guy who was almost juggling two A's was looking for an additional hookup.

[JamesM]

Ah. Because for a second it seemed like the guy who was almost juggling two A's was looking for an additional hookup.

 

Actually, there may have been a bit in the post. I saw that too, but I give him the benefit of the doubt that he was just kidding.

 

With new posters, one never knows....

[loveandsorrow]

Thank you James for your post and consideration

 

Yes it was all in fun and as you know, I'm NOT juggling 2 A's lol. I dodged the 2nd one knowing it was free for me to have. I can't do it for reasons you mentioned.

 

My mow will be back from vacation and will be expecting time alone for us. Lo am trying to figure out how to say what I feel right now to her when we are together. I think about all these "neediness" and it just makes me want to give more but at a cost of time.

 

Right now I don't know what to do. With others going on with affairs for years makes me wonder how they have averted the A riping into a full blown relationship.

Edited May 20, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[JamesM]

Thank you James for your post and consideration

 

Yes it was all in fun and as you know, I'm NOT juggling 2 A's lol. I dodged the 2nd one knowing it was free for me to have. I can't do it for reasons you mentioned.

 

My mow will be back from vacation and will be expecting time alone for us. Lo am trying to figure out how to say what I feel right now to her when we are together. I think about all these "neediness" and it just makes me want to give more but at a cost of time.

 

Right now I don't know what to do. With others going on with affairs for years makes me wonder how they have averted the A riping into a full blown relationship.

 

You are welcome. And welcome to the board.

 

I must disagree with you though.

 

You KNOW what to do but you don't know what you WANT to do. That is where we all have difficulties. How to make a decision based on logic without letting our feelings overrule.

Edited May 20, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[Snipercatt]

Dude! I was about to post that you need to put boundaries in place in ALL of the relationships you've posted about here and then you posted this:

 

Does one go from broken to kiwi now imply one is ripe and edible? If so, I want a taste so PM me please!!!!!

 

Even more evidence that your problems originate within you. It's all you, dude, not the circumstances.

[Kiwi princess]

You are welcome. And welcome to the board.

 

I must disagree with you though.

 

You KNOW what to do but you don't know what you WANT to do. That is where we all have difficulties. How to make a decision based on logic without letting our feelings overrule.

 

He's not new. He's posted before under a few different names. It always end in flowery phrases about runaway trains & shipwrecks & strange talk about not being able to clmx & it's always all about him & his need for validation. See. It before. I just don't understand why he keeps changing his name & coming back only to be told the same thing.

[WakingUp]

He's not new. He's posted before under a few different names. It always end in flowery phrases about runaway trains & shipwrecks & strange talk about not being able to clmx & it's always all about him & his need for validation. See. It before. I just don't understand why he keeps changing his name & coming back only to be told the same thing.

 

 

 

LOL, too funny. I picked it straight away too. But... can we go skydiving this time? Runaway trains and sinking ships are getting a bit ordinary.

[Kiwi princess]

Does one go from broken to kiwi now imply one is ripe and edible? If so, I want a taste so PM me please!!!!!

 

Let me just say- eeeeeeewwwwww I would not touch you with a ten foot pole. If you & I were the last humans on earth & the future of the human race depended on us, I still wouldn't touch you.

[FoolishOW]

Does one go from broken to kiwi now imply one is ripe and edible? If so, I want a taste so PM me please!!!!!

 

 

I "got" this the minute I read it and couldn't believe my eyes. Never saw anything like this on LS before so it caught me off guard. It also immediately exposed this guy in a really creepy way.

 

 

It's very uncommon, but every once in a while (just as I'm feeling empathy for a new poster), they suddenly say something a few posts into the thread (that's impossible to ignore or rationalize) and it hits you right between the eyes. This one, though, really takes the cake! Wow... just WOW... I feel like I need a shower.

[FoolishOW]

The real question is would you be able to clmx in the OOW???? And does she have any offspring? This sounds like a runaway train tearing through the forest ready to derail....

 

 

Now I understand why you posted this Kiwi. You obviously recognized this dude's posting style. You really had me completely confused.

[loveandsorrow]

Dude! I was about to post that you need to put boundaries in place in ALL of the relationships you've posted about

 

Sniper

 

Thank you and please do share!

 

I can only imagine that boundaries are necessary. I just don't have them partly because I'm not that fluent with the A rules

 

When people fall into an A, I for one didn't know it would evolve into a full time relationship. Once that happened, and I don't know when, that's when the anvil of anxiety came down and gone more often is the bliss and enthusiasm.

[loveandsorrow]

You are welcome. And welcome to the board.

 

I must disagree with you though.

 

You KNOW what to do but you don't know what you WANT to do. That is where we all have difficulties. How to make a decision based on logic without letting our feelings overrule.

 

Hi James

 

Ok so do you mean looking back you would have made differently in your A in the past?

 

I will be seeing mow soon and I'm going to try and tell her how stressful it is sometimes. The problem is, when I'm with her, it's intoxicating and my anxiety dissipates. It's not until I have to keep up the rat race of texts and future faking as someone said that gets exhausting

[loveandsorrow]

Have you been completely honest to her with the way you are feeling? There is gonna be hurt either way, but the prolonging of it, hurts the most.

 

Hi Confused

 

Honest with mow about my anxiety? No but I will try soon she's returning from vacation and will want some private time right away.

 

I'm just glad I avoided a 2nd A while in a first. Not because I wouldn't enjoy it. I would! It's just the emotional state of my 2nd A person was very unstable. She was looking to replace her H and I am not ready to do that .

[loveandsorrow]

Loveandsorrow - its funny, as I read your post, I thought you might be MY XOM!!!! I had to read some of your others posts to figure out you weren't!

 

 

I was just away on a cruise not long ago, as well, and exact same thing.....I kept contact with him the entire time via text/email, not caring for the costs. I loved him, and was not goin to go a week not communicating with him! NO WAY!

 

 

If you need any perspective from the OW's side right now, please feel free to ask! Reading your situation, it seems we are in absolute parallel A's....... maybe we can offer some comforts/opinions from the opposite side!

 

 

We just ended our A about 2 weeks ago. Same reasons, really - we felt so much for each other, but not in positions to leave right now (he just had a baby - I have two youngins of my own).

 

 

It became too much (for him) to accept what it all meant (his marriage sucks, essentially). I have never heard someone try so hard to convince themselves that they want to be where they are, than when I listened to him talk about his homelife. He's miserable.........but doesn't like or want to face the garbage that comes along with splitting from her. He doesn't want to lose his comforts, his home, his "good guy" reputation. And I understand all of it! I am at that point myself (although much closer to ending my M).

 

We left things on very good terms.......however, I don't think I can handle his occasional "check in" texts anymore. I fear he's doing it to keep me on the line, more that to actually check HOW I'm doing..... and I don't want to start feeling anger or resentment towards him, so I may tell him to stop.

 

It will hurt, but its what I signed up for!

 

Hi MSTC!

 

Ok you just froze me in my tracks! I read your first 2 paragraphs and I thought it was mow. My first thought...I'm in hot water and now what I'm I going to do....

 

Yes...please..you can pm me when my pm option turns on or i can get you my email.

 

As for your situation, you have matured in terms of ending the A. I do agree and would probably do the same thing....keep the line to you open (if i were your mom) even though the A is ended. Why? Because all those wonderful memories, the love you shared, feelings, intimacy, etc.....we want it all and when an A starts off as an affair and grows into a relationship, it appears the relationship then demands being exclusive. That's when the wheels start to fall off the cart! It's hard to do!

 

I'm curious if you were planning to leave your H for your mom? Since you both agreed to end the A yet there's still a string of texts there, I assume you would want to continue the A? The stresses of managing an A are indescribable as you know. Exhausting is not even appropriate. It's like draining from sun up to sun down. Why? Because we can't live in 2 worlds that demand 100% of us all the time.

 

i'll be seeing mow in the next day or so. i'm going to try my hardest to bring up the anxiety this all brings. For me, it just feels tiring because my mow, like you mentioned, is on me all the time. I love it yet its like i want to give what i don't have. Can be very painful at times and mow, i know, would leave her h for me at the appropriate time. I'm flattered and i know she probably believes she loves me but its her addictive personality, not just me who she wants. If she had me all the time, it would fade and eventually.....a new object of her addiction would come up. I can see that happening and then i would end up with nothing but co parenting my kids and having a poor relationship with my w due to the entire fallout.

 

as i write this to you, i want to just cry. it feels like i'm so torn yet when i'm with mow alone, my anxiety is not as elevated. like diluted yet there's a part of me deep down that has to admit i can't wait for the night with her to end so i can get those few days away, even though i'm not away....she still has line to me via text that is like oxygen.

 

Ok, let me ask you or anyone here.....my mow said at one point when we had a verbally disagreement and were not talking for a day, she felt like she couldn't breath....the distance between caused her so much stress she felt like she was suffocating. She also has a very hard time coping with the fact she's not sleeping with me everynight...waking up to me everything morning, etc. Makes me feel horrible....because i don't feel like that all the time.

Edited May 20, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[loveandsorrow]

Sounds very much like Conflict Avoidant type of reactions from you, in regard to any/all stress in your life.

 

Not wanting to deal with issues, wanting to be the good guy, wanting to please...but also resenting when you do. So you seek out things/people to make you feel better. They feel good in the moment, but are really only adding to your stress. Giving you another person/situation to want to avoid dealing with...which builds more resentment.

 

I agree...get thy self into counselling. We often do not see how we sabotage our life until it is much too late.

 

Thank you AG,

 

I know it's hard for anyone to see that they could be compounding their own A woes by not being upfront and honest,.

 

i"m going to try to be with mow in the next day when she returns from vacation and we spend some time alone, privately. After the intimacy, i'll try to bring this up. Feels like i'm just wanting to please and not cause conflict but i think mow sees through that and it bothers her a lot. I need to work on this and its not easy you can tell

[Hope Shimmers]

Hi MSTC!

 

Ok you just froze me in my tracks! I read your first 2 paragraphs and I thought it was mow. My first thought...I'm in hot water and now what I'm I going to do....

 

Yes...please..you can pm me when my pm option turns on or i can get you my email.

 

As for your situation, you have matured in terms of ending the A. I do agree and would probably do the same thing....keep the line to you open (if i were your mom) even though the A is ended. Why? Because all those wonderful memories, the love you shared, feelings, intimacy, etc.....we want it all and when an A starts off as an affair and grows into a relationship, it appears the relationship then demands being exclusive. That's when the wheels start to fall off the cart! It's hard to do!

 

I'm curious if you were planning to leave your H for your mom? Since you both agreed to end the A yet there's still a string of texts there, I assume you would want to continue the A? The stresses of managing an A are indescribable as you know. Exhausting is not even appropriate. It's like draining from sun up to sun down. Why? Because we can't live in 2 worlds that demand 100% of us all the time.

 

i'll be seeing mow in the next day or so. i'm going to try my hardest to bring up the anxiety this all brings. For me, it just feels tiring because my mow, like you mentioned, is on me all the time. I love it yet its like i want to give what i don't have. Can be very painful at times and mow, i know, would leave her h for me at the appropriate time. I'm flattered and i know she probably believes she loves me but its her addictive personality, not just me who she wants. If she had me all the time, it would fade and eventually.....a new object of her addiction would come up. I can see that happening and then i would end up with nothing but co parenting my kids and having a poor relationship with my w due to the entire fallout.

 

as i write this to you, i want to just cry. it feels like i'm so torn yet when i'm with mow alone, my anxiety is not as elevated. like diluted yet there's a part of me deep down that has to admit i can't wait for the night with her to end so i can get those few days away, even though i'm not away....she still has line to me via text that is like oxygen.

 

Ok, let me ask you or anyone here.....my mow said at one point when we had a verbally disagreement and were not talking for a day, she felt like she couldn't breath....the distance between caused her so much stress she felt like she was suffocating. She also has a very hard time coping with the fact she's not sleeping with me everynight...waking up to me everything morning, etc. Makes me feel horrible....because i don't feel like that all the time.

 

OP - you are dangerous. You have now officially and directly hit on two posters in your thread - people who posted only to try to help you. You are your own problem, nothing else.

 

Get help. You need it.

Edited May 20, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[loveandsorrow]

Loveandsorrow - If you need any perspective from the OW's side right now, please feel free to ask! Reading your situation, it seems we are in absolute parallel A's....... maybe we can offer some comforts/opinions from the opposite side!

 

Thank you for offering and yes I am open to sharing

 

Some find folks here on LS maybe feel offended that you would offer your hand to me in kindness knowing we are going through similar situations.

 

I'm just wondering from the ow side if you had future faked it to your mom or vice versa? If so what why?