iDrumKing Posted April 4, 2014 Share Posted April 4, 2014 Well can't I get everything off my chest then go NC? Sure........... Link to post Share on other sites
Author ahthepain Posted April 4, 2014 Author Share Posted April 4, 2014 Strength in healing can you please go away. If you follow it I've taken on board what people have said and have found it so helpful. I'm sorry if I've asked the same questions over but I'm grateful for peoples advice. Link to post Share on other sites
leesc90 Posted April 4, 2014 Share Posted April 4, 2014 i've learned so much from this thread. im going through something very similar to OP. OP dont do it. you seem just like me, except since my emotions are not tied to the situation i can see how your situation is just like mine, and thus i will not be contacting my ex, despite feeling your exact same feelings 1 Link to post Share on other sites
iDrumKing Posted April 4, 2014 Share Posted April 4, 2014 Strength in healing can you please go away. If you follow it I've taken on board what people have said and have found it so helpful. I'm sorry if I've asked the same questions over but I'm grateful for peoples advice. Haha you haven't gotten "on board" with anything... You've deflected every piece of advice given to you. Everyone including myself tell you to NOT CONTACT HER. But what do you end up wanting to still do? Meet up with her... 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author ahthepain Posted April 4, 2014 Author Share Posted April 4, 2014 What the hell am I supposed to do???????? You say NC but how can i just leave her without any answers. How can I just try to move on when she wakes up one morning and says we are over for good. It isn't like most relationships with downward spirals, or affairs. It was amazing. Obviously something went wrong but how can I move on until I know what it was? Why wouldn't I take the opportunity to ask her? Why wouldn't I take the opportunity to try and get closure. Surely closure is better than no closure at all? Link to post Share on other sites
Sasukie Posted April 4, 2014 Share Posted April 4, 2014 (edited) Btw stop using GIGS to describe your situtation. This isn't gigs. This is a girl seeing you not worth her time and dumping you and moving on to a better, hotter, smarter guy who will be able to provide what she needs and wants. If I were a girl - would I want to date someone who's exhibiting these kinds of behaviours? You worry so much about "this girl this, this girl that". You should have realized what kind of person you really are from the way you're reacting. It screams insecurity. No one's going to help you with that. Also with regards to your gambling money-I still find it really dangerous that in your first post you already included a talk about how you won $250k right after she broke up with you, money matters only so much. Difference between one lump sum payment vs. steady flow of income is stability. <redacted> Is it rude of me to say, I actually enjoy some of these updates? I get to vent and say what I want - and in a way strengthens my own beliefs of how to handle relationships in the future. Actually feels good. lmao Edited April 4, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Merge Link to post Share on other sites
Author ahthepain Posted April 4, 2014 Author Share Posted April 4, 2014 Sasuki surely most people are insecure when they have just been dumped by a long term partner. Yes I didn't have a steady income and that might have played a part. But it is GIGS. She said she didn't want to be tied down and had never been single to enjoy herself (not sex wise) but just with no worries of a relationship. I think I'm in a better position to say considering I have known her for three years than yourself. it doesn't help me at all however and you have given great advice before. Well now I am ****'d. I have a golden opportunity to spend aslong as I like getting the truth and saying every single thing that I need to or I could just not reply when she is expecting me to and drop the stuff off some other day. Link to post Share on other sites
William Posted April 4, 2014 Share Posted April 4, 2014 Due to a report, moderation weighs in here to advise members that respectful responses to assist the thread starter in working their issue are welcomed. Calling them a troll will always be sanctioned and leave members subject to suspension. If you do not wish to participate, simply move on to the next discussion. It's a really easy choice to make. LoveShack does not require the thread starter to 'take advice'; it's a discussion and they can take away anything they wish. For the thread starter, noting moderation has merged into this thread a few times, please confine updates or relevant tangents to this thread and do not start new threads. Thanks for reading and please continue! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
KaliLove Posted April 4, 2014 Share Posted April 4, 2014 What the hell am I supposed to do???????? You say NC but how can i just leave her without any answers. How can I just try to move on when she wakes up one morning and says we are over for good. It isn't like most relationships with downward spirals, or affairs. It was amazing. Obviously something went wrong but how can I move on until I know what it was? Why wouldn't I take the opportunity to ask her? Why wouldn't I take the opportunity to try and get closure. Surely closure is better than no closure at all? We have all answered that for you already. You won't get closure tonight, you will only have more questions afterwards. Surely you don't think she's really forgotten the past couple of years you spent with her. She doesn't need reminding. She knows..and she still doesn't want to be with you. Link to post Share on other sites
BC1980 Posted April 4, 2014 Share Posted April 4, 2014 What the hell am I supposed to do???????? You say NC but how can i just leave her without any answers. How can I just try to move on when she wakes up one morning and says we are over for good. It isn't like most relationships with downward spirals, or affairs. It was amazing. Obviously something went wrong but how can I move on until I know what it was? Why wouldn't I take the opportunity to ask her? Why wouldn't I take the opportunity to try and get closure. Surely closure is better than no closure at all? I understand where you are coming from. I was dumped off a 3 year relationship. Literally, a month before getting dumped, we were making wedding plans. I know how awful it is to build a life with someone who seemingly changes overnight. Right now, you a so confused, and everything is so different than it was before. It's very disorienting and upsetting to your life to have someone do this. However, right now, you need to save yourself by not being around your ex. You need to have no communication whatsoever. You are not in the emotional state to see her. She can never give you closure or a reason WHY. She might give you 10 reasons WHY, but none of them will make sense to you. They will prompt more questions. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Sasukie Posted April 4, 2014 Share Posted April 4, 2014 (edited) Sasuki surely most people are insecure when they have just been dumped by a long term partner. Yes I didn't have a steady income and that might have played a part. But it is GIGS. She said she didn't want to be tied down and had never been single to enjoy herself (not sex wise) but just with no worries of a relationship. You'll realize that even though you might think you know a person well (maybe their quirks and all that), but you don't actually know them know them. Otherwise you wouldn't be asking why did she break up with me right after she said she loved me the night before going to bed? You say you got blindsided, that's not knowing. That's getting tboned. GIGS= Grass is greener syndrome. Only really works or applicable when all is fine and dandy in your relationship and g is bored of the person and wants to date someone new. Does go date someone new, realizes not as great, comes back. In your case, just because a girl leaves a relationship, doesn't mean you can just say "OH BOY ITS GIGS, THATS IT, SHE's COMING BACK FOR SURE. Oh yes! Read that one forum topic and saw that she had like 3 of those signs. Wow MUST be gigs!!!" Seems like she's done with you, don't think she's losing much either otherwise she'd be pinning all over you. On the other hand, seems like you're the one at a loss, pinning all over her. Congrats No more advice, I just like reading and following this topic, let me know how or what you do Yay happy Friday! Ps: sounded like my ex g - "oh yea I'm free at 6, lets meet up quick, get this over with. " Except an ice cold b*^&% - I will also try my luck at fortune telling: - after you visit her and have your last talk of crying and begging her to come back after you list out all your "great" memories. You'll come back here and ask questions: "How could she just cut me out like that? After 3 years, I gave her so much. How can she go meet new guys like that? Did I mean nothing to her? (Then fit of anger will occur - blah blah get pissed off at her, call her names maybe) I await you my friend! A week later --> begin NC Edited April 4, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Fix quote Link to post Share on other sites
BC1980 Posted April 4, 2014 Share Posted April 4, 2014 I don't think we can talk him out of meeting her, but we will be here to help him when he comes back. I did the same thing against all advice. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ahthepain Posted April 4, 2014 Author Share Posted April 4, 2014 UPDATE : I saw her for a drink for two hours and had a great chat. I didn't cry or become overly emotional. We talked about the great times we had and I kept telling her how beautiful she is and holding her hand. I saw glimmers of how she nearly came back to me, just glimmers. Her reasoning is solid. She likes to be alone. In her whole life she has never been alone and she wants space. I can accept that. She was also very up for seeing a relationship Councillor together so we will do that next week. Afterwards and one too many drinks we went back to hers holding hands. I hugged her and she was fine with that. She wouldn't let me kiss her and I guess that's good. I overstayed my welcome abit as she has work in the morning and probably angered her abit more. I feel great even though she isn't back with me and has absolutly no intention of getting back with me lol. It must be like a heroin addict getting a small fix during cold turkey. The problem is I think I would be much happier just being her friend. I won't miss the relationship side as much as the friendship side. What is your guys views on this? Link to post Share on other sites
Sasukie Posted April 4, 2014 Share Posted April 4, 2014 Incoming Friend Zone. (My ex also let me hold her hand the first time) Link to post Share on other sites
Author ahthepain Posted April 4, 2014 Author Share Posted April 4, 2014 I feel happy now for the first time since the break up over a week ago. I know it's on the basis of false hope but hell atleast I tried my hardest and she is going to a counciller with me. Atleast when all is said and done and she still doesn't want me back I will be 100% sure in the knowledge that I did everything I possibly could. I feel so great!!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author ahthepain Posted April 4, 2014 Author Share Posted April 4, 2014 The friendzone feels a hell of a lot better than going NC forever though. Link to post Share on other sites
Sasukie Posted April 4, 2014 Share Posted April 4, 2014 /clap clap clap Yay! Congrats! You put her on a pedestal! Good job! Grovel at her feet! You surrounded your life around her, yay! Its so healthy! Her [=====] - - - - - You - [ ] ===== == Link to post Share on other sites
Author ahthepain Posted April 4, 2014 Author Share Posted April 4, 2014 I don't mind. Even though I feel awful it's amazing compared to how I've been feeling. I think that the best way to make it through this is to stay friends and see her and text her when I want. Be best friends and I;ll look for another lady. Although she was doubting could be still be friends would it be abit weird. Link to post Share on other sites
SCJACK Posted April 4, 2014 Share Posted April 4, 2014 So you don't mind her finding another guy, letting him kiss her and hold her hand while you are on the sidelines watching and having her tell you about it? That makes you happy? Really? Link to post Share on other sites
Author ahthepain Posted April 4, 2014 Author Share Posted April 4, 2014 SCJACK the pain I have gone through over the past week has been the worst in my life. I now feel much better just having her as a friend. If we are still friends, maybe I will learn to see her as just that, a friend, and she really isn't looking for anyone in the near future. Link to post Share on other sites
leesc90 Posted April 4, 2014 Share Posted April 4, 2014 man this guy sounds just like what i want to do Link to post Share on other sites
Sasukie Posted April 4, 2014 Share Posted April 4, 2014 man this guy sounds just like what i want to do They're the words of a person who has lost all dignity and respect for themselves. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
SCJACK Posted April 5, 2014 Share Posted April 5, 2014 SCJACK the pain I have gone through over the past week has been the worst in my life. I now feel much better just having her as a friend. If we are still friends, maybe I will learn to see her as just that, a friend, and she really isn't looking for anyone in the near future. Do you wish to keep that pain? Because it's going to stay, may not be as intense but it's going to stay for a long time if you try to be friends. Your feelings will stay if you are still friends with her it's hard to lose those feelings while being friends with her and it'll eat you away but right now it doesn't seem like it because she is stringing you along and you don't even realize it. Even if she wasn't looking for someone now, anything can happen.. and when it does you will be hurt. You aren't even sure if you can see her as just that.. you said "maybe"... I guess you must love being hurt.. even your username says it. Link to post Share on other sites
BC1980 Posted April 5, 2014 Share Posted April 5, 2014 The friendzone feels a hell of a lot better than going NC forever though. I said this too. I would feel okay for about a week, and, then, I would feel a lot worse afterwards. Yes, it is like a junkie getting a hit. I predict that you will crash within the week and feel like sh*t. Being friend is a pretty terrible idea, which is why pretty much no one recommends it following a breakup. Most people have tried this friends nonsense at some point, and it just doesn't work. Why would she see a counselor with you if she doesn't want to be in a relationship with you? I'm so confused. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BC1980 Posted April 5, 2014 Share Posted April 5, 2014 SCJACK the pain I have gone through over the past week has been the worst in my life. I now feel much better just having her as a friend. If we are still friends, maybe I will learn to see her as just that, a friend, and she really isn't looking for anyone in the near future. You're on the tip of the iceberg of pain. You have no idea how painful this is about to get. This is called bargaining. Link to post Share on other sites
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