3 Year relationship ended - How to move forward [update]

[Sasukie]

I think he's learning pretty quick.

 

Buddy, do it quick. Drop and move on. Very simple. Anytime you ask the question - "maybe if I do this, or should I do this? or how about this?" Know the answer.

 

"Will not do anything" "Pointless"

 

Lets keep moving on. Now it'll just take time.

 

Btw, google the 5 stages of breakup. You're in the bargaining stage. Read the symptoms and you'll be able to tell.

[ahthepain]

Thanks Sas,

 

I will give her the pictures. Only fair and it also gives her a reason to ask for them maybe aswell.

 

I really don't know how I will be able to not check her facebook page. I'm such a curious person. Any tips to stop myself?

 

I'm seeing a councilor tomorrow about this so I shall tell them what I have planned to do with all of your advice and see what they can add.

[elseaacych]

Either Block, which removes all trace of her, or unfriend.

[ahthepain]

Thanks everyone for the advice.

 

I shall keep you updated on my progress.

[BC1980]

I agree with everyone else. The best thing I did was purge all of the memories immediately. I left pretty much all the sentimental stuff at our house where he still is. Anything else I threw away. It's so important to completely cleanse the person from your life.

[ahthepain]

Ok guys

I am going to do it tday. First day of the month so easy to set goals and track my progress.

 

I am going to drop off her clothes, a dvd I pre ordered for her arrived (il put a note saying I pre ordered it) and a usb stick with our recent holiday snaps and all our piks off facebook as I will be deleting them all.

 

What are ur views on the last two? The pictures of the recent holiday are only fair but what about the pictures of the last few years.

[ahthepain]

And should I write a little note basically saying that I already pre ordered the DVD and maybe say take care.

[organizedchaos]

Ok guys

I am going to do it tday. First day of the month so easy to set goals and track my progress.

 

I am going to drop off her clothes, a dvd I pre ordered for her arrived (il put a note saying I pre ordered it) and a usb stick with our recent holiday snaps and all our piks off facebook as I will be deleting them all.

 

What are ur views on the last two? The pictures of the recent holiday are only fair but what about the pictures of the last few years.

 

You've already been given advice on what you should and shouldn't do right now. So what does it matter by asking what our views are? You're going to do it anyway.

[Sasukie]

Buddy, do it quick. Drop and move on. Very simple. Anytime you ask the question - "maybe if I do this, or should I do this? or how about this?" Know the answer.

 

"Will not do anything" "Pointless"

 

Lets keep moving on. Now it'll just take time.

 

Btw, google the 5 stages of breakup. You're in the bargaining stage. Read the symptoms and you'll be able to tell.

 

Weak.

 

Don't turn back. You know what best lesson is the hard way. Do whatever you want, bring her **** back to her. Do whatever you want, let your emotions take over your rational self. And then when you come back, you will realize you were an absolute idiot for giving a girl that broke up with you pictures of the both of you. Go ahead do yourself a favor and do all that.

 

You know what, nvm, clearly you are having doubts. Instead you should learn the hard way, get your ass whipped --> I think your last two ideas were a GRAND idea. Please put all your heart into it, make little notes to let your ex know that you pre-ordered a cd on her behalf. Draw her little hearts and write I love you and all that.

 

I swear this will bring her back right away.

 

Hoped this brought a little clarity to your life.

[Chi townD]

Wow...okay dude, you are coming up with ANY excuse to remain in contact with her!

 

 

You do realize that starting NC is a way to heal and get over this relationship, don't you?

 

 

NC is NOT a tool hoping that our Ex's will miss us and will want to come back into our lives. Because, if you're in that mindset, then you're going to be in a world of hurt.

 

 

Here's what you do.

 

 

1. Box up all of her sh*t and drop them off at her neighbors if you trust them. Do not contact her saying that you are going to do this. I'm pretty sure the neighbors are competent enough to give her a box. And it won't take rocket science to figure out where it came from.

 

 

2. BLOCK her on Facebook. Do not "de-friend" her because you still stand a chance of catching her feeds off of mutual friends pages.

 

 

3. Change your phone number! Only give it out to trusted folks that won't give the number to her.

 

 

4. Stop following her on ALL forms of social media.

 

 

5. STOP GAMBLING!!! That's the most stupid thing you can do. Sometimes you get lucky (i.e. the 250k) but any Vegas expert will tell you that you are heavily stacked AGAINST the house. So, basically, you're pissing away your money. So, if you want to give your money away, PM me and I'll give you an address and you can cut a check for me.

 

 

6. Do not text her or call her or email her. DO NOT RESPOND TO ANY TEXTS PHONECALLS OR EMAILS FROM HER!!!

 

 

7. Heal and start making positive changes in your life.

[ahthepain]

Ok thanks again guys.

 

So no DVD or pictures at all not even the recent holiday ones. I did promise those though?

 

Shall I delete all of her picctures of us off facebook?

 

Am I ok to leave my timeline? That will take way to long to because she use to link me in things almost every day.

[KaliLove]

Don't give her anything. Don't do anything. Don't say anything.

[ahthepain]

Ok but should I delete all of the pictures of us and her off of my FB?

[Chi townD]

Ok thanks again guys.

 

So no DVD or pictures at all not even the recent holiday ones. I did promise those though?

 

Shall I delete all of her picctures of us off facebook?

 

Am I ok to leave my timeline? That will take way to long to because she use to link me in things almost every day.

 

 

 

If you promised the pics, then box them up as well to drop off at the neighbors.

 

 

Delete her pictures off your facebook page.

 

 

Once you block her, you can't see her and she can't see you. if she responds to a mutual friends thread, you won't be able to see that. If your friend responds to something of hers, you won't see it. It will be like, you are off Facebook.

[ahthepain]

Ok great I shall do that.

 

What about the pictures of us together that she doesn't have? Such as with my family at dinners ect.

 

Should I drop those off aswell or just the holiday ones?

[KaliLove]

Ugh..I just can't anymore with this one. Drop everything you said you would off. Then delete the pictures. Then unfriend her so you're not tempted. Then start healing.

[ahthepain]

Ok just the holiday piks then.

 

I am putting all of the things she ever game me in a box to give to a friends to store away in his loft.

 

Would giving her back the cards and letters she wrote about how much she loved me (even only a few weeks old some) help? Or should those go away in my box in my friends loft?

[Chi townD]

Get rid of everything and anything that will remind you of her. She left, she's gone. So, every item and every image should be gone too!

 

 

Just get rid of it all.

[ahthepain]

Better for me to put the cards and letters in my box in the loft or give them back to her with her clothes and stuff?

[Chi townD]

Really?!?! You playing games here?

 

 

Nevermind, I'm chasing bunnies here. Got to drop the carrots.

[organizedchaos]

Better for me to put the cards and letters in my box in the loft or give them back to her with her clothes and stuff?

 

je*** ch**** dude, why all the questions? what is it we're telling you you still don't understand? We've been over all of this in this thread already. You don't owe her anything, no matter what you said. She dumped you so she lost all privileges.

 

Drop the stuff off, don't drop the stuff off. Delete ALL pictures of her, don't delete any pictures of her.

 

Pick one and do it.

[ahthepain]

Ok so il keep the cards?

 

i am just trying to start the NC period perfectly giving myself the best chance of healing and moving on quickly.

[organizedchaos]

Ok so il keep the cards?

 

i am just trying to start the NC period perfectly giving myself the best chance of healing and moving on quickly.

 

And we've told you how to do this.

 

Last time I'm answer a question on this thread if it is something we've already discussed.

 

One last time:

to give yourself the best chance, delete all pictures, block her on fb, delete her phone number, box up everything and lock it away. Don't give her a usb key of photos or any other mementos. Don't write her a goodbye email. Do nothing that will give you any contact with her for any reason or excuse. She asks for her clothes back, mail them to her or give to a friend.

 

Is anything still unclear to you because I can't for the life of me figure out why you keep asking the same questions we've given you answers to

[noob_saibot]

well. my three year relationship ended, it was horrible, worst pain i have ever felt. i tried to move on, but i just ended up running into the liquor board store. and things got worse. i knew most of it was in my head, but she was kind of psychologically abusing me. i couldnt be happy, i took all the hard hits and everything waiting for her, then finally we got into an argument over text because she dumped me and continued to text and drop breadcrumbs every week. so i snapped. i lost it, then she said im sorry! but i cant be with you, i like him!. i never replied back.

 

a month went by and i was ready to move on. then she came back crying. telling me how all failed. how she made a mistake. and i sat there. i thought , well i fought for 6 months to get my relationship back, then i decided to move on, n now she wants me back. i wondered, should i let the last 3 n a half years blow away because she made a huge mistake.

 

i sat n thought to my self. people make mistakes, some times there are no reasons for actions. sometimes people manipulate others. sometimes people fall into there fantasy world n forget everything they have.

 

so with lots of thought, i decided that saving my gf n what we had did mean alot to me. after everything she put me through. now she sees how strong i am, because i could take all the hits. might sound pathetic to some people. but it made me more a man, made her realize more what she has, although we are taking it slow, i feel more inlove then i did before. and i now know what problems to fix that we had before and the mistakes we both made

 

my suggestion to you is. if you want something bad enouph, you will get it. and from the looks of it, i dont think you really want to move on,

 

if you want her back. let her know. either right a letter or a note or something. that says everything you need to say. and make sure she reads it. then after that. all you need to do is disappear. completley. delete your media. turn off your phone for good. waiting for texts will make you insane. keep only one form of communication open. such as email. and do not show her you are sad.

 

some women seem to become power hungry, while your whole relationship was mutual. once she dumped you and saw how you bagged at her feet. it gave her power,. now she thinks shes the hottest chick in the world and that if she can make a guy like you beg for her, then she can get any buff guy. disappear man, and hit the gym. work out constantly. women can sense when another woman is attracted to their property. and right now you are her property, from the looks of it. its all about turning the tables.

 

the moment you stop caring. is the moment she will start.

[ahthepain]

This is 100% true. I thought you said you had been through a long relationship break up? If so you would realize the pain I am in.

 

Noob just said I should write a letter telling her my feelings then break contact so everyone has very different opinions. Noob thank you for your advice, but everyone else seems to think no letter (no matter how rude they are).

 

Well here is what I have done -

 

I have deleted her off facebook and put all mutual friends unfollowed so I will never see her appear on my news feed.

 

I gave my friend a box of everything she gave to me to keep.

 

I'm not sure about deleting the pictures off facebook. I enjoyed the time we spent together and have no reason to delete the holiday pictures and all of the times out. My plan is to just not look at them and I won't be using facebook much for a while anyhows.

 

I am going to drop off her clothes and items with a neighbor over the next couple of days. I will also leave a note that only says "I do not wish for any of my items back or the money". I don't want to leave a note but I also don't want her texting me asking what is happening about those things.

 

So thank you all for the support and I believe I have taken a large step.

 

Through out her life she has had severe attachment issues and I'm already beginning to see how it was not meant to be. I hope that I will get over her quickly and in time we can meet again to be just friends, and I would never want to take it further.

Edited April 2, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator