Sasukie Posted April 2, 2014 Share Posted April 2, 2014 Better from me than anyone else. I'm surprised you were able to pick up so quickly. I don't mean to insult you, but I went through the same road and I'm trying to help you realize (and hopefully in a good way) that some things just happen in life and you won't have control over it. I also have pictures on my facebook of my ex and I but I have hid them all so that only I have access to them. Though I don't look at them at all. I also realized getting off fb for a bit helps free up a lot of your time. You've done well, and yes noob gave you advice on another route that you could have taken. That path is one that we all have tried too and its rare for you to get any success that you can't get starting anew. Let us know how you are doing, I'll try and ease up a little, just don't question why we aren't pushing you towards reconciling with your ex. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ahthepain Posted April 2, 2014 Author Share Posted April 2, 2014 True i was abit like a broken record. Well I woke up this morning feeling awful. Because even though we weren't talking I use to be able to see she was on facebook but now I can't, so it feels so much worse. I just have to make it through the next 30 days. Annoyingly just before I deleted her facebook I saw who she recently added. And she added a guy she had a one night stand with who I know she still fancies but everyone knows he is a complete user. She is really craving the attention now we aren't together. I think she thought people would be falling at her feet and she is having to work a little harder at it. But because she is so stubborn I just can't see her coming back. Normally once her mind is made it is made regardless. The hardest thing will be not checking her facebook page. I'm going to drop the stuff off today I think. Should I leave a note about her being able to keep the things of mine she has and not worry about the money? And if so should it be literally just about that and no other things like Take care, have a good life, look after yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
Chi townD Posted April 2, 2014 Share Posted April 2, 2014 Nope! don't send her anything. If you don't care about the clothes and the money, then write it off. And for Pete's sake, BLOCK her on Facebook! Link to post Share on other sites
Author ahthepain Posted April 2, 2014 Author Share Posted April 2, 2014 For those of you who want to know the story my thread is - http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/469665-3-year-relationship-ended-how-move-forward So the start of the day was hard and I couldn't stop thinking about her all day. I went to get my haircut in town and I saw her there with a mutual friend (they are just friends, he isn't into girls). They went into a shop and I found two ladies and paid them to walk with me past them. Crazy I know!! When we walked past my ex kind of wanted to make some contact like she nervously smiled and nodded her head, the two ladies said she looked really shocked. So now I feel much worse. I feel like an idiot. Tonight I'm tempted to go and drop her stuff of and get a drink with her and see if we can try it again. I have no idea what to do now???? Should I just carry on with NC or try to seize this opportunity if she really is thinking - "Wow he is actually moving on if he came over I would have him back". Any help would be really helpful. Link to post Share on other sites
elseaacych Posted April 2, 2014 Share Posted April 2, 2014 First off: whoa, manipulative. (Funny, though.) Remember, you are the one that's the catch. You deserve better than her. It is up to her if she wants to make the move. But know that acting on fear or manipulation is not the basis of a reconcilliation. It should come from genuine feelings of wanting the other back, and willing to build a foundation on trust and honesty. Now is not the right time for either of you, in my honest opinion. Feelings are still too raw. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ahthepain Posted April 2, 2014 Author Share Posted April 2, 2014 Just seeing her made me need her. Since it is only day 1 of NC would it be ok to go see her and see if there is a chance? If not then I can start NC tomorrow? Link to post Share on other sites
Strength in Healing Posted April 2, 2014 Share Posted April 2, 2014 There is no chance. I kind of recommend people who are so eager and needy to reach out and find that out for a fact. I figure it will cause more pain, but they'll see what's up and maybe it will force them to move on a little better. Or you can just believe everyone. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
sooshi Posted April 2, 2014 Share Posted April 2, 2014 I was completely turned off by the fact that you paid two women to walk with you past your ex and your mutual friend. I'm sorry if this sounds hard, but it sounds like you're in no position to have a healthy relationship with someone right now. You need to be alone for a while. You need to build up some confidence. You need to be someone who can make his own decisions about how to approach things, rather than constantly rely on others for every step you take. This is not healthy behavior; I hope you can see that, because in seeing that, you'll truly realize that this needs to stop and you'll be more motivated to stop than to think about trying to seize an opportunity to spend time with her, reconcile with her, etc. The breakup is still fresh and your feelings are still very strong and raw. Step back for a while (while doing nothing) and see how you really feel. As for wanting to know what to do: do what Kali said: Do NOTHING and say NOTHING. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Chi townD Posted April 2, 2014 Share Posted April 2, 2014 Wow! That was quick. Well, you didn't break NC when you saw her. That was a accident and wasn't intentional. When you paid two girls to walk with you past her. THAT was breaking NC because it was intentional. Wow! Just...wow. I thought I read every crazy story there was to read in here! Never heard that one before. You Sir, get the gold star for the day! LOL! But, of course, just like any instance when you break NC, you feel good for a little bit, then like crap afterwards. Lessons learned dude! At least were the girls hot? hee....hee.... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author ahthepain Posted April 2, 2014 Author Share Posted April 2, 2014 They were alright lol. Didn't help that after they said my ex was stunning lol. Well now I have no idea what to do. I don't think I'll be able to stop myself going over and asking to have a drink and a chat because I feel that I can win her round, Link to post Share on other sites
sooshi Posted April 2, 2014 Share Posted April 2, 2014 This thread, especially in combination with your other one, makes me go @_@. I almost never go @_@. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Girlboots Posted April 2, 2014 Share Posted April 2, 2014 Day 1 sucks. Don't act on how you feel just yet. Be patient with yourself. You'll hate yourself if you fall back into her arms so quickly, trust me, I've done that before. Give yourself a week. Definitely don't do anything before a week. Link to post Share on other sites
Strength in Healing Posted April 2, 2014 Share Posted April 2, 2014 Everyone thinks they can win their ex back. You go try that, then come back and tell us. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author ahthepain Posted April 2, 2014 Author Share Posted April 2, 2014 I could ring my friend and get some feedback about what she said? 1) He says she is really missing me and hints she would get back ... then I could go over 2) He says she is really happy single and didn't even talk about me .... then my heart cracks wide open , but atleast I guess I know Link to post Share on other sites
Chi townD Posted April 2, 2014 Share Posted April 2, 2014 Dude, I already know what's going through your head. You broke NC (in a very creative way I might add). But, now she's seen you with two pretty girls. You're now afraid that since she seen you with two pretty girls, that you've moved on from her. Therefore, she's free to do the same. Now, you feel like you're gonna lose her for good and you are freaking out. But, here's the thing. She's already gone dude. Heal and move on. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author ahthepain Posted April 2, 2014 Author Share Posted April 2, 2014 Thanks man, But if she is already gone then there is no harm in this last try tonight. If she still feels exactly the same way after having a week to think about it then that I feel would give me abit more closure. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ahthepain Posted April 2, 2014 Author Share Posted April 2, 2014 Or discipline myself and make zero contact. Leave her clothes and stuff off at her neighbours tomorrow and don't contact at all. Leave her thinking who those ladies were? Maybe that will make a big impact on her. Link to post Share on other sites
KaliLove Posted April 2, 2014 Share Posted April 2, 2014 I agree with Chi, she's already gone. That guy she added on Facebook, the one she had a one night stand with..she's already sleeping with him, or at least trying to. Congratulations, you hurt your ex. But it doesn't mean she's going to want you back. That's such a turn off, and pretty mean and immature too. You intentionally rubbed her nose in your (fake) new women. So lame and manipulative. Oh also, if you call your mutual friend and ask how she reacted, she's going to know it was fake and that you were only doing it to hurt her, and she will lose all respect for you. Link to post Share on other sites
Strength in Healing Posted April 2, 2014 Share Posted April 2, 2014 I realize, this man is a gambling man. That explains his mentality that he is sure he can win her back. My friend, you are soon to find that people and machines/games of chance (and schemes) are far different than the human mind. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ahthepain Posted April 2, 2014 Author Share Posted April 2, 2014 It is hard to let someone go who only a few days before the breakup was telling me how much she loved me and wanted to spend her life with me. There was no real downward spiral. Well I might have a drink with her tonight and try to sort things out and if not then no contact begins. Link to post Share on other sites
KaliLove Posted April 2, 2014 Share Posted April 2, 2014 It is hard to let someone go who only a few days before the breakup was telling me how much she loved me and wanted to spend her life with me. There was no real downward spiral. Well I might have a drink with her tonight and try to sort things out and if not then no contact begins. Have fun with that. :bunny::bunny: Link to post Share on other sites
Strength in Healing Posted April 2, 2014 Share Posted April 2, 2014 It is hard to let someone go who only a few days before the breakup was telling me how much she loved me and wanted to spend her life with me. There was no real downward spiral. Well I might have a drink with her tonight and try to sort things out and if not then no contact begins. My ex, Chrissy, whom I loved dearly, all day the day she broke up with me told me she loves me. Words mean little, actions are the jackpot. Have your drink, but know we are right. Do come back and post the update brother. Other people need to learn from your mistake. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
martaldn Posted April 2, 2014 Share Posted April 2, 2014 I have read all the 7 pages of your story... and honestly man you should have named this thread "3 Year relationship ended - How NOT to move forward [update] " why are you not listening to anything people have suggested you? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author ahthepain Posted April 2, 2014 Author Share Posted April 2, 2014 I have listening to all the advice and took the big step of no contact and didn't do alot of the things like the photo album ect, The hardest part for me is letting go because I think there is still a chance. Since it is only day one of NC I may aswell go and see her if she still feels the same way then I can just start NC again. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
swfc_77 Posted April 2, 2014 Share Posted April 2, 2014 You need to go NC and move on buddy, seriously I know it's hard. Do yourself a massive favour, stop with Facebook, some people can handle it, some can't, I can't, but the 5/6 friends I do have exist in real life and have been there for me in the past few months. People fresh out of a relationship WILL only put the good s**t on FB believe me both me ex's said stupid things and did things I would consider inconsiderate, I did myself a favour by not being on it, because I couldn't handle it. Days before my breakup I was stood in bank depositing money with my ex for a house deposit, people say things to get what they want at that time. What did you put into the relationship What did she put in Link to post Share on other sites
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