sooshi Posted April 2, 2014 Share Posted April 2, 2014 hmmm.. i can see exactly what she is doing. read her like a book. this is the hott zone right now, shes trying to stay one step a head of you at all times. she will try to do everything before you do and make sure you are aware of it. good idea to listen, remember to back off my best suggestion is to be seen by her, but make her invisible to you. hang with the chicks. go socialize with your buddies, i know what your going through, and the pain can be worse than any actual physical pain, antidepressents can help if that gut feeling gets too intense, and i do recommend them for what you are about to endure, what she does WILL hurt you more. and she KNOWS it. she may even get a kick out of watching you squirm. maybe its time to make her squirm, move on quicker then she did, because no one knows her better than you. you know what pisses her off, what makes her tick. what made her chase you in the past,. just follow the same principles and walla. she knows she can have you back in a heart beat. but what if she doesnt know all of a sudden? pannic mode. everyonce says it,, just give her that taste of fear and loss, it will destroy her emotionally and like i said before, the tables will be turned. This is awful, truly awful. Why are you encouraging someone to behave in such a way that will destroy someone else emotionally?? There is nothing loving about this. Why would someone who is on the receiving end of purposeful hurtful actions want to be with the person who engages in those actions? Nobody who respects themselves would. ahthepain, if you truly care for this girl, let her be. And if you don't truly care for her, let her be. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author ahthepain Posted April 2, 2014 Author Share Posted April 2, 2014 Thank you again everyone for all the help. This is what I am going to do - Tomorrow I shall be meeting her for a final time to drop off everything and sit down over a drink for hopefully an hour or two. During that time I want to ask her what went wrong in her mind (even thought she is classic GIGS). I want to talk about the amazing times we have had and tell her that I care for her more than anyone ever will. I don't care if she still knows I desire her, because I honestly just want to get it off my chest and move on. Just ignoring her without saying all the things I want to is just too hard. I want her to know that I loved our time together and even though she feels she is too young to commit I honestly think she will regret it in the future. I will tell her exactly what I think and my feelings. Then once it is all off my chest and I have wished her good luck I won't speak to her again until I am 100% over her and might just be able to be friends. She isn't the girl for me. What she has done has proved it. Not her fault, but I can offer another girl everything she doesn't want from me. It has taken me along time and all of your help to realize this but she wants to move on and I have no choice, but I must say how I feel. There is a 0.0001% chance she will get back with me tomorrow so I'm going there let her know I am ready to move on. She will want to come back to me in the future ( I don't say that in a pig headed way), but after a few dates or relationships I'm positive she will look at ours as her greatest (honestly it sounds pig headed but we were perfect). The problem is I'm 98% sure that won't even be in the next year, so I have no choice but to move on and find someone who can offer me the same amount of love I offer them. Thank you for reading and for all of your help. I shall keep you updated through this tough time in my life. Link to post Share on other sites
iDrumKing Posted April 3, 2014 Share Posted April 3, 2014 I want to talk about the amazing times we have had and tell her that I care for her more than anyone ever will. I don't care if she still knows I desire her, because I honestly just want to get it off my chest and move on. Just ignoring her without saying all the things I want to is just too hard. Don't. Do. It. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author ahthepain Posted April 3, 2014 Author Share Posted April 3, 2014 Don't. Do. It. Why? I want to get it all off my chest then move on. I have accepted she isn't coming back (not anytime soon), so I want to say everything then I'll feel happier to move on I think. Link to post Share on other sites
SCJACK Posted April 3, 2014 Share Posted April 3, 2014 Why? I want to get it all off my chest then move on. I have accepted she isn't coming back (not anytime soon), so I want to say everything then I'll feel happier to move on I think. She already knows how you feel. I've tried this in letter form. Didn't make me feel better. You're better off not telling her honestly. It's just leaving you vulnerable. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
iDrumKing Posted April 3, 2014 Share Posted April 3, 2014 Why? I want to get it all off my chest then move on. I have accepted she isn't coming back (not anytime soon), so I want to say everything then I'll feel happier to move on I think. Dude I felt THE EXACT SAME WAY WEEKS AGO. I stayed up until 3 am writing a letter to her, rehearsed the conversation I'd have with her, and played it out in my head if we met up. Luckily I didn't send the letter, I didn't call her, and I did everything in my power to avoid her. You HAVEN'T accepted that she's not coming back if you feel the need to let her know how you feel. You REALLY think she will care? I mean she left you high and dry. Trust me dude, you're gonna look back and think "Why the heck did I do that?" But like I say all of the time, it's my opinion and you do what you please. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
SCJACK Posted April 3, 2014 Share Posted April 3, 2014 Trust me dude, you're gonna look back and think "Why the heck did I do that?" That's what happened to me too, I regret doing everything I did, writing letters, begging, asking to meet up, making contact, telling her how I feel, everything. I messed up so many times, now I'm pretty sure I helped her move on and now I believe she is indifferent and knowing that hurts alot especially when I still feel like crap. Don't do it, seriously. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
sooshi Posted April 3, 2014 Share Posted April 3, 2014 I can understand how you feel, ahthepain. A while back, I was going to e-mail my ex-fiance with a heartfelt apology for having hurt him and everything. I started the e-mail, but never finished it and didn't send it. I realized that it wouldn't do any good, especially not for myself, and that it was taking respect away from myself because I was only acknowledging how my reactions had hurt him, while seeming to be completely okay with what ignited my reactions in the first place. It's your choice, though. I understand about wanting to get things off your chest, but I don't think she'll care to hear it. Be prepared that it may end up making you feel worse. Be prepared that she will not come back. If you really want to get it out, write it out. Again and again and again until you don't feel the need to do so anymore. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
KaliLove Posted April 3, 2014 Share Posted April 3, 2014 Thank you again everyone for all the help. This is what I am going to do - Tomorrow I shall be meeting her for a final time to drop off everything and sit down over a drink for hopefully an hour or two. During that time I want to ask her what went wrong in her mind (even thought she is classic GIGS). I want to talk about the amazing times we have had and tell her that I care for her more than anyone ever will. I don't care if she still knows I desire her, because I honestly just want to get it off my chest and move on. Just ignoring her without saying all the things I want to is just too hard. I want her to know that I loved our time together and even though she feels she is too young to commit I honestly think she will regret it in the future. I will tell her exactly what I think and my feelings. Then once it is all off my chest and I have wished her good luck I won't speak to her again until I am 100% over her and might just be able to be friends. She isn't the girl for me. What she has done has proved it. Not her fault, but I can offer another girl everything she doesn't want from me. It has taken me along time and all of your help to realize this but she wants to move on and I have no choice, but I must say how I feel. There is a 0.0001% chance she will get back with me tomorrow so I'm going there let her know I am ready to move on. She will want to come back to me in the future ( I don't say that in a pig headed way), but after a few dates or relationships I'm positive she will look at ours as her greatest (honestly it sounds pig headed but we were perfect). The problem is I'm 98% sure that won't even be in the next year, so I have no choice but to move on and find someone who can offer me the same amount of love I offer them. Thank you for reading and for all of your help. I shall keep you updated through this tough time in my life. Facepalm. This is the least sexy post I've ever read. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author ahthepain Posted April 3, 2014 Author Share Posted April 3, 2014 I can't win. It seems like she has been taken over by an alien it really does. I mean does she not know she won't find someone who will adore her and treat her as good as I did? Has she forgotten the hundreds upon hundreds of amazing memories compared to a couple of arguments? I want to tell her that I accept her decision and that I will be moving on. I understand what you are all saying but I broke NC today by speaking to her on the phone for 20 minutes as friends so I have nothing to lose. I am honestly not trying to win her back because it is next to impossible. She has no feelings for me atm none whatsoever. Although she is now having theropy for the first time in her life ... a few days after our break up ... but OK. Link to post Share on other sites
iDrumKing Posted April 3, 2014 Share Posted April 3, 2014 I understand what you are all saying but I broke NC today by speaking to her on the phone for 20 minutes as friends so I have nothing to lose. Well there is one thing called... ugh... DIGNITY? 3 Link to post Share on other sites
iDrumKing Posted April 3, 2014 Share Posted April 3, 2014 It seems like she has been taken over by an alien it really does. I mean does she not know she won't find someone who will adore her and treat her as good as I did? This is a pretty arrogant comment man... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author ahthepain Posted April 3, 2014 Author Share Posted April 3, 2014 This is a pretty arrogant comment man... It does however the circumstances and the support I have given her with the compromises I had to make to my family and personal life show that I gave her more than anyone else could offer. I'm sure most boyfriends feel the same and they do aswell. My dignity is the last thing I care about keeping intact. I want to get over this quickly and my worry is that if I drop her stuff off and ignore her indefinatly I will still have everything that I wanted to say on my chest. Link to post Share on other sites
KaliLove Posted April 3, 2014 Share Posted April 3, 2014 I can't win. It seems like she has been taken over by an alien it really does. I mean does she not know she won't find someone who will adore her and treat her as good as I did? Has she forgotten the hundreds upon hundreds of amazing memories compared to a couple of arguments? I want to tell her that I accept her decision and that I will be moving on. I understand what you are all saying but I broke NC today by speaking to her on the phone for 20 minutes as friends so I have nothing to lose. I am honestly not trying to win her back because it is next to impossible. She has no feelings for me atm none whatsoever. Although she is now having theropy for the first time in her life ... a few days after our break up ... but OK. So someone decides they don't want to be with you and it means they've been taken over by an alien? Yeesh..you've got a pretty high opinion of yourself dontcha? She's 22. She's already banging someone else. Probably right now as we speak. But just do it. Do it. Say everything you want to say and more. Link to post Share on other sites
iDrumKing Posted April 3, 2014 Share Posted April 3, 2014 It does however the circumstances and the support I have given her with the compromises I had to make to my family and personal life show that I gave her more than anyone else could offer. I'm sure most boyfriends feel the same and they do aswell. My dignity is the last thing I care about keeping intact. I want to get over this quickly and my worry is that if I drop her stuff off and ignore her indefinatly I will still have everything that I wanted to say on my chest. Dude we all make sacrifices. I gave up DREAMS for my ex. Do you know how stupid that is? Dreams that I've had since I was a kid that I can no longer due because of my age. I felt that if I pursued them, I wouldn't give enough of myself to her and she would leave. THAT'S PATHETIC! I'm sure you gave up tons, but a sacrifice is a weapon to show you care, not a weapon to put a person on a guilt trip. As for things you want to get off you back? Forget it. It's not worth it. If I can do it, why can't you? Dignity is everything in life dude... 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author ahthepain Posted April 3, 2014 Author Share Posted April 3, 2014 She isn't. She was very unsexual. She likes the attention but doesn't care about the sex. I have a high opinion of myself in regards to what I gave to her. I bought her everything and supported her through all the hard times in her life and the happy ones. It just seems crazy that in a few days she can want to throw that all away. She has however and I will accept that. She is young, as am I. But I want to remind her of the times we had and tell her what I loved doing most in our relationship and then tell her I will be moving on and make that clear. Link to post Share on other sites
KaliLove Posted April 3, 2014 Share Posted April 3, 2014 You bought her everything and supported her and she wasn't having sex with you? Sounds like a really fun relationship! Are you sure you weren't just her sugar daddy? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
sooshi Posted April 3, 2014 Share Posted April 3, 2014 Most of us will support our partners through hard times and be there with them during the good times too. I would think a partner would be there for us during our ups and downs! You don't need to remind her of the times you've had together. She was there too. She knows. She remembers. She may not remember them in the way you do, but she remembers. You also don't need to tell her that you'll be moving on in order to make that clear. You can make it even clearer by just not saying anything at all. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
SCJACK Posted April 3, 2014 Share Posted April 3, 2014 She isn't. She was very unsexual. She likes the attention but doesn't care about the sex. I have a high opinion of myself in regards to what I gave to her. I bought her everything and supported her through all the hard times in her life and the happy ones. It just seems crazy that in a few days she can want to throw that all away. She has however and I will accept that. She is young, as am I. But I want to remind her of the times we had and tell her what I loved doing most in our relationship and then tell her I will be moving on and make that clear. You don't need to remind her because she already knows, she didn't forget. and she will know you are moving on by staying NC. you can't make it any clearer than that. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author ahthepain Posted April 3, 2014 Author Share Posted April 3, 2014 We were having some sex, she would always do other things for me, but she was never a sexual person apart from at the start of the relationship it was abit better. She was not able to orgasm. This will sound horrible but because of what I supported her through and the fact she looks very young ... gets ID'd for 15 films, maybe I saw her as more of a child aswell. I have no idea. This will sound horrible but maybe if I keep saying it it will make me heal quciker - Would I really want to be in a relationship with a girl who's IQ was 40 less than mine? She never read the news or kept up with current affairs. She didn't play any sports (which is a big part of my life). Sexless relationship for the rest of my life? There were so many faults but I still loved her and she was way out of my league. I won't find a girl that pretty again I'm sure. All the reasons i listed above are major. Because looks fade and then we will be sat around the kitchen table in 10-15 years not having sex or able to talk about anything. She had no real qualifications and a menial job (better than my job ... professional gambler though). I find myself worried at night that she will get used or hurt by someone. And if she does she wont tell me or anyone because she has noone else. Link to post Share on other sites
KaliLove Posted April 3, 2014 Share Posted April 3, 2014 So basically..you liked her because she is pretty. Dude..come on. You can do better than that. Pretty isn't everything, and there are plenty of pretty girls out there. Pretty is a dime a dozen. You'll be over this way before you think you will. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
iDrumKing Posted April 3, 2014 Share Posted April 3, 2014 “The Man who says he can, and the man who says he can not.. Are both correct” ― Confucius One of my favorite quotes of all time. So keep telling yourself that you will never get over her, because at this rate you won't. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author ahthepain Posted April 3, 2014 Author Share Posted April 3, 2014 So basically..you liked her because she is pretty. Dude..come on. You can do better than that. Pretty isn't everything, and there are plenty of pretty girls out there. Pretty is a dime a dozen. You'll be over this way before you think you will. Very pretty and great fun to be with. She worshiped me (again without sounding pig headed), she would love to listen to my stories about anything. We spent thousands of hours just driving to anywhere chatting non stop. We wouldn't sleep some nights and just chat all night. She was my best friend in the whoooole world. I will miss that. so so much. But I'm thinking the only way we could be friends again is if I go complete NC and take time to get over her in any romantic way, then maybe if I can we could be good friends again. Link to post Share on other sites
Sasukie Posted April 3, 2014 Share Posted April 3, 2014 The 5 Stages Of Breakup Grief | Thought Catalog Which one are you? /slowclap. Link to post Share on other sites
organizedchaos Posted April 3, 2014 Share Posted April 3, 2014 It does however the circumstances and the support I have given her with the compromises I had to make to my family and personal life show that I gave her more than anyone else could offer. I'm sure most boyfriends feel the same and they do aswell. My dignity is the last thing I care about keeping intact. I want to get over this quickly and my worry is that if I drop her stuff off and ignore her indefinatly I will still have everything that I wanted to say on my chest. Well, then the only way she'll know what she had is when it's gone. Let her realize what life is like without you. Disappear. Let her miss you. She can't if you don't leave her alone? Do. You. Understand? Link to post Share on other sites
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