Ex wont show me her phone [new update]

[WYSWYG]

We all advised you to go "NC" but you didn't. I don't think there's a better option than that unless you find a gypsy w/ a golden tooth named madame Ruth. She's got love potion#9 - it doesn't fail.

[leesc90]

We all advised you to go "NC" but you didn't. I don't think there's a better option than that unless you find a gypsy w/ a golden tooth named madame Ruth. She's got love potion#9 - it doesn't fail.

 

yeah. i should have just not picked up. you guys are right.

[lauri]

hit a new rock bottom when she told me over text that we aren't to be communicating at all because it's necessary for me to move on. she basically texted me saying she has no feelings for me doesnt wanna lead me on and doesn't want to talk or see each other at all until we (mostly me) both view each other as friends.. hopes for reconciliation have reached zero..

 

You didn't listen to our advise earlier.

 

First off, you lost all leverage by talking to her on the phone for an hour. She realized you will always be there and that you have zero self control (bc you stayed on the phone for an HOUR). Man, this girl didn't deserve one second of your time. She ended it with you!!

 

Now you need to go straight no contact. Show her you don't care, ignore her texts, phone calls and delete her off of Facebook. Every second you spend talking to her the further she is pushed away.

 

Regain control of your emotions and don't waste another second on this girl. She's done and its time for you to put the time and effort into yourself - day 1 NC for you starts now.

[leesc90]

You didn't listen to our advise earlier.

 

First off, you lost all leverage by talking to her on the phone for an hour. She realized you will always be there and that you have zero self control (bc you stayed on the phone for an HOUR). Man, this girl didn't deserve one second of your time. She ended it with you!!

 

Now you need to go straight no contact. Show her you don't care, ignore her texts, phone calls and delete her off of Facebook. Every second you spend talking to her the further she is pushed away.

 

Regain control of your emotions and don't waste another second on this girl. She's done and its time for you to put the time and effort into yourself - day 1 NC for you starts now.

 

no exceptions.. got it. i will rely on this forum, it has been helpful even in the short time ive been here

[lolablue17]

If you fully understand now that there is no hope, so this phonecall wasn't a waist of time. Yes, you fell hurt but you probably needed that sting to help moving on.

[leesc90]

yeah. seeing her and hearing from her have 0 feelings for me did really hurt. makes it seem like the relationship was one sided when i really feel like there was matched love for most/all the time we were together.

[Chi townD]

Well, back to square one! Lessons learned, right?

 

 

Dude, I know you're hurting. I get it. I been there and done that and burnt the t-shirt. But, people are not here to ask you to do this, that or the other just to have some sort of perverse thrill of seeing you suffer. We suggest what you should be doing to prevent you from making the same mistakes that we did to stop you from feeling even worse.

 

 

And I will tell you this, YOU DESERVE BETTER! You have self worth and you are going to make some girl really happy when you heal from this and start making those positive changes I talked about.

 

 

I hope that you'll start to trust us a little.

[leesc90]

Well, back to square one! Lessons learned, right?

 

 

Dude, I know you're hurting. I get it. I been there and done that and burnt the t-shirt. But, people are not here to ask you to do this, that or the other just to have some sort of perverse thrill of seeing you suffer. We suggest what you should be doing to prevent you from making the same mistakes that we did to stop you from feeling even worse.

 

 

And I will tell you this, YOU DESERVE BETTER! You have self worth and you are going to make some girl really happy when you heal from this and start making those positive changes I talked about.

 

 

I hope that you'll start to trust us a little.

 

i fully trust you guys. its been more than helpful. i just need to learn to master my own emotions sometimes... like in my mind she still on this untouchable pedestal

[Chi townD]

i fully trust you guys. its been more than helpful. i just need to learn to master my own emotions sometimes... like in my mind she still on this untouchable pedestal

 

 

AND THERE IT IS!!! Your biggest problem.

 

 

You put this girl on a pedestal. You should NEVER do that. You should never put a girl on a pedestal and to be honest, no girl really wants to be on one.

 

 

If you put a girl on a pedestal, sooner or later she's going to realize that she's looking down on you. And that's when they start walking all over you.

 

 

Most girls want to be at your side. As your equal. Your partner in life. Your better half walking together hand in hand.

 

 

So, just be mindful of that in your next relationship.

[leesc90]

AND THERE IT IS!!! Your biggest problem.

 

 

You put this girl on a pedestal. You should NEVER do that. You should never put a girl on a pedestal and to be honest, no girl really wants to be on one.

 

 

If you put a girl on a pedestal, sooner or later she's going to realize that she's looking down on you. And that's when they start walking all over you.

 

 

Most girls want to be at your side. As your equal. Your partner in life. Your better half walking together hand in hand.

 

 

So, just be mindful of that in your next relationship.

 

i always thought it would alright if they did the same for you, simultaneous pedastaling by both people. i understnad that now and can see why teh relationship ended up how it did. i just really felt/still feel (for some crazy reason) that she deserves it. ive dated around a lot and she was really the best ive ever had by far (minus the last month or so that must have happened because of my lifting her on a pedestal)

[beach]

Let it gooooo!

 

She is your EX!

[leesc90]

Let it gooooo!

 

She is your EX!

 

there is much more at hand, you know.

[DannyCA]

hit a new rock bottom when she told me over text that we aren't to be communicating at all because it's necessary for me to move on. she basically texted me saying she has no feelings for me doesnt wanna lead me on and doesn't want to talk or see each other at all until we (mostly me) both view each other as friends.. hopes for reconciliation have reached zero..

 

I had major issues of letting go of my ex from a year ago. I struggled for at least like 10 months (yeah I know it was a damn long time.) I would keep in contact with her in hopes that she will remember what we had and reconcile. I didn't want to ignore her because I didn't want her to think I forgot about her or whatever. Yet we were only talking when it was convenient for her and I was too much of a sucker. I'll even one up my piss poor actions. I finally built up the courage about 6 months post BU to tell her to f*** off and stop contacting me. Then 2 months later I cracked and apologized for how rude I was (wtf was I thinking )

 

And then even one year post BU she asked me if we could be friends. I ignored her at first, but thought, "well it has been a year, we should be friends, I'm being petty ignoring her all this time later". She stopped talking to me after I agreed we should be friends.

 

I found myself trying to make her happy even after she broke up with me. I'll never make that mistake again.

[leesc90]

I had major issues of letting go of my ex from a year ago. I struggled for at least like 10 months (yeah I know it was a damn long time.) I would keep in contact with her in hopes that she will remember what we had and reconcile. I didn't want to ignore her because I didn't want her to think I forgot about her or whatever. Yet we were only talking when it was convenient for her and I was too much of a sucker. I'll even one up my piss poor actions. I finally built up the courage about 6 months post BU to tell her to f*** off and stop contacting me. Then 2 months later I cracked and apologized for how rude I was (wtf was I thinking )

 

And then even one year post BU she asked me if we could be friends. I ignored her at first, but thought, "well it has been a year, we should be friends, I'm being petty ignoring her all this time later". She stopped talking to me after I agreed we should be friends.

 

I found myself trying to make her happy even after she broke up with me. I'll never make that mistake again.

 

yeah man, i totally understand.

something i'm struggling with is that since our break up was so sudden and we had great dates just a day before she made that decision, im at home some days doing nothing and i know shes at home doing nothing really and my heart and mind really want to just go over and hang with her, as i know she would enjoy it and i would too. but in light of everything thats happened, thats not what im doing.. as much as i want to. it eats me up.. because i feel like she wants it too

[DannyCA]

yeah man, i totally understand.

something i'm struggling with is that since our break up was so sudden and we had great dates just a day before she made that decision, im at home some days doing nothing and i know shes at home doing nothing really and my heart and mind really want to just go over and hang with her, as i know she would enjoy it and i would too. but in light of everything thats happened, thats not what im doing.. as much as i want to. it eats me up.. because i feel like she wants it too

 

Dude she did you wrong, not the other way around. NC dude, that's what everyone has been saying, don't break it again. Don't let her get the upper hand on you. Don't feed her ego anymore. Anything and everything about her doesn't matter anymore. You deserve better.

 

She made her bed, let her rot in it. Don't be her emotional tampon like I was for my ex for a whole f****** year.

[soccerrprp]

She's your ex. Why would/should she?

[Babolat]

UPDATE:

she just called me today about something task related. but we ended up talking for almost an hour about life and how she was stressed about something that had just happened. i should have hung up, i was waiting for cues that she wanted to end the convo, but only ended it bc she had finally gotten home. i dont want to be a doormat, as much as i enjoyed speaking to her.

 

she texts me an hour later apologizing saying she shouldnt have talked or said anything to me. and that we shouldnt see each other at all.

 

I have not read the Replys to this post...

 

My ex gf did this all the time when I ended the relationship last March. It went on for months. She would even tell me "I never knew I would be losing my best friend". That turned into "Whatch doings?" texts, which meant "I'm horney", which led to sex.

 

She did this, but I allowed it, and so are you. I finally told her that no contact means no contact. She finally agreed and trust me, lots of healing started to take place almost immediately.

 

This 2nd time breaking up, about 4 weeks ago, I have not contacted her no has she contacted me since we kissed and said goodbye. I feel pretty close to 100% healed from the "2nd time dating". She intially said she wanted to still be friends, keep in touch, all that. She texted me once after the break up, I did not reply.

[Babolat]

hit a new rock bottom when she told me over text that we aren't to be communicating at all because it's necessary for me to move on. she basically texted me saying she has no feelings for me doesnt wanna lead me on and doesn't want to talk or see each other at all until we (mostly me) both view each other as friends.. hopes for reconciliation have reached zero..

Pretty darn selfish of her to call you, dump her problems on you, wipe her feet on you as a doormat, then text saying "Oops, sorry".

[Babolat]

I found myself trying to make her happy even after she broke up with me. I'll never make that mistake again.

Well said, I did this when my ex gf came back and said "I have changed, lets try again". I never should have even agreed to meet her so she could say this to me.

 

Lessons learned, I don't look back with regrets.

[JamesM]

If she wasn't doing something sneaky - she would have shown you her phone

 

No, not necessarily.

 

She is an ex and is no longer your gf.

 

She has NO need to gain your trust. She has no reason to be open with you about anything.

 

But if she did and you found out that she was cheating on you, how would that help?

 

If you found out that she wasn't, how would THAT help?

 

She is still an ex.

 

As difficult as it is and as close as you were, she has decided that the two of you don't belong together. She decided awhile back even if she said "I love you" to you near the end.

 

I totally understand why you want to get some closure as to what caused this and why it all happened, but I wonder how it will help with her or your future?

[whichwayisup]

my ex and i broke up last week. we ended our 3 year relationship and 8 year friendship kind of out of the blue. im moving on but want to remember her as a good person, but my ex lied to me about being with this guy when i caught them out somewhere together, the same guy she began talking to more near the end of our relationship. she insists there is nothing to the dynamic except friendship and that the reasons for our breakup were entirely separate. i asked her to show me their texts as a means of retaining my trust. she said "no, you're going to take it the wrong way." is it wrong of me to ask that & to demand it otherwise terminate any sense of friendship down the road. shes been in my life and close to me for over a decade. i dont want to have to go down this way

 

She is not going to show you her phone (aka the evidence that will prove she cheated on you) because the R is over and she has no obligations to you anymore. I get that you're upset, rightfully so but the bigger picture here, why on earth would you want to continue a friendship with her? Right now you *may* want that friendship, foresee how great it would be, to be friends with your ex, but as time goes on and you detach, grieve the loss and move on, you will NOT want to be friends with her. If you meet someone else and fall for that person, you won't want your ex in your life for so many reasons.

 

Unfortunately things are the way they are because she cheated on you.

[leesc90]

thanks for the all the responses guys. i think a great part of anguish in me is caused because i really want her to realize what she did was wrong. she seems unfazed and defensive that she has done nothing wrong. how can someone hurt another person they have been so close in THIS kind of way and be unremorseful? it blows my mind. i know i should let it go, but the human side of me wants to be like, you're horrible, and see her face realize the ****ty person shes been acting like these days. i want to believe deep down shes not capable of this.

[JamesM]

she seems unfazed and defensive that she has done nothing wrong.

 

We all use defense mechanisms for protection. The operative word is "seems."

 

She may put on a front and inside knows how she hurt you. But if she really revealed those feelings to you, then you may take it as meaning that there is hope for the two of you.

 

You want her to say she is sorry and then you will feel better about her. She is afraid that is she were to do that (assuming she does feel that way) you would start reconnecting to her.

 

For your own peace of mind...assume the best about her and move on. Also assume that she simply lost the feelings she had for you whether because of this new guy or in spite of this guy.

 

Who knows...in the very near future you may meet someone who will make you understand why this all had to happen. Then you will wonder why you ever loved anyone else.

[leesc90]

We all use defense mechanisms for protection. The operative word is "seems."

 

She may put on a front and inside knows how she hurt you. But if she really revealed those feelings to you, then you may take it as meaning that there is hope for the two of you.

 

You want her to say she is sorry and then you will feel better about her. She is afraid that is she were to do that (assuming she does feel that way) you would start reconnecting to her.

 

For your own peace of mind...assume the best about her and move on. Also assume that she simply lost the feelings she had for you whether because of this new guy or in spite of this guy.

 

Who knows...in the very near future you may meet someone who will make you understand why this all had to happen. Then you will wonder why you ever loved anyone else.

 

great response man.

i really do hope that this happens too, and i will continue to think the best of people, despite me really not wanting to. i cant let one person redefine the way i view life.

i guess its just the dreams/visions i had for myself are all coming to a close.

i envisioned myself proposing to her at the end of this year after i passed the bar, followed by a lifetime of companionship. i hope in time these feelings will pass entirely.

[Lifegoezon]

People do horrible things to people they once loved all the time. It doesn't mean they didn't really love the other person, but they changed their mind. That can happen to any of us. But some people are selfish and cowardly and don't deal with the situation honorably. We are always well rid of those people.