Author Babolat Posted April 8, 2014 Author Share Posted April 8, 2014 I think, kind of in summary, there are different levels of Introvert and Extrovert. Extremes on both sides probably will not work. Ones closer to "the middle" can work, but there has to be understanding, talking, making sure needs are met, making sure both understand why the other is the way they are, support, etc. And one cannot "get lost" in the other and forget to be, who they are (I think I did this to some degree in my last relationship). Be authentic to yourself. Recognize what you need, what makes you feel comfortable, feel anxious, step outside your box at times, to support the other and to grow, but be okay with stepping back into your box, and be with a partner who accepts this and supports it. I have heard words like "hate" in this thread, where the Introvert hates how they feel with their Extrovert partner. That, IMHO, is not good and needs to be resolved. I have read some say opposities will never work, and others say you need someone more like you. I disagree. I don't want someone just like me, I've done it, I'm bored, I don't grow. I want someone that's different, where I can grow, learn, experience new things. Managing the expectations, feeling comfortable, to me is what's important. Link to post Share on other sites
Iguanna Posted April 8, 2014 Share Posted April 8, 2014 I used the word hate. I hate that I need to pretend to be someone else than who I am for third parties to approve me and accept me. I hate that the "normal" is to be social and seek the company of people at all times and anything different just makes you problematic. I hate the confusion on people's faces when I say "nah we are not going anywhere for Christmas, we'll just hang out in the house". Changes have to be made, people have to be educated about the existence of a large amount of people, the introverts. Sometimes I compare the despise gay people used to (and some still do) face from people to the one we introverts face these days. Do other introverts feel that too? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Babolat Posted April 8, 2014 Author Share Posted April 8, 2014 I used the word hate. I hate that I need to pretend to be someone else than who I am for third parties to approve me and accept me. I hate that the "normal" is to be social and seek the company of people at all times and anything different just makes you problematic. I hate the confusion on people's faces when I say "nah we are not going anywhere for Christmas, we'll just hang out in the house". Changes have to be made, people have to be educated about the existence of a large amount of people, the introverts. Sometimes I compare the despise gay people used to (and some still do) face from people to the one we introverts face these days. Do other introverts feel that too? I don't feel what you feel, or see it in my social circles, to the extreme you describe, My ex's family/friends never understood why I did not want to stay up until 2AM+ drinking and talking (both my ex wife and my ex gf) I felt like they thought the ex and I were arguing or something was wrong with me. But, I did not care. I just saw it as a difference. With my ex gf it got to the point where I almost said "Why don't we take seperate cars". There was one event where I almost told her to take a cab home as I was done partying for the night, done being social. I did not, I stayed. If she wss in tune with me, things may have been better as 90%+ of the time I just stuck it out and did not say anything. I think this was selfish of her, or, she simply was not in tune with me. Ironically, looking back now, she told me similar stories about the exes before me, how at first they always wanted to go out with her, but after a while they never wanted to go out, never wanted to do anything. I got that way with her, too. Tell these "haters" to read the "Quiet.." book, and/or educate them yourself. I am now taking opportunities to educate versus make excuses. Link to post Share on other sites
Iguanna Posted April 8, 2014 Share Posted April 8, 2014 I don't feel what you feel, or see it in my social circles, to the extreme you describe, My ex's family/friends never understood why I did not want to stay up until 2AM+ drinking and talking (both my ex wife and my ex gf) I felt like they thought the ex and I were arguing or something was wrong with me. But, I did not care. I just saw it as a difference. You didn't care. I don't care as well, but my bf cares a lot cause they are his family and he wants them to have a good opinion about me (which they don't, but anyway). Anyway it's a huge issue about me, that I'm always misunderstood and called the weirdo even by my own family. People just can't get that you can have fun while reading a book or observing people. I like this article a lot: Introverts -- Portrait of an Introvert And this: http://www.buzzfeed.com/erinlarosa/problems-only-introverts-will-understand Link to post Share on other sites
Chocolat Posted April 8, 2014 Share Posted April 8, 2014 Iguanna, here is an article you should share with your bf and ask him to share with his family. If he/they are truly interested in knowing you, it will help. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Babolat Posted April 8, 2014 Author Share Posted April 8, 2014 Iguanna, here is an article you should share with your bf and ask him to share with his family. If he/they are truly interested in knowing you, it will help. Bingo, I was thinking the same, as I read her reply. Educate his family on why you are, the way you are. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Chocolat Posted April 8, 2014 Share Posted April 8, 2014 Bingo, I was thinking the same, as I read her reply. Educate his family on why you are, the way you are. Yea. I love the Quiet book but I am guessing that only fellow introverts will want to read it. The article is good for sharing with extroverts as it is a quick summary. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Valen Posted April 8, 2014 Share Posted April 8, 2014 Iguanna, here is an article you should share with your bf and ask him to share with his family. If he/they are truly interested in knowing you, it will help. I kinda wish someone told me I am introvert when I was a teenager. My gf always complain that I don't socialize with all her friends. She eventually got tired of me wanting to spend some time alone that she ended the relationship. I never understood why I am the way I am. My friends thought I was depressed. All that time I thought they must be right and I was depressed. But not until I reach my late twenties that I realize I was not depressed, I was just an introvert. I finally understand why I don't like to interact with groups of people. It is emotionally draining and I hated small talk. It was liberating knowing there was nothing wrong with me. I was just the typical gifted introvert. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Babolat Posted April 8, 2014 Author Share Posted April 8, 2014 Yea. I love the Quiet book but I am guessing that only fellow introverts will want to read it. The article is good for sharing with extroverts as it is a quick summary. Agreed, I doubt any Extrovert, unless they truly want to better understand a relationship they have with an Introvert, will read this book. I love the article; already posted to my Facebook page! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Babolat Posted April 16, 2014 Author Share Posted April 16, 2014 I've noticed in my readings that there is a lot of data on Introverts and a lot of readings, but not so much on Extroverts. Seems we Introverts really care about why we are the way we are! Link to post Share on other sites
passion_flower Posted April 16, 2014 Share Posted April 16, 2014 I just remembered this: my ex gf used to tell me it turned her on (sexually) to see me have conversations with people. I remember once while at family event with her family, I was talking engine talk with her uncle. Later that night she could not wait to F&*( me and said it so turned her on to see me talk to him. She would say the same shen she saw me talk to my friends or people in pulbic. One of our last times together was me introducing her to some of my female friends and one of my best male friends, at dinner. After dinner, I walked her to her car, said goodnight, she said she had to get home to her daughter. 15 minutes later she was knocking on my front door, came rushing in, said she was so turned on by watching me talk she wanted me to f^&* her! That's so funny! I've sometimes wished my boyfriend was a bit more social as he is very introverted and have tried to think of ways to spur him on but I'd feel very silly saying something like that to him for some reason lol. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Iguanna Posted April 16, 2014 Share Posted April 16, 2014 Old people especially have no idea that introvert people even exist! In their opinion you must be social and craving to go out all the time. My grandmother told me the other day (and I'm sorry for the bad translation of the word she used): "what is going to happen with you? will you always be that much recluse?". Like this is something that I can turn a button on and it will change! I'm so mad at these people who know nothing! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Babolat Posted April 24, 2014 Author Share Posted April 24, 2014 Just watched this quick video on how an Introvert can "act" like and Extrovert to sell: Do You Really Need to Be an Extrovert to Be a Super Salesperson? | Video | Entrepreneur.com Link to post Share on other sites
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