My boyfriend just went NC for (apparently) no reason. Why?

[piroulline]

I keep answering my own questions, you know... Something just came to mind about an incident a few months ago. One of my ex's long-time friends, one of his two best friends as a matter of fact, has been battling cancer for years now. He, the friend, is an aspiring writer of spirituality books. My ex confessed to me a few months ago that his friend had asked him over and over again to read at least a few chapters of a book he was writing and offer some advice. It turns out that his friend ended up having to trick him and corner him into reading a couple chapters. My ex made this comment at the time "I'm a terrible friend. I'm really an a**hole." That wasn't the first or last time he labeled himself an a**hole after behaving in less than compassionate ways towards people.

 

Poet Maya Angelou says that when people tell you who they are, you should believe them.

 

I wish I had. But, ahhh... love shouts so loud that we find ourselves ignoring even the most blatant signs, don't we?

 

I see my story here is getting many views. I hope it helps someone out there not to fall into the same mistakes I did.

[OnlyHonesty]

 

I don't understand men who think they're "all that" when it's perfectly okay to be just who they are.

 

I wonder if you would still be saying this if you weren't upset with him. The fact is, this must have attracted you to him and if he was the opposite, you may well have overlooked him.

 

My ex and I never even had a decent argument or a fight. I could never bring up the slightest problem I was having in the relationship (like his no phone calls rule) and he would just shut down and flee. Total avoidance was his chosen method of dealing with even minor disagreements.

 

Notice any developing patterns here?

[piroulline]

Good points, OnlyHonesty. I did feel attracted to him because he thought so highly of himself - or seemed to at least. And, yes, there is definitely a pattern with him where avoidance is his chosen method of dealing with anything beyond his control. He said so many times that he preferred to restrict his life to things he could control. Obviously none of us will ever be able to control another human being. So he chose to leave.

 

Some of you have said that he has no feelings for me. I doubt that. I think at some point he did have feelings for me, however those feelings were never enough to compensate for his fears.

 

Thanks for your reply. I'm having a rough day today, missing him, missing knowing how he is and what he is doing.

 

But I'm still holding on to NC like I would hold on to dear life

[piroulline]

I should also mention maybe that last December I felt things taking a turn when I told him that I wasn't going to travel to see him a 5th time since I wanted to spend time with my son over Christmas break. Last year was the first year in my life that I took time away from my kid for anything. But I could tell that my ex felt hurt by that. His exact comments were "yeah... you should spend the money in something else.)

 

Last August he was supposed to come see me but that never materialized and, to be honest, it was so amazing when I visited him that I didn't mind. But I had set myself a limit of four visits and then it would be his turn. But he finished school, got a job, etc.. I guess in his mind it's impossible right now. And if it's "impossible" it's because it doesn't mean very much to him...

 

I have a coworker who's been in a LDR for as long as I have or was. Her bf calls her every day, three times a day. He visits her once a month and pays for her to go visit him, too. They knew each other from before, many years ago, but still. I know what it looks like when a guy is truly interested in you because I see how her guy is with her.

 

Yeah... I wanted that too. But it didn't turn out that way for me...

 

Yes, I still hope he will come back one day. But to be honest, I don't know what I would do or say to him after everything he put me through. Just trying to calm my mind right now and be rational about this whole thing.

[piroulline]

Hello all,

 

First of all I can't thank you enough for your help these last couple of weeks. I would be feeling nowhere near as good as I feel right now if it wasn't for LS.

 

I have a question. Years ago right before my ex blocked me on Facebook he added one of my long-time male friends because my friend does judo and my ex is into martial arts. They have never met, aren't friends, and my friend probably doesn't even pay attention to him on Facebook.

 

Anyway, that's something that has always irked me. He added my friend, but kept me blocked. My friend's posts are public too, so anyone can see it (he could with another account). That's why I rarely comment on the posts.

 

I am thinking about asking my friend to delete me ex.

 

What do you think?

 

I'm doing so much better right now with NC. I just feel like he has no business having contact with anyone that close to me who may post pictures of me on his page...