I hate him

[Hopeful714]

Its been 1yr 7 mos since the break up. A year today since he last texted and I blew him off, never to be heard from again.

 

He was a liar, serial cheat, emotional abuser and a narcissist. Worst person I ever dated. Ever. I am glad its over and enjoy the peace in my life. I'm guessing he's continued his games with others as was his pattern. He could never maintain a RS for more then 1 year.

 

Im doing great! Still been gun shy dating, but if I met someone worth while, I'd be ready.

 

I could care less what he does. Really, I don't. The problem is: I still think of him from time to time. And when I do, its pure disgust and hatred. And I mean HATRED. I cannot find any forgiveness. And I dont want to. He doesn't deserve it. The best I can do is say to myself that I hope he "gets what he deserves". Regardless if that is good...or bad.

 

How do I get rid of this? It makes me sick when I think of it and I don't want to carry it anymore. I'm also petrified of running into him somewhere. If I did I think it would make me physically sick.

 

And no, no more counseling. I went to get over him. And I did. I'm not paying any more money over this idiot.

 

Suggestions please.

[Michelle ma Belle]

The way I have learned to deal with uncomfortable feelings and situations is to realize that everything happens for a reason. Honestly. It may seem too simplistic but once you truly embrace this concept, you will see every experience both good and bad as learning opportunities to become a better YOU!

 

Yes, he may have been the scum of the earth and he hurt you deeply but try to focus on the positive side of things;

 

(1) You managed to find the courage to dump his ass which is more than most women would do;

 

(2) You now know what you will and will no longer accept from your next relationship.

 

These are significant milestones to celebrate. BRAVO!!!

 

Always remember that real growth can only come from pain. Thank him for showing you that you deserve better

[pinkie]

Forgiveness is for YOU. It is to help you move forward and to let it go. He may never know, or even care. It's not about him anymore. If you can't figure out how to forgive and get something good from the experience, it will only poison YOU in the long run. (emtionally, physically, spiritually). The energy it takes to conjure those negative feelings of pure 'hatred' work against YOU and only YOU.

 

Rethink your stance on the situation. Find a way to let it go. Hatred is pure poison in every way. The stress from the hate and anger you feel can and will possibly injure you internally, more than he ever could have. You are only hurting yourself. There's enough going on in the world. Change your perspective and you will change your life.

[Noproblem]

Forgive him because deep down inside

He was born as an innocent child

 

Something happened along the way that made him this way

 

He could have been a perfect person, but for some reason he turned out to be this way ......

 

Forgive him and go embrace your life......

[schmurr]

Interestingly, I learned that the opposite of love is not hate, but indifference. Maybe a part of you deep down still has strong feelings, but since you're unsure of how to deal with them, they have gone on the other end of the spectrum towards hate. Either way, it's great that you recognize that this person wasn't healthy for you, and I'm glad you are away from that toxic mess! But take this time to focus on you. The more you focus on your hate for him the less that's actually helping you.

 

Maybe every time your hatred does rear up you can take that time to recognize that in that moment you should do something for yourself. Anything that makes you feel good. Over time, the indifference will come.

[Never Again]

everything happens for a reason

 

While I like the positive spin here, I couldn't disagree more.

 

Life is random, and the only things we can "control" are our own choices. There is no plan, no set of reasons for why things happen...

 

...everything happens, and that's where it stops. The meaning you derive in retrospect only has power because of what you've done since. Keep moving forward, and you'll continue to see things in a better light.

 

You may never let go of your hatred for him, much like I can't seem to shake some of my feelings for exes, but they grow less potent over time. Much less potent. Eventually, your rage will become just a spark of anger...and then, nothing.

 

Time and focusing solely on yourself is really the only suggestion I can offer.

[Hopeful714]

Thanks.

 

My anger subsided as it usually does, and life went on as it usually does.

 

Today, I had a memory or two and it made me sad. So, I figured I'd call a friend I've been meaning to call back to get my mind out of "that place".

 

Even though we don't usually discuss what happened with me anymore, she mentioned at the end of the conversation that it was "over" with him and "the next" girl.

 

Wow. That means 2 more hurt by him since me, and I'm sure he's on to another already. That means 5 girls now in 6 years. All complete with future faking, "I love you's", and promises made, never meant to be kept.

 

I feel pity today. For him, and for all the others. I had some wonderful times with this man, as I'm sure all the other girls did as well. I remembered some of the good qualities, that I thought were him, that sucked me in and grabbed a hold of me so so tightly, but then I remembered all the bad, the sick and twisted things too.

 

I know in my heart of hearts, there is a mental illness here. Something askew. It's so sad to think of all those that were hurt, those that will be hurt, and even him himself, who lives with whatever disorder it is.

 

I suppose I can consider myself today blessed, and lucky that I got away. That I AM ok, and that I can wake up and look at myself in the mirror with no guilt or shame of things I have done to others.

 

Yes, hopefully with time all these leftover feelings just subside into oblivion. Amazing though, how one man, and one disorder...can change so many lives. It's just sad. And I'm sure many of you here know that, and can relate.

 

Ok Onward!.........thank you LS for always being here for me to ramble my thoughts to

[Radu]

Take up boxing, put his face on the punching bag.

[pureinheart]

Its been 1yr 7 mos since the break up. A year today since he last texted and I blew him off, never to be heard from again.

 

He was a liar, serial cheat, emotional abuser and a narcissist. Worst person I ever dated. Ever. I am glad its over and enjoy the peace in my life. I'm guessing he's continued his games with others as was his pattern. He could never maintain a RS for more then 1 year.

 

Im doing great! Still been gun shy dating, but if I met someone worth while, I'd be ready.

 

I could care less what he does. Really, I don't. The problem is: I still think of him from time to time. And when I do, its pure disgust and hatred. And I mean HATRED. I cannot find any forgiveness. And I dont want to. He doesn't deserve it. The best I can do is say to myself that I hope he "gets what he deserves". Regardless if that is good...or bad.

 

How do I get rid of this? It makes me sick when I think of it and I don't want to carry it anymore. I'm also petrified of running into him somewhere. If I did I think it would make me physically sick.

 

And no, no more counseling. I went to get over him. And I did. I'm not paying any more money over this idiot.

 

Suggestions please.

 

Love, it will take time. It appears as if there was a traumatizing aspect to what you're dealing with.

 

I know you don't want him back in your life. There are a few people that think my anger and resentment towards my ex was/is due to "subconsciously or consciously" wanting him back. No. Gross:sick:

 

LOL, the thought of running into him makes your skin crawl doesn't it? This is due to trauma IMO. I had the same thing happen with another relationship- it did subside after a couple of years.

 

Suggestions:

 

Make your mind understand that he is the past, he cannot hurt or touch you any longer.

 

Take personal responsibility and understand the trauma you allowed in your life. You DIDNOT deserve this, but taking responsibility does help tremendously. Find the signs that you shined on or chose not to see…9 times out of 10 there are red flags in the very early stages.

 

When he pops in your mind, take control of your thoughts and try not to let those rogue thoughts continue- shut them down immediately. When this happens to me, I tell myself "this is dead, it's old garbage and I choose not to allow these thought patterns to continue".

 

I'm saying these things to you because you have worked through the mess and are now in the last stages of healing- I believe these suggestions will thrust you into complete healing, fast. I fear if you take this anger into a new relationship, it could cloud something that might be good for you. Lots of love...

[pureinheart]

Take up boxing, put his face on the punching bag.

 

This is good too Radu!

[Hopeful714]

Ha yea! I did used to picture myself punching him right smack in the face hundreds of times. Also, there was such a bond I had (most likely a trauma bond or so Ive read) that I actually would picture a cord between us (even though we were already apart) and I would take an ax and hack the heck out of it to break it! lol

 

Also, yes pureinheart there was something about this that WAS very traumatizing to me. Still is. Sure I've met idiots before, but never to this extent to where the whole RS psychologically messed with my mind. Crazy stuff to find out someone is nothing as they present, especially when you spent so much time with them....and they don't even care! I guess that was the most traumatizing part. I should have listened to my gut. It knew something was off from the beginning. Funny, he had a motorcycle we used to ride on.... and last summer when this hurt was fresher, I actually would flinch whenever I heard one! PTSD probably! Nutz!

 

Most likely this is the last stages of healing. And I have been thinking forward on how to trust again! All will eventually be good!

[SummerAngel]

I agree that forgiveness is to make you feel better. This jerk does not deserve any of your time or any of your power. He has taken enough from you already. Leave the creep in your past and forget him. He deserves nothing from you. You are way better than this! You go girl!

[Leegh]

Its been 1yr 7 mos since the break up. A year today since he last texted and I blew him off, never to be heard from again.

 

He was a liar, serial cheat, emotional abuser and a narcissist. Worst person I ever dated. Ever. I am glad its over and enjoy the peace in my life. I'm guessing he's continued his games with others as was his pattern. He could never maintain a RS for more then 1 year.

 

Im doing great! Still been gun shy dating, but if I met someone worth while, I'd be ready.

 

I could care less what he does. Really, I don't. The problem is: I still think of him from time to time. And when I do, its pure disgust and hatred. And I mean HATRED. I cannot find any forgiveness. And I dont want to. He doesn't deserve it. The best I can do is say to myself that I hope he "gets what he deserves". Regardless if that is good...or bad.

 

How do I get rid of this? It makes me sick when I think of it and I don't want to carry it anymore. I'm also petrified of running into him somewhere. If I did I think it would make me physically sick.

 

And no, no more counseling. I went to get over him. And I did. I'm not paying any more money over this idiot.

 

Suggestions please.

He really does sound like a narcissist. Narcissists are truly the absolute worst people to deal with, whether in romantic relationships or otherwise. They will lie, cheat, steal, twist things around to make the other person guilty of their wrongdoing, and they have no empathy for other people, yet they are extremely sensitive. Look at all you've gained by not being in a mess like that anymore.

[The Like Fairy]

 

Also, there was such a bond I had (most likely a trauma bond or so Ive read)

 

that I actually would picture a cord between us (even though we were already apart)

 

and I would take an ax and hack the heck out of it to break it! lol

 

 

That's because there IS a cord!!

 

It is a type of energy connection. You will want to cut it.

 

Yes it sounds crazy.......

 

I experienced the very same thing with 2 people in my life..... I ended up googling something like 'cord between people' and discovered I WASNT just imagining things.

 

Strange as it sounds, but it was real for me, and because of your comments above, I believe it is very real for you too.

 

Here is some reading you will want to do on spiritual cord cutting. I DONT believe you need to have the oils/perfumes they list, those are probably just symbolic, but whatever, maybe they help. I didn't use any oils or incense myself, but whatever works for you, go for it, what can it hurt?

 

CUTTING CORDS