Do men know if they want....

[Jayla]

I've been dating my boyfriend for 3 years, we have a 1yr old child together too. I was wondering if most men know if they wanna marry the person they're with after a certain time. I would think that after a few years a man would know if he sees himself being married to the woman he's with somewhere down the line. He's never brought up marriage so I don't know what he thinks. And I don't want to scare him off by mentioning it. What do you guys and gals think???

[JustAGirl]

Maybe he is one of those people who don't believe in official marriage. I have a few friends like that: they simply live with their partner, no intentions of signing papers whatsoever.

 

Just wanted to share that fact

I've been dating my boyfriend for 3 years, we have a 1yr old child together too. I was wondering if most men know if they wanna marry the person they're with after a certain time. I would think that after a few years a man would know if he sees himself being married to the woman he's with somewhere down the line. He's never brought up marriage so I don't know what he thinks. And I don't want to scare him off by mentioning it. What do you guys and gals think???

[sparkle]

Hi Jayla,

He's never brought up marriage so I don't know what he thinks

A few questions for you, regarding this.

 

You've been with this guy for 3 years and you don't know what he thinks about it???

 

Over the past 3 years, have you two EVER discussed the future? If not, what do you all talk about??

 

And even if he doesn't bring it up, how many times have you made the effort to talk to him about it?

 

You have got to communicate opnely with him. A relationship isn't even considered a relationship if there's no communication between the two of you, if you two can't be open with each other about your thoughts and feelings.

 

"Girlfriend" has the word "friend" in it. You're supposed to be his FRIEND. Friends discuss their feelings with each other. They discuss their thoughts on all sorts of issues. They talk about what they want. They talk about their goals, their future, their hopes, their dreams. And they don't sit around waiting for the other to initiate the discussion. They speak their mind whenever they're thinking about something.

And I don't want to scare him off by mentioning it.

This makes it seem like you're walking on eggshells around him. You should be comfortable with this guy, you should be able to discuss anything you want with him, without worrying about what he'll think.

 

It's not too hard. Just sit down and ask him. I don't know how old the two of you are. But just say everything that's on your mind. After 3 years, if this guy got "scared away" by anything you said, I will REALLY wonder what the heck is wrong with this guy.

 

Tell him something along the lines of "I'm at a point in my life where I'm starting to think about my future, and possibly marriage. I know we haven't discussed this before, but I'd like to talk to you about it, find out your thoughts about this, and discover if you could be that special person. And I need to know where you stand. Are you just dating me for fun or are you looking for a relationship that can lead to marriage?"

 

I discourage you to use these exact words..but something along that line. End it with a question to get him to discuss it.

 

If you're looking to get married, and he has no intentions of doing so, it's up to you to decide whether you want to stay with him or not, or date around and maybe one day find that special someone to walk down the aisle with in the future.

 

Again, I don't know how old you two are. If he's in his early twenties, he is just starting to experience life as an adult, and maybe he just might not be ready. Either way, the best answer is communication.

 

Good luck talking to him! Let us know how your conversation went.