Could I get full-custody of my children?

[Mixxy1516]

Hello, I could really use some help before I seek legal advice.

 

I'm 30 and my husband (ex to be) is 28, we've been for married 9 years and have 2 children aged 4 and 6.

 

My husband works as a Family/Criminal Lawyer and I stay at home with the kids. I want to divorce my husband because he is not making me happy.

 

• He works long hours, 6 days a week. He uses his spare time to look after the kids and do the gardening, house maintenance etc. He doesn't spend any quality time with me. He makes the kids very happy, but I can't live like this anymore.
  
• We haven't had sex in 4 months because he is so stressed, tired and focused on other commitments.
  
• He's hasn't done anything wrong. He doesn't drink and he never abuses myself or the kids. It's just he's so bloody boring. He's not the best-looking fellow, it was his personality that won my heart.
  

I just don't want to live my life with someone who's like that. One weekend, I went to a bar with some girl friends and started hooking up with this very attractive man, we had sex quite a few times. I want to spend my life with him. He a marine scientist, he's perfect!!!! I want to file a divorce because my husband isn't making me happy.

 

 

I told him about the divorce, but he doesn't know about the affair. When we're divorced, I want:

 

• Full custody of the kids - with him paying child support
  
• Also we share a house and a car, would I be able to claim both assets?
  
• Would I be able to get other payments or assets?
  

The problem is, my husband (ex to be) is a Family Lawyer!!! But he reassured me that he would stand down for the benefit of myself and the kids. This means that he won't take legal action because 'He hates to fight against someone that he really loves' which I think is fair. Not to mention, he keeps apologizing for 'wasting 9 years of my life' and 'for not making me happy'. He says that I can apply for a divorce if 'that makes my happy'. I might keep in touch with him every now and then.

 

 

 

I just want a fresh start with my new lover and I want to leave my husband. I'm not being selfish, but I want full-custody of the kids because I can't imagine my life without them. They should accept my new husband to be. Is there any chance that I can turn him into the genuine father (legally, rather than step-father).

 

 

 

So anyways, is there anything that I should consider before seeking legal application? Is there anyway that my husband (ex to be) can get shared custody?

 

 

Thank you .

[Mascara]

To answer your direct question, no you don't have the right to deprive your children of their father, and no court will grant you full custody. In fact, I hope your husband gets custody so you can have lots of sex with your new FWB.

Edited April 3, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[M30USA]

Most states have the presumption that joint custody is in the children's best interest. It takes a lot for the judge to break the presumption--slightly more for women but it's still a lot regardless. This is the reason why so many divorcing spouses accuse the other of child abuse, molestation, etc. They want to gain full custody. Many lawyers promote this even when the petitioning spouse normally wouldn't consider it. It's unreal.

[d0nnivain]

I just want a fresh start with my new lover and I want to leave my husband. I'm not being selfish, but I want full-custody of the kids because I can't imagine my life without them. They should accept my new husband to be. Is there any chance that I can turn him into the genuine father (legally, rather than step-father).

 

 

Re-read your post & take another look in the mirror. You are incredibly selfish. You are married to a good man who works his butt off to provide for you & the kids but you complain about how hard he works. You complain that you don't have sex. Why do I have the feeling that part of the reason you don't have sex is that you are either in the bar with your friends of when your husband is home instead of being kind to him you are in his face complaining about what he's not doing for you.

 

 

You say you are not selfish but then say you want your kids because you can't imagine your life without them. What about them? They need their father. You admit he makes them happy. How is it anything but incredibly selfish to want to terminate his parental rights just because you are unhappy? News flash not only are you selfish you are narcissistic.

 

 

You have now gone out & started cheating on him. After one date / encounter you are ready to set up house with this stranger & are talking about trying to take away their father's parental rights which is what you would have to do to make the new guy legally the kids' father. I doubt you will get full custody. Maybe you will get physical custody but there's no way you are going to get to dissolve your husband's parental rights.

 

 

If he reads this, forget whatever dreams you have of him standing down. He's going to unleash all the other members of the family bar on you. Plus remember, he knows the judges who probably have a high opinion of him. You're the stranger who will be viewed with real skepticism if 1 iota of the garbage you spewed in this post gets to the court.

[Woggle]

If this thread is real this is exactly why men are afraid of commitment these days. Pretend you are a man reading this and ask yourself if it makes you want to get married.

[Mixxy1516]

Geez, I was expecting some advice, not criticism. I'm sorry if I may have offended most of you, but I am just doing what I can for the happiness of myself and my children. I'm not questioning my husband's characteristics, but I'm seriously over the relationship. I've lost that spark that I had for him years ago. I'm entitled to be happy, am I not??

 

I think that I could get full-custody, or at least substantial. It's funny that I'm the one that's actually in the house (feeding and clothing) the children while he's out there trying to make a name for himself (in the legal profession). My husband-to-be is a marine scientist and he works flexible hours. So he has a lot more time to spend with the kids. My ex-to-be works very long hours and is constantly stressed. Is that a good influence for the kids?? He tries, but he tries too hard.

 

I'm not selfish, I'm entitled to live my life and make myself happy. I'm just bored of the relationship, he's nice and all but I want someone that excites me, one that puts me first and makes me feel special. One that will be spend a lot of time with the children. Yes, he's a hard worker but if he really loves me and the kids, he should've made sacrifices ages ago, meaning that it's either us or your career. With his qualifications, he could've been involved in a 'less-demanding' job. My children will look up to my next husband-to-be, one that's exciting, charming and wants to live. Also, they're really young, they're only 4 and 6, so making them accept my husband-2-be as their new father wouldn't be too difficult.

 

Nobody have mentioned whether I'm entitled to keep the house or the car (family assets). Can I please get some advice on this because this will provide a very important step. My ex-2-be doesn't know about this, but I want to keep the house and car so that I can sell it and use the money to make a new life in Perth (I live on the Sunshine Coast). I just want a fresh start and I keep dreading on about the reasons why I have wasted several years of my life with a man that I don't love.

 

Also, I believe that I have an advantage because I'm the one that spends most of the time with the kids. I don't want my kids having to see their father enter the house at 8pm. I want a husband that can spend quality time with myself and the kids. If we separated and my ex-2-be claims full-custody, who's going to look after them while he's at work?!?!

 

Can I please get some more advice because most of the 'advice' are just personal attacks on my personality. I'm not selfish, I'm doing what's right for myself, my kids and eventually my ex-2-be.

 

Thank you.

[TAV]

I'm not selfish, I'm doing what's right for myself, my kids and eventually my ex-2-be.

 

And that is by turning your new scientist bf into their new legal daddy and erasing the biological and perfect dad from their life?

Edited April 3, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[Zahara]

It's one thing to want to end it because you aren't happy but your greedy need to have it all and even alienate their kids from their father and make some man you met at bar and hooked up with several times their new dad is sickening. And you even said, "He makes the kids very happy,..."

Edited April 3, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[Hoosfoos]

Your husband is in a perfect position to answer your questions. He's a family lawyer!

[Woggle]

If women want to know why men don't want to commit anymore just read this thread.

[Mascara]

Well there are no women agreeing with her. So this is probably no more common than a man asking how he can leave his wife and give up his rights to his kids so he can avoid child support.

 

Most women would be disgusted with her.

Edited April 3, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[William]

In light of the quite abusive and off-topic commentary, largely redacted, moderation weighs in here to share that real life information matches up with that provided by the starter of this thread and, while their posting may be controversial, it is in no way license to engage in abusive posting and we clearly won't tolerate that. Our guidelines underscore this. Long-time members who think they are immune to our guidelines may wish to dust them off and re-read them, especially those about civility and respect for *all* members.

[BeingMe]

So let me get this straight (please correct me if I get anything wrong):

 

- You are married to a hard working lawyer

- You are a stay at home mum

- You have two children

- You are having an affair and believe you love AP and he will be your next husband

- Your husband does not know about the affair or AP

- You want to divorce your husband, take the house, the car and quite literally take the children - hoping to take away his parental rights and make AP their new adopted father. You believe your children will be happy with this.

 

 

Wow!Just....Wow!

 

 

Some things to think about:

 

1. Your husband is a real flesh and blood person with real feelings. It reads like you don't actually realise this. I say that because you have given absolutely no consideration to how he will feel:

a. When you tell him that the wife he loves and works hard for so that she doesn't have to work, doesn't love him and is having an affair and wants a divorce.

b. When you tell him that you are taking the children, not only during the week, but want him to give up his flesh and blood children he loves, to the man you are having an affair with

 

2. Your children have feelings too:

a. You seem to think that your children will be happy about all your plans for them. My children are the same age. when their father left (after his affair, but they don't know that), they're hearts broke that we were breaking up and that they were losing their father for a lot of the week.

b.They now have abandonment issues,they pray every night for us to get back together. My happy carefree boys have become more solemn, they have learnt to compartmentalise and try to stuff away their feelings so it doesn't hurt - all very emotionally unhealthy. My heart breaks for them.

c.They are gradually learning to accept their new 'normal', but they are not happy. I can't imagine how they would feel if i refused to let them see their dad at all and wanted to let another man adopt them. Seriously damaging!

 

 

Also some questions:

 

- How long has your affair been going on?

- Does you AP know you are going to divorce your husband?

- Has your AP proposed?

- Is your AP going to support you financially? Are you going to move in together?

[RonaldS]

Mixxy, I'll just come out and say what every other rational human being who has read your comments is thinking but is too polite to say:

 

Oh....oops. I can't. But you should be able to infer what that is.

Edited April 3, 2014 by RonaldS

[RonaldS]

So, your husband is a family law lawyer, and you think you're going to be able to fleece him not only for full custody of the kids but also child support when he hasn't done anything wrong but you're having an affair?

 

Good luck with all that.

 

Please let us know which court this divorce proceeding is going to be held in. I'm going to want to see this one go down, haha.

[underwater2010]

Sounds like YOUR happiness is wrapped up in the excitement of a new relationship (affair). That fine...do the right thing and divorce your husband. It is better for him in the end too.

 

As far as your kids...sounds like their happiness is provided by BOTH of you. Please, please DO NOT take his kids away from him just because you want the money. It would be a different story if he was abusive/alcoholic etc. But you have not mentioned that he is.

 

It sounds like he will put up on heck of a fight when it comes down to it.

[GorillaTheater]

It sounds like he will put up on heck of a fight when it comes down to it.

 

I hope he employs every last ounce of expertise and connections he has.

 

But boy, talk about a post that hits a lot of hot buttons ...

[Mascara]

I see from further comments that you are in Australia, I do know a little about Australian family law, so I'm pleased to tell you that since 2008 the courts operate under a principle of "shared care". This means that the child is entitled to spend at least 35% of time with each parent. This is just a starting point though. He could get more (doubtful he'd get less, since he's a good father)

[d0nnivain]

Nobody have mentioned whether I'm entitled to keep the house or the car (family assets). Can I please get some advice on this because this will provide a very important step. My ex-2-be doesn't know about this, but I want to keep the house and car so that I can sell it and use the money to make a new life in Perth (I live on the Sunshine Coast). I just want a fresh start and I keep dreading on about the reasons why I have wasted several years of my life with a man that I don't love. .

 

 

This is an international message board populated by lay people. You are never going to get sound legal advice from anybody other than an Australian lawyer. You certainly aren't going to get it from a bunch of people in other countries.

 

 

The modern trend in the US is to split the marital assets. So that means you can sell the house. You get 1/2 of the proceeds after the mortgage is paid & he get's 1/2. You aren't going to get to walk away with all of his hard earned money.

 

 

You are leaving because you are bored & unhappy, not because he cheated or was abusive. There is no fault here.

 

 

As a really good family lawyer once said to me, when you get divorced expect the following: your lawyer gets 1/3 of your assets, his lawyer gets 1/3 of your assets & you & your STBEX spilt the remaining 1/3.

 

 

Also even if you don't work, some amount of income will most likely be attributed to you because you have the potential to earn a living.

 

 

Just because you are a SAHM does not mean it's in the children's best interests to give you custody.

[carhill]

OP, here's an Australian government web site from your locale devoted to such matters, though where you live on the 'Sunshine Coast' might deem a different state's rules:

 

https://www.qld.gov.au/law/births-deaths-marriages-and-divorces/divorce-and-separation/

 

Another aspect worthy of consideration is, if you are indeed moving to WA, investigate residency requirements and divorce laws in both states and compare to your situation for best result.

 

My advice would be to pick *one* aspect of post-divorce life to focus on and negotiate everything else generously. No one wins here; there are only levels of loss.

[RuralGuy]

Geez, I was expecting some advice, not criticism. I'm sorry if I may have offended most of you, but I am just doing what I can for the happiness of myself and my children. I'm not questioning my husband's characteristics, but I'm seriously over the relationship. I've lost that spark that I had for him years ago. I'm entitled to be happy, am I not??

 

 

You gave up the 'entitlement' to be happy when you had kids. Until those kids are grown up, providing them with a good environment should trump your desire for 'happiness'.

 

 

Happiness is fleeting. You were happy with your husband. Now you are not. You are happy with the new guy. Soon enough, you won't be happy with him either.

 

 

Your kids are forever. (Well, they should outlive you, which is close enough to forever.)

 

 

Your husband is a good provider. He makes the kids happy. The kids have a good stable home life.

 

 

And you're going to rip your kids lives apart, you are going to hurt them, and put them through hell, just because you want to have sex with some new guy? Sheesh. Commitment - just another meaningless word, eh?

Edited April 3, 2014 by RuralGuy
fixing spelling mistakes

[RonaldS]

Can't the new guy help finance your new life?

 

Oh wait, he's a marine biologist. Nevermind, dumb question. It does explain why you need to get as much money as you can, though.

[Cynicalme]

So, has the marine biologist proposed, or are you just assuming that's going to happen.

 

Really, you need to be thinking like a grown-up.

[tbf]

Yes, I'm sure it's possible to get full custody over your children. Do continue your course of action and let us know how it works for you. It might also help others in the same situation by posting the process and results, particularly against an ex-H who's a successful family lawyer.

 

Good luck!

[aussietigerwolf]

as I live not that far from you let me enlighten you on a few things (I'll assume that you're not a troll for this)

 

you won't get sole custody unless you can prove he's unfit and even then he'll still have parental rights. the courts here like 50/50 and based on what you've said about him then he'll get it easily.

 

however... if he chooses to fight you aaaand one iota of the crap you spewed gets out and is used in court then you're screwed.

 

also, forget leaving the state. you simply wont be allowed to leave the state with the kids and if you try they will just force you back.

 

so.. does your ap know about your plans?