She KNOWS now!

[hurtnomorerika]

She can tell it to whomever, who cares. I don't have to read just because she tells me too. Let them read it they find it entertaining. People get talked about everyday the world keeps turning and usually people forget about it and move on.

 

A mother does not have to be deemed unfit for the father to be names custodial parent. I know a few cases where the kida are with their father despite the mother fighting for them. Running away is kidnapping. There was a news story of this woman who fled the USA to Canada a few years ago and somehow notices her even though they had started a new life. Now she is in jail and doesn't even get her part time parenting. While I don't think that this amn and his wife will want the child. Like I said it is rare when they stay together for the BW to want a constant reminder of her husband's screwing around. But don't let your naivity think it is an impossibility. It only takes the news to see things don't always turn out for the best.

 

I recommend you remember that in your beliefs about God forgiveness he also said to love your enemies and do good to those who hate you. Working on getting the chip off your shoulder will make you a happier person. And I am nr saying you can't protect yourself. But you cand o it firmly and withot malice.

 

And again where have I shown to be malicious? There's a lot that goes into custody battles. He's not just going to walk into a courtroom and says I want full custody and the judge ok give him full custody and the mother visitation rights just because he asked. A lot of variables goes into it. It would not be easy he would definitely have to prove his case.

[herenow]

Herenow, taking my own advice in another thread and rereading my reply I should have kept God out. I should have just said simply that lessons learnt can help guide us to be better people. I think I've lost the point of what I was trying to relay!

 

I know I replied to your post, but I don't think you were first to bring it up. I think the whole situation would be something that a higher power would be a bit disappointed in.

[lace5262]

She can tell it to whomever, who cares. I don't have to read just because she tells me too. Let them read it they find it entertaining. People get talked about everyday the world keeps turning and usually people forget about it and move on.

 

Also you can't go around slandering somebody's name and defaming someone's character. Just by her posting about me on HER FB I could have gotten her for that if i just wanted to be spiteful."

 

I was just letting you know it's not slander/libel.

Edited April 3, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Fix quoting

[hurtnomorerika]

I showed compassion from the jump by laying low. I told the lady I would talk yo her. What else is there for me to do?

 

No Erika I cannot quote at all that you reacted in any way. I probably was unclear in that I was trying to relay. It's tough when a difficult situation is occurring and the feeling of being attacked occurs it can be hard not to react. You speak of God and I only thought that the understanding would be there that lessons can humble us and teach us to not react negatively. My apologies no offense was meant:)

 

I understand that but how did I act negatively?

Edited April 3, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Merge

[Hope Shimmers]

How does adoption of her baby have ANYTHING to do with the original post?

 

I'm sorry, but I find your blanket statement about OW being 'unfit mothers' to be offensive and extremely biased.

 

Most of these OW have multiple children from multiple baby dads.

 

This is a huge generalization. I would love to see your data to prove this. Do you have any?

 

I had a baby with my ex-MM (my baby died shortly after birth) but I am a very financially stable physician who left a 16-year abusive marriage and have custody of my three other (older) children, who are all of the same father.

 

These homes, very often, are what I consider high risk homes.

 

Who are you to consider this, especially in this particular case?

 

I don't usually recommend the married couple take on or even pursue such unless they have a good chance at getting the OW mother declared unfit and terminating her rights because most recovered marriages won't make it if the illegitimate child (and it's mother) are constantly hanging around killing the marriage.

 

I'm speechless.

 

Totally biased about this particular OW and OW in general.

[hurtnomorerika]

Also, I remember someone saying that would absolutely encourage their husband to absolutely go for custody.

 

Let me ask you this

 

What would be the reason you would even want to be around this child as he/she would be a constant reminder of the husband affair. Would you do it because YOU love and care for the child or would you do it in the intentions of hurting the OW by taking her child?

 

I think you really don't know what you would do unless you were in that situation.

[underwater2010]

I showed compassion from the jump by laying low. I told the lady I would talk yo her. What else is there for me to do?

 

At this point....you are not going to like it. But you can show up to court regarding the RO and let her know that you are sorry for the pain you have caused her. You can ask that there be court mandated IC and FC for all involved. You can also ask for stipulations be put in place regarding future threats. Right now the utmost importance is the well being of this innocent little baby.

 

You picked the "sperm donor" (I will not call him a daddy) knowing that there could be a chance he would chose to stay with his wife. But it could be okay in the end if ALL of you chose to keep a level head. Give her time to rage about the affair (not at you). And then approach her...she is a mother too. You just might be surprised how things work out in the end. She might just be the friend you need.

 

And don't rely on the ID channel. Those situations are few and far between.

[hurtnomorerika]

At this point....you are not going to like it. But you can show up to court regarding the RO and let her know that you are sorry for the pain you have caused her. You can ask that there be court mandated IC and FC for all involved. You can also ask for stipulations be put in place regarding future threats. Right now the utmost importance is the well being of this innocent little baby.

 

You picked the "sperm donor" (I will not call him a daddy) knowing that there could be a chance he would chose to stay with his wife. But it could be okay in the end if ALL of you chose to keep a level head. Give her time to rage about the affair (not at you). And then approach her...she is a mother too. You just might be surprised how things work out in the end. She might just be the friend you need.

 

And don't rely on the ID channel. Those situations are few and far between.

 

Thanks I don't mind the rage just not at me. I myself am dealing with enough trying to make best of the mess I've created. If she doesn't want to be civil i can't deal with her RIGHT now maybe later but not now. I watch the ID channel all the time and situations like this occurs very often.

[Tullyseptember]

I don't think I'm replying in a way that is understandable. My choice of words seem to be negative. Maybe an example from my life would make more sense! I have a co-worker who can be extremely nasty to me. Today I had reached my limit with her ways. I reacted negatively, even though I didn't say anything to her in my head I did. I called her every name I could think of I even told a friend I hated her. My reaction was negative, when I used the word hate I realized I was behaving horribly. Just because someone is being unreasonable/mean/nasty does not mean I have the right to behave that way back. So I pulled myself together and tried harder to remain focused on what I'm paid to do my job! I think I was just trying to say that emotions can get the better of us, if we focus on what we need to do we won't get off track and we reap the benefits of good behaviour. Iam not making any reference whatsoever to you . It's my opinion that if I react negatively it is a reflection on me and I'm trying hard to forgive myself first when I react poorly then others when they directly hurt me. I'm sure what I have just written is as clear as mud

[hurtnomorerika]

Also you can't go around slandering somebody's name and defaming someone's character. Just by her posting about me on HER FB I could have gotten her for that if i just wanted to be spiteful."

 

I was just letting you know it's not slander/libel.

 

Either way slander, libel, etc let them talk. Unless they paying bills or taking care of us who cares what they think/say. That's why I didn't dig deeper into it. There are rules on FB about that. You are not supposed to do that.

Edited April 3, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Fix quoting

[underwater2010]

Also, I remember someone saying that would absolutely encourage their husband to absolutely go for custody.

 

Let me ask you this

 

What would be the reason you would even want to be around this child as he/she would be a constant reminder of the husband affair.

 

Because each little baby is born completely innocent regardless of how they were conceived. That child would not be a reminder of the affair, but a blessing that has been bestowed upon us which makes us rise above our own selfish wants and needs. I have never believed that a baby is born carrying the weight of original sin. I believe that they become corrupted by their upbringing.

 

Would you do it because YOU love and care for the child or would you do it in the intentions of hurting the OW by taking her child?

 

I would never intentionally hurt the OW...it would be about loving that which was a sibling born to my family. Like it or not....but the children will all search one another out regardless of people's attempts to keep them separate.

 

I think you really don't know what you would do unless you were in that situation

 

I do. I know exactly what I would have done. I would have kicked his butt and been there to support you through the pregnancy...given the chance.

Edited April 3, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Fix quoting

[hurtnomorerika]

I don't think I'm replying in a way that is understandable. My choice of words seem to be negative. Maybe an example from my life would make more sense! I have a co-worker who can be extremely nasty to me. Today I had reached my limit with her ways. I reacted negatively, even though I didn't say anything to her in my head I did. I called her every name I could think of I even told a friend I hated her. My reaction was negative, when I used the word hate I realized I was behaving horribly. Just because someone is being unreasonable/mean/nasty does not mean I have the right to behave that way back. So I pulled myself together and tried harder to remain focused on what I'm paid to do my job! I think I was just trying to say that emotions can get the better of us, if we focus on what we need to do we won't get off track and we reap the benefits of good behaviour. Iam not making any reference whatsoever to you . It's my opinion that if I react negatively it is a reflection on me and I'm trying hard to forgive myself first when I react poorly then others when they directly hurt me. I'm sure what I have just written is as clear as mud

How is that comparable to this situation?

Again, I asked you to quote where I was being negative and you couldn't so....just let it go:/

[hurtnomorerika]

Also, I remember someone saying that would absolutely encourage their husband to absolutely go for custody.

 

Let me ask you this

 

What would be the reason you would even want to be around this child as he/she would be a constant reminder of the husband affair.

 

Because each little baby is born completely innocent regardless of how they were conceived. That child would not be a reminder of the affair, but a blessing that has been bestowed upon us which makes us rise above our own selfish wants and needs. I have never believed that a baby is born carrying the weight of original sin. I believe that they become corrupted by their upbringing.

 

Would you do it because YOU love and care for the child or would you do it in the intentions of hurting the OW by taking her child?

 

I would never intentionally hurt the OW...it would be about loving that which was a sibling born to my family. Like it or not....but the children will all search one another out regardless of people's attempts to keep them separate.

 

I think you really don't know what you would do unless you were in that situation.

 

I do. I know exactly what I would have done. I would have kicked his butt and been there to support you through the pregnancy...given the chance.[/QUOTE]

 

see bolded.

 

That's great that you would be that positive about that kind of betrayal, however, everyone is not like that. You said see bolded as if I can't recognize bold letters when I see them. You all can be very sarcastic but when the op gets sarcastic I'm being aggressive. Piece of work, I tell ya.

[underwater2010]

 

That's great that you would be that positive about that kind of betrayal, however, everyone is not like that. You said see bolded as if I can't recognize bold letters when I see them. You all can be very sarcastic but when the op gets sarcastic I'm being aggressive. Piece of work, I tell ya.

 

It wasn't meant to be sarcastic nor insult your intelligence. It is how I have responded since day 1. I have since been told the correct way. Guess it is the same as using all caps..... I am done. Not going to fight. It is obvious that any of my attempts at communication in this thread are going to end up bad. Good luck!!!

[Tullyseptember]

Yes Erika I will let it go. My situation was not meant as a comparison and I know I was not referring to you as being negative. It was a figure of speech and not directed at you. I feel my emotions getting to the point of getting the best of me in my frustration in not explaining myself clearly. I respect your wishes and will not reply further. I do wish the best to your beautiful children and that they are happy and healthy and safe.