She KNOWS now!

[hurtnomorerika]

Honey it is only slander if it is untrue. And it obly really matters if it affects your business or ability to get a job and prove it.

 

You need to get this anger out productively. It creates a hostile enviromet that isn't healthy for you are your children.

 

Honey,It's all true and she can tell whoever she wants as long as she DONT contact me in a threatening manner. Put it in the newspaper who cares tell the whole world your husband cheated. I don't care. None of my business.

[Tullyseptember]

What a sad exchange of events for the betrayed wife/Erika and all the children involved. Is there a little bit of feeling that some of this exchange has vindicated your own actions? I only ask because I myself fell into drama at times and used a situation to justify my actions. Of course that drama repeated itself until I decided to be an adult who owns her actions and accepts her consequences when I contributed to a hurtful situation. I really hope that this situation doesn't escalate even further, it has the potential to be very hostile and out of control:( I think the advice of only dealing through lawyers would be safer for all involved. No sense of thinking what the outcome could be until a court decides. I would imagine keeping yourself humble and non reactive will be favourable in your own life and a courts:)

[hurtnomorerika]

Well I guess I live in my own little world where sometimes people say things thru emotions with no true meaning behind it. I've said things and have never become violent or acted out on it. (I couldn't imagine being his BW and finding out about you and his daughter)

 

Erica, I with you luck but I think you may be in for a shock if your daughters father does go after visitation/joint custody. I'd imagine his chances would be pretty good at being granted one or the other.

 

If you read the other posts you would see that i have no problem with custody. I think some of you are trying to use this whole custody thing as a scare tactic. Try something else it's not working.

[hurtnomorerika]

What a sad exchange of events for the betrayed wife/Erika and all the children involved. Is there a little bit of feeling that some of this exchange has vindicated your own actions? I only ask because I myself fell into drama at times and used a situation to justify my actions. Of course that drama repeated itself until I decided to be an adult who owns her actions and accepts her consequences when I contributed to a hurtful situation. I really hope that this situation doesn't escalate even further, it has the potential to be very hostile and out of control:( I think the advice of only dealing through lawyers would be safer for all involved. No sense of thinking what the outcome could be until a court decides. I would imagine keeping yourself humble and non reactive will be favourable in your own life and a courts:)

 

When did i state that i reacted to anything? Can you quote that? I would have been reacting if i had of went back and forth with her but i didn't.

As i said 100x before I take my actions into account but i Will not feel as I

It's okay for someone to attack me in violent or confrontational matter.

[underwater2010]

Whoo. Thank you for responding. I knew something would make you come out the woods. Again I don't what she's says about me and who she's says it too. She's only making herself look foolish you're telling everyone your husband cheated had " love child" and he's now having to take money out of your household to take care of the child. That doesn't make her look good either if she stays. Tell everyone who care just make sure you DONT make no threats. They talked about Jesus, so who cares.

 

I wasn't hiding in the woods....just caring for my family. And you are right it makes all of you look foolish...sad but true. But it does not constitute slander....however it is something to see if you can get a copy of for the book you are going to be building. It would count as evidence and back up your claims regarding the restraining order. And no she shouldn't make threats...but I believe I put that in my first post.

[ThatsJustHowIRoll]

Okay her confronting me out of no where already ready for a confrontation. How is that respectful? Obviously if she was able to find me on FB, she could have inboxed me a long time ago and found out what was going on. But no she didn't do that she wanted a public altercation and I wasn't going to fight with her. No i didn't overreact. I didn't know that a few days later she do what she did on FB.

 

Tell me what would you have done?

 

I've had empathy. I went on quietly had my baby and did what I was supposed to do. If I had stood on his door step with the baby, caused a scene, or etc. I could see all of this but leave me alone. I'm not going to go back and forth. I'll get the police involved faster than you can spin your head.

 

You really dont want me to answer that question.

 

You dont have empathy. Go back and read your posts...they are aggressive and threatening.

I get that there are OW out there who need support and forums and the like...but when they are completely remorseless, well, its very hard to be supportive.

 

But at least if you demonise the BS you wont have to face your own culpability in this sordid mess.

 

I hope for your daughters sake that someone eventually grows up and takes the high road. Right now, I dont think any of you are being the kind of person she will grow up to be proud of.

 

And no...im not an Ow...or a BS...just someone whose childhood was torn apart by infidelity and calling it how I see it, for what its worth.

[yellowmaverick]

but my GOD has still favored me and my family. He's a forgiving God.

 

This is true. You have been blessed with your healthy children.

 

Erika, let me put something out there. You have, through God's grace, been blessed with healthy, beautiful children. You have been blessed with the opportunity to put your mistakes behind you, and start your new life. You are blessed with the ability and opportunity to make new choices for your family. What choices are you going to make? You can continue to dwell on all of this crap and continue to let it drag you down (and, YES, it is definitely dragging you down), or you can MAKE THE DECISION to put all of this behind you and be the best mother, worker, and person that you can be.

 

Let it go, Erika.

[whichwayisup]

Also you can't go around slandering somebody's name and defaming someone's character. Just by her posting about me on HER FB I could have gotten her for that if i just wanted to be spiteful. I don't care what she puts out there about me. I was concerned about the threats only. Then to tell me to kill myself no ma'am.

 

What did she say exactly? That you had an affair with her husband, got pregnant and had her husband's baby? How is that slander (if she spilled it all on fb) if it's the truth?

 

You should see what they write about in my City about the Mayor. Yes I'm talking about the one who was woo'd to the Jimmy Kimmel show. Google that, you wanna see serious slander and a name dragged through the mud. No lawsuits are happening, no arrests (maybe him one day) made due to media and online chitter chatter postings all over the internet.

 

Anyway, as I said before, ignore them both and speak through your lawyer.

[hurtnomorerika]

You really dont want me to answer that question.

 

You dont have empathy. Go back and read your posts...they are aggressive and threatening.

I get that there are OW out there who need support and forums and the like...but when they are completely remorseless, well, its very hard to be supportive.

 

But at least if you demonise the BS you wont have to face your own culpability in this sordid mess.

 

I hope for your daughters sake that someone eventually grows up and takes the high road. Right now, I dont think any of you are being the kind of person she will grow up to be proud of.

 

And no...im not an Ow...or a BS...just someone whose childhood was torn apart by infidelity and calling it how I see it, for what its worth.

 

You can answer whatever you want dear. This is an Internet forum I don't know you and you don't know me. At the end of the day what you think or feel about the situation is irrelevant.

[herenow]

I wanted to edit but it was too late. Point is, don't underestimated all possibilities.

[hurtnomorerika]

I wanted to edit but it was too late. Point is, don't underestimated all possibilities.

 

I've looked into all possibilities. Thanks.

[AlwaysGrowing]

I've accepted my part this ride hasn't been easy but my GOD has still favored me and my family. He's a forgiving God.

 

I'm not angry at anyone God has been good to me honey even after all of this and my wrong doing he has still shown me favor!

 

Thanks for pointing that out, even if he does, God worked it out in my favor just by me having a restraining order on her, I wont have to worry about her having any access to my daughter.

 

 

 

How do you reconcile that your God is forgiving....but has no forgiveness for the BS by working out a RO against her?

 

If your God has shown you grace...would He want you to show it to others?

[whichwayisup]

I'm not advocating carrying a gun for protection, though I wouldn't discourage someone who wanted to.

 

The fact that BS is a mother who has much to lose is in no way an assurance that she won't shoot or kill.

 

Just read or listen to the news any day of the week to know what some mothers are doing these days. And some of them are mothers no one would have expected to do harm to their own children or to others.

 

I worded it wrong, I meant the OP.

[hurtnomorerika]

How do you reconcile that your God is forgiving....but has no forgiveness for the BS by working out a RO against her?

 

If your God has shown you grace...would He want you to show it to others?

 

Yes your right. I have but that has nothing to do with being safe. Maybe once the RO is over maybe all of this will be over. Then we can direct that energy towards what's best for the children involved.

[whichwayisup]

I worded it wrong, I meant the OP.

 

Though they both should not be carrying guns as the emotions on both sides are running very high.

 

Was going to edit to add, but couldn't earlier.

[Fluttershy]

A mother does not have to be deemed unfit for the father to be names custodial parent. I know a few cases where the kida are with their father despite the mother fighting for them. Running away is kidnapping. There was a news story of this woman who fled the USA to Canada a few years ago and somehow notices her even though they had started a new life. Now she is in jail and doesn't even get her part time parenting. While I don't think that this amn and his wife will want the child. Like I said it is rare when they stay together for the BW to want a constant reminder of her husband's screwing around. But don't let your naivity think it is an impossibility. It only takes the news to see things don't always turn out for the best.

 

I recommend you remember that in your beliefs about God forgiveness he also said to love your enemies and do good to those who hate you. Working on getting the chip off your shoulder will make you a happier person. And I am nr saying you can't protect yourself. But you cand o it firmly and withot malice.

Edited April 3, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[lace5262]

Also you can't go around slandering somebody's name and defaming someone's character. Just by her posting about me on HER FB I could have gotten her for that if i just wanted to be spiteful. I don't care what she puts out there about me. I was concerned about the threats only. Then to tell me to kill myself no ma'am.

 

Um, no. It's not slander or LIBEL if it's true. She has every right to tell her story.

[herenow]

What are you talking about no one truly knows what the outcome will be. Trust me my daughter will be fine.

 

That is my point exactly. No one knows until everything is on the table. However, if he is already responsible for child support, why the DNA test and lawyer? Maybe a little compassion from your end would go a long way in the battle that is brewing (for whatever reason). You have no idea what their plan is, but your aggressive attitude will definitely not work in your favor. Seems like no one is taking the high road.

[Tullyseptember]

No Erika I cannot quote at all that you reacted in any way. I probably was unclear in that I was trying to relay. It's tough when a difficult situation is occurring and the feeling of being attacked occurs it can be hard not to react. You speak of God and I only thought that the understanding would be there that lessons can humble us and teach us to not react negatively. My apologies no offense was meant:)

[Furious]

Well, the wife knows now and apparently she has been known about me and the baby. It has gotten really messy now.

 

About 2 weeks ago, I went to a concert and had a good time until after the concert she approached me after I had gotten in the car. She had to been watching me the whole time I was there from 7:30 to 12 that night. I believe she's been on my facebook thats the only way she would have known I would be there. I made a police report.

 

The next night ex-mm's cousin inboxed me and questioned me about our daughter. She wanted to know why I havent tried to get her around her family I told her to talk to him about that.

 

Then a couple of days later, the wife sends me a friend request on FB. I inboxed her and told her that we were not friends and whatever she wanted to say to me she could. She told me that she posted something for me to read. I told her I wasnt accepting her request. I told her we could talk like women about this. She went crazy, she told me to kill myself, she called my daughters B**** and the next time she sees me she's going to beat my a$$! I didnt respond I called the police, police officer came and he told me to put myself in her shoes and she's probably just upset and mad. I said I understand that but she threatened me. So he went and arrested her.

 

I went to put a restraining order on her, because I do feel threatened at this point and I have to look out for the safety of me and my daughters.

 

THEN, this past monday I get a inbox message from ex-mm. He says that he has an atty to not only get a DNA test but to investigate me and I told him to bring it on, I have one too. Then he kept responding with other stuff and asked for my phone number. He has my number so at this point Im starting to think that it was his wife. Its crazy that he would say something after all this time especially when Im not bothering them.

 

We go to court next week for the restraining order, Im so nervous. I dont know what to expect at this point.

 

Also, I got a letter about the CS I should start receiving it in less than 30 days.

 

What do you all think about all of this?

 

 

What I think about this...

 

I think it's a tragic and sad situation. What really strikes me is that children are vulnerable and suffer from the poor choices "adults" make.

 

I hope that you all,...YOU..the cheating MM and his distraught wife would just stop acting like children instead of creating dysfunction for the innocent children in your lives.

 

So much drama, so much raw emotion...wasted on what truly matters.

[herenow]

I know what I am about to say might be controversial. I really don't mean to be offensive, but isn't it somewhat sac-religious to bring up g-d while discussing a child born to a man and women engaged in infidelity? Commandments?

 

I meant man and woman (not women, that would be a whole different thread)

 

In any case, it would be nice if someone in this situation could show some godly compassion. There is a child involved, so the adults should stop acting like one

[Tullyseptember]

Herenow, taking my own advice in another thread and rereading my reply I should have kept God out. I should have just said simply that lessons learnt can help guide us to be better people. I think I've lost the point of what I was trying to relay!

[hurtnomorerika]

Um, no. It's not slander or LIBEL if it's true. She has every right to tell her story.

 

She can tell it to whomever, who cares. I don't have to read just because she tells me too. Let them read it they find it entertaining. People get talked about everyday the world keeps turning and usually people forget about it and move on.

[Hope Shimmers]

I agree with carhill's post(s) above.

 

I think (since you asked for thoughts) that his wife was out of line to approach you in the context of an evening concert, in a dark parking lot, when other people were present. This is inexcusable in my opinion and even without a direct threat, it would scare me. I don't know that I would have involved the police at that point, but I would consider anyone calling my children bit**** to be highly inappropriate and worrisome about the stability of that person. You have to do what is necessary to protect your kids.

 

But the best bet is to go through attorneys for ALL communications and let all of this drama die down as much as possible. If you make it clear through communication from your attorney to theirs that NO FURTHER direct conversations or encounters between you, ex-MM, or his wife will occur from here on out, then you are documenting this intent and it will be very clear if and when it is violated. It is the best way to keep things as drama free as possible. All child-related matters can be done via attorneys.

[Speakingofwhich]

Erica (Erika?)

While it's true that there are times when the mother isn't given full custody, it's rare.

 

Still, I would encourage you, in view of BW's inappropriate behavior so far, to take precautionary measures so that should such time as a custody suit arrive you will be prepared for it.

 

In my situations the police encouraged me to call them for every little thing, including things that I thought too minute to bother them with. For instance, one of my stalkers bought gifts and left them on my property daily. The police drilled it into my head that I should call them about this every single day and anything else that happened and they'd be the one's to decide whether or not to file a report on it.

 

I'm not suggesting that you act unkindly to BW and MM at all. I would encourage you, given what you've written, to be neutral toward them and not engage with them at all. In everything, try to be at peace with them.

 

But, for your protection and if you think there's a possibility of a custody suit I would continue to call police if there are even minor infractions by them against you. You might even ask police what would be considered reasons to call them.They will decide whether or not a report is warranted and it will help you greatly should a custody dispute arise. The police in my city helped me out tremendously and always showed good judgement.

 

Also, if I were in your place, I would keep a log of my activities daily. Including where I was, who I was with, etc. Just get a notebook and keep it in one place and post your whereabouts and activities daily. This will be a great inconvenience but will be worth it if they try to build a case against you using false accusations. People lie in court all of the time and I've seen it happen in child custody cases. If you have documented your life as much as possible it will help you.

 

I would also document any actions by them that may help your case which you don't call police about.

 

Documentation is weighty with the court system.

 

I'm not writing this to you to pit you against MM and BW and would, again, encourage you to be as peaceful as possible with them but rather as a precautionary measure to help protect you should a custody case arise.

 

Be as "wise as a serpent and harmless as a dove" to quote a Bible text.

 

Personally, I'd also make sure no men (other than family) stayed over night in the home and that I didn't ingest any substance around the child that could be considered harmful. I would never leave the child unattended, etc. You probably won't do these things anyway and I don't mean to offend by writing it, it's just something I'd mention to any woman who thought there was the slightest possibility of a child custody suit.

 

Again, it's rare for a mother to lose custody of her baby or young child but in view of BW's inappropriate behavior toward you, I would begin to prepare for the possibility were I in your shoes. No harm in being cautious!