Peeved Over His Last Name

[Tressugar]

Should I be bothered by the fact that my husband's ex wife still uses his last name? Furthermore she's the one who filed for divorce on three occasions.

 

She uses the last name when it is convenient and beneficial for her otherwise she resorts to using her maiden name.

 

I don't want to hear about how his ex wife and my husband have a child in common so that's the reason why she keeps his last name. If that was the case, what about her other children that live in the same household?

 

She has asked the court restore her maiden name; however she still continues to use my husband's last name. The cherry on the top, they were married for about a good solid year.

[trippi1432]

Personally, I kept my first husband's last name until our daughter was 18...it didn't matter that we were together six years and only married a year before we split up when our daughter was 3.

 

My second husband and I married and I still carry his last name even though he's remarried to his Affair Partner (AP). I filed the divorce after he moved in with another woman. Honestly, he and I were together for 15 years, engaged 12, married 3....but in those 15 years of having his kid and raising a child....I earned whatever last name I choose to use.

 

You do bring up a good question on names though....my exH is married to his sister's STBXH's exWife. (Yeah...love that confusion). To add to even more confusion...his sister and his current wife have the same first name...his sister took on his current wife's (2 husband's prior) last name and his current wife and I have the same last name. Now that his sister is getting divorced from her SIL's previous exH....both his sister and his current wife will have the exact same names. :lmao: No, I'm not making this up...but wow!! My head hurts now thinking about this...what's in a name anyway??

Edited April 3, 2014 by trippi1432

[Michelle ma Belle]

I am one of those women that chose to hyphenate my last night and I kept my married half until the ink dried on our divorce papers (about 3 years after our separation). Some people still call me by my married last name out of habit and it's fine because I understand but I certainly don't go around using it on purpose now that I'm officially divorced.

 

I'm curious to find out how your husband feels about this? Does he have an opinion or are you out on a limb alone on this one?

[Tressugar]

@ ma Belle, my husband hates the fact that she still uses his name whenever it is convenient for her... whenever the mood strikes her, but there is nothing he can do about it. Believe it or not, I strongly feel the ex wife is doing this to get under my skin!!!!

Edited April 3, 2014 by Tressugar

[BeingMe]

I'm divorcing. I would love to use my maiden name, but our children have asked me to keep my married surname,they want to feel that I'm part of the same family (I have primary custody) and it's important to them that we have the same name. I've also had that surname all of my professional life,so I'm keeping it. Even if I remarry in the future.

 

Thing is, you're just going to have to accept it. She has every right to do what she's doing. Doesn't matter what her reasons are actually...she had the name first and you knew that when you married him.

 

If you think she's doing it to get under your skin...well, it seems to be working. Best thing to do is to laugh inwardly because that's the best she's got.

[lollipopspot]

@ ma Belle, my husband hates the fact that she still uses his name whenever it is convenient for her... whenever the mood strikes her, but there is nothing he can do about it.

 

I personally think it's a crap tradition for women to take their husband's names. But it's kind of funny that once she took his name, she won't give it up, and he hates it. I guess that's the risk that is taken. If she's formed an identity under this name, it's hers to keep. I think women should keep their own family identity though, rather than take someone else's.

[MsOptimist]

I don't think you should take it personally, there are all kinds of reasons for women to keep their married name or not. That being said, I don't think someone should switch between last names when it's convenient. Pick one and stick with it.

 

I kept my married name even though we have no kids. It's a lot easier for me for work purposes, and after nearly a decade with it, it's who I am. Changing it back would be just as much of a reminder to me about my divorce.

 

Not to mention that my maiden name is long and hard to spell and pronounce. So the easy factor also went into the decision

 

I don't know if my exH is upset that I kept it but I really don't care. I chose to change it when I got married and it was my choice to keep it when he wanted out.

[Arieswoman]

Just my 6penneth.

 

I am in the business of health-care and have always used my maiden name when practising, so a lot of people know me by that name anyway.

 

When I divorced, I changed my married name by deed poll back to my maiden name so I could have the non-business bank a/c, and utilities/phone etc. in the same name.

 

I don't have children, so there isn't an issue there.

 

Now I have remarried and only have one joint a/c in my new married name but I use my new married name socially.

 

My husband doesn't mind which name I use.

 

Peronally I don't see why a woman should feel obliged to take the husband's name, I think it's an old-fashioned concept.

 

To answer the original question, no, it shouldn't bother you.

[george roy]

IMHO...

 

If it's just two people that don't get along, then it's up to them as far as the name.

 

If it's because of an affair, then I'd think the wife wouldn't want the last name.

 

If the affair is on the wife's part, then the wife doesn't deserve the last name.

 

That's where I come out.

[amaysngrace]

My exH was pissed that I kept his last name and would not shut up about it. I have sole custody of our children and that's why I kept it.

 

Finally I told him fine!, I'll give up but the name but he needs to sign a consent to legally change the kids' last name to my maiden name.

 

Never heard a peep about it again.

[BeingMe]

IMHO...

 

If it's just two people that don't get along, then it's up to them as far as the name.

 

If it's because of an affair, then I'd think the wife wouldn't want the last name.

 

If the affair is on the wife's part, then the wife doesn't deserve the last name.

 

That's where I come out.

 

 

Sorry, but my STBXH had an affair and I'm keeping his name. I've also come to think that just because I'm divorcing him, doesn't mean I'm divorcing the rest of the family (I still get on well with the in-laws).

 

I think the thing is...if a woman has chosen to give up her maiden name when she marries, it's her choice what she does afterwards.

[george roy]

Sorry, but my STBXH had an affair and I'm keeping his name. I've also come to think that just because I'm divorcing him, doesn't mean I'm divorcing the rest of the family (I still get on well with the in-laws).

 

I think the thing is...if a woman has chosen to give up her maiden name when she marries, it's her choice what she does afterwards.

 

Hey, to each their own.

 

I have a few friends that, because the husband cheated, they couldn't wait to lose his last name.

 

I just think that if the woman cheats, she doesn't deserve the last name.

[iris219]

I get why you're upset.

 

But I also get why someone with children would keep their last name.

 

My FI's ex kept his last name. I wish she hadn't. It makes me not want to change my name when we get married because I don't want the same last name as her. I'm hoping she'll marry her bf soon and change her name. I remind myself that it's just a name and really doesn't matter, but it still bothers me.

 

For a lot people it's just easier to keep the married name and many want to have the same name as their children. It's not usually an emotional or spiteful decision to keep the married name.

[Arieswoman]

George,

 

I have a few friends that, because the husband cheated, they couldn't wait to lose his last name

.

 

Yup, I'll go along with that.

 

I didn't want to be connected in any way, shape or form with either him or that slutty, skanky, slapper he married.

[Candy_Pants]

Is this THAT big of a deal? You're married to him. Stop letting her affect you.

[someonespecial]

I plan on keeping my exes last name even though I filed for divorce. Its such a pain in the a** to change social security cards and drivers license that it is not worth it to me to change my name.

 

On top of that, my sister, who has never been married, has a different last name than her children. It causes problems for her at times and I did not want to go through that as well.

[RonaldS]

My XW kept my last name, but has her maiden name on her driver's license. I asked her if she could change back to her maiden name, but she won't do it.

 

The whole issue is sort of weird. I think a last name is part of an identity, and even though people have tons of excuses for not changing it, I think a lot of revolves around not wanting to lose that identity. For me, my last name is also representative of certain qualities, and she possesses none of those qualities. So, it kinda of seems like a false representation in a way.

 

It's not a huge deal....it's just weird. In my phone contacts, I have her in there with her maiden name. That's who she is to me. She's no longer 'one of us', if that makes any sense.

[george roy]

... In my phone contacts, I have her in there with her maiden name. That's who she is to me. She's no longer 'one of us', if that makes any sense.

 

That about sums it up.

 

I now have the ex in my phone as "Kids Mother"

[iris219]

That about sums it up.

 

I now have the ex in my phone as "Kids Mother"

 

I'm tempted to ask my FI to change his ex's name in his phone to Kids' Mom.

 

I can't stand seeing her name with his last name come up. It just feels wrong. She's not part of his family anymore. There's something dishonest about.

[RonaldS]

That about sums it up.

 

I now have the ex in my phone as "Kids Mother"

 

Hahaha! That's awesome.

[george roy]

I'm tempted to ask my FI to change his ex's name in his phone to Kids' Mom.

 

I can't stand seeing her name with his last name come up. It just feels wrong. She's not part of his family anymore. There's something dishonest about.

 

I agree.

 

The only caveat to that, for me, is sort of dependent on how it ended.

 

That said, while I understand the kind of hassle with a lot of the legal stuff (driver's license, insurance cards, etc.), I suppose THAT sort of thing could be done when the license needs to be renewed, or the next time the insurance bill comes.

 

But I was real quick to change that name on my phone

[TreasuredLove]

I understand why you are upset but what's the difference if she uses her maiden name or her ex's last name? Does it still make her his wife? NO.

[george roy]

Hahaha! That's awesome.

 

Thanks.

 

I had a few other, more vulgar names picked out. But I didn't want any of the kids seeing that on my phone when the ex was calling, and then have to tell them what (insert descriptive name for ex-wife) is. And how it relates to the ex.

 

I wouldn't want to give a lesson in how the "u" sound changes slightly when there's a different letter preceding it

[Madman81]

I understand why you are upset but what's the difference if she uses her maiden name or her ex's last name? Does it still make her his wife? NO.

I agree with this. You can be bothered by it all you want, but there's nothing whatsoever that you can do about it. If she wants to keep using her married name, she can do so, and you have no power to stop her.

 

So, since you can't do anything about it, your only option is to let it go, for the sake of your own happiness. Don't let her decisions -- which, really, have no bearing on you, other than annoying you from a distance -- become your problem. Life's too short for that.

[pteromom]

Believe it or not, I strongly feel the ex wife is doing this to get under my skin!!!!

 

Then your best revenge is to NOT let it get under your skin.

 

If you just feel she is pathetic when she does that, she loses all her power.