moimeme Posted February 5, 2005 Share Posted February 5, 2005 I'm the kind of person who gets bothered when people don't like me. My dear Dyer, you have to lose this aspect of you. People intensely dislike people who present threats and because of your exceptional talents, you pose a threat just by existing. You are never going to get everyone to like you, no matter how lovely you are to them. Some people just have their own issues and will get their panties in crunch because you remind them of someone they hate. This doesn't mean you're not pleasant and polite to everyone, but you must accept that you will be disliked and even hated and that's ok. It's not about you; it's about how and why people feel threatened. Conduct yourself with integrity and professionalism, and the latter means being civil even to people who are lousy to you. If you don't lose this desire to be liked, you'll end up twisting yourself into knots trying to be liked by everyone because everybody likes people for different reasons. Some people hate me because I stand for my principles and others love me for it. I couldn't possibly please them all without sacrificing what's truly me. You have to be the you you are and accept that it is absolutely impossible that everybody will like that particular you. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr Spock Posted February 5, 2005 Share Posted February 5, 2005 She'll never stop treating you poorly. All that's going to happen is that her particular brand of bullying/intimidation is going to move underground for a while. Link to post Share on other sites
fiatflux Posted February 6, 2005 Share Posted February 6, 2005 Maybe I missed it, but has anyone picked up on the fact that all of the info about her cattiness is coming from one person ... Dyer's supposed "friend" -- whom he suspects is even encouraging the cattiness behind his back? I guess if I were you, Dyer, I would refuse to listen to any more garbage that your friend is telling you about what she says. Who knows, he could be making it sound worse than it is, and at the very least he is probably fueling it to some extent. Dyer - you said you were friendly with her until your friend started telling you the **** she was talking behind your back. Then you changed your behavior towards her, which probably only served to make her feel justified in trashing you more. Your friend seems like a big part of the problem here, in my opinion. I think maybe you should just only react to her behavior in your presence, and not dwell on what you are told she says behind your back ... it may very well be that it's all been blown WAY out of proportion. Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted February 6, 2005 Share Posted February 6, 2005 Excellent points, fiatflux. I'm slipping because I should have started out by saying, Dyer, that you should never take someone else's word about something that happened. It's called hearsay and is frowned upon in court. You don't know for sure that she said anything about you. Yes, she does pick on your errors, but you need to avoid making them. It's never fair to accuse someone without having facts, though, and the trash-talk is something you've been told about by this 'friend' of yours. As others have pointed out, your 'friend' may have another agenda. Do not believe what he tells you about her unless you have positive verification from either her or someone else. Never, ever accuse unless you have incontrovertible facts and, in this instance, you do not. Link to post Share on other sites
Bronzepen Posted February 7, 2005 Share Posted February 7, 2005 Originally posted by moimeme Excellent points, fiatflux. I'm slipping because I should have started out by saying, Dyer, that you should never take someone else's word about something that happened. It's called hearsay and is frowned upon in court. You don't know for sure that she said anything about you. Yes, she does pick on your errors, but you need to avoid making them. It's never fair to accuse someone without having facts, though, and the trash-talk is something you've been told about by this 'friend' of yours. As others have pointed out, your 'friend' may have another agenda. Do not believe what he tells you about her unless you have positive verification from either her or someone else. Never, ever accuse unless you have incontrovertible facts and, in this instance, you do not. Not to toot my own horn but I pointed this out already. Anyway....... Dyermaker blackmailing her will not work. In this case it's your word against hers. Plus she has a friend that will backup whatever story she concocts. If she is stupid enough to smoke a joint at work then she will sooner or later be caught by the manager. Either way, don't get involved. But this is a blessing in disguise. You said that now she avoids you because you caught her in the act. So maybe things turned out for the better. Now she is not bothering you. She might still talk s*** behind your back OR maybe, she doesn't. Who knows, maybe she will come to respect you because you didn't turn her in. It's funny how sometimes things work out without having to do anything. If you sit long enough by ther river, you will eventually see the bodies of your enemies floating by. - Sun Tzu Dyermaker remember this....There is a time and a place for everything. It's good to be assertive some of the time but if your assertive all of the time then it just makes you an a**h***. - Me Link to post Share on other sites
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