wasntlooking Posted April 3, 2014 Share Posted April 3, 2014 This is my update and my last thread/ post. I believe Ive finally closed this book. For those of you who dont know my story, short version, im OW who had brief affair with XMM, i called it off because i knew it was wrong but loved him dearly. I imposed NC and lasted six months. I never got a response from him when i did break it off, leaving me with alot of questions. I dont recommend this to anyone but maybe it would help some of you. Only you know what feels right. Everyone told me not to break NC, but I knew I would and I did. I knew i was going to do it on his birthday and I did. I sent a quick little " hope I remember it right and if i did, Happy Birthday!". I got a "thank you" back. Five days later i sent a "youre welcome" back. That has been the extent of our conversations. I had all intentions of coming out with all my questions for him but something changed when I sent thos messages. It just didnt feel right anymore. I realized I didnt want to do this, contact him anymode. It made me feel sick to my stomach and just didnt feel right. Its a good thing because i realized fhat I really dont want this anymore. For six months I tortured myself because i wanted to contact him so bad and when i finally did have the opportunity to do it and did it, I realized i really didnt want to. Its so not the same and never will be. The few days before my last message to him (the youre welcome) , I felt so much guilt for his wife. Thats what stopped me from asking any questionz. It just really doesnt matter anymore. I dont want to cause any hurt for her. I ended it, Im not giving it a chance to open back up. So in my case I really needed to break NC to have an epiphany. It really isnt the same anymore. It showed me how much progress I have made in getting over him. And as far as he knows, Im doing great. i never let on about how hard its been for me and Im glad because I really realized he could care less. It hurts yes, but IM OK! I can do this. Im just so relieved that i really am OK. Breaking NC is not for everyone. I always knew eventually I was going to do it but I thought it would feel different. I thought for sure i would be throwing myself at him but I really cant and dont want it. Sorry so long, hope this helps someone. Thanks LS for helping me on this journey. Good luck to all of you! 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Popsicle Posted April 3, 2014 Share Posted April 3, 2014 Congratulations. Good for you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author wasntlooking Posted April 3, 2014 Author Share Posted April 3, 2014 (edited) So in the days between the messages ( which i made sure i waited long enough to make him think i wasnt waiting for his reply lol) i was hoping for him to message me again wanting to talk but a part of me said please dont let him message me. Thats when i realized for six months i thought i wanted to talk to him but it took me breaking NC to realize I didnt and was actually more stressful for me. Will I always care for him, Yes I will, no doubt, but i now know its different. Perhaps this is what indifference is. And you know what, let his wife have him........i see now that he shouldnt be on that pedestal I put him on. Im a slow learner but six months later I got it! My H has been absolutely amazing to me. Its time I continue to put worth the same effort. Edited April 3, 2014 by wasntlooking 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Patna Posted April 3, 2014 Share Posted April 3, 2014 Was just wondering how long will I ever take to get over him, & if it's possible to keep NC, & u showed me hope! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Cocochai Posted April 3, 2014 Share Posted April 3, 2014 Your right it's not the same... Me and my XMM use to talk everyday and text/FB message. I knew he was getting attached emotionally until... His BS found evidence. After that I think there M was getting better because he started treating me like a FWB. Would stop talking if he felt feelings were getting too involved. Then after three months once of NC he apologies and said he misses me. The problem is I felt I never got that closure and I needed answers when he came back. But your right... It's never quit the same and it showed less respect he was giving me when I took him back.. Like "I get her every time". Either way... They are not thinking the same way we are if it's not quit the same. Link to post Share on other sites
Cocochai Posted April 3, 2014 Share Posted April 3, 2014 This is my update and my last thread/ post. I believe Ive finally closed this book. For those of you who dont know my story, short version, im OW who had brief affair with XMM, i called it off because i knew it was wrong but loved him dearly. I imposed NC and lasted six months. I never got a response from him when i did break it off, leaving me with alot of questions. I dont recommend this to anyone but maybe it would help some of you. Only you know what feels right. Everyone told me not to break NC, but I knew I would and I did. I knew i was going to do it on his birthday and I did. I sent a quick little " hope I remember it right and if i did, Happy Birthday!". I got a "thank you" back. Five days later i sent a "youre welcome" back. That has been the extent of our conversations. I had all intentions of coming out with all my questions for him but something changed when I sent thos messages. It just didnt feel right anymore. I realized I didnt want to do this, contact him anymode. It made me feel sick to my stomach and just didnt feel right. Its a good thing because i realized fhat I really dont want this anymore. For six months I tortured myself because i wanted to contact him so bad and when i finally did have the opportunity to do it and did it, I realized i really didnt want to. Its so not the same and never will be. The few days before my last message to him (the youre welcome) , I felt so much guilt for his wife. Thats what stopped me from asking any questionz. It just really doesnt matter anymore. I dont want to cause any hurt for her. I ended it, Im not giving it a chance to open back up. So in my case I really needed to break NC to have an epiphany. It really isnt the same anymore. It showed me how much progress I have made in getting over him. And as far as he knows, Im doing great. i never let on about how hard its been for me and Im glad because I really realized he could care less. It hurts yes, but IM OK! I can do this. Im just so relieved that i really am OK. Breaking NC is not for everyone. I always knew eventually I was going to do it but I thought it would feel different. I thought for sure i would be throwing myself at him but I really cant and dont want it. Sorry so long, hope this helps someone. Thanks LS for helping me on this journey. Good luck to all of you! And I'd like to add. You were the one who stopped the A and he never responded back so to me... It sounds like he respected your decision. So when you reached back out it's almost like "Why try to cross that bridge again". Just an observation. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author wasntlooking Posted April 3, 2014 Author Share Posted April 3, 2014 Coco Yes true, why cross that bridge again. Thats why i stopped and just left it at "youre welcome". I got a thank you back from himk, good enough, it has to be. He doesnt say much but im sure he doesnt want to go back there either. I think we gave each other enough time to realize that and me breaking NC showed me that neither of us want to jump back in. Link to post Share on other sites
sunburned Posted April 3, 2014 Share Posted April 3, 2014 Great post, wasntlooking. Lots of introspection at work there. Good for you! I am so impressed you realized you didn't need every question in order to get that elusive "closure." But please don't leave LS behind for good. You're had some great posts and keen observations. Stick around and help others even if it is only once in a while. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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