Married with Crush on Much Younger Girl

[doley50]

Hello,

 

I don't know what happened! My wife and I use to brag how our relationship was love at first sight , and it was! It was a Disney Movie, We both love our in-laws dearly and all the " Typical" marriage issues, never applied to us. Our biggest problem was always children, I never wanted children and she always desperately wanted them. We have never used any type of birth control,but after we have been married a few years, my attitude changed, but would could not have children, mainly because I do not produce enough sperm. We looked into other options, but our drive was not focused enough and we settled into not having children. She will be 53 and I will be 45 this year, not terribly old, but we now have nieces and nephews that have Children, I am sure that it will not happen for either of us.

What does this have to do with anything ? I don't know, We have been married now for 13 years, been together for 16, but for the last for 5 years or so , Our marriage has been slowly eroding, and I have never gave much thought to it in the beginning, but now I find myself completely distant and indifferent to her, I won't be unfair and say it is all her because it is not. I am very emotionally needy. We just live together, she takes care of her duties (work) and I take care of mine ( Work, Cooking, Cleaning, Paying Bills, Home Repairs , Buying her clothes and anything eels that comes up ) she just started making her own Dr. appointments in the last 6 months or so because I refused to do it anymore.

What i find the most frustrating is I am no longer attracted to her, she has not gain a lot of weight or anything like that, I just do not find her attractive, not that she is gross looking, but she just don't do anything for me at all,and she don't try to make herself look nice, and she never was really like that, and It has been bothering me for a while now, i know I said I buy her clothes, but I can not pick out something that would look nice on her, but she won't wear it or somehow she will wear it and not make it look good.

It is not her age , I always loved women and I am attracted to all types, I don't care how old a women is, if I am attracted to her it does not matter.

So I have been looking and flirting more seriously the last few years, I am not much of a ladies man, but I have had a few crushes and even perhaps fell pretty hard for a girl at work a few years ago, but she moved away to another state and I still think about her.

Last summer my Niece and some of her friends came to see my band play and one of her friends caught my eye and she was giving me eyes also, we have been flirting back and forth and texting a little for a few months , but nothing has ever came of it, mainly because, well she is 23 years old, my nieces best friend and oh yea, I am married! I had made a few attempts to take it further lately, but I can not figure her out, she is either a girl who likes to flirt, is a scared or has a better moral compass then Me.

This girl puts a smile on my face, I can feel my blood pumping through my body when I am around her, or when I look at her picture, I light up when she calls me, sends me a text, or replies to my text. I am falling in love with a girl I know very little about. there is a downside to this because I feel even worst when she don't answer my text, or come to one of my shows. My heart sinks and makes me so sad.

Now my Sister and my Wife believe this girl is flirting with me also. My Wife who is a very playful person use to tease me and tell me when girls were flirting with me. One night we were at a Birthday party and she ( this other girl ) was hitting me and rubbing up against me, and my Wife said to me, "if she don't stop flirting with I am going to bang her out" This is not like my wife at all, but also made me wish my wife was not there.

Now I am completely obsessed this young girl and I really don't think there is ever a chance, but I fantasize about her all time.

This thread did shed some light on the situation, which I believe to be true, this crush, obsession it just an escape, so I don't have to deal with the real issue, that is my marriage, the thing is I don't know if I want to save my marriage, It feels like a favorite movie I use to love 20 years ago, but when I watch it now, It does not have the same impact on me, it seems dated and what I found to be so interesting, smart, funny, witty and exotic is no longer there. I feel I have grown and my Wife had not, she stopped living years ago, and she could benefit by talking to someone, but won't.

I have been seeing therapist and psychologist for the last 10 years or so, and I am trying to work out my feelings before I mention anything to my wife, but my wife knows there is a problem....but it's all me.

 

Thanks for Reading, I am curious to hear your view.

[RickFox]

I get it. She's young, exciting, it's all new, unlike your wife. She's older now, all too familiar, nothing new there huh?

 

So ask yourself, what do you want. You wanna end your marriage, find a new young one and start all over. Maybe you just wanna go out and bang as many younger chicks as you can, get that manhood pumping.

 

I'll tell what you need to do. You need to sit down and have a serious talk with your wife and tell her EXACTLY what you're feeling and not feeling. Your relationship is stale, you don't crave each other, it's ho hum, exist together and let the days go by..

 

It's time to fish or cut bait

[TaraMaiden]

Sad but true.

 

The bottom line is, things do get old, stale and hum-drum.

Your marriage has come to that.

 

You have options, but it depends on you how much you really want to do this.

 

Marriage Counselling.

Not designed to keep you guys together, necessarily, but definitely a useful tool and mechanism during which you can speak openly, honestly and candidly, and discuss what ails you in a 'safe environment'.

 

But do not, for chrissakes, respond to this primal, instinctive urge to have sex with this younger woman.

That's irreversible damage, and frankly, dishonest, wrong and hurtful.

 

if you have any respect and feeling for your wife, you will at least have the decency, honesty and common sense to approach this from the correct perspective.

[Arieswoman]

Doley50,

 

she ( this other girl ) was hitting me and rubbing up against me,

 

and you allowed this ???!

 

and my Wife said to me, "if she don't stop flirting with I am going to bang her out"

 

your wife was very reasonable. She obviously cares about you. If anyone starting doing that to my husband I would take her outside and make it very clear that it wasn't acceptable. Then, later, I would want to know from my husband why he allowed this to happen.

 

This is not like my wife at all, but also made me wish my wife was not there.

 

This concerns me. Your wife has noticed that your interest in her is waning and doesn't like it. Things aren't looking good.

 

You need to tinkle or get off the potty.

 

Do you want to end your marriage and have a go at being the "oldest swinger in town" or do you want to sort it out?

 

Only you can decide, but whatever you do, do it honourably.

[Grumpybutfun]

The bottom line here is that you are starting to behave badly because you don't want to be in your marriage anymore....GIGS, staleness in marriage, whatever the excuses, you have checked out. It is time to be honest with your wife and end it while you still have any dignity and you can still not call yourself a physical cheater and liar. (You are emotionally cheating by texting and flirting imo.) You feel the way you feel, but don't involve your wife in some high school theatrics with some kid while accusing her of...

 

 

"I feel I have grown and my Wife had not, she stopped living years ago, and she could benefit by talking to someone, but won't"

 

 

You haven't grown, and I am skeptical your therapy has done anything beneficial for you if this is where you landed. if you had really grown as a man you wouldn't have bailed from your commitments and the woman you vowed to love and honor at the first shiny new little girl that came your way and batted her eyelashes at you. You may fool yourself, but it is apparent you are going through some sort of midlife crisis and blaming your feelings of inferiority and disenchantment with your own life on your marriage and wife. She isn't exciting anymore because you aren't exciting anymore. If you were, you wouldn't need some college kid to validate you as a man.

 

 

I can tell you that a young girl may flirt with you, she may act like you are the greatest thing since sliced cheese, grind up on you on the dance floor, but to her this is a game because she is immature and self absorbed. She has no idea of the consequences of her actions, or if she does, she doesn't care about the fallout. She has no idea that you are willing to throw everything away for a small chance at screwing her. She isn't reciprocating because she knows she doesn't want a forty five year old man for anything other than to toy with. I have daughters that age and am a little younger than you and they see people my age as ancient. You are a novelty to her because you are an adult she can play with, try out her sexual charms, flirt outrageously with because you are married so you are safe. I hate to see you make a fool out of yourself for the frivolity of youthful sport.

 

 

Get another therapist, one that is actually good at their job, tell your wife everything and divorce her with kindness and respect.

 

 

Good luck,

Grumps