muststopthecycle Posted April 4, 2014 Share Posted April 4, 2014 Oh I didn't realize you can't PM on this board! Too bad! Link to post Share on other sites
sunburned Posted April 4, 2014 Share Posted April 4, 2014 I believe u can PM each other if u pay for an upgraded L'S membership. Or just start posting like h*ll until you reach established member status. Also, since patna and cycle are both new I would like to point out it is an open forum and anyone can post. You seem shocked that a BS would dare to post here with his/her own perspective. Feel free to discount and belittle advice you don't like. You would be equally "welcome" on the infidelity board, all the more so since you are M. Isn't it nice to find a place where you really can have it both ways? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
gettingstronger Posted April 4, 2014 Share Posted April 4, 2014 gettingstronger, this is not acceptable to me. Which is why I had been struggling so much. Being in the A was the worst year of my life. Which is why I hope to maintain NC this time. I am happy for you! I still suggest IC I know it did wonders for me. Helps to identify the strong you, not the weak you that struggles with understanding what you really deserve out of life. Keep on keeping on and be gentle and kind to you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
FoolishOW Posted April 5, 2014 Share Posted April 5, 2014 50 posts will put at the point required to PM. I know this because I just reached it. Thought I'd throw that out there. Link to post Share on other sites
herself Posted April 5, 2014 Share Posted April 5, 2014 My.xmm had his first child and began contacting me MUCH much more. Intensity was way way stronger AFTER the birth . It was a flirty light casual EA that turned to an intense ea. B Link to post Share on other sites
Author Patna Posted April 5, 2014 Author Share Posted April 5, 2014 OP, I'd suggest that you use this time to end your marriage. Owl, I confessed to my H because I really wish to work out my M. But I guessed I was not strong enough, and I wasn't being fair to my H too. This time, I really want to focus back on my M. Looking at the past 3 months progress, honestly, I was quite discouraged. But I decided to stop pressuring myself, and just enjoy each day with H. I also admit the progress was slow, mainly because I was and am still in A withdraw stage. I don't know how long will it take to get out of this stage, and from what I read from other threads, it seems to take years for so many people I guess NC is the only effective way to get out of the withdrawl for my exMM. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Patna Posted April 5, 2014 Author Share Posted April 5, 2014 My.xmm had his first child and began contacting me MUCH much more. Intensity was way way stronger AFTER the birth . It was a flirty light casual EA that turned to an intense ea. B herself, a guy friend told me recently that my exMM might too. But the reason he might contact me more is just so pathetic. Because my exMM may use me to escape from the stress of the newborn, and I definitely don't wish to be in that position 2 Link to post Share on other sites
herself Posted April 5, 2014 Share Posted April 5, 2014 herself, a guy friend told me recently that my exMM might too. But the reason he might contact me more is just so pathetic. Because my exMM may use me to escape from the stress of the newborn, and I definitely don't wish to be in that position I do believe that was what happened on my end. Because leading up to due date I was bracing for the changes. I stopped writing as much stopped flirting or responding to flirting, figured he would disappear. No way. He began calling texting emailing SO much. This is when I love you's started too. It was a whirlwind, it swept me off my feet as at that time we were friends 11 years with much of it friends ONLY. It truly seemed he was fully in love in every way. I didn't even consider he was using me to escape new baby stress. It ended when baby was about a year, and he started bringing up staying good friends but going back to platonic as guilt was eating away.at him. I was crushed and blindsided, he flipped that switch quick and i was left confused. Guess the wife got her figure, her sex drive back and stopped breastfeeding. So then he was good! Man am ia fool. I wouldn'teven dream one ccould lie that well. He was epic over the top grammy actor the wsy he showed his love for me. Link to post Share on other sites
woinlove Posted April 5, 2014 Share Posted April 5, 2014 I don't think it is simply escaping the stress of a newborn. People who have affairs but who are not planning to end their marriage often have a high need for external validation and attention. A newborn requires lots of attention and MM may see this as taking away from his own needs. In order to get his needs filled, yes, he can seem incredibly in love, but if you think back it may not be "showing love" as you thought. Showing love for you is doing things that support you and enhance your life whether or not you are able to shower him with attention in return at that time. A MM who puts his own needs first, while he has a newborn at home, may not even be capable of that kind of love. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Patna Posted April 5, 2014 Author Share Posted April 5, 2014 Guess the wife got her figure, her sex drive back and stopped breastfeeding. herself, during breastfeeding, women's sex drive fall drastically. Coupled with exhaustion, she's probably not meeting his sexual needs at home. Usually after the 1st year, the woman's sex drive would usually resume back to pre-pregnancy. I hate to think that my exMM can be so shallow, but A stories seems so horribly similar that there must be some truths in it... Link to post Share on other sites
Author Patna Posted April 5, 2014 Author Share Posted April 5, 2014 I don't think it is simply escaping the stress of a newborn. People who have affairs but who are not planning to end their marriage often have a high need for external validation and attention. A newborn requires lots of attention and MM may see this as taking away from his own needs. woinlove, this is sadly another common reason I heard 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts