Laurel Posted April 7, 1999 Share Posted April 7, 1999 My ex and I have been in a make-up/break-up type relationship for the last few weeks. The main problem between us is that we both come from very different religions(He is a muslim and I am a catholic). The last time we broke up was on April 1st, and about four hours later, as upset as I was, I ended up sleeping with his roomate. My main question is; I still have feelings for him, yet at the same time I want to get with his roomate. I've explained to my ex that I just want to be friends, and that right now I am jusst looking for a "SEX" partner, because I don't think I am ready for a 'mature' relationship, but he still wants to be with me. My main problem comes with the fact that I still want to be with my ex, yet at the same time I want to be with his roomate. If my ex finds out I already got with his roomate he will feel very hurt, both towards me and his roomate, yet his roomate and I both want to keep this thing going. What do you think I should do?????? PLEASE HELP ME ASAP!!! If not here contact me at <e-mail address removed> Link to post Share on other sites
Ryan Posted April 7, 1999 Share Posted April 7, 1999 Forget this idea of just having a sex relationship. It's a totally unrealistic thing to try to achieve and you will end up getting attached. It's the nature of female biology. Perhaps your best insight here is that you AREN'T ready for a relationship right now. Take a step back from both of these guys. Your best course of action may be to take a little me-time to reflect on your failed relationship. There's nothing wrong with having them fail, it happens to all of us many times. The key is to come out of it a bit wiser about relationships. Jumping out and back in quickly doesn't allow for that growth period. I think your best choice is to step away from this and give your thought processes a stable environment to work in. Link to post Share on other sites
Steve Posted April 8, 1999 Share Posted April 8, 1999 It sounds like you definitely still care for your ex and want to spare his feelings. It also sounds as if you are confused. But in any relationship honesty is the best policy. If you tell him the truth about what has happened he may be extremely upset-- but at least he'll be able to get over it; and at least he will have heard from you. The alternative is to lie to him-- causing both you to be unhappy...and ultimately the relationship; "sex"; what-have-you to go through turmoil. Ultimately telling him the truth helps you and him. Second, I can understand that you are not ready for a mature relationship. However-- maybe you should tell your partner that up front; yes they may be scared off; but its better than having them assume you want a relationship and getting hurt in the process. It's perfectly fine to shy away from relationships because you are not ready-- take your time with it; you want to experience other things first perhaps; that's perfectly normal and fine. Finally: some thoughts. It seems as though you're using sex as a replacement for a solid relationship. And you've said that you're confused. Perhaps you should think about why you are not ready for a real relationship-- is it fear of commitment? fear of lost opportunity? fear of closeness? When you have come to terms with whatever fear that you have and understand it or (perhaps understand why you are hurting..?) You will most likely cherish a real relationship of sex. Because sex by itself is a meaningless and poor substitute for love. If you find the latter, you will know what I mean. Link to post Share on other sites
Steve Posted April 8, 1999 Share Posted April 8, 1999 the last line should be "relationship over sex" not "relationship of sex"...DOH! sorry! Link to post Share on other sites
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