Girl chose me over her ex but still isn't over him

[h8er]

I began talking to this girl almost a year ago. At first i was trying to be friends with her because i didn't think it was going to work out but slowly I began to like her more and more. I admitted my feelings for her and she said she liked me to. I was really happy. We began going out and hit it off pretty good. I began to like her more and more everyday. I put her on a pedestal and treated her like a queen. We talked everyday she knew all my secrets and I knew hers. We both go to different schools. She told me later that she still has feelings for her ex who left her after dating for 2-3 months and left her heartbroken. They weren't intimate so i don't know why she still has feelings for him. Her ex attends the same school as her so she saw him around more then she saw me. I'm also the jealous type and she knows this. I get very jealous if another guy tries to flirt with her. Recently she began talking to her ex more and I of coarse got jealous of that. I told her to stop talking to him. She kept saying to me I'm only talking to him because we re taking a class together. I let it go because I have a lot of trust for her. Later she told me that her ex wants her back and is willing to change. This got me very angry. I asked her what she wants to do. She said she doesn't know. She says her heart wants him but her brain is saying that I'am the better option. I was being patient with her as days passed but i couldn't take the pain anymore because i was afraid that she ll just leave me for him. So i decided to give her space and told her she had to choose until then its best if we don't talk. I said it in a assholish manner. A day later she texts me saying she chooses me and stopped talking to her ex but she is still not over him and says she doesn't want a relationship because she is heartbroken still. She is graduating in 2- 3 months and won't see her ex anymore. What should I do? Should I wait after she graduates and see how things go or should I just let her go back to her ex just so she can be happy?

[FierceFoxie]

I began talking to this girl almost a year ago. At first i was trying to be friends with her because i didn't think it was going to work out but slowly I began to like her more and more. I admitted my feelings for her and she said she liked me to. I was really happy. We began going out and hit it off pretty good. I began to like her more and more everyday. I put her on a pedestal and treated her like a queen. We talked everyday she knew all my secrets and I knew hers. We both go to different schools. She told me later that she still has feelings for her ex who left her after dating for 2-3 months and left her heartbroken. They weren't intimate so i don't know why she still has feelings for him. Her ex attends the same school as her so she saw him around more then she saw me. I'm also the jealous type and she knows this. I get very jealous if another guy tries to flirt with her. Recently she began talking to her ex more and I of coarse got jealous of that. I told her to stop talking to him. She kept saying to me I'm only talking to him because we re taking a class together. I let it go because I have a lot of trust for her. Later she told me that her ex wants her back and is willing to change. This got me very angry. I asked her what she wants to do. She said she doesn't know. She says her heart wants him but her brain is saying that I'am the better option. I was being patient with her as days passed but i couldn't take the pain anymore because i was afraid that she ll just leave me for him. So i decided to give her space and told her she had to choose until then its best if we don't talk. I said it in a assholish manner. A day later she texts me saying she chooses me and stopped talking to her ex but she is still not over him and says she doesn't want a relationship because she is heartbroken still. She is graduating in 2- 3 months and won't see her ex anymore. What should I do? Should I wait after she graduates and see how things go or should I just let her go back to her ex just so she can be happy?

 

She said her heart chooses him. I am sorry to be so blunt but she still wants him. She was being honest when she said that. We have all had relationships that ended and we never looked back. Too look back and want an ex back means she feels there is something deeper there and this will not go away overnight. I am willing to bet she lied to you about not speaking to her ex anymore. If her heart is pulling towards him, it is gut wrenching for her to not speak to him. If you think she is something special, I would back off and give her time to deal with her feelings.

[Carenth]

Back away man. No point chasing her if she is chasing after her ex. It will only end in heartbreak for you.

[h8er]

I did back away. I told her if you really love him and planning to go back to him we should stop talking. On Saturdays I drop her off to work and she began crying saying she is confused and was sorry for putting me through this. She still keeps saying "I love you" to me. I told her I want her to be happy but going back to her ex isn't a good idea. He only wants her back because he saw us together and she knows this and he will most likely end up leaving her again. I told her to really think about it is it worth going back just to get hurt. I really think she should move on and not stay stuck in the past. We usually text everyday but I dint speak to her for a day and it was hard. At night I just got really angry saying why she shouldn't go back to her ex. She said shes not but she's still confused. Should I still back away? Or talk to her still

[thedude1974]

I began talking to this girl almost a year ago. At first i was trying to be friends with her because i didn't think it was going to work out but slowly I began to like her more and more. I admitted my feelings for her and she said she liked me to. I was really happy. We began going out and hit it off pretty good. I began to like her more and more everyday. I put her on a pedestal and treated her like a queen. We talked everyday she knew all my secrets and I knew hers. We both go to different schools. She told me later that she still has feelings for her ex who left her after dating for 2-3 months and left her heartbroken. They weren't intimate so i don't know why she still has feelings for him. Her ex attends the same school as her so she saw him around more then she saw me. I'm also the jealous type and she knows this. I get very jealous if another guy tries to flirt with her. Recently she began talking to her ex more and I of coarse got jealous of that. I told her to stop talking to him. She kept saying to me I'm only talking to him because we re taking a class together. I let it go because I have a lot of trust for her. Later she told me that her ex wants her back and is willing to change. This got me very angry. I asked her what she wants to do. She said she doesn't know. She says her heart wants him but her brain is saying that I'am the better option. I was being patient with her as days passed but i couldn't take the pain anymore because i was afraid that she ll just leave me for him. So i decided to give her space and told her she had to choose until then its best if we don't talk. I said it in a assholish manner. A day later she texts me saying she chooses me and stopped talking to her ex but she is still not over him and says she doesn't want a relationship because she is heartbroken still. She is graduating in 2- 3 months and won't see her ex anymore. What should I do? Should I wait after she graduates and see how things go or should I just let her go back to her ex just so she can be happy?

 

You have to fight some of your instincts.

Dont put her on a pedestal, she doesnt like it there and it devalues you.

Dont show her you are outwardly jealous of anything, it reeks of clinginess and insecurity, and it is a major turn off for women.

Stopping the obvious advances of other men is another thing.

 

You have to show her you are confident, she can walk away anytime because you have options. Dont let her see that talking to her ex bothers you. It is her loss if she acts on it.

 

Sorry for the bluntness.

[redbaron005]

She said she doesn't know. She says her heart wants him but her brain is saying that I'am the better option. I was being patient with her as days passed but i couldn't take the pain anymore because i was afraid that she ll just leave me for him. So i decided to give her space and told her she had to choose until then its best if we don't talk. I said it in a assholish manner. A day later she texts me saying she chooses me and stopped talking to her ex but she is still not over him and says she doesn't want a relationship because she is heartbroken still. She is graduating in 2- 3 months and won't see her ex anymore. What should I do? Should I wait after she graduates and see how things go or should I just let her go back to her ex just so she can be happy?

 

As much as I want to tell you not to be an option and to leave this relationship, I actually think you have a legitimate chance if you stick around in a respectful manner and control your anger. If you do this, know it is a risk that you may be hurt down the line.

 

She choose you, let her prove it. Wait a few days from now, then I would have a conversation with her to the affect that you understand her lingering feelings and are willing to work through them with her as long as you are in a committed relationship with her. You trust her, however this commitment includes her cutting contact with her ex/deleting his number in front of you, etc. Tell her you want what is best for her and for her to be happy. If she still says she does not want a relationship, walk away.

[h8er]

Yeah I followed your advice I tried to leave her but it was going to be really hard and honestly hasn't gone back to him yet so there still hope. She says shes just going to focus on school and see. I'm just acting like a friend to her and flirt with her sometimes but nothing more. I stopped putting effort in to our relationship and just being her friend. She knows shes going to lose me if she goes back to her ex.