He has bi polar

[ca333]

So, met a guy online and month 1 was PERFECT. We talked about soo much and we are perfectly compatible. We talked for hours almost every day and it was almost magical..an instant connection. were open about a lot of things, including past relationships and he did warn me that he has bi polar. He said he will get into fits of depression. well, month 2 is here and it seems as though his depression has set in. He has withdrawn from conversation a lot. When I mention I miss him, he typically tells me he's just wallowing in his bad mood and doesn't want to bother me with it. He's been really standoffish and I'm starting to second guess what we have going on. I mean, it is intense how connected we are and I just can't "let go" of someone who is basically a male version of me. On the other hand, I cannot stand being ignored. Even if it's not me, I take offense. I guess I'm just looking for advice in dealing with a partner who has it. It's still early in the game and we won't be meeting for a while (since we're both poor lol) but comments about our future have been made. Things would be perfect except for this. Literally..which is why this sucks that much harder.

 

 

Just looking for any tips on how to deal with someone when they are having their low's. I know I shouldn't take it personally. He's reassured me that he's wanted to talk to me. But my brain starts to over think, maybe he's bored of me? maybe he found someone else? can I handle this if we're in person, him secluding himself in his hole not giving me any attention? ugh I just don't know. I mean, on one hand it would be good because I actually do like spending time alone. on the other hand, I also like it when guys are needy..it's cute :-p but if he's depressed, I can't help but feel so bad for him and want to take his pain away when I can't.

[LittleTiger]

Hi ca333. Welcome to LS.

 

I'd love to help but, let's be realistic here. Having a relationship with someone who has mental problems is no walk in the park - and that's if you're face to face and getting to know them properly in the real world.

 

You can't possibly learn 'how to deal' with someone going through depression if you've never even met them.

 

I know you think you're in love and this is 'The One'. I've been there and worn the t-shirt. Many of us here will understand your feelings.

 

BUT

 

You need to meet him before spending too much time dreaming about an imaginary future and, in this case, I think you're probably on a fast track to nowhere. You're only two months in and you're already unhappy...and you say you're too poor to meet.

 

Seriously, what is the point of this?

[ExpatInItaly]

The first thing I want to comment on is something I feel you've nailed right on the head: you can't take his pain away. It's important to recognize that when dealing with someone who suffers from a mental illness. Only a qualified professional can effectively treat bi-polar disorder. Has he been diagnosed, and is he seeking treatment? If not, I would be very hesitant in continuing with him. You can certainly be supportive but don't do so at the expense of your own happiness.

 

I also think it's necessary to point out that you're becoming quite invested in and attached to a person you've never met, and only began talking to a few weeks ago. Be careful, OP. That isn't wise in any situation. At this point, I wouldn't put much stock into "comments about the future". Anyone can say such things. Unless and until you see action, take these comments lightly rather than as a sign of commitment. Remember that someone who is bi-polar also experiences periods of mania when they could act impulsively and on a high, per se. It's not necessarily a true reflection of their feelings when they're in a manic phase. How old are you both? Do you have much experience dating?

[ThisGal]

You're too emotionally invested in someone you just met. Of course the first month is going to be "perfect/magical" ...that's called the honeymoon stage or infatuation, it's when everything seems great and you two are flooded with euphoria.

 

No matter how many conversations you two have had in that one month, if there are no concrete plans to meet up then it's really a pen-pal situation here, no relationship. You two will eventually have to meet up in person, face-to-face if you really want to get to know each other because there is a fine line between reality and fantasy.

 

I agree with the above poster. No one can make anyone change, we alone cannot take away anyone's problems, or fix it. We women sometimes have that tendency to believe we can help and that mentality is not healthy.

 

I think since it has been about 2 months since you've met him and already there is turbulence I would just end contact with him to be honest. I can only imagine how rockier the relationship will be later.

 

He needs to focus on his well-being as he is not ready to be in any type of relationship as he needs medical attention/professional help. He's withdrawing from you and not communicating well when he wants to be left alone and because depression is a very serious condition I would allow him some space to seek help. In the meantime you should move on with your life. Try not to be too sucked in. Be wise and protect your heart. Don't fall so easily. Take care!

Edited April 4, 2014 by ThisGal

[ca333]

 

Seriously, what is the point of this?

 

 

Could you emphasize that question?

[ca333]

Thanks for the replies!

 

 

I was hoping it is something he can easily overcome. His childhood was rough and him and his brothers didn't have it easy (I don't believe it's bi polar as much as it is self pity and depression). I struggled with my childhood issues as well but you gotta grow up sometime and not let the past haunt you. Perhaps we are just on two different levels in life and we are not destined to "match up". Sucks though, because he would have been a perfect match.

win some.lose some.

Edited April 5, 2014 by ca333

[ExpatInItaly]

Thanks for the replies!

 

 

I was hoping it is something he can easily overcome. His childhood was rough and him and his brothers didn't have it easy (I don't believe it's bi polar as much as it is self pity and depression). I struggled with my childhood issues as well but you gotta grow up sometime and not let the past haunt you. Perhaps we are just on two different levels in life and we are not destined to "match up". Sucks though, because he would have been a perfect match.

win some.lose some.

 

Not if he has a depressive disorder. It is a very, very difficult road for partners and the affected person. This is true even of long-term relationships and marriages. You have never event met this guy. It doesn't sound very promising.

[TAV]

Thanks for the replies!

 

 

I was hoping it is something he can easily overcome. His childhood was rough and him and his brothers didn't have it easy (I don't believe it's bi polar as much as it is self pity and depression). I struggled with my childhood issues as well but you gotta grow up sometime and not let the past haunt you. Perhaps we are just on two different levels in life and we are not destined to "match up". Sucks though, because he would have been a perfect match.

win some.lose some.

 

It's not something you can overcome. It can be controlled with medication that you have to keep taking. The last is often a problem. It has nothing to do with childhood problems. It's genetic.

 

It's not easy to live with someone like that. Educate yourself, at least, if you want this online relationship to turn to real life.

[LittleTiger]

Could you emphasize that question?

 

I'm sorry I don't understand what you mean? Unless you mean 'could I explain the question'?

 

If it's the latter then it's self explanatory. What is the point of putting yourself through the stress of trying to deal with someone who is bi-polar when you have never met him - and you are unlikely to meet him in the near future? What are the benefits for you? You've only been talking to him for two months and already you are wondering why he's not giving you enough attention! Already you are dissatisfied with the relationship.

 

I know what's it's like to think you have 'fallen in love' with someone you've never met but just because you think he's 'a male version' of you doesn't make him Mr Right. Besides which, if he was a male version of you, then you would also be bi-polar!

 

You say you are 'perfectly compatible'? How can you know how compatible you are when you have never met him? 'Compatible' in romantic terms means your lives fit well together, you have great emotional and physical chemistry, you feel good when you are together and you make each other happy. Being compatible means you compliment one another.

 

You say that you 'cannot stand being ignored', that you 'take offence' when he does ignore you, that you 'overthink'. You're worried that he's 'bored of you' and that he's 'found someone else' - you like 'needy' guys and this one clearly isn't needy. Unless one of you changes your personality it doesn't seem to me that you're compatible at all - that's why I said 'what is the point'.

 

If you really want to put yourself through this, the best thing you can do would be to just get on with your own life when he's depressed and wait for him to start feeling better. If you can't do that without stressing, then you really are wasting your time.

[kodakgirl]

It's not something you can overcome. It can be controlled with medication that you have to keep taking. The last is often a problem. It has nothing to do with childhood problems. It's genetic.

 

It's not easy to live with someone like that. Educate yourself, at least, if you want this online relationship to turn to real life.

 

Exactly. The fact that you think it can be "easily" overcome shows you really have no understanding of mental illness, and I feel the first thing you need to do before you can even think about this properly is go and really seriously educate yourself. I had a great childhood and a great life and got smacked in the face with severe depression (which both my mom and her mom dealt with too). Some people with severe depression or bipolar can get to a point of managing it with the help of medications. But the results of medication vary a lot. Some people get on the right med first try, no side-effects, and can live a perfectly normal life (more common with depression than bipolar). Some people see a reduction of symptoms but have a lot side-effects and/or feel constantly emotionally numb. Some people don't see any effect. Some people quit when they're feeling better and end up going through it all again. Mild or moderate depression can get better without medication; severe depression almost entirely can't, and bipolar disorder definitely can't. You can't overcome MS or cystic fibrosis no matter what you do-- severe mental illness is the same way. If he doesn't take any medication at all, I would be especially concerned.

 

Also, if he's said he is bipolar and not just depressed, if he is correct (and has been formally diagnosed) that means a lot more than just what you are seeing now. That means he has had at least one episode of mania. This seems to be misunderstood even more than depression. It's very frightening. In manic episodes even the nicest, most down to earth person can be impulsive, reckless, and self-centered. Mania can cause virgins to be sex-crazed and careful savers to get $100,000 into debt in a week. Meanwhile they think everything is great and they are just so, so special. Then it fades and they see what they've done-- the suicide risk for bipolar people is very high right after a manic episode.

 

If you want to consider this at all-- you have to know these things. My personal opinion is that if severe depression and mania don't terrify you, you don't understand what they are. Even if your partner is one of the lucky people who can manage it pretty well and live a stable life, this is a part of them and is always going to be. I've only experienced the depression side but even knowing you can feel like that is really scary. I'm a very happy person overall but there were days when I literally could not get myself to get dressed. I've been fine for years and maybe even if I stopped anti-depressants I would be (it is impossible to predict)-- but I also could end up in that place again. Severe depression feels like losing yourself and I can imagine mania is even worse.

 

It takes a very, very strong person to fully understand all that and still commit themselves to a relationship. I have nothing but compassion for people who suffer from bipolar disorder but I do not think I could be in a relationship with someone who did, unless they were very stable and very committed to their health. It would be amazing if love could just magically fix things like mental illness-- but it can't, and you can only move forward with a chronically mentally ill person if you know that.

[TMichaels]

It's not something you can overcome. It can be controlled with medication that you have to keep taking. The last is often a problem. It has nothing to do with childhood problems. It's genetic.

 

Educate yourself...

 

Exactly. The fact the original poster titled her post "He *has* bi polar" demonstrates she doesn't understand he isn't suffering from something like the flu which someone just acquires and "gets over."

 

He *is* bi-polar (assuming that he has been diagnosed as such by a mental health professional and not just *saying* he is). There's a big difference.

 

The latter as TAV noted is often genetic and is caused by a chemical imbalance in the brain -- the treatment for which can sometimes be tricky and requires a lot of experimentation to get the combination of drugs just right to control mood swings from mania to depression.

 

LDRs are challenging enough. OP, you've only invested a month in this guy. You can't cure him, and you're in for more than you can handle long-distance if you continue. Best to end things now, and move on.

 

Best,

TMichaels

[HeavenOrHell]

Too emotionally invested in someone she hasn't met in fact!

 

 

You're too emotionally invested in someone you just met.

[HeavenOrHell]

You don't sound like a perfect match at all if you're already saying this about him.

You don't sound understanding of his problems at all, therefore you're not the perfect match for him, he's probably realising you're not the right person for him. Why would he want someone who thinks he's self pitying.

He could have bi polar or depression all his life.

You may have got better over the years, but he's not you, different person, with different issues, and maybe different levels of support from others.

 

 

Thanks for the replies!

 

 

I was hoping it is something he can easily overcome. His childhood was rough and him and his brothers didn't have it easy (I don't believe it's bi polar as much as it is self pity and depression). I struggled with my childhood issues as well but you gotta grow up sometime and not let the past haunt you. Perhaps we are just on two different levels in life and we are not destined to "match up". Sucks though, because he would have been a perfect match.

win some.lose some.

[almond]

Thanks for the replies!

 

 

I was hoping it is something he can easily overcome. His childhood was rough and him and his brothers didn't have it easy (I don't believe it's bi polar as much as it is self pity and depression). I struggled with my childhood issues as well but you gotta grow up sometime and not let the past haunt you. Perhaps we are just on two different levels in life and we are not destined to "match up". Sucks though, because he would have been a perfect match.

win some.lose some.

 

Statements like this irritate me to no end.

 

If you have no knowledge as to what you are speaking of, then hold of on the judgements and assumptions, and be open to listening, understanding and educating yourself.

 

The stigma and ignorance re: mental illness is terrible.

[Forever Learning]

Hi Ca333!

 

You have received alot of REALLY great advice here! Seriously! Even though it might not be the good news you were hoping to hear.....

 

I know this is a hard situation for you, it sucks big time when you connect with someone (even if it wasn't in person) and you think you met a great match, only to find out later, that there is more to the story (his depressed moods).

 

I TOTALLY feel for you!!!!

 

But I have to tell you, you are not the first this has happened to.

 

This website, and websites across the internet, are filled with stories like this. It has been happening since the dawn of time.

 

The thing is, people who hit it off right away, are filled with happiness, hopefulness, euphoria, and that is why it's called the 'honeymoon phase'. Google it!

 

Folks who fall in love( and/or fall in lust) are filled with these endorphin chemicals that get you high. It's awesome, of course! The brain is a funny thing. It is it's very own drug factory, believe it or not.

 

It makes you a 'natural' drug addict for more, more, MORE feel good chemicals, the kind you get when you fall for someone. Tricky stuff!

 

If things are good without major problems, then folks move out of the honeymoon phase and into a real relationship where they face the ups and downs of reality, and work on it together.

 

That is, if both people are balanced and healthy to begin with.

 

If you try to make a relationship with someone who isn't mentally healthy, you will pay a big price. I know, because that's just what I did!

 

I am mid 40's. In my mid 20's, I hooked up with a man who had mental health issues.

 

He was (is) a Psychopath and a Narcissist.

 

Those are LEGITIMATE, PERMANENT personality disorders.

 

Google "Cluster B Personality Disorders" and learn all you can.

 

I didn't have internet around in the 1990's, when I went through my long walk through hell with my dude.

 

Basically he is a mean, unsympathetic dude (I didn't know this fully for years though because I was a meathead) who just looks out for himself, Number #1.

 

They are very self centered people.

 

He treated what I believe is also depression (and possibly bi-polar, he was never diagnosed, but he sure acted like it with the binging and spending and erratic behaviour) with drugs (marijuana) and alcoholism.

 

Super bad stuff!!! NO FUN AT ALL.

 

Super dumb me for hanging around and trying to change him!!! It's called "Co-Dependency". And its a lame way to live......

 

I thought my love could change him.

 

Oh God, what a joke that thinking was!!!!!!!!!!

 

:lmao:

 

And yes, we had the 'honeymoon period' like everyone else does.

 

And yes, he is super charming and can hit it off WITH ANYONE.

 

Believe me, I watched it over the years. He is the master of figuring out how to click with someone. Psychopaths are really good at that. It's what they do.

 

They are known for being charming.

 

Roughly 8% of the population are Psychopaths, by the way. I don't know what % are bi-polar.

 

It's their "M.O." (Modus Operandi - the calling card way in which they operate and breeze through life......).

 

Then I wasted 16 precious years with him. Had kids too. Not a good thing to put yourself through.

 

Escaping from them, with kids in tow, is excrutiating and quite scary. They don't play by the same rules as normal, caring folks. Seriously.

 

Not saying your fella is a psychopath, not at all.

 

I am just telling you MY STORY, and I am only pointing out, that folks with a messed up childhood, and/or with mental illness, are NOTHING to mess around with. Many CAN'T be cured. It's a permanent thing.

 

Run for the hills my dear! You will find another guy you will click with, I promise.

 

As a side note - I have a cousin who was in her 40's and bi-polar.

 

She was in and out of mental hospitals in her 30's and 40's (she was a bit more normal in her 20's, but it got WORSE and WORSE over, nothing helped, she tried every medication in the world, along with shock treatment, and every therapy known to mankind).

 

She ended up succeeding in killing herself recently after many failed attempts over the years.

 

She put the family, and extended family, through PURE HELL along the way for the last 2 decades.

 

Please, just dump this guy and move on. Go No Contact. It will be hard at first, but gets better over time.

 

Use your free time to help others who are hurting on this forum and elsewhere on the internet. Helping feels good. I really hope I have helped you today with this post.

 

I would NEVER want you to waste years and years with this guy, the way I wasted years with a mentally ill guy. Life is TOO SHORT. For real!

 

God bless and all the best to you dear!

 

p.s. here is an article from Wikipedia that you should read about Personality Disorders and also Bi-Polar. Good to be well informed about both....

 

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Personality_disorder#Cluster_B_.28dramatic.2C_emotional_or_erratic_disorders.29\

 

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bipolar_disorder

Edited April 6, 2014 by Forever Learning

[HeavenOrHell]

People with mental health issues have vastly varying problems and varying levels of problems and ways of dealing with it, it's not fair to say run for the hills. Frankly I think HE should run for the hills because of her lack of compassion. There's a huge stigma around mental health and posts like this don't help

Plenty of people with mental health issues are capable of being fantastic partners, please don't tar everyone with the same brush.

 

 

 

 

Hi Ca333!

 

You have received alot of REALLY great advice here! Seriously! Even though it might not be the good news you were hoping to hear.....

 

I know this is a hard situation for you, it sucks big time when you connect with someone (even if it wasn't in person) and you think you met a great match, only to find out later, that there is more to the story (his depressed moods).

 

I TOTALLY feel for you!!!!

 

But I have to tell you, you are not the first this has happened to.

 

This website, and websites across the internet, are filled with stories like this. It has been happening since the dawn of time.

 

The thing is, people who hit it off right away, are filled with happiness, hopefulness, euphoria, and that is why it's called the 'honeymoon phase'. Google it!

 

Folks who fall in love( and/or fall in lust) are filled with these endorphin chemicals that get you high. It's awesome, of course! The brain is a funny thing. It is it's very own drug factory, believe it or not.

 

It makes you a 'natural' drug addict for more, more, MORE feel good chemicals, the kind you get when you fall for someone. Tricky stuff!

 

If things are good without major problems, then folks move out of the honeymoon phase and into a real relationship where they face the ups and downs of reality, and work on it together.

 

That is, if both people are balanced and healthy to begin with.

 

If you try to make a relationship with someone who isn't mentally healthy, you will pay a big price. I know, because that's just what I did!

 

I am mid 40's. In my mid 20's, I hooked up with a man who had mental health issues.

 

He was (is) a Psychopath and a Narcissist.

 

Those are LEGITIMATE, PERMANENT personality disorders.

 

Google "Cluster B Personality Disorders" and learn all you can.

 

I didn't have internet around in the 1990's, when I went through my long walk through hell with my dude.

 

Basically he is a mean, unsympathetic dude (I didn't know this fully for years though because I was a meathead) who just looks out for himself, Number #1.

 

They are very self centered people.

 

He treated what I believe is also depression (and possibly bi-polar, he was never diagnosed, but he sure acted like it with the binging and spending and erratic behaviour) with drugs (marijuana) and alcoholism.

 

Super bad stuff!!! NO FUN AT ALL.

 

Super dumb me for hanging around and trying to change him!!! It's called "Co-Dependency". And its a lame way to live......

 

I thought my love could change him.

 

Oh God, what a joke that thinking was!!!!!!!!!!

 

:lmao:

 

And yes, we had the 'honeymoon period' like everyone else does.

 

And yes, he is super charming and can hit it off WITH ANYONE.

 

Believe me, I watched it over the years. He is the master of figuring out how to click with someone. Psychopaths are really good at that. It's what they do.

 

They are known for being charming.

 

Roughly 8% of the population are Psychopaths, by the way. I don't know what % are bi-polar.

 

It's their "M.O." (Modus Operandi - the calling card way in which they operate and breeze through life......).

 

Then I wasted 16 precious years with him. Had kids too. Not a good thing to put yourself through.

 

Escaping from them, with kids in tow, is excrutiating and quite scary. They don't play by the same rules as normal, caring folks. Seriously.

 

Not saying your fella is a psychopath, not at all.

 

I am just telling you MY STORY, and I am only pointing out, that folks with a messed up childhood, and/or with mental illness, are NOTHING to mess around with. Many CAN'T be cured. It's a permanent thing.

 

Run for the hills my dear! You will find another guy you will click with, I promise.

 

As a side note - I have a cousin who was in her 40's and bi-polar.

 

She was in and out of mental hospitals in her 30's and 40's (she was a bit more normal in her 20's, but it got WORSE and WORSE over, nothing helped, she tried every medication in the world, along with shock treatment, and every therapy known to mankind).

 

She ended up succeeding in killing herself recently after many failed attempts over the years.

 

She put the family, and extended family, through PURE HELL along the way for the last 2 decades.

 

Please, just dump this guy and move on. Go No Contact. It will be hard at first, but gets better over time.

 

Use your free time to help others who are hurting on this forum and elsewhere on the internet. Helping feels good. I really hope I have helped you today with this post.

 

I would NEVER want you to waste years and years with this guy, the way I wasted years with a mentally ill guy. Life is TOO SHORT. For real!

 

God bless and all the best to you dear!

 

p.s. here is an article from Wikipedia that you should read about Personality Disorders and also Bi-Polar. Good to be well informed about both....

 

Personality disorder - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

 

Bipolar disorder - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

[Forever Learning]

People with mental health issues have vastly varying problems and varying levels of problems and ways of dealing with it, it's not fair to say run for the hills. Frankly I think HE should run for the hills because of her lack of compassion. There's a huge stigma around mental health and posts like this don't help

Plenty of people with mental health issues are capable of being fantastic partners, please don't tar everyone with the same brush.

 

You have misinterpreted the intent in my post.

 

My post didn't add to the stigma of mental illness.

 

My post honestly described my real life experiences with those with mental illness.

 

Those with mental illness, and their pursuant behaviours, are the ones who create and maintain any stigma associated with it.

 

And I agree, that some folks with some mental health issues are probably capable of being fantastic partners . There is never a 'one size fits all' rule to anything in this world.

 

However, having experienced the excrutiating agony of trying to have a relationship with a mentally ill person, along with the bipolar family member who recently committed suicide, I am not inclined to sugar coat anything in my advice to CA333.

 

She is barely invested in this guy she hasn't even met yet, and I stand by my advice for her to run to the hills. She is young and has her whole life ahead of her.

 

Damn straight I'm going to tell her to ditch this guy and avoid him like the plague!

 

And that advice is the very same thing every single poster prior to me said as well.........

 

I just said it a bit more colorfully and in a down to earth style, which is my nature, and is why I am so beloved here on this forum !

[HeavenOrHell]

People with mental health problems don't create a stigma, peoples' judgements of mental illness does.

My experience of mental health issues is the opposite to yours, not saying it's always been easy, but mental health problem does not necessarily, or always, mean the person is not a loving, giving partner, it does not mean the person will be a horrible person, there are plenty of horrible, unworthy partners without mental health problems, the one abusive partner I had didn't have mental health problems, he was just an *******. I lived for two decades with someone with depression due to childhood abuse, it wasn't easy, but he was a fantastic and loving person, and he did get better in time, partly because of my support.

See a person for who they are and what they are like as a person rather than whether they are mentally ill. Yes some are too ill to live 'normal' lives, and shouldn't be in r/ships, but if they genuinely have mental health problems then they may not be able to change their behaviour at the moment, if they treat you badly then get out.

Your cousin may have made your lives hell, but she was clearly living in hell too, she wasn't doing it for the fun of it. Most people with mental illness can be helped one way or another, she was one of the unlucky ones, poor woman.

>There is never a 'one size fits all' rule to anything in this world. < My point exactly.

 

 

You have misinterpreted the intent in my post.

 

My post didn't add to the stigma of mental illness.

 

My post honestly described my real life experiences with those with mental illness.

 

Those with mental illness, and their pursuant behaviours, are the ones who create and maintain any stigma associated with it.

 

And I agree, that some folks with some mental health issues are probably capable of being fantastic partners . There is never a 'one size fits all' rule to anything in this world.

 

However, having experienced the excrutiating agony of trying to have a relationship with a mentally ill person, along with the bipolar family member who recently committed suicide, I am not inclined to sugar coat anything in my advice to CA333.

 

She is barely invested in this guy she hasn't even met yet, and I stand by my advice for her to run to the hills. She is young and has her whole life ahead of her.

 

Damn straight I'm going to tell her to ditch this guy and avoid him like the plague!

 

And that advice is the very same thing every single poster prior to me said as well.........

 

I just said it a bit more colorfully and in a down to earth style, which is my nature, and is why I am so beloved here on this forum !

[ThatMan]

So what's the problem with a person speaking to their own experiences? There's a vast difference between shaming the mentally ill opposed to sharing first hand experiences...

 

I think that it's morally and ethically wrong to seek out partners who are not only mentally ill, but advocate to anyone the continued pursuit of unhealthy relationships. The exact cause for a relationship being unhealthy shouldn't even matter. This man identified himself as being bipolar. Entering a relationship with a bipolar man with the expectations that he'll recover is wrong. I'm sure that he can be quite a loving and caring. He's still unhealthy and a relationship with him would also be unhealthy.

 

There are many forms of bipolar disorder and they're all incurable. He would need to take medications that can kill him to help prevent future manic episodes. If he fails to take his medications, even if he has the mildest case of bipolar disorder; he is still likely to develop psychosis, experience hallucinations, and then enjoy more extreme swings as his brain fundamentally changes over the years with each episode.

 

The mentality that love can cure this disorder is uncompassionate, baseless, destructive, and complete utter garbage. You'll be hard pressed to find anyone who is willing to encourage the sort of relationship that involves this prevailing attitude. And that's because it isn't a remotely healthy or even reasonable outlook.

[HeavenOrHell]

There is nothing wrong with someone talking about personal experience, I take issue though when there are generalisations just because their experience was bad.

FL's partner didn't have bi-polar, so likening her ex to OP's bf doesn't make sense >Basically he is a mean, unsympathetic dude (I didn't know this fully for years though because I was a meathead) who just looks out for himself, Number #1.

 

He treated what I believe is also depression (and possibly bi-polar, he was never diagnosed, but he sure acted like it with the binging and spending and erratic behaviour) with drugs (marijuana) and alcoholism. <

 

It's like lumping flu and cancer together

 

I did not say love can cure bi-polar.

 

Bipolar disorder - Treatment - NHS Choices

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

So what's the problem with a person speaking to their own experiences? There's a vast difference between shaming the mentally ill opposed to sharing first hand experiences...

 

I think that it's morally and ethically wrong to seek out partners who are not only mentally ill, but advocate to anyone the continued pursuit of unhealthy relationships. The exact cause for a relationship being unhealthy shouldn't even matter. This man identified himself as being bipolar. Entering a relationship with a bipolar man with the expectations that he'll recover is wrong. I'm sure that he can be quite a loving and caring. He's still unhealthy and a relationship with him would also be unhealthy.

 

There are many forms of bipolar disorder and they're all incurable. He would need to take medications that can kill him to help prevent future manic episodes. If he fails to take his medications, even if he has the mildest case of bipolar disorder; he is still likely to develop psychosis, experience hallucinations, and then enjoy more extreme swings as his brain fundamentally changes over the years with each episode.

 

The mentality that love can cure this disorder is uncompassionate, baseless, destructive, and complete utter garbage. You'll be hard pressed to find anyone who is willing to encourage the sort of relationship that involves this prevailing attitude. And that's because it isn't a remotely healthy or even reasonable outlook.

[juicygirl]

I was you 5 years ago, I remember the oh so magical feelings etc, he probably met you when he was manic and now his depressed. If you like roller coasters keep seeing him.

 

Seriously, dating a bipolar person is no easy task, even when they do take medication, and even then you'll panic that one day he'll decide to just stop taking them. Then there's the breaking up and getting back together, one day you're the best person on the planet, then out of nowhere they hate your guts. Do your research on his type of bipolar, join forums for spouse and get yourself a good shrink. (The last one is not a joke, it's hard and non of your friends will understand unless they've need there and sometimes you'll need someone to talk to, even if only to vent)

 

I know some people have good relationships with a bipolar person and I know some will slam me for this, but my advise would be don't do it. My ex got up and left one day when I was pregnant, nice. My ex has bipolar 1 and I suspect borderline personality. If his not managing his illness, you will drive yourself mad trying to help or "fix him" to be the person you fell in love with are you sure you can handle this?

[HeavenOrHell]

I've no idea if I'd have a r/ship with someone who is bi-polar or not, it would depend on so many things.

But I have had a r/ship with someone with severe depression (suicidal) and I went on anti depressants myself to cope with it, it was manageable and he was worth it, maybe if he'd been bi-polar, or if he was nasty to me because of if it wouldn't have been manageable.

I don't rule out everyone with mental health problems, as I said, it depends on what the problem is, how severe, how it affects them, so many factors.

[Forever Learning]

So what's the problem with a person speaking to their own experiences? There's a vast difference between shaming the mentally ill opposed to sharing first hand experiences...

 

I think that it's morally and ethically wrong to seek out partners who are not only mentally ill, but advocate to anyone the continued pursuit of unhealthy relationships. The exact cause for a relationship being unhealthy shouldn't even matter. This man identified himself as being bipolar. Entering a relationship with a bipolar man with the expectations that he'll recover is wrong. I'm sure that he can be quite a loving and caring. He's still unhealthy and a relationship with him would also be unhealthy.

 

There are many forms of bipolar disorder and they're all incurable. He would need to take medications that can kill him to help prevent future manic episodes. If he fails to take his medications, even if he has the mildest case of bipolar disorder; he is still likely to develop psychosis, experience hallucinations, and then enjoy more extreme swings as his brain fundamentally changes over the years with each episode.

 

The mentality that love can cure this disorder is uncompassionate, baseless, destructive, and complete utter garbage. You'll be hard pressed to find anyone who is willing to encourage the sort of relationship that involves this prevailing attitude. And that's because it isn't a remotely healthy or even reasonable outlook.

 

Thank was so well written and insightful. Well done!

[Forever Learning]

I was you 5 years ago, I remember the oh so magical feelings etc, he probably met you when he was manic and now his depressed. If you like roller coasters keep seeing him.

 

Seriously, dating a bipolar person is no easy task, even when they do take medication, and even then you'll panic that one day he'll decide to just stop taking them.

 

Then there's the breaking up and getting back together, one day you're the best person on the planet, then out of nowhere they hate your guts.

 

Do your research on his type of bipolar, join forums for spouse and get yourself a good shrink. (The last one is not a joke, it's hard and non of your friends will understand unless they've need there and sometimes you'll need someone to talk to, even if only to vent)

 

I know some people have good relationships with a bipolar person and I know some will slam me for this, but my advise would be don't do it.

 

My ex got up and left one day when I was pregnant, nice.

 

My ex has bipolar 1 and I suspect borderline personality. If his not managing his illness, you will drive yourself mad trying to help or "fix him" to be the person you fell in love with are you sure you can handle this?

 

Good advice. I agree.

[HeavenOrHell]

Interesting article from a man who recovered (his words) from bi-polar.

 

5 Things People With Depression Can do to Stop Being Stigmatised -