HokeyReligions Posted January 31, 2005 Share Posted January 31, 2005 It's about a quarter after 9AM here. I got a call from the emergency alert company a little while ago -- mom used the button around her neck to call for paramedics. Hubby was home ASLEEP. I called about 10 times before he finally woke up! I told him to go check on my mother and that the paramedics are on their way. They arrived while I had him on the phone. It doesn't look good. All weekend long I kept asking her if she wanted to go to the hospital and she kept saying NO. Hubby was mad today because she wouldn't go on my day off and had to wait until I was at work and calling her inconsiderate and everything. HE is really pissing me off. He is on his way to get me now, it will take about an hour to get here and an hour back to the hospital. Mom is barely conscious and doesn't know what is going on around her. Just last night I was telling hubby that I had one of my "impending" feelings -- sometimes I can sense something coming but I don't know what it is. Every time I have one of these feelings, within three months at the max -- usually only within a few days -- something will happen and its almost always something bad. When mom had cancer I didn't have the feeling. Even last year when she had two heart-attacks, I didn't have the feeling--I knew she could die, but I felt that she would pull through. Now, I don't know. I just bathed her and washed her hair last night and put on her new nightgown she got for Christmas. She has a doctor's appointment on Wednesday. She's been getting worse and looking worse for the last week and I think this is it. I can't concentrate on work right now. The Monday morning staff meeting is going on right outside my cubicle and I know they've heard me on the phone. I am a stressed out mess right now and I didn't know where else to turn, but to my cyber-family on LoveShack. I can rant here. I don't want to lose my mother, but I don't want her to hang on in so much pain and misery and when she is ready to go. Link to post Share on other sites
Matilda Posted January 31, 2005 Share Posted January 31, 2005 Prayers and thoughts to you and your Mom. Link to post Share on other sites
brashgal Posted January 31, 2005 Share Posted January 31, 2005 How scary - especially to be so far away and not be able to rush to her side. Hang in there Hokey! Link to post Share on other sites
Lil Honey Posted January 31, 2005 Share Posted January 31, 2005 Hokey, I am so sorry to hear that your mom is so ill. Having to let go of a parent is really tough. I had to say, "Goodbye" to my dad several years ago. I can't even imagine my mom being gone (she's 80 now). She is my best friend. She is at the hospital, so she will get the care that she needs. Just try to let whatever comments your hubby has roll off. Take care of YOU first right now. Focus on you and your family. You, your mom and your family are in my thoughts. {{{{{{{BIG HUGS}}}}}}}}}} Lil Honey Link to post Share on other sites
tiki Posted January 31, 2005 Share Posted January 31, 2005 Hang in there, Hokey. I am praying for you guys and thinking of you often. Link to post Share on other sites
startingover1028 Posted January 31, 2005 Share Posted January 31, 2005 How scary for you. I'm so sorry. I wish the best for your mom and will send healing thoughts. Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted January 31, 2005 Share Posted January 31, 2005 Sorry to hear it's a bad day, Hoke. Will be thinking aboutcha and hoping for the best. Link to post Share on other sites
Author HokeyReligions Posted January 31, 2005 Author Share Posted January 31, 2005 Thank you everyone. I've been trying to tie up some things at work before I leave (& send stuff home to do at some later point). Hubby should be here in 10 or 15 minutes. I'm leaving in five to go downstairs and wait for him. I worry about his driving -- it's raining and slick today -- and he is not the best driver in the world, he takes too many chances when he's stressed. I am a basket case now. I just want to GO! I hate January. Jan 5th was the 30th anniversary of my dad's death and my sis-in-law died in January too. My mind keeps jumping to mom's dog, Lucy. She will have to be put to sleep. There is no way we can keep her because she is a fighter and has a bite history. She would not be happy with us, and it's sad because she is sooo good with mom and loves her and is behaved and queen of the roost. She's only about 8 and in good health. Link to post Share on other sites
savethedrama4allama Posted January 31, 2005 Share Posted January 31, 2005 I'm sorry Hokey. You and your family will be in my thoughts. This community is really wonderful and you have made me smile more than once. I'll be here to return the favor. llama Link to post Share on other sites
Bronzepen Posted January 31, 2005 Share Posted January 31, 2005 Hoping for the best Hokey. Take one thing at a time. Worry about the dog when you actually have to do something about it. Right now, concentrate on your Mom. again, all the best. Link to post Share on other sites
Moose Posted January 31, 2005 Share Posted January 31, 2005 My thoughts are with you Hokey. You're a strong woman and I think you'll do just fine. It's a see ya later, not a good bye. Link to post Share on other sites
Merin Posted January 31, 2005 Share Posted January 31, 2005 Sorry to hear your Mom's condition is getting worse Hoke.. I can understand your desire to keep your Mom close.. and also your desire to let her go.. Whatever happens Hoke, your in my thoughts and prayers. Link to post Share on other sites
Author HokeyReligions Posted January 31, 2005 Author Share Posted January 31, 2005 Thank you all again. Mom is in the hospital -- she's refused life-support and she's holding on. She can't come home again without home health-care or hospice on a daily basis. That might not be feasible money-wise, social security only pays for so much. She might have to go to a nursing home if she comes out of the hospital. We are trying to see what we can work out. No word yet on that other job, but they only got my followup letters today. I have enough time banked at work so I won't lose any pay and I'll be back at work tomorrow if mom doesn't take a turn for the worse tonight. I had to come home to work on some stuff -- deadlines don't wait and my job was kind enough to email everything to me at home so I can get it done here and just go in tomorrow to do the invoicing. I'm sleeping in mom's room tonight with her dog and spending a lot of time in there. Hubby can hook up his x-box to mom's TV and sit in her recliner tonight so Lucy won't be alone and I'll be with my other dogs. So far 2005 is not shaping up to be such a great year either! Jan 1 hubby & I were in a car wreck, and Jan 31 mom is in the hospital! I have not had anything to eat all day so I'm going in the other room and get a bite to eat. I'll probably go back up to the hospital in a little while. Mom really wanted me to leave and I needed to so she could get some rest. She was unconscious this morning, but is awake and aware now and exhausted. She's on extra strength Vicodin for pain and is feeling better and breathing with oxygen only. Lasix has helped reduce the fluid in her lungs. She's had congestive heart failure for a number of years now. Link to post Share on other sites
GirlDown Posted January 31, 2005 Share Posted January 31, 2005 crossing my fingers for you, Hokey. we're all pulling for you both. hang in there. Link to post Share on other sites
CurlyIam Posted January 31, 2005 Share Posted January 31, 2005 Hokey, You've been under so much pressure these few years, with your father in law and your mom getting sick... My grandma (71, very fragile, lots of health problems) fell and fractured her pevis last year. Most docs thought she'd never heal and remain in bed for the rest of her days. She's walking now. It all depends on her will to live. I think she'll pull through. I'm so sorry, Hokey, I know that the finances isn't your strong point. You're not her only child. Ask your siblings to participate too. Anyway, I hope you get your job and that God will decide for things to happen in the best interest of everyone. Love, Curly Link to post Share on other sites
quankanne Posted February 1, 2005 Share Posted February 1, 2005 lo siento, hokey ... I am so sorry to hear of this, and you and your family are in my prayers tonight. hugs, quank Link to post Share on other sites
midori Posted February 1, 2005 Share Posted February 1, 2005 Hokey, I'm so sorry to hear this. I hope your mom isn't in pain, or too anxious. I'm amazed at how well you always bear up. We're all thinking of you, and hoping for the best. Link to post Share on other sites
SavesTheDay Posted February 1, 2005 Share Posted February 1, 2005 I am sorry to hear about your Mother's condition. I will add you, as well as your family to my prayers tonight. For sure... Link to post Share on other sites
amerikajin Posted February 1, 2005 Share Posted February 1, 2005 Hokey, I can't explain it, but people know when they're ready to die. I saw this when my father passed away a few years ago. You're a tough bird, Hoke. Hang in there and try to focus on what you can control, and don't try to react too much to things that haven't happened yet. Your husband, family and friends will be there for you, and of course, you've got your audience here to rant to - use these resources. They exist for times like these. Link to post Share on other sites
Spira Posted February 1, 2005 Share Posted February 1, 2005 Not to distract from the topic, but for those of you that have lost your parents, how did you deal with their passing? Especially if they were ill for a while? Link to post Share on other sites
Matilda Posted February 1, 2005 Share Posted February 1, 2005 Originally posted by midori I'm amazed at how well you always bear up. I'm always amazed by this as well. Glad to hear you Mom is awake and aware again. Still praying and thinking about you both. Link to post Share on other sites
SoleMate Posted February 2, 2005 Share Posted February 2, 2005 Hokey, you came to the right place. I'm hearing your feelings, and thinking of what you must be going through. Maybe now is a good time to echo what others have said - the way you approach your life is inspirational, in the best sense of the word. I feel like I'm breathing in courage, and caring, and acceptance, every time I read one of your posts. I do think that in the end, everything will be well. Your mother may slip away this time, or she may pull through. Your husband may support you as you want and need him to, or he may act out of his own pain and confusion. But I know you can go again to that deep well of calm forbearance and chug-a-lug as needed to keep your heart and soul together through this. Just one request...make sure you come and share your burden with us, when you are ready. Link to post Share on other sites
quankanne Posted February 2, 2005 Share Posted February 2, 2005 thank you AJ and Sole -- as crazy as it may sound, this place is probably the one resource, if you will, for normalcy and consistency when your life gets upended. Reading posts from the regulars, the semi-regulars and the folks who just drop in is a very, very healing balm, especially because people here are pretty upbeat and funny. Even when they don't intend to be (thinking particularly of Dave1234). Spira, you ask how we deal with these things: my mother died in Dec. '03, and I pretty much was running on fumes. She lived across the state, so I would drive home 2-3 times a month those last few months, because I couldn't handle the thought that I was running out of time with the one person who pretty much made my life complete (we were close friends as well as mama and baby). Pretty much, I was a mess. If it weren't for the people here, my close circle of "real world" friends or my husband, I honestly believe it would have been more traumatic than it was. Why? because like with my friends, there was a sense of normalcy, of steadiness here at the 'Shack, and that is priceless at times like those. I've said it once, I'll say it again: LoveShack is a godsend because the sense of community it provides to those who seek refuge here. Hokey, I think of you as I write this: know that you are very much in my prayers right now ... and we are here for you. Link to post Share on other sites
JackieQ Posted February 2, 2005 Share Posted February 2, 2005 I know I'm a relative newcomer here. But wanted to say that my thoughts are with you too Hokey. My mom was sick for extended period several years ago. Wouldn't have gotten through it without some dear friends who gave me a shoulder to lean on. Link to post Share on other sites
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