I am unable to deal with uncertainity

[Eternal Sunshine]

I have always had this problem and in all areas of life too. I feel the need to "control" things or I feel this huge amount of fear and anxiety. I did think it's perhaps only related to dating but dating is not on my radar now...

 

So when I got this job offer I started freaking out every single day when the contract didn't arrive. Even though I was told that it will be here this week, I somehow convinced myself that employers changed their mind.....I was literally not eating/sleeping and tied up in knots of despair every day the contract didn't arrive. Sure enough, I got it today and everything is fine.

 

I know that my reactions are not normal and hard to cope with. People that are closest to me had to listen to daily freakouts over this and they all basically told me that I have a problem.

 

It's like I just transffered all my fear and obsessivness from dating to my career

 

Any tips or books I can read?

[Valen]

I think that's kind of normal for a female. That's why most women value stability in a relationship. They are attracted to men who makes them feel safe or financially secure. And since you're single, your job is your partner, it provides for you. That's why you are afraid something bad will happen with your job. Just take a deep breath and focus on being realistic. Jobs come and go, so do relationships. Life is about change and you won't be certain what those changes will be but that's what make life interesting. Just have faith in yourself that you can overcome any obstacle. That's your rock, that's your stability. Uncertainty doesn't necessarily mean bad things happen, good things happen too when it doesn't go as we plan.

[Woggle]

When you think about it the only certain things in life are death, taxes and politicians never living up to their promises so the best thing you can do is be strong enough to deal with whatever comes your way.

[WillStock]

Sounds like anxiety. Fear, as a survival mechanism, always goes to the absolute worst case scenario. Whenever there is even a remote chance of things going badly I suffer frequent panic attacks that match what you describe. I've found keeping a record of my successes helps 'reprogram' my subconcious to reduce the excess fear is helpful, and have achieved great results with cognitive behaviour therapy.

[Eternal Sunshine]

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Edited April 7, 2014 by Eternal Sunshine

[Eternal Sunshine]

As an update, I am feeling a lot better now that things are "certain".

 

Contract is signed, apartment is leased, good bye parties are done with, one way plane ticket is booked. I am pretty much packing and chillin' for the next week.

[travelbug1996]

'when fear meets love' and 'how to be an adult in relationships'

 

Both awesome reads and very enlightening.

[Eunice Carter]

When you form expectations, you’re setting yourself up for disappointment. You can guide your tomorrow, but you can’t control the exact outcome. If you expect the worst, you’ll probably feel too negative and closed-minded to notice and seize opportunities. If you expect the best, you’ll create a vision that’s hard to live up to.

 

Instead of expecting the future to give you something specific, focus on what you’ll do to create what you want to experience.

 

I might be lonely in LA, or I might move into an apartment building full of yogis who enjoy Scrabble. None of that is in my hands right now. What is in my hands is what I plan—what I will actively do when I get there to meet friends, find balance, and live the life I want.

[learning_slowly]

@eunice: are you a therapist? Lol

 

@eternal sunshine: going anywhere nice or is it a boring business destination? Good luck anyway