gemstone1 Posted April 4, 2014 Share Posted April 4, 2014 So I’ve been with my boyfriend for 9 months, and for the most part our relationship is wonderful. He’s everything I’ve looked for in a guy, he treats me very well, is affectionate etc. However, I do have some concerns. When we first began dating we both decided not to share our pasts UNLESS they were relevant to the present and/or would affect our relationship. As a result of this, I told him that I was in contact with my ex-boyfriend, and my boyfriend was okay with this. He, however, never told me he was in touch with his ex-girlfriend. I later found out about this “friend” he was frequently seeing, and he even told me he wanted to buy her this really nice piece of jewellery for her birthday. Although, I found that a little fishy, I assumed they were really good friends and let it go. Later on, he told me that they would go to the mall, eat out, and go to the movies and I confronted him about the issue as I knew nothing about this "close friend". THAT is when he told me that she was his ex-gf, but he was over her, and she knew about our relationship and respected it. Although, I don't think it was until much later that he told her he was dating me, because she only RECENTLY started throwing hissy fits every time he spoke of me in front of her. I let this go as well because I understood that one could be friends with their ex (as I was) – I was upset however that I made my friendship with my ex clear from the get go, whereas he did not. Now, my boyfriend tells me how he’s extremely against cheating, and has so much self-respect that he’d never put up with anything like this. He tells me how he’s so independent and how he doesn’t need anyone (so I had this very confident image of him). Today, however, I met up with one of his former best-friends because I met her through a class and we became close. As my boyfriend had this “no talking about past” policy, I never asked his former best-friend about his past. Somehow today we started talking about his ex-gf, and she ended up telling me how she treated my bf like ****, and even ended up cheating on him. Now, what’s in the past is in the past BUT what’s bothering me is that my boyfriend is still on such good terms with her, tells me how close she is to him, and how much he trusts her, and is STILL talking to her despite what’s she’s done to him (he doesn't know that I know all this about her though). On, one hand, he tells me all “oh, cheating is so unacceptable. I have so much self-respect” yet here he is sucking up to his ex-gf who treated him like crap and cheated on him? I know he hasn’t directly done anything to ME, but I mean, it just makes me so uncomfortable to know that while he was in a relationship with me – he was contemplating buying her jewellery, hanging out with her, and all this time telling me that she was so dear and close to him? Furthermore, she absolutely hates me (for obvious reasons) but he is still in frequent contact with her. He has told me I have the authority to tell him to stop talking to her – but that isn’t really the point. I don't care if she's in his life or not. The point is that I feel like he lied to me this entire time about his relationship with her. Even though he hasn’t really “cheated” he always made it seem like she was just a “good” friend, whereas I always kept my relationship with my ex very open with him. For some reason I feel betrayed. I don’t know if my emotions are causing me to blow this situation out of proportion, so I really need some insight before I create drama out of nothing. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted April 4, 2014 Share Posted April 4, 2014 Honestly? Given his cozy relationship with her and the fact that he neglected to tell you who she really is would lead me to believe he still carries a flame for her. I don't think it was any mistake that he didn't mention that she's his ex. It would be different if there were on friendly or civil terms, but this sounds more like an attachment that never died. I would not be comfortable with their level of "friendship" I don't necessarily think he's physically cheating. However, there's some emotional connection that goes beyond friendship. He says he's extremely against cheating - well, whoop-dee-doo...who has ever said they're not against cheating? Those words carry so little weight, in my opinion. Link to post Share on other sites
Spectre Posted April 4, 2014 Share Posted April 4, 2014 This is why I feel people should just keep their exes out of their life, why invite the drama? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Damaged217 Posted April 5, 2014 Share Posted April 5, 2014 This is why I feel people should just keep their exes out of their life, why invite the drama? Preach!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Keke1 Posted April 6, 2014 Share Posted April 6, 2014 Brush off the red flags now. There will be heartbreak later 1 Link to post Share on other sites
veggirl Posted April 6, 2014 Share Posted April 6, 2014 He's not over her, that is very clear. Why don't the 3 of you hang out together since they are "just friends"? The dates and gifts to her are sooooo beyond inappropriate. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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