Social Media..

[GypsyHeart83]

After a 1 1/2 year long whirlwind A, my MM and I had a falling out. He's been overseas working for the last 3 months, and had limited communication with me. Last week he was taking too long in between messages while we were talking, and I threw a fit and told him I was done. I assumed he was speaking to another girl, and I let my jealousy get the best of me. Ironic, huh? I ended up blocking him on everything for 24 hours.

 

Well, we have had falling outs/tiny fights like this before.. actually, several over the last 6 months or so, and it never lasted over 2 days. We'd apologize, usually the next day, make up.. and it would be really great until the next jealous falling out. (It's usually him getting jealous of the thought of me with other guys) We haven't ever gone longer than 2 days without speaking to each other in the whole time we've been seeing each other.

 

It's now been a week and a half, and I haven't heard from him. I tried to apologize and reach out a couple days after my fit by writing an email, then sending him a couple of messages. But after sending the messages.. I felt pathetic, so I deleted them immediately after in hopes he didn't read them. To date, there has been no response.

 

I went through a hellish week of mourning, and finally came to terms that it's probably really over.. and that I won't ever hear from him again. The only thing is.. he hasn't deleted me off his social media, which was our main way of communicating. (He said his wife checked his text messages, so we never texted much)

 

Is he doing that to create false hope?? Or is it possible he's just avoiding social media because that's how we talked, and waiting for a discreet time to delete me?

 

Is this a common thing with MM's? Is he going to give me the silent treatment, then pop up out of no where? Or is he really done?

[whichwayisup]

Nobody can answer if he is done or not. The real question here is, are you done? I mean really done, even if he tries to contact you again and woo you back in.

 

If you want it over for real, then delete him off your social media and block him. The decision really is yours. Or you can wait it out and see what happens.

[TaraMaiden]

Well, it never ceases to amaze me that OW/OM believe they have 'rights' when it comes to 'dating' MM/MW.

 

Frankly - and sadly - he can do as he likes.

he holds the power strings, because he has two women who pander to him, and he fits you in when he can make it, in convenience to himself.

 

When he squabbles with you, he at least has another warm 'nooky-hole' he can retreat to.

 

Things may well be working ok with his wife at the moment; hence, he has no need to be in touch with you.

 

 

I can't for the life of me, ever understand how a man would be happy to deal with two female temperaments.

One is normally more than enough for any bloke!

[Realist3]

I can't for the life of me, ever understand how a man would be happy to deal with two female temperaments.

One is normally more than enough for any bloke!

 

Some people enjoy a challenge that defies all common reason.

[WakingUp]

Yes, he will give you the silent treatment then pop up as though nothing ever happened.

 

 

Its conditioning you to expect less and less without you realising. Every time you make any kind of demands you will be "punished" by his absence and then after going through agonies you will be "rewarded" by his reappearance.

 

 

Eventually you will be conditioned to be grateful for even less crumbs of his time and attention. Your self esteem will be shattered.

 

 

If you allow it.

[GypsyHeart83]

I can answer honestly that I'm far from being done.. at the moment. I've never been so caught up in another person. He was the first one in my life that I have ever told (in a romantic setting) that I loved.

 

I think things between him and his wife might be better, or they may have gotten a lot worse. I noticed in a very recent video he posted that he wasn't wearing his wedding ring. He ALWAYS wears his ring.. he wouldn't even take it off when we were "intimate". I started to think that maybe he was in the early stages of a D, and didn't want to risk getting caught speaking to me.

 

I honestly love him, and want what's best for him. I don't know if his current wife is.. despite the fact they share two beautiful children, and have been together a pretty long time. (12 years, or so) I say that because through the duration of our A, I've gotten to know his co-workers, friends, etc. (We kept the A underwraps.. no one knew) They've all said his wife makes his life miserable. No one liked her, and they were all publicly vocal about it.

 

He's stated many times that if it wasn't for his children, he would have married me in a heartbeat. He was just afraid they'd find out about the A, and hate him. Plus, he'd have to disturb their current home. But from what I've seen on this forum, kids are a very common excuse, or hook to keep the OW interested and waiting on the line. So maybe that was just a line.. who knows.

[TaraMaiden]

The OW (and I'll stick to that, as you are the subject here) will always be more invested than the man.

There are some things you need to come to terms with:

 

You are secretive.

He - is dishonest.

 

You are living a life which requires discretion.

He - is living a life that requires he lie, cheat and be untruthful.

 

You are in love, and are focused.

He - is in love but has diverse interests.

 

You have him.

He - has you - and her, and them.

 

He has 100% of your attention.

You have 100% of his attention, when he is available to give it, either through circumstance or choice. But even then, he has his eye on the home-run....

 

He will never be as committed as you are, until and unless he severs this relationship he has with the woman he is legally with.

 

And if he comes to you, and eventually marries you - it leaves a vacancy.

[WakingUp]

I can answer honestly that I'm far from being done.. at the moment. I've never been so caught up in another person. He was the first one in my life that I have ever told (in a romantic setting) that I loved.

 

I think things between him and his wife might be better, or they may have gotten a lot worse. I noticed in a very recent video he posted that he wasn't wearing his wedding ring. He ALWAYS wears his ring.. he wouldn't even take it off when we were "intimate". I started to think that maybe he was in the early stages of a D, and didn't want to risk getting caught speaking to me.

 

I honestly love him, and want what's best for him. I don't know if his current wife is.. despite the fact they share two beautiful children, and have been together a pretty long time. (12 years, or so) I say that because through the duration of our A, I've gotten to know his co-workers, friends, etc. (We kept the A underwraps.. no one knew) They've all said his wife makes his life miserable. No one liked her, and they were all publicly vocal about it.

 

He's stated many times that if it wasn't for his children, he would have married me in a heartbeat. He was just afraid they'd find out about the A, and hate him. Plus, he'd have to disturb their current home. But from what I've seen on this forum, kids are a very common excuse, or hook to keep the OW interested and waiting on the line. So maybe that was just a line.. who knows.

 

 

 

Darling girl, you have been caught hook, line and sinker. Good luck. Keep posting, you will need us.

 

 

I am not being unkind, but time will tell... seatbelt on, you are in for one h*ll of a ride.

[Michelle ma Belle]

The OW (and I'll stick to that, as you are the subject here) will always be more invested than the man.

There are some things you need to come to terms with:

 

You are secretive.

He - is dishonest.

 

You are living a life which requires discretion.

He - is living a life that requires he lie, cheat and be untruthful.

 

You are in love, and are focused.

He - is in love but has diverse interests.

 

You have him.

He - has you - and her, and them.

 

He has 100% of your attention.

You have 100% of his attention, when he is available to give it, either through circumstance or choice. But even then, he has his eye on the home-run....

 

He will never be as committed as you are, until and unless he severs this relationship he has with the woman he is legally with.

 

And if he comes to you, and eventually marries you - it leaves a vacancy.

 

 

BINGO! Could not have said it better myself

[LeftAlone83]

I understand everything you're saying.. And it's all true. I know in my head he's probably never going to leave her. If the relationship ends.. it will be her decision. And if they don't fight, then it's definitely better for his children to have their parents together, and get to stay in the house they've grown up in. (Despite the situation I found myself in.. I really do care about the welfare of his children)

 

I fell in love with the man I thought he was.. or the side of him he let me see. Then, when I heard how miserable his wife was (from his friends, of course) I thought we could make each other happy. And I could create a loving, warm, safe environment for his kids. I grew up in a household where my parents stayed together, and fought constantly because of it. They were miserable, and it trickled down to my brother and I. I didn't want that happening to his children too.. ? We both agreed neither of us had ever felt about anyone else the way we felt about each other. But the more I'm on here.. the more I start to wonder if it was all a product of the A, and less about true love. If it wasn't the most special, passionate relationship.. But more of a common tale.

[whichwayisup]

I can pretty much guarantee you that he isn't going to leave his wife and kids for you.

 

Also, some 'true' and real friends he has to gossip about his personal life. They don't know 100% what is right or wrong in his marriage. I love how everybody hates his wife and it's all on her. Yup,their marriage sucks because of her and he's perfect.

 

I can answer honestly that I'm far from being done..

 

I hope you realize you'll become ruined as time goes on and you end up being hurt a lot more and feel much more pain. People have to go through their own ride and hit rock bottom before they throw in the towel. My concern for you is, what reality is vs what you want to see/hope see is all led by your emotions and what you feel for him. If you truly take a step back and detach, try to be objective maybe you'll gain more insight into your situation.