The power of humility, why is confidence overrated?

[Eternal Sunshine]

Confidence is the form of self-delusion. I am going to be great. I will do great...and then what happens when you don't? You blame others because of course you are great so it can't be you.

 

Many people confuse confidence with courage. From an article:

 

That may sound synonymous with confidence, so I’d like to draw the distinction. Courage is: “no matter what happens, I’ll be able to deal with it.” Confidence is: “everything is going to be great. (because I’m great)”

 

I hate that this society values confidence so much. To me it's like a parlour trick for those that fake it and a form self-delusion to those that don't - I am tying it in with all the positive affirmations type of rubbish.

 

Anyway, this article says it better than I ever could:

 

The Power of Humility: Why Confidence is Overrated « Scott H Young

 

He dumped you? How can that be honey, you are awesome, you are the best. What a loser. It would actually do more good to the person to examine why things led to dumping. Any relationship dynamic takes two.

 

I really beleive that the next generations will figure out the failings of "confidence" society and the problem will correct itself. Too bad I won't be around to see it.

[M30USA]

Wow. Truly a great post. Thank you so much for sharing.

[carhill]

It takes a lot of confidence to be humble

[ThaWholigan]

Humility, much like confidence, is easily misunderstood and misapplied. Therefore, while I cannot dispute the power of humility as I have experienced first hand, I cannot agree that confidence is overrated.

[jba10582]

The author has good common sense approach in being open to acknowledge our own ignorance, so that when new/better information becomes available we can refine our own understanding of what is we are trying to learn, and in a way becoming more competent at something when self-delusional (unrealistically positive) thoughts take root on a task we may only be beginners at.

 

I can relate this to another similar article that described confidence vs competence, as the results showed many people who were very new to a certain task/sport/hobby ect would often overestimate their abilities to accomplish the task because they were not competent enough to evaluate their ability at that task. People who were very experienced and competent were much better at guessing how well they would do.

 

Humility and being humble (in line with the author) in this sense serves a valuable purpose to teach by allowing us to absorb and learning new things on a path to becoming more competent.

[ThaWholigan]

Humility, much like confidence, is easily misunderstood and misapplied. Therefore, while I cannot dispute the power of humility as I have experienced first hand, I cannot agree that confidence is overrated.

A slightly less hurried response: I think there is a great strength in humility, and with it, it can actually be easier to acquire courage and confidence. I really liked how the article made those distinctions.

 

However, I felt a little uncomfortable with how confidence was thrown under a bus a little bit. It seems that many seem to confuse confidence with delusion. It can also inspire a feeling that confident people are in fact frauds.

 

So not to detract from what I thought was a really good and interesting article, but I can't say confidence is overrated. Especially as I spent a long time practicing humility and it was only when I began to use confidence in my abilities (abilities that I did already have) as well as courage in other areas when I began to make good.

 

It's important to also make the difference in that somebody who is confident about learning something, doesn't necessarily mean that they will be less inclined to learn about it. Basically, humility and confidence can quite easily co-exist, and personally it wouldn't be a good idea to overrate either of them. I believe we live in a time of extreme attitudes where there seems to be no middle ground accepted, it's either this or that. For those who trump the confidence card, humility is an easily discarded trait - as pointed out in the article, seen as low self-esteem. If one isn't outgoing, constantly engaging and endlessly optimistic without fail, then you're too humble.

 

However, what I also glean is that people who would otherwise be seen as humble or at the very least reserved, tend to look down on the more extroverted people, or people who appear to have a high level of confidence or energy about them. As individuals, I believe we must strive for balance - it is just my personal theory. For some of the more boisterous among us, maybe they could serve to be humble on occasion, while maybe the more humble ones need a bit of confidence. And even then, if it is draining oneself, then adhere to your natural balance!

 

In conclusion, I am in full agreement about the power of humility, but I wouldn't go as far as to negate confidence. I think it's important to make a habit of practicing both. And more importantly, that both virtues are worthless without application. Just like all the positive affirmations in the world cannot bring you happiness without application.

[mario_C]

Reminds me of George Carlin's brilliant rant about self-esteem and parenthood from his last ever TV concert. No link, you just have to watch it and learn.

Self-esteem is a kind of faith that we cling to because we want to believe our lives will improve and we will be who we always dreamed of being. And it's cruel to taunt us when we inevitably fail with the refrain that "You just didn't believe in yourself enough! You didn't believe in your BS dream enough!"

[maturityassets]

Actually Confidence and High self esteem would not cause one to blame another if things didn't got heir own way. Point of confidence is to continue despite anything that comes your way. Confidence and will to overcome

[M30USA]

Reminds me of George Carlin's brilliant rant about self-esteem and parenthood from his last ever TV concert. No link, you just have to watch it and learn.

Self-esteem is a kind of faith that we cling to because we want to believe our lives will improve and we will be who we always dreamed of being. And it's cruel to taunt us when we inevitably fail with the refrain that "You just didn't believe in yourself enough! You didn't believe in your BS dream enough!"

 

 

Exactly. And this spills over into the Christian church. "You didn't receive your healing because you didn't believe enough! It's your fault!"

[M30USA]

Actually Confidence and High self esteem would not cause one to blame another if things didn't got heir own way. Point of confidence is to continue despite anything that comes your way. Confidence and will to overcome

 

 

What you're describing, according to the link, is courage--not confidence. The link differentiates between the two.

[jonsnuh]

Confidence is the form of self-delusion. I am going to be great. I will do great...and then what happens when you don't? You blame others because of course you are great so it can't be you.

 

Many people confuse confidence with courage. From an article:

 

That may sound synonymous with confidence, so I’d like to draw the distinction. Courage is: “no matter what happens, I’ll be able to deal with it.” Confidence is: “everything is going to be great. (because I’m great)”

 

I hate that this society values confidence so much. To me it's like a parlour trick for those that fake it and a form self-delusion to those that don't - I am tying it in with all the positive affirmations type of rubbish.

 

Anyway, this article says it better than I ever could:

 

The Power of Humility: Why Confidence is Overrated « Scott H Young

 

He dumped you? How can that be honey, you are awesome, you are the best. What a loser. It would actually do more good to the person to examine why things led to dumping. Any relationship dynamic takes two.

 

I really beleive that the next generations will figure out the failings of "confidence" society and the problem will correct itself. Too bad I won't be around to see it.

 

Are confidence and humility really mutually exclusive?

[pureinheart]

It takes a lot of confidence to be humble

 

I'd throw in self-control, this could be forced humility though:laugh:

[Emilia]

A slightly less hurried response: I think there is a great strength in humility, and with it, it can actually be easier to acquire courage and confidence. I really liked how the article made those distinctions.

 

However, I felt a little uncomfortable with how confidence was thrown under a bus a little bit. It seems that many seem to confuse confidence with delusion. It can also inspire a feeling that confident people are in fact frauds.

Agree. I would go as far as saying the author does not understand the difference between confidence and arrogance. This is because he is quite young still and has not experienced real confidence. I dislike it when people dismiss something they have never experienced or understand or not capable of achieving.

 

Confidence isn't about delusion or believing that you can conquer anything you want. Confidence is about knowing that you will be fine and that you will eventually succeed even if you fail many times in the process. Confidence is knowing that you will conquer life's challenges one way or another. It's a great way to look at life.

 

Humility allows you to learn, to accept advice, to stop you foolishly going too much towards arrogance. Too much of it however results in self-defeating beliefs and stops you from achieving your best.

 

I think it's great the society values confidence. If everyone valued humility that much, we would be still living in caves. Confidence and conflict are what drive the world forward.

[Taramere]

Agree. I would go as far as saying the author does not understand the difference between confidence and arrogance.

 

Absolutely. I just ranted a bit in another thread about a salesman I dealt with recently from a finance company. This guy was really aggressive and arrogant. He was smarmy and full of fake flattery that was absolutely nauseating and completely inappropriate. Trying to guess my age from my voice, guessing me at 20 years younger, saying "I bet you look as though you're in your twenties" etc.

 

Vomit! I imagined him as one of these trolls who covers message boards with spam (that was probably his previous job). He kept saying "you sound like a very intelligent woman X" and I felt like saying "well if you truly believed that you would really be thinking twice before employing this approach with me." The whole experience of talking with him was just vile. In the end I became quite blunt and let him know that his approach wasn't giving me a good impression of the company so I wouldn't be giving them my business.

 

When you're dealing with a confident professional, as opposed to a full-of-bs young salesperson, it's an entirely different experience. The confident professional will invite questions from you, because they're confident that they can answer them. If they can't answer, they'll tell you straight and offer to look into it if you wish. The arrogant borderline con artist who's faking it will bombard you with with rapid fire paced bullsh*t in an effort to stop you from asking any awkward questions that might highlight everything they don't know.

Edited April 6, 2014 by Taramere

[ProudLoner]

What they define as "confidence" is probably wrong. Real confidence can't be defined, but "their" definition of confidence is overrated, for sure.

 

You have to just find the person who really has true confidence. They are hidden among the rest.

[GravityMan]

An arrogant person is insecure. And usually self-centered.

 

Good signs of a confident person:

 

- Someone who doesn't get defensive easily.

- Someone who can take a joke (i.e. isn't overly sensitive). Has thick skin.

- Someone who knows his or her stuff but also understands that he doesn't know everything and that advancements in <insert career field here> can happen regularly...and is okay with that. He's comfortable with admitting that he's wrong, or that he doesn't know, or that he made a mistake, and takes investigative steps to either get the right answer, or takes responsibility for his actions and tries to correct his error if possible. He is constantly learning and embraces that. In addition, he doesn't let his lack of knowledge about something or his screwup eat at him or get him down - he turns the page. In short, he cares more about getting the work done right or the question properly answered and it doesn't matter to him if he can do it himself or needs help.

 

It's worth noting that confident people often aren't the loudest people in the room. They're fine with having the spotlight on them when necessary, however being the center of attention is not important to them. "Quiet confidence" is a real thing.

 

Courage is different than confidence, I'll give the author that. But calling confidence "overrated" is absurd.

[Emilia]

An arrogant person is insecure. And usually self-centered.

 

Good signs of a confident person:

 

- Someone who doesn't get defensive easily.

- Someone who can take a joke (i.e. isn't overly sensitive). Has thick skin.

- Someone who knows his or her stuff but also understands that he doesn't know everything and that advancements in <insert career field here> can happen regularly...and is okay with that. He's comfortable with admitting that he's wrong, or that he doesn't know, or that he made a mistake, and takes investigative steps to either get the right answer, or takes responsibility for his actions and tries to correct his error if possible. He is constantly learning and embraces that. In addition, he doesn't let his lack of knowledge about something or his screwup eat at him or get him down - he turns the page. In short, he cares more about getting the work done right or the question properly answered and it doesn't matter to him if he can do it himself or needs help.

 

It's worth noting that confident people often aren't the loudest people in the room. They're fine with having the spotlight on them when necessary, however being the center of attention is not important to them. "Quiet confidence" is a real thing.

 

Courage is different than confidence, I'll give the author that. But calling confidence "overrated" is absurd.

The perfect summary ^^^

[mea_M]

It takes a lot of confidence to be humble

 

Amen for saying this! That's totally right. I really believe that those who are overconfident don't know this because they really instead are insecure.

 

Mea :-)

[Stay_Gold]

I think a lot of people here hit the nail on the head precisely.

 

I for one...like to look at it like this...there are 2 different kinds of confidence.

 

There is fake confidence of which comes across as arrogant/exclusive/harsh and puts people down.

 

Than...there is "true" confidence of which is quiet/silent and flies under the radar so to speak. This confidence is uplifting/inclusive and wants to bring people up.

 

Sometimes I feel like the fake one gets too much adoration and is sometimes seen as good when clearly its not. I have been in too many situations and experiences...that I can clearly differentiate the two when I see it. Its sad when you see someone you know or a friend having fake confidence.

[tbf]

A slightly less hurried response: I think there is a great strength in humility, and with it, it can actually be easier to acquire courage and confidence. I really liked how the article made those distinctions.

 

However, I felt a little uncomfortable with how confidence was thrown under a bus a little bit. It seems that many seem to confuse confidence with delusion. It can also inspire a feeling that confident people are in fact frauds.

 

So not to detract from what I thought was a really good and interesting article, but I can't say confidence is overrated. Especially as I spent a long time practicing humility and it was only when I began to use confidence in my abilities (abilities that I did already have) as well as courage in other areas when I began to make good.

 

It's important to also make the difference in that somebody who is confident about learning something, doesn't necessarily mean that they will be less inclined to learn about it. Basically, humility and confidence can quite easily co-exist, and personally it wouldn't be a good idea to overrate either of them. I believe we live in a time of extreme attitudes where there seems to be no middle ground accepted, it's either this or that. For those who trump the confidence card, humility is an easily discarded trait - as pointed out in the article, seen as low self-esteem. If one isn't outgoing, constantly engaging and endlessly optimistic without fail, then you're too humble.

 

However, what I also glean is that people who would otherwise be seen as humble or at the very least reserved, tend to look down on the more extroverted people, or people who appear to have a high level of confidence or energy about them. As individuals, I believe we must strive for balance - it is just my personal theory. For some of the more boisterous among us, maybe they could serve to be humble on occasion, while maybe the more humble ones need a bit of confidence. And even then, if it is draining oneself, then adhere to your natural balance!

 

In conclusion, I am in full agreement about the power of humility, but I wouldn't go as far as to negate confidence. I think it's important to make a habit of practicing both. And more importantly, that both virtues are worthless without application. Just like all the positive affirmations in the world cannot bring you happiness without application.

One of your best posts I've ever read. Excellent!

 

A lot has to do with people's need for normalization and validation of their own traits or the values they hold most dear (which quite often, are one and the same).

 

There's a positive side to both confidence and humility. There's also the negative side to both. One down side of humility is the dredging of compliments through false modesty. Drives me bananas, oranges and watermelon. Transparent and nauseating.