How to get over fear of NC?

[DB_09]

It's been 4 years that I've been in love with my very best friend. He's never made empty promises of leaving, and I convinced myself that I haven't been letting him hold me back from dating/meeting other men - but I think I've been fooling myself.

 

How did all of you find the strength to initiate NC? I can't even imagine him not being in my life. He's my person. I'm afraid I'll never meet anyone that will make me feel the way he does. I've never felt more me before him.

 

The thought of NC terrifies me..... but I know I'm almost ready. Thoughts of him w/family hurt more than before.

 

Is there hope to get past this?

[not-so-sure]

Is there hope to get past this?

 

Yes! You just have to make the choice. No doubt it will hurt. And there will be some days when it's excruciating, but would you really prefer to be in a state of flux?

 

Take the lesson from many OW/OM/WS. If there's no future in things, then NC is really the better road to take.

 

You'll eventually get over things, and eventually you'll give your heart room to let someone else in.

[wanting more]

I think the first thing you need to do is stop saying you'll never find anyone else like him. You shouldn't want someone like him. You can find someone who's better. Someone who treats you great. Loves you. And is with ONLY YOU.

 

it will be tough to move on. Some days you'll feel like you can't go on without him. But you can. You will become stronger. You will realize you deserve someone who wants you and only you. You won't have lonely nights. Lonely holidays. You won't have to wonder what he's doing with his family, because he'll be with you.

 

But you have to make the decision to move on.

[Nattie]

I know how you feel! But being so in love and caught up with him, you haven't ALLOWED yourself to meet anyone else. Trust me on that.

[Nothisgirl]

I think the first thing you need to do is stop saying you'll never find anyone else like him. You shouldn't want someone like him. You can find someone who's better. Someone who treats you great. Loves you. And is with ONLY YOU.

 

it will be tough to move on. Some days you'll feel like you can't go on without him. But you can. You will become stronger. You will realize you deserve someone who wants you and only you. You won't have lonely nights. Lonely holidays. You won't have to wonder what he's doing with his family, because he'll be with you.

 

But you have to make the decision to move on.

 

 

This was exactly what I needed to read today...Ty

 

OP, yes, it's possible but you need to make the decision that you are worth more...and stick to that

[DB_09]

I appreciate the encouragement. What's sad is that I've chosen to keep it going for fear of that dark place I'll be in once I end it. I don't want him out of my life, and wish i could think more logically like all of you. I know I'm closer than I've been before - and I'm going to try to keep building on that. I've started to focus on the things I'm missing vs the things that make me "happy" with him.

 

I never asked to fall in love with him, I used to say I have no regrets b/c he taught me how happy I can be. Now? I'm not so sure I'd choose this again!

[Mickey1982]

I appreciate the encouragement. What's sad is that I've chosen to keep it going for fear of that dark place I'll be in once I end it. I don't want him out of my life, and wish i could think more logically like all of you. I know I'm closer than I've been before - and I'm going to try to keep building on that. I've started to focus on the things I'm missing vs the things that make me "happy" with him.

 

I never asked to fall in love with him, I used to say I have no regrets b/c he taught me how happy I can be. Now? I'm not so sure I'd choose this again!

 

DB_09...It is not easy...believe me! I'm at 10 weeks forced NC after a d-day for him. Those first few days were the most painful days of my life. I still struggle beacuse I have so many questions that are unanswered. But, I am slowly accepting it and TRYING my best to take the advice of others who have been there. I have to believe them that it will get better and I will be OK. WE all have these very same feelings. I'm learning that I am so not alone in what I felt or had with HIM. Hang in there.

[DB_09]

Thank you Mickey - I'm sorry that anyone would ever have to go through this. I'm angry at myself for wasting 4 precious years of my life, but battling with that b/c I honestly felt so happy through all of it. I've never smiled more (even in the 6 years I was married) then I did when I would see him or talk to him daily. I'm afraid of the regret I'll have looking back on my life and realizing that I may have lost my chance at finding true happiness, having a family b/c I was blind.

 

It makes no sense that you can feel so strongly about someone, I felt things I only thought were in fairytales, only to realize that they're only going to end in heartache.

 

I wish you the strength I hope to find soon.

[Mickey1982]

Thank you Mickey - I'm sorry that anyone would ever have to go through this. I'm angry at myself for wasting 4 precious years of my life, but battling with that b/c I honestly felt so happy through all of it. I've never smiled more (even in the 6 years I was married) then I did when I would see him or talk to him daily. I'm afraid of the regret I'll have looking back on my life and realizing that I may have lost my chance at finding true happiness, having a family b/c I was blind.

 

It makes no sense that you can feel so strongly about someone, I felt things I only thought were in fairytales, only to realize that they're only going to end in heartache.

 

I wish you the strength I hope to find soon.

 

 

I feel the exact same way---I was with my exMM for 3 1/2 years and we talked, texted, e-mailed a million times a day. I felt so lost when it all ended abruptly. I still love HIM - I do. I care very much about him. But for me, the situation is just not possible, HE made his choice.