Have feelings for friend--need advice

[Scooter]

Okay, here is my problem. I'm very attracted to one of best female friends and I have these really strong feelings. Now, I know I shouldn't feel like this because she is my friend, and on top of that she is currently in a good relationship.

 

I have no intention to break up her relationship and I would only consider dating her if she is not seeing anyone. We have known each other for several years now and we know each other pretty well. I talked to her about my feelings and she understands how I feel, but she doesn't feel the same about me.

 

Given the situation, I have decided to move on. But the problem is I am having trouble moving on, even though I know she is in a relationship right now and doesn't want to date me.

 

I know some of you might think I'm some kind of a**h***, trying to steal someone's girl. But it's really not like that at all. I don't want to steal her or anyone's girl. I think I have trouble letting go of something that really wasn't there.

 

Since she and I are good friends, ending the friendship and not seeing her wouldn't be an option. I would feel even worse if that happens.

 

If by chance she breaks up with her boyfriend for some other reasons, is it wrong to even think there could be a possiblity that she and I can date each other? After all, no one knows what will happen in the future. Or should I not even think that way at all since we are already friends.

 

I really want to move on and be happy that I have a good friend, but I'm really confuse right now and feeling sad. All of you out there, please give me some advice on how to deal with this.

[Tony T]

Write her off totally and completely for now. Don't even think that you and she will EVER get together.

 

By telling her your feelings while she was in a relationship, you really went out of your way to put her in an awkward position. Unless she is extremely mature, your friendship with her will never be the same anyway. But you showed extreme lack of consideration and respect for her relationship by even going into those feelings things while she is seeing somebody.

 

You are a platonic friend to her. She relates to you on that level and probably always will. I have been exactly where you are three or four times. IT JUST NEVER WORKS OUT. Now, it can work out the other way...where you can remain friends with a previous lover. But once a lady puts you in the platonic friendship category, it's rare that changes. With her seeing someone now, it probably won't ever happen.

 

To wait around for this girl means you are wishing her relationship ill, you are hoping that she breaks up with her current guy, you are wishing that she sustain emotional pain and suffering for your benefit. That's specifically the implication. She also knows that. And that sucks. I know how you feel, I know where you're coming from, so I'm not going to say you are a real butthole for waiting around for a breakup...but this is something you should not wish on a friend.

 

Any way you slice it, to wait around for her is to be wishing and hoping her relationship breaks up. Bottom line. And if her relationship ends, she may use you for a shoulder to cry on...but you won't be in line for a romance with her. You don't want to go into the fool category...so don't.

 

Unless you are totally devoid of feelings, respect, consideration, and any kind of caring for your lady friend, you will back off, move on and go find yourself a girl who isn't seeing anyone.

 

If you continue to pursue this lady friend of yours in any way, she will begin to see you as an annoyance, nuisance, irritation, etc., and she won't want to have anything to do with you.

 

As long as you have these feelings for her, I strongly urge you to have less contact with her and try to do things with other friends and dates.

 

If she was not dating anyone, I'd still give this a poor chance. She has told you as plainly as she possibly can she doesn't feel the same way about you. I know it pains you to hear that message, it's not something you want to process through your brain, but trust me...SHE DOESN'T FEEL THE SAME WAY ABOUT YOU AND PROBABLY NEVER WILL.

 

I really do feel sad for you because I have been where you are. I know what you're feeling. I wish there were forums at the time and there was someone who could have tried to tell me to forget it.

 

If you want to remain any kind of friend with this girl at all, back off, start seeing other people, and forget her as dating material.

 

And wish her the very best in her relationship or she won't invite you to her wedding or have you be Godfather to her four children!!!

 

(If her boyfriend catches wind of how you feel about his girl, I can promise you that you won't be seeing much of this lady anymore. Romantic love wins out over friendship all day long. You better hope she keeps this between the two of you)

[peanut150]

I don't think you sound like an a**h***. I wish more guys were like you. You seem to be honest with her. As long as you don't pressure her, she will continue to be your friend. The best relationships are built on friendships. Time, and lots of it, may prove that. As for moving on, you should. Try to find someone, but don't settle. Don't get into a relationship because she is. Don't try and make her jealous. Treat a possible relationship the same way you treat your friend and you may find that magic. Continue to be honest and continue to communicate and if nothing else, you will always have a good friend in your corner. Sometimes, a good friend is what you need.