Fallen for a friend, but it's complicated

[Brad_78]

Hi all, first time post here.

 

 

I've been friends with my friend Shaun's girlfriend since they got together nearly 5 years ago. Recently they've been going through a tough time, his job has him spending a lot of time away in another state and communication between them has been remote.

 

 

About 6 weeks ago, we started spending more time together because another one of our mutual friends broke up with his girlfriend. He was distraught and needed company so we went out every night for about a week to give him moral support. He had to still be up early for work and after he left, we just stayed out. He got back together with his girlfriend and now Michelle and I still kept seeing each other most nights. I was really starting to fall for her. We would often talk for over an hour after we went home and text each other until almost sunrise. It turns out her relationship was turning sour and she told me she wasn't happy anymore and maybe she would be if she was with me.

 

 

We talked about how great and awkward it would be if we were together, and shortly after they kind of broke up and left themselves unsure if they were together or not. I went back to her house for a few drinks after a night out before jumping in a cab home. I gave her a hug goodbye and we then kissed for the first time. It lasted only for a second before I took off in the cab.

 

 

She had a few friends over one night, which I went along to and after they'd taken the spare beds we got comfy watching TV downstairs and fell asleep lying in each others arms. There was more kissing but we didn't do much beyond that because she was unsure just what her relationship status was.

 

 

We talked a lot more about how much we were falling for each other and after she found out that her relationship was over, she was adamant second chances never work because the reasons for breaking up in the first place will always be there, the temptation was too much for us both and we ended up sleeping together.

 

 

That happened a few times but Shaun was still undecided if it was the right thing to do, so everything between us was put on hold. Despite her new feelings for me she couldn't let go of her feelings for him. He came back home and met up with her where he said it was over which left her heartbroken, but the next day said he wanted to try again as she's the girl he wants to end up marrying and starting a family with. She took him back but again the next day changed his mind and said they'd just take it slow and see if anything changes.

 

 

She has gone along with everything he has always said, and has told me she knows she's being walked all over and he's just using her, she says she can't be bothered and he's an a**hole but she has no control over him but wants the one she loves to take her back for good, even though she doubts it will happen. She felt bad talking to me about it all after how close we'd become, I said all I wanted was for her to be happy, and she wouldn't be whilst she was with him the way he's treating her.

 

 

I obviously want to be with her, despite how awkward it would be in our friendship group I knew it would have worked out. Only 2 of my friends knew what was going on between us (although I'm sure more have had their suspicions) and they have told us we should both go for it as we're always happy when we're together.

 

 

They have had a few evenings together taking it slow now and it has gone ok between them, to the point where she is staying over again.

 

 

Last night I got a message from her asking where I was because he wasn't being nice to her. I met up with her and she told me that Shaun has cancelled their plans to go away for a few days next week so he can travel to another state and meet a girl who he has been with before. She obviously wasn't happy and I've told her that she can't go on like this. She opened up to my 2 friends who know what has been going on between us, she knows I could make her much happier with none of this drama, but she still feels like she needs to give him space to meet other girls until he realises she's the one for him. She is trying so hard to keep it going.

 

 

I'm not sure if I'm asking for advice or just getting it all off my chest. I just wish she would give us a go! Any thoughts?

[Brad_78]

He wants to catch up with me for a drink and I'm going to go, after all he is still my friend. But I don't know if I should talk about how things are with the two of them? Should I just let nature run it's course or ask him what's going through his mind, because it's not helping her in any way. Obv not going to mention what's happened between us, even though they weren't together when it happened.

[singme2sleep]

Honestly, it seems like she doesn't know if she wants you or him, and you can't keep being there as the back up boyfriend. Does your friend know about what's been going on between you and her?

[Brad_78]

To the best of my knowledge he knows nothing, only that we are good friends as she's openly told him that.

 

She has told me that by Saturday morning she will know if it's over or not. I'm not convinced so I'm not getting my hopes up. I personally feel they'll get back together, that's the worst case scenario for me but it's bound to happen isn't it, because it's the opposite of what I want!

[Darren Steez]

He wants to catch up with me for a drink and I'm going to go, after all he is still my friend. But I don't know if I should talk about how things are with the two of them? Should I just let nature run it's course or ask him what's going through his mind, because it's not helping her in any way. Obv not going to mention what's happened between us, even though they weren't together when it happened.

 

Wait a second dude. You're banging your friends girl. You're not his friend, so stop playing like you're one. Why don't you tell him you've fallen for his girl and while he was away you banged her?