He Gets Really Drunk Every Weekend

[bubbaganoosh]

He gets drunk on the weekends, then it's the weekends and Wednesday. How long will you wait until it becomes Monday, Tuesday, Thursday or Friday?

 

If this continues, it will be more than just the weekend plus the spare drunk on Wednesday. Your choice not mine.

 

He has the potential to becoming an alcoholic and if that's the case then good luck.

[amayana]

That's why I talked to him about it last night. To see if there is an underlying problem but there isn't and he did realise he was overdoing it a little bit. If he was depressed I'd be worried but he isn't. It's irresponsibility mixed with peer pressure and also knowing he will no longer be able to do this once he's graduated.

 

People don't become alcoholics for no reason. And a lot of people at my university go out Mondays, Wednesdays, Fridays, Saturdays and Sundays to get drunk. It has become a standard for students to drink that much. No one even questions this behaviour. I'm not saying it's an excuse but they might not realise how bad it is for them to use alcohol to destress since everyone else is doing it too. There obviously is a bigger problem here.

 

I would be more worried if he was in complete denial about this. When we're together he hardly even drinks. He knows how to say No. Last weekend he was with his family and didn't drink at all. As long as that is all fine, I'm fine with it too. I mean at the end of the day there isn't very much I can do. I'm his girlfriend not his mother. I'm not going to tell him what to do but I will look out for him. He does the same for me.

 

 

He gets drunk on the weekends, then it's the weekends and Wednesday. How long will you wait until it becomes Monday, Tuesday, Thursday or Friday?

 

If this continues, it will be more than just the weekend plus the spare drunk on Wednesday. Your choice not mine.

 

He has the potential to becoming an alcoholic and if that's the case then good luck.

Edited April 6, 2014 by amayana

[Haydn]

Good to hear.

 

Personally i was wrecked most nights at uni. (not in a bad way before i get attacked by the soft drink mafia) Not just the demon drink!!!! But it was never habit forming as my mother can attest on the times i was home with all my laundry and looking for some small change for chips and a diet fanta. Or helping my dad with his accounts. Take care you both.

 

 

That's why I talked to him about it last night. To see if there is an underlying problem but there isn't and he did realise he was overdoing it a little bit. If he was depressed I'd be worried but he isn't. It's irresponsibility mixed with peer pressure and also knowing he will no longer be able to do this once he's graduated.

 

People don't become alcoholics for no reason. And a lot of people at my university go out Mondays, Wednesdays, Fridays, Saturdays and Sundays to get drunk. It has become a standard for students to drink that much. No one even questions this behaviour. I'm not saying it's an excuse but they might not realise how bad it is for them to use alcohol to destress since everyone else is doing it too. There obviously is a bigger problem here.

 

I would be more worried if he was in complete denial about this. When we're together he hardly even drinks. He knows how to say No. Last weekend he was with his family and didn't drink at all. As long as that is all fine, I'm fine with it too. I mean at the end of the day there isn't very much I can do. I'm his girlfriend not his mother. I'm not going to tell him what to do but I will look out for him. He does the same for me.

[bluegreen]

OK people we are suspicious and would say no but she is not us sometimes person has to learn from her own mistakes.

On the other hand he might really hear her and decide that their relationship his life and health are more important then getting thrashed.

Besides even if he tries lying and hiding this it won't last for long and we know it.

 

 

So lets hope for best and prepare for worst : )))

Its all on them now

[justwhoiam]

I agree with bluegreen. Although I usually am pretty optimistic about things, I also tend to consider all possible scenarios. And I think I am old enough to know this and that, now.

 

Usually he goes out Fridays and Saturdays and gets completely trashed, meaning he admits he got really drunk or he even gets sick. Sometimes he also gets drunk on Wednesdays.

 

I've always been very open-minded with his lifestyle

...

I haven't said anything so far because I don't want to be a partypooper for him.

This is a choice you made in fear to be interfering with his lifestyle. As I stated other times, I think that 'politically correct' and 'commited relationship' are two concepts that cannot go hand in hand. You get one or the other. You pick what's best for yourself.

 

students go out and drink

What do you guys think?

I think that being 'mainstream' in this case is being 'weak'. Everyone does that, so I can do that too and mingle with the rest of the crowd. No big deal. This kind of behavior is pretty childish. It's like when you pick what college to go to, depending on what your (best) friend picked. You just go with the flow, and it says so much about someone's personality. And chances are this kind of behavior will show its real face in other aspects of life and after the university interlude.

 

he said that it was his way of coping with stress.

Ok. I can safely say that university is truly no big deal compared to other real life stressors you might have to face in life: losing a job, losing a family member, serious financial struggles, health problems, etc. If that is his solution, then the pattern should not be underestimated at all. Some things will just stick with you along the years, especially if they have always been tolerated.

 

It doesn't help that my parents have had drinking problems... For me it's all a touchy subject when it comes to drinking.

Did you see permanent damages? Did you/they experience long-term effects connected to their drinking problem?

 

I talked to him and he was very considerate and understanding. He says he's just being a student and he was being honest about it. He also said he was sorry and that he was going to try and change his drinking habits a little bit due to the circumstances. He is going out tonight but not drinking.

That is a compromise I can live with I think.

Ok. Just be aware that no one with a serious drinking problem will admit it. Especially in the early stages. So words don't count much here. What I mean is: don't go by what he's telling you.

 

I asked him if he felt it was affecting our relationship and he hadn't really seen it from that point of view. He said he was very sorry about it all and that he had no idea that was the way I felt.

 

It's irresponsibility mixed with peer pressure and also knowing he will no longer be able to do this once he's graduated.

Peer pressure won't disappear after he's graduated. Give it a thought and you'll know why. But it's good he seems to just see it as a limited timeframe.

 

a lot of people at my university go out Mondays, Wednesdays, Fridays, Saturdays and Sundays to get drunk. It has become a standard for students to drink that much. No one even questions this behaviour.

Some of the effects might be visible after 20 or 30 years from now. And it's quite difficult for young people to even picture themselves so far away in time.

 

Researches revealed that most students who indulged in binge drinking or heavy episodic drinking tend to think of some risks they might have to face, but completely ignore others. There is generally a low perception of risk, and mainly associated with traffic accidents, violence or public disorder, so if you get those out of the way, you're pretty safe. Which is a false assumption or belief. They are often unaware of the damaging effects on their brain and of other health problems.

 

Our long-term memory is split into two types: declarative memory and procedural memory. Declarative memory can be severly damaged through heavy even if episodic drinking.

 

Furthermore, if he has genetic vulnerability (cases of diabetes, high blood pressure, etc. in his family) or he occasionally uses drugs too, risks rise a lot.

Edited April 7, 2014 by justwhoiam

[amayana]

I agree with bluegreen. Although I usually am pretty optimistic about things, I also tend to consider all possible scenarios. And I think I am old enough to know this and that, now.

 

I don't think age alone mirrors how much experience you have in life but that's my opinion and please don't take it as an attack, I'm just stating this.

 

This is a choice you made in fear to be interfering with his lifestyle. As I stated other times, I think that 'politically correct' and 'commited relationship' are two concepts that cannot go hand in hand. You get one or the other. You pick what's best for yourself.

 

That's where I disagree with your view on a committed relationship. He is committed to me. If he wasn't he would have run off a long time ago, it's not like I'm holding him back. Also, he wouldn't have been open for discussion at all but he is and listened to me. I also listened to him. And his points. And he had many valid points. That's what you do. I don't think I'm in a position to tell him what to do. If he decided to eff up his life I'll ask him not to but if he still decided to do that I'll go. But it's still his life. I have mine. I don't control him. I support him or tell him if he's heading in the wrong direction like I did now.

 

I think that being 'mainstream' in this case is being 'weak'. Everyone does that, so I can do that too and mingle with the rest of the crowd. No big deal. This kind of behavior is pretty childish. It's like when you pick what college to go to, depending on what your (best) friend picked. You just go with the flow, and it says so much about someone's personality. And chances are this kind of behavior will show its real face in other aspects of life and after the university interlude.

 

I completely agree. I'm not bingedrinking even if my friends are because I don't want to. He also made it clear that he did make the conscious choice to get drunk. And I'm aware this could creep up again later but how can I know this now? I think I'll decide that when we actually get to that point.

 

Ok. I can safely say that university is truly no big deal compared to other real life stressors you might have to face in life: losing a job, losing a family member, serious financial struggles, health problems, etc. If that is his solution, then the pattern should not be underestimated at all. Some things will just stick with you along the years, especially if they have always been tolerated.

 

 

Well, university life itself isn't. The fear of not knowing what happens after graduation, a growing youth unemployment rate,... Having thousands and thousands of dollars of debt is a huge burden. Just saying. I could go on for a long time...

 

Ok. Just be aware that no one with a serious drinking problem will admit it. Especially in the early stages. So words don't count much here. What I mean is: don't go by what he's telling you.

 

Like I mentioned, I have experienced my own parents battle drinking problems, which I don't want to talk about right now. All I can say is that they're fine now. So I know what it's like. And it's nothing like this, trust me. I don't think he has a serious drinking problem. Really. Not at this point and I don't think he will develop one. He's a happy lad. And I do trust him. He's never given me any reasons at all not to believe the things he's telling me. What is a relationship without trust?? He trusts me too. And I did my share of 'bad' things. And he was supportive instead of telling me I was a 'bad, lying person.'

 

I appreciate you took the time to go through this. I also appreciate the things you said. However, I don't know how things will be in 20 years! I can only know that in 20 years. It would be unfair for me to tell someone that they're going to mess everything up in 20 years. I'm not interested in that and it also isn't what I asked advice for. I merely asked if I was overreacting and if I should talk to him, which I already did BTW. I didn't ask for people to come here and pass judgment on me and my boyfriend.

Edited April 7, 2014 by amayana

[bluegreen]

I was afraid that you will end up feeling judged and I can see you are upset.

But that's a risk we all take here we come here spill our guts out and since we make that decision and no one forces us to do that I think we don't have a right to be offended either.

 

Am also more then sure that you can realize who is being a friend and who is being a foe to you here and now and yes I will admit being criticized stings and burns being judged or even feeling that you are feels awful.

 

I will not mention anything more then I already said about him

And as just who I am said some of us are not perhaps more "smarter" then rest just bit older and more experienced in life.

 

 

Hopefully you will take that in consideration as well we all deserve the best

and that's what we hope you will get to and keep getting it ...

[Lokie]

Hi guys,

 

I think this might be the second thread or so I'm starting on here and I'd love to hear what you have to say.

Lately, my boyfriend has been going out an unusual lot. Usually he goes out Fridays and Saturdays and gets completely trashed, meaning he admits he got really drunk or he even gets sick. Sometimes he also gets drunk on Wednesdays.

 

I've always been very open-minded with his lifestyle. We're both at university and we are also both graduating in a month. I understand that students go out and drink. I do it every once in a while. However, lately it's just been getting on my nerves because first of all, he is hungover, miserable and tired when we skype. Also, I'm a bit worried that it's starting to become an unhealthy habit for him to destress. Then, of course I'm worried what he's up to when he's drunk and out of control...

 

What do you guys think? I haven't said anything so far because I don't want to be a partypooper for him. I also don't want to be the clingy, bossy girlfriend... But it does bother me and I feel like if I don't say anything I'll get really bitter. However, I am also afraid he might not really understand why I am not happy about this. Maybe I'm just overreacting

 

Sorry you are going through this, Amayana. It's never fun to be worried about someone's behavior that we care about.

 

You say that you are both graduating in a month, right? Does this mean that the two of you will be in the same location and see each other regularly? What hit me when reading your post was not what to do in this moment while you are both still in college, but what it will be like when you are physically back together again. His drinking could go any number of ways once he's out of school. He could stop the big-time partying or he could move into a bonafide drinking problem. It's hard to say if his behavior will continue post college, but I think that should be your main concern.

 

Talking to someone about their drinking is tricky. There can already be shame on the part of the drinker which can lead to justifying behavior and becoming defensive. If the drinker quits or slows down his drinking for someone else, it rarely endures. Is it possible to wait to talk to him until you are face to face again? I'm sure time will tell if this is an ongoing issue, and at that time you can decide if this is someone you want to move forward with or not.

 

Good luck to you.

[amayana]

Of course it upsets me if someone is saying things that simply aren't even close to reality. You know it's one thing giving advice and another thing judging someone. You can choose words more carefully when you talk about individuals you don't even know.

 

Telling someone to stop trusting your partner and question their honesty isn't appropriate. It's projecting your own trust issues onto someone else's life..

All the other people in this thread were able to state similar things in a more civil way. And I've been ok with that.

 

I was afraid that you will end up feeling judged and I can see you are upset.

But that's a risk we all take here we come here spill our guts out and since we make that decision and no one forces us to do that I think we don't have a right to be offended either.

 

Am also more then sure that you can realize who is being a friend and who is being a foe to you here and now and yes I will admit being criticized stings and burns being judged or even feeling that you are feels awful.

 

I will not mention anything more then I already said about him

And as just who I am said some of us are not perhaps more "smarter" then rest just bit older and more experienced in life.

 

 

Hopefully you will take that in consideration as well we all deserve the best

and that's what we hope you will get to and keep getting it ...

[amayana]

Thank you for your concern! Yes we are moving in together after we graduate. And I will see how things go then, of course. It's something that I can't know at this point unfortunately. I mean I have to say that last week for instance he didn't drink at all. And it doesn't affect his grades at all or his job. I'll keep an eye on him in the future!

 

Sorry you are going through this, Amayana. It's never fun to be worried about someone's behavior that we care about.

 

You say that you are both graduating in a month, right? Does this mean that the two of you will be in the same location and see each other regularly? What hit me when reading your post was not what to do in this moment while you are both still in college, but what it will be like when you are physically back together again. His drinking could go any number of ways once he's out of school. He could stop the big-time partying or he could move into a bonafide drinking problem. It's hard to say if his behavior will continue post college, but I think that should be your main concern.

 

Talking to someone about their drinking is tricky. There can already be shame on the part of the drinker which can lead to justifying behavior and becoming defensive. If the drinker quits or slows down his drinking for someone else, it rarely endures. Is it possible to wait to talk to him until you are face to face again? I'm sure time will tell if this is an ongoing issue, and at that time you can decide if this is someone you want to move forward with or not.

 

Good luck to you.

[bluegreen]

I think more then few were even more less being beat around bush then me.

But Its OK I am not going to apologize for answering your question the way

I did. I said my opinion truth as truth is and am sorry amajana but you lost me here : Aren't you here cause you don't fully trust him and asking us to answer your post that he is going to far with his drinking or not?

 

So I guess its OK for you that just by writing this post say and show :

That you don't trust him with and about this issue but not for us is that it ?

 

 

I have no desire whatsoever to hurt anyone's feelings cause this is touching subject for me as well for similar reasons you mentioned.

 

But am not butt kisser am sorry call me judgmental harsh unpolished and tough but you once again am gonna say came here to hear truth and you heard it.

[amayana]

No I was asking if I was overreacting or if i was right to be concerned and if i should talk to him about it. That's what I wanted to know. He told me there was no problem, I believed him, it went well. And if someone comes here and tells me that I have no self-respect and that I should doubt his honesty I will get mad because that's up to me to decide. That's the issue I have. And I only meant justwhoiam's post. I take criticism when it's appropriate. I also take advice to heart but only if someone's being civil about it and not tryng to impose their views on me.

 

And I didn't mean your posts, I meant justwhoiam's post.

 

And no one here knows the truth. They are just saying what they think.

 

BTW, justwhoiam's post actually made me so insecure that i got into the biggest row I've ever had with my boyfriend. Till I realised how ridiculous the things I said were. And then I felt even more stupid for giving her words so much credit although she doesn't even know me or my boyfriend in this case. So yes, I'm a bit pissed off about this because it was completely unnecessary and I shouldn't have let that get to me so much.

 

I've learnt my lesson, which is that it's cool to ask for advice but that it's still up to to me to make the right decisions and weigh what others say against what I feel is right.

 

I think more then few were even more less being beat around bush then me.

But Its OK I am not going to apologize for answering your question the way

I did. I said my opinion truth as truth is and am sorry amajana but you lost me here : Aren't you here cause you don't fully trust him and asking us to answer your post that he is going to far with his drinking or not?

 

So I guess its OK for you that just by writing this post say and show :

That you don't trust him with and about this issue but not for us is that it ?

 

 

I have no desire whatsoever to hurt anyone's feelings cause this is touching subject for me as well for similar reasons you mentioned.

 

But am not butt kisser am sorry call me judgmental harsh unpolished and tough but you once again am gonna say came here to hear truth and you heard it.

Edited April 7, 2014 by amayana

[bluegreen]

Doll I told you same thing trust him but watch his butt are you really gonna nit pick this over few different said words.?

No you are not over reacting fine call it like that if it sounds less bad but its doubt lack of trust in his judgment and behavior in social scenarios.

 

I know girl you mentioned just as for long as I know you and am sure she did not mean to offend you its all about how you choose to understand and react to this stuff.

 

 

Of course non of us know that truth about you and him is oceans away from us.

 

But thats where I think you understood her wrong truth about this could be very well hidden from you to by him and if that's case yeah you could loose a lot simply cause love you feel for him.

 

 

Am not taking sides you both are great girls and I like you both

[amayana]

I do understand that. And I did take some of what she said to heart and considered it. But then I also said that I was disagreeing on a few things because I don't see them that way and neither does my boyfriend. I think every relationship has their own rules. And every person has their own views on relationships. I do appreciate what people (and you) say. Yes it could be that there is a greater problem but that doesn't mean it could also not mean anything at all, you see? And if I keep insisting that there is a problem when it's all fine there surely will be but the problem will be of a different nature. There's not much he can prove to me to make me understand he's fine. I can't possible demand him to stay at home when this is his last month with his college friends. I asked him to drink less or not at all, which he said he was ready to do. That's all he can do and I have to be ready to accept that.

 

Doll I told you same thing trust him but watch his butt are you really gonna nit pick this over few different said words.?

No you are not over reacting fine call it like that if it sounds less bad but its doubt lack of trust in his judgment and behavior in social scenarios.

 

I know girl you mentioned just as for long as I know you and am sure she did not mean to offend you its all about how you choose to understand and react to this stuff.

 

 

Of course non of us know that truth about you and him is oceans away from us.

 

But thats where I think you understood her wrong truth about this could be very well hidden from you to by him and if that's case yeah you could loose a lot simply cause love you feel for him.

 

 

Am not taking sides you both are great girls and I like you both

[bluegreen]

Thats exactly the part few of us most focused on just his word and you being an ocean away. ( she included )

Cause believe or not people can become amazing have your jaw hit the floor liars just to avoid "confrontations" admitting they have issues or consequences of their actions.

 

Again some of us have been there done that scenario with people and if you look at it from this angle it does kind of make sense right?

 

 

No you can't put him on leash and can't forbid him to go out either we know.

And no nagging won't help either we know that to ultimatums or controlling even less.

 

So I agree you really do not have other choice but to take his word for it at least for time being ...

[bluegreen]

Hey fire cracker have you cooled down little bit : )) ?

Hope all is good with you and you are doing what you should be doing.