Loveisonlyformovies Posted April 6, 2014 Share Posted April 6, 2014 I'm the black sheep in this family and somehow everything that happens is my fault. My mum really hates me and has been bullying me for years and now my siblings follow. It really tears me apart completely and i can honestly say that I actually hate my siblings, i really do and i can't stand them anymore. But for many reasons i can't get away from here. I'm stuck. They wont stop as long as i'm alive so how to put up with it? what to do? talking to them and asking them to stop has only made it worse :/ I just dont want it to tear me apart anymore... Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted April 6, 2014 Share Posted April 6, 2014 Walk away. Sometimes distance can be a good thing. I'm not saying you have to completely cut them out of your life but limit the contact you have with them. I had a huge blow out with my mom when I was 23. We didn't talk or see each other for almost 2 years. Our relationship was much better when we reconciled. Several years ago I distanced myself from the most toxic person in my life. It was a huge weight off my shoulders. When she came back she was much more respectful & it was easier for me to ignore her & let the hateful bully comments slide when she got out of control. She's still a p.i.t.a. but now I don't care. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Loveisonlyformovies Posted April 6, 2014 Author Share Posted April 6, 2014 i can't walk away though.. i'm stuck here :/ Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted April 6, 2014 Share Posted April 6, 2014 Then do something to get unstuck. Get a job. Get a roommate. Move out. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
nescafe1982 Posted April 6, 2014 Share Posted April 6, 2014 How old are you OP? Are you stuck in the same house because you're a minor? What are the circumstances? I grew up in a bullying household too. It is incredibly toxic and disempowering. Like Donivain, I would recommend distance, immediate even if only temporary. Do you have some healthy social circles beyond your immediate family: a school group, Church group,. something like that? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Loveisonlyformovies Posted April 6, 2014 Author Share Posted April 6, 2014 "Then do something to get unstuck. Get a job. Get a roommate. Move out." I can't do that. I'm 20 so no, I'm not a minor. And no, nothing at all Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted April 6, 2014 Share Posted April 6, 2014 You are 20 years old. Why can't you get a job, earn money & move out? My other advise is do what I did. My parents paid for my education so I felt stuck too. I considered it to be like a mortgage Instead of being saddled with debt & student loans upon graduation, I was "paying" for my tuition by putting up with all the garbage that goes on in a dysfunctional household. I was outta there within 1 month of my graduation which is when I had the blow out with my mom that resulted in us not talking for two years. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Loveisonlyformovies Posted April 6, 2014 Author Share Posted April 6, 2014 because i can't do that, it's not an option :/ Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted April 6, 2014 Share Posted April 6, 2014 because i can't do that, it's not an option :/ Why not? How can getting a job not be an option? It seems like you don't want to take responsibility for your own happiness then. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Loveisonlyformovies Posted April 6, 2014 Author Share Posted April 6, 2014 It's not like that... Link to post Share on other sites
Haydn Posted April 6, 2014 Share Posted April 6, 2014 Made my way with part time jobs from 16. I was not bullied, just loved having my own money. Allowed me to do things OP. Maybe you could try? You are 20 years old. Why can't you get a job, earn money & move out? My other advise is do what I did. My parents paid for my education so I felt stuck too. I considered it to be like a mortgage Instead of being saddled with debt & student loans upon graduation, I was "paying" for my tuition by putting up with all the garbage that goes on in a dysfunctional household. I was outta there within 1 month of my graduation which is when I had the blow out with my mom that resulted in us not talking for two years. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Loveisonlyformovies Posted April 6, 2014 Author Share Posted April 6, 2014 I can't. I have to deal with it in another way Link to post Share on other sites
pickflicker Posted April 6, 2014 Share Posted April 6, 2014 I can't. I have to deal with it in another way Why is getting a job not an option? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Loveisonlyformovies Posted April 6, 2014 Author Share Posted April 6, 2014 Because I can't even get through school. If i can't take care of my studies, I definitely can't manage a job :/ I suffer from depression and panic anxiety (don't tell me to get treatment because so far nothing works) and it has made me very asocial, i'm the last person anyone would hire anyway :/ so job isn't an option... Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted April 6, 2014 Share Posted April 6, 2014 Because I can't even get through school. If i can't take care of my studies, I definitely can't manage a job :/ I suffer from depression and panic anxiety (don't tell me to get treatment because so far nothing works) and it has made me very asocial, i'm the last person anyone would hire anyway :/ so job isn't an option... You know what is going to cure your depression? Getting off your butt & accomplishing something. At this point, its why you feel so bullied by your family. they have you so beaten you aren't even trying. Since whatever else you have been doing hasn't worked, try something new. At least get a PT job. Getting away from you family & having money in your pocket even if they are putting a roof over your head will be a positive thing. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
pickflicker Posted April 6, 2014 Share Posted April 6, 2014 Because I can't even get through school. If i can't take care of my studies, I definitely can't manage a job :/ I suffer from depression and panic anxiety (don't tell me to get treatment because so far nothing works) and it has made me very asocial, i'm the last person anyone would hire anyway :/ so job isn't an option... I work and study. It's entirely possible. Well OP, with no job, there is no money. With no money, there is no affording rent. With no affording rent, there is no moving out of home. And if you intend to sponge off your family for eternity, no wonder your parents are frustrated. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Loveisonlyformovies Posted April 6, 2014 Author Share Posted April 6, 2014 i cant make it through school and then i certainly can't work. You're clearly not ill when doing both parts. You clearly have no problem getting out of bed every day, or loss of appetite or can't focus on your school work at all when the grades are just dropping. If i lived on my own then i wouldn't leave bed and i wouldn't eat. for what use? just to work? it's either home or putting myself on a mental hospital, which would permanently destroy every chance of getting a good job in the future. i can't take care of school, i'm too ill, no one would hire me. i'm looking for a solution that would actually work in my case. not a discussion about getting a job when i can't 1 Link to post Share on other sites
pickflicker Posted April 6, 2014 Share Posted April 6, 2014 OP, there isn't a solution. You won't seek help for depression and anxiety You won't go to school because of depression and anxiety You went get a job because you can't juggle work and school You won't check yourself into a mental health facility because it will ruin your chances of getting a job (I highly doubt that, btw). So you see? What solution is there? 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Loveisonlyformovies Posted April 6, 2014 Author Share Posted April 6, 2014 I have searched help and received help for years, so far nothing has worked. I daily struggle with school without getting anywhere. I porbably could do both at the same time, but not as long as i cant even handle school. still, no one would hire me. and it does, it also ruins my chances of joining the military and even getting a drivers license. i dont know, a way to put up with my family without it destroying me even more. Link to post Share on other sites
pickflicker Posted April 6, 2014 Share Posted April 6, 2014 I have searched help and received help for years, so far nothing has worked. I daily struggle with school without getting anywhere. I porbably could do both at the same time, but not as long as i cant even handle school. still, no one would hire me. and it does, it also ruins my chances of joining the military and even getting a drivers license. i dont know, a way to put up with my family without it destroying me even more. Only you know the answer to that. In my experience, there is no "strategy" with putting with someone, every removing yourself from the situation. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Loveisonlyformovies Posted April 6, 2014 Author Share Posted April 6, 2014 If i knew the answer then i wouldn't be here :/ I just can't get out of here no matter how much i want it, there must be another way Link to post Share on other sites
pickflicker Posted April 6, 2014 Share Posted April 6, 2014 If i knew the answer then i wouldn't be here :/ I just can't get out of here no matter how much i want it, there must be another way There isn't. You've vetoed the available options. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Loveisonlyformovies Posted April 6, 2014 Author Share Posted April 6, 2014 The only option you've mentioned is getting a job, and i've already explained i can't do that when i can't even manage my studies :/ Link to post Share on other sites
pickflicker Posted April 6, 2014 Share Posted April 6, 2014 The only option you've mentioned is getting a job, and i've already explained i can't do that when i can't even manage my studies :/ There isn't another option. Whilst you depend on your parents to fund your existence when you are old enough to get a job, they have every right to be frustrated. You have FREE healthcare in Sweden, but refuse to use it because it "doesn't work". You say "no" to every suggestion. In order to gain independence, you need finances. That's how the world works, and there is no changing that. You either gain finances by working, or if you're very lucky, winning lotto or receiving a giant inheritance. If you insist on using your parents to fund your existence, there is no "better" way to deal with them. Frankly, if you were my child, I would have dragged you to the psychiatric facility yesterday, whether you liked it or not. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
maturityassets Posted April 6, 2014 Share Posted April 6, 2014 (edited) Now I understand why you've had similar views to me when growing up about sex. We black sheep of families are very judgmental of ourselves. I grew up in a household where my brother who was named after my grandfather was praised by everyone and me who never learned our native tongue or values was constantly ostracized. They laughed and shamed me to the point that all I ever had was anxiety, perfectionism, depression and judgmental views of myself and others. I had a complete martyr complex because of them. The only person I have conversations with in my family now is my mother. My father is trapped in his own conditioning and judgmental and perfectionist ways. My brother and I don't see eye to eye on anything. My cousins and I became estranged because our toxic family values effected them in ways as well. For me what helped best is 2 and a 1/2 years of consistent therapy (no medication, Individual sessions and group therapy). My friends. The philosopher Nietzsche. Meditation. And striving for high self esteem, confidence and autonomy. Plus my current girlfriend has a very similar family and similar problems with them so we are completely supportive of each other! I really do wish you all the best and I understand where you are coming from in all honesty. I hope you do continue forms of therapy to help you. I know its a long road but it does take some time. Eventually the relapses are shorter in length and the positives remain in tact. Edited April 6, 2014 by maturityassets Link to post Share on other sites
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