ProudLoner Posted April 7, 2014 Share Posted April 7, 2014 Leave them and come back stronger. Go out on your own, do something. Come back in years and be much stronger than you were when you left. But be nice to them since it's like you have the power, so you can't bully back the bullies. They'll see it.. and perhaps give you that respect you earned.. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Loveisonlyformovies Posted April 7, 2014 Author Share Posted April 7, 2014 i've already explained i can't get out of here, now i'm dropping out of school too and then i've no where else to go and nothing else to do. I can't go anywhere else, and suicide seems like a better way to go than going to hospital. i'm out of options now Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted April 7, 2014 Share Posted April 7, 2014 i've already explained i can't get out of here, now i'm dropping out of school too and then i've no where else to go and nothing else to do. I can't go anywhere else, and suicide seems like a better way to go than going to hospital. i'm out of options now Suicide is not an option. It's a cop out. Things will get better if you stick around/ You have access to medical care & are under a doctor's care. That is better than any advice you might get from a bunch of strangers on the internet. At this point, would encourage you to print out this entire thread & take it to your doctor so you can talk about why you have such a defeatist attitude. Meanwhile talk to your doctor about cognitive therapy & the power of positive thinking. Read two books: The Secret & the Little Engine that Could. All you have said in this thread is "I can't" That is half your problem. You are already defeating yourself. You have to WANT to get better. In the throws of depression that feels nearly impossible. But when you can manage to get out there & do something you will feel better. Until you stop saying no, you will never get better because you are holding yourself back but you refuse to acknowledge that. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Loveisonlyformovies Posted April 7, 2014 Author Share Posted April 7, 2014 I have believed things will get better for 8 years but get proved wrong every day. The care i receive is useless, the system doesn't work quite well in sweden at all. My therapist already have access to these threads and she sees no worries with them at all. Read the secret multiple times, tried positive thinking before. When i'm really positive about something, it all goes even more to hell. I want to get better, keep trying, but fail constantly. I'm holding myself back at all. Link to post Share on other sites
Anela Posted April 7, 2014 Share Posted April 7, 2014 I work and study. It's entirely possible. Well OP, with no job, there is no money. With no money, there is no affording rent. With no affording rent, there is no moving out of home. And if you intend to sponge off your family for eternity, no wonder your parents are frustrated. I've been in a similar situation over the past two years, and couldn't change it. We were basically stuck with each other - and I say couldn't, because of my own stuff that i won't go into. I had wanted a job, but this person left me incapable of it, and I've been trying to get my head back to where it should be. I was agoraphobic for years, and that preceeded this. So, I'm not judging the OP. I couldn't volunteer, because I live too far away and don't know how to drive; I also have no rides available until the weekend. So I take every opportunity to get out and be around other people. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted April 7, 2014 Share Posted April 7, 2014 i've already explained i can't get out of here, now i'm dropping out of school too and then i've no where else to go and nothing else to do. I can't go anywhere else, and suicide seems like a better way to go than going to hospital. i'm out of options now That is not a better option. Going to the ER and getting them to admit you so you can get on meds and be assessed so you can get better is THE option. I am sorry that you're going through this and in a rough spot right now but please believe that this isn't the only option you have. Don't let fear and not knowing what happens next prevent you from getting the medical help that you need. If your family knew how awful you were feeling I have to believe that they would help look after you, make sure you get well. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted April 7, 2014 Share Posted April 7, 2014 I have believed things will get better for 8 years but get proved wrong every day. The care i receive is useless, the system doesn't work quite well in sweden at all. My therapist already have access to these threads and she sees no worries with them at all. Read the secret multiple times, tried positive thinking before. When i'm really positive about something, it all goes even more to hell. I want to get better, keep trying, but fail constantly. I'm holding myself back at all. How can she not be worried? I don't know you and I AM WORRIED. You've talked about suicide being an option. Don't give up. Honestly, get another therapist - The one you have, is not working. Life can be really hard and things can go wrong, but do not give up on yourself! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Loveisonlyformovies Posted April 7, 2014 Author Share Posted April 7, 2014 it takes years to get a new therapist, that's how the system in sweden works... And it's not like a new therapist can convince me life is worth living when places like this convinces me that it's not. I've already given up, no matter how much i try things just keep going wrong. There's absolutely nothing in life that i look forward to anymore Link to post Share on other sites
FrostBlaze Posted April 7, 2014 Share Posted April 7, 2014 You waiting for a knight in shining armor to come rescue you?<-retorical OP i feel sorry for your, many people might hate to hear that, but i do. You're topics are a cry for help and most of all a cry for attention. I assume you have noone to really talk this to, so here you are, you need the attention and understanding more then you need our actual advice it seems. Don't go hating/defensive, but this is how i see it and i am pretty sure. As for your problem. I have been, am depressed, asocial, and it has also been hard for me to get jobs because of this, but i have still managed to find spots. Work helps me a great deal to get over my depression. I will tell you the biggest and simplest piece of advice that goes for everything you say in all your topics. "THERE IS NO I CAN'T, THERE IS ONLY I WON'T/Dont want to". 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Loveisonlyformovies Posted April 7, 2014 Author Share Posted April 7, 2014 Retorical or not, you're wrong, i would hate to be dependent on a man it's a cry for help indeed, why else would i be here? but attention? no, then i'd just post it on a social website instead. I need advice, but everyone gives the same advice: move out, which doesn't work in my situation. There is "no i can't" since i try daily but still fail Link to post Share on other sites
nescafe1982 Posted April 8, 2014 Share Posted April 8, 2014 There is "no i can't" since i try daily but still fail What did you do today? That's not a slam... I'm honestly wondering if a little self-reflection on your day-to-day activities might shed light on this issue. So, what did you do today? Did you go to school? Go to the store? Stay at home on the computer? Go for a walk? Link to post Share on other sites
Eivuwan Posted April 8, 2014 Share Posted April 8, 2014 I don't know what to say. Anxiety and depression makes it hard to do things, but only by doing things will you get better. You say you fail this you fail that so you don't do anything. Why not start by doing the easiest things you can think of and then slowly move up until you can do the things everyone else can do? You can't just jump into 9 classes at once and expect to be able to handle it at this point. Baby steps. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Radu Posted April 8, 2014 Share Posted April 8, 2014 free healthcare only for minors. it costs for me, but i do use it and go to therapy every week with no progressing, group therapy didn't help either. I've had more than five therapists telling me they can't help me and this new one hasn't been able to either. I'm trapped and there's nothing i can do. If i could only succeed with school i'd have left this country right away and never looked back. But i seem to fail school again and this time both me and my doctors fear i wont survive it, it really gets to me that much. I'd love to be able to work and function like normal people, but i dont and i know i'll never be able to as long as i live at home, but i cant leave this place if i cant get school to work either... I have money, like 50 000 sek saved up that i had planned to cover some of the expenses when going to college. Like i said, i wont get a job even if a tried and i'm not even well enough to be doing a job. My mum knows i can't live on my own so it's either here or at my grandparents, living alone would be a danger for my life. They've told you that they can't help you because it's true. They can't put the notion of 'do' in your head, and they can't force you to do something. Medication won't really help you either, because that just numbs you a little. You probably know the feeling of sleeping all the time, because when you sleep you can almost forget, and forgetting is so very enjoyable. You probably also know that your imagination has gotten stronger than normal, and in some ways it scares you. You also probably know how it is to stop taking care of yourself, going out in public [for buying stuff] predominantly after dark, avoiding where ppl will see you; not being able to talk to ppl normally, not being able to meet their eyes, always getting out of their way on the street, always giving them right to move past you, and jumping when you hear someone say your name, even if they were talking to someone else. You wonder when it will all be over, and you start dreaming of it to be all over, of the moment when you rise up and actually do something, but it's like an invisible barrier stands between you and doing ... anything. And the barrier keeps getting stronger, the more you fail, because failure validates the barrier, makes it real. It's further proof that you are utterly useless, a meat bag that has no purpose in life. Close ? 23yrs old, i abandoned college, thought i knew better. 5yrs later, a number of failed relationships, at best a dead-end job with minimum wage [and no benefits whatsoever]. About 3yrs ago i started reading up on my social anxiety problem, my depression, etc ... At the end of the day, nobody can help you but yourself. You have to put aside shame, fear and 'can't'. Start small, something ... anything, anything that will work; and give it your best shot, but when i mean best i mean 'do or die' best, you give everything you have, you breath and think only 'i have to do this'. Than apply the same principle to more, and more and more. Eventually, it will become easy enough for you to do what you want. It doesn't matter what you choose to do, be good at school, get a job ... anything. Do not accept failure at this task, do not stop until you succeed. Much of my depression came from my lack of real female companionship [though i had relationships, they were not what i call real relationships], so i started reading up on relationships. This gave me the peace of mind to know that it was possible to succeed, that i did not have to just dream of it. 3 yrs ago i tried my hand at a business, and it failed ... though i learned a lot from it. Gave me the confidence to go back to school, so i enrolled in law school thinking that it was too late to go back to my former college. The 1st semester was a disaster, i hardly went to classes, but i recovered towards the end of it and finished the yr with no failed exams. This yr i went back to my former college, and it's looking like i will both finish it, and get through 2nd yr of law school. I've actually managed to stay on track, studied, i took exams after exams [hard ones too], and overall, each success has only reinforced my faith in myself. In fact, last week i had a setback, that barely registered. I simply planned adjustments because of it, no major ego hit overall. So it is possible. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Radu Posted April 8, 2014 Share Posted April 8, 2014 yes i have considered that, stayed with them for some weeks before. But they are old and will die pretty soon. I only fall deeper into my depression when staying at them + i get completely isolated from the outside world. They live in a city i rather forget the name of :/ and my dad refuses to let me stay with him for even a night so don't really have anywhere else to go. they have, but i'm against medicine. but did buy St. John's Wort tea the other day since i've heard that might work a little. But my doctors don't think drugs would not be that helpful since 90% of my mental health is because of fears of failure and performance anxiety, so drugs are useless I don't know if drugs are useless against this [you are considered mentally ill if you go see a psychologist here, lots of stigma so i never saw one], but you do have performance anxiety and an unreasonable amount of fear of failure. When you have performance anxiety, you are blocked from really trying [you will try but it's a joke try, one destined to failure], so you will not give your best at something. The failure that this becomes only goes further to validate that you 'can't do it'. Which is why it's important that you take up something, and do it, anything. there aren't any that i know about, well, one, but i'd be active there if i was well enough. and still: 1. i have to magically pass 9 entire courses in less than two months or i risk losing a lot of money and my health so cant waste time on anything else. 2. i can't be in such situation due to my panic anxiety which makes me avoid all social situations out of fear of failure and a certain other reason. 9 courses is a bit too much. Assume that you won't pass them, that you will fail. What will you do ? Be defeatist ?; or would you do something different knowing you will fail them ? Like maybe focus on less, on the ones you know you will pass, give it your best to pass them, and get the confidence boost you need to prove to yourself you are not a dumbass. Link to post Share on other sites
Radu Posted April 8, 2014 Share Posted April 8, 2014 It is failing. My grades have dropped and now i'm stuck with 9 courses in just two months and i can't get started no matter how much i try. I'm not gonna waste another year on high school courses, i want to move forward in life but that doesn't seem to happen. Shame and guilt? no, that's not what causes me to not study. You somehow seems to think that I'm you O.o i had hoped to be married and have kids and a good career before 25 :/ i don't have time for more failures And that's what we call an unreasonable goal [even if you were a child prodigy]. Which creates shame because of where you are, and also makes you more afraid of trying, because every failure for you is a lowering of your self-esteem ... it doesn't even stay neutral. Link to post Share on other sites
VeronicaRoss Posted April 8, 2014 Share Posted April 8, 2014 Hello Lovely, Write your dreams. The one thing you can do in a room with no money is write. You're doing it now. Write about your situation, write about the dreams you have, write about what life would be like, what you would be like without the depression and anxiety. Write about anything you want. Build the world where you are. Take the medication. #1 most important thing. You are physically ill, only it's your brain and your ability to reason, rather than your liver or stomach. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Loveisonlyformovies Posted April 8, 2014 Author Share Posted April 8, 2014 Why would I use medicine when the doctors say it's useless in my situation? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Loveisonlyformovies Posted April 8, 2014 Author Share Posted April 8, 2014 yay another therapist telling me she can't help... You also probably know how it is to stop taking care of yourself, going out in public [for buying stuff] predominantly after dark, avoiding where ppl will see you; not being able to talk to ppl normally, not being able to meet their eyes, always getting out of their way on the street, always giving them right to move past you, and jumping when you hear someone say your name, even if they were talking to someone else. that's complete bull**** and doesn't describe me at all and failing these courses after so many times.. it'll push me over the edge and i wont survive it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Loveisonlyformovies Posted April 8, 2014 Author Share Posted April 8, 2014 And that's what we call an unreasonable goal [even if you were a child prodigy]. Which creates shame because of where you are, and also makes you more afraid of trying, because every failure for you is a lowering of your self-esteem ... it doesn't even stay neutral. I really don't feel any shame at all. O.o I'm trying daily, and i give every try 100% but still fail, i dont even get higher than a C anymore... I just won't survive failing school once more Link to post Share on other sites
Author Loveisonlyformovies Posted April 8, 2014 Author Share Posted April 8, 2014 The 1st semester was a disaster, i hardly went to classes, but i recovered towards the end of it and finished the yr with no failed exams. This yr i went back to my former college, and it's looking like i will both finish it, and get through 2nd yr of law school. I've actually managed to stay on track, studied, i took exams after exams [hard ones too], and overall, each success has only reinforced my faith in myself. In fact, last week i had a setback, that barely registered. I simply planned adjustments because of it, no major ego hit overall. So it is possible. so how did you manage to recover at the end? i wont give up mt courses, rather my life than school Link to post Share on other sites
pink_sugar Posted April 8, 2014 Share Posted April 8, 2014 And that's what we call an unreasonable goal [even if you were a child prodigy]. Which creates shame because of where you are, and also makes you more afraid of trying, because every failure for you is a lowering of your self-esteem ... it doesn't even stay neutral. I agree, if anyone has all those things by 25, that's a minority. Most people don't have an established career and family until well into their 30's. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Loveisonlyformovies Posted April 8, 2014 Author Share Posted April 8, 2014 So? Why wasting life when I know what I want already? Link to post Share on other sites
Radu Posted April 9, 2014 Share Posted April 9, 2014 so how did you manage to recover at the end? i wont give up mt courses, rather my life than school Basically i hit rock bottom, it's all in my post [below that i think]. I had help, from family, and i could not have done it without them. But that help was always there, even before i dropped out of school; it still took for me to pull myself out there. Think of it as someone giving you a hand when you have fallen down. Taking the offer, and getting up is still your action, your decision and your accomplishment, the offered hand only makes it ... easier. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted April 9, 2014 Share Posted April 9, 2014 Why would I use medicine when the doctors say it's useless in my situation? You have depression and anxiety and suicidal thoughts, you are incapable of living life normally. You can't work, go to school, live life freely without feeling awful. Your Dr is wrong so find another Dr. Go to the hospital ER and ask to be admitted to have your mental health checked. What do the Dr's suggest you do? Live as a hermit, stay depressed and have very negative thoughts? Link to post Share on other sites
Noproblem Posted April 9, 2014 Share Posted April 9, 2014 I see most of the comments are harsh on this girl. She has a serious disease , a disease that can take the power from the strongest person. It's called depression. I have no solution for you, fight your sibling back. Hurt them like they hurt you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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