Bullied by my family

[nescafe1982]

OP, get some kind of external support network. Get involved with volunteering, a school project/organization, a community organization, a religious organization (if you attend a Church/temple/mosque/etc).

 

Volunteering is particularly helpful because it can help you take the focus off of your issues for a while and do some social good in the meantime. You need to find "esteemable" things to do... they will help you build some esteem in yourself.

 

You need distance from your family and to work on your own external support system. You can accomplish this without a job or school. Granted, you do need to eventually find a job and go back to school if possible... but those are medium/long term goals. You can do something right now to start working on yourself. But if YOU want to be happier, YOU are going to have to make some changes on your own behalf.

 

But the good news? You CAN do it. It's hard, but you can. Believe me.

Edited April 6, 2014 by nescafe1982

[Loveisonlyformovies]

free healthcare only for minors. it costs for me, but i do use it and go to therapy every week with no progressing, group therapy didn't help either. I've had more than five therapists telling me they can't help me and this new one hasn't been able to either. I'm trapped and there's nothing i can do. If i could only succeed with school i'd have left this country right away and never looked back. But i seem to fail school again and this time both me and my doctors fear i wont survive it, it really gets to me that much.

I'd love to be able to work and function like normal people, but i dont and i know i'll never be able to as long as i live at home, but i cant leave this place if i cant get school to work either...

 

I have money, like 50 000 sek saved up that i had planned to cover some of the expenses when going to college.

Like i said, i wont get a job even if a tried and i'm not even well enough to be doing a job. My mum knows i can't live on my own so it's either here or at my grandparents, living alone would be a danger for my life.

[nescafe1982]

My mum knows i can't live on my own so it's either here or at my grandparents, living alone would be a danger for my life.

 

Have you tried living with your grandparents? If you parents truly are bullies who are undermining your therapy, staying with someone else while you recover might be a good thing.

 

Have any of your therapists considered drug therapy? If you're clinically depressed or something, those might also help.

[Loveisonlyformovies]

OP, get some kind of external support network. Get involved with volunteering, a school project/organization, a community organization, a religious organization (if you attend a Church/temple/mosque/etc).

 

Volunteering is particularly helpful because it can help you take the focus off of your issues for a while and do some social good in the meantime. You need to find "esteemable" things to do... they will help you build some esteem in yourself.

 

You need distance from your family and to work on your own external support system. You can accomplish this without a job or school. Granted, you do need to eventually find a job and go back to school if possible... but those are medium/long term goals. You can do something right now to start working on yourself. But if YOU want to be happier, YOU are going to have to make some changes on your own behalf.

 

But the good news? You CAN do it. It's hard, but you can. Believe me.

 

I can't quit school, i did once before and i was concidered as a high suicidal risk for months and got ill and wasn't even physically strong enough to leave bed for 7 months + barely ate anything. Quitting school again would mean death to me, my family and doctors are well aware of that too. I have to succeed with it now but i dont know how.

 

There are no such places around here, only churches but i'm more of a satanist so wont go there at all. My depression and panic anxiety also

makes sure i cant work in social groups and makes me quite isolated, so it's not even an option to even consider what you said, i just can't handle that at my current state :/

[pickflicker]

Then I don't know what you should do. You're unwilling to get out of your own way, and that's why your therapists give up.

[nescafe1982]

I can't quit school, i did once before and i was concidered as a high suicidal risk for months and got ill and wasn't even physically strong enough to leave bed for 7 months + barely ate anything. Quitting school again would mean death to me, my family and doctors are well aware of that too. I have to succeed with it now but i dont know how.

 

There are no such places around here, only churches but i'm more of a satanist so wont go there at all. My depression and panic anxiety also

makes sure i cant work in social groups and makes me quite isolated, so it's not even an option to even consider what you said, i just can't handle that at my current state :/

 

Whoa, I didn't say to quit school. I thought you said you were not in school. STAY IN SCHOOL!

 

And I call BS on you claim that there are no volunteering opportunities, no ways for you to engage the community. There is ALWAYS someone that needs help. Look harder. You're making excuses at this point.

[Loveisonlyformovies]

Have you tried living with your grandparents? If you parents truly are bullies who are undermining your therapy, staying with someone else while you recover might be a good thing.

 

Have any of your therapists considered drug therapy? If you're clinically depressed or something, those might also help.

 

yes i have considered that, stayed with them for some weeks before. But they are old and will die pretty soon. I only fall deeper into my depression when staying at them + i get completely isolated from the outside world. They live in a city i rather forget the name of :/ and my dad refuses to let me stay with him for even a night so don't really have anywhere else to go.

 

they have, but i'm against medicine. but did buy St. John's Wort tea the other day since i've heard that might work a little. But my doctors don't think drugs would not be that helpful since 90% of my mental health is because of fears of failure and performance anxiety, so drugs are useless

[Loveisonlyformovies]

Then I don't know what you should do. You're unwilling to get out of your own way, and that's why your therapists give up.

 

you're really wrong about that. I'm not unwilling of that at all.

[Loveisonlyformovies]

Whoa, I didn't say to quit school. I thought you said you were not in school. STAY IN SCHOOL!

 

And I call BS on you claim that there are no volunteering opportunities, no ways for you to engage the community. There is ALWAYS someone that needs help. Look harder. You're making excuses at this point.

 

there aren't any that i know about, well, one, but i'd be active there if i was well enough. and still:

1. i have to magically pass 9 entire courses in less than two months or i risk losing a lot of money and my health so cant waste time on anything else.

2. i can't be in such situation due to my panic anxiety which makes me avoid all social situations out of fear of failure and a certain other reason.

[Haydn]

Life is out there. Get it and hold on to it. The best way you. Take care.

[Loveisonlyformovies]

well, how?

[Haydn]

You have the answer.

 

 

well, how?

[Loveisonlyformovies]

you do realise if i had all the answers, i wouldn't be on this forum, right? O.o

[maturityassets]

Therapy is not just a therapists trying to fix you. Therapy is majorly dependent on the patient to work on themselves. You have anxiety and depression. You have so much anxiety that school and work is impossible for you. You have to expose yourself and realize your fears are irrational illusions brought about by childhood conditioning. It isn't easy but you can overcome this with time and acceptance

[Loveisonlyformovies]

Don't you think I've tried? then always something bad happens and i'm back at the bottom again, and this time i'm so deep down that i don't think i can make it up again.

 

Expose myself? That's what makes my therpaists so confused, the more i expose myself to a situation, the worse i feel and the worse the anxiety gets. I'm trying to finish school but my grades are dropping and now i have too little time and can't even get started. I don't have time.

[DaisyLeigh1967]

I honestly don't know what you want us to say when you knock down every solution.

 

I am also a sufferer of anxiety and depression. Sometimes you have to just DO it. Only you have the power to change your life. No one else is going to hold your hand and baby you through it.

[Loveisonlyformovies]

Just do it? i try daily but fail. So no use anymore.

The only solution i've been given is "get a job" and that solution isn't working for me right now, so i'm trying to find another one to out up with this hellhole without letting it break me even more :/

[maturityassets]

Its not failing. You are being harsh on yourself and punishing yourself. The reason you feel like you have no time is because most of your time is spent licking your own emotional wounds. Emotional wounds in which you perpetuate. There is a lot of shame and guilt within you. You have to focus on relieving yourself of that. You aren't a defective person, you are just suffering is all. you have plenty of time ahead of you. you are only 20 years old! People usually claim their 20's are the best times of their lives when it comes to searching for individuality and autonomy. The one positive thing about suffering is it helps you become you; helps you understand yourself. Life has meaning if you go out and make it!

[Loveisonlyformovies]

It is failing. My grades have dropped and now i'm stuck with 9 courses in just two months and i can't get started no matter how much i try. I'm not gonna waste another year on high school courses, i want to move forward in life but that doesn't seem to happen.

 

Shame and guilt? no, that's not what causes me to not study. You somehow seems to think that I'm you O.o

 

i had hoped to be married and have kids and a good career before 25 :/ i don't have time for more failures

[maturityassets]

I don't think you are me. But most people who do have anxiety and depression tend to feel guilty and shamed. Just go on any forum like social anxiety support and you will see lots of people with anxiety suffer with similar feelings of guilt and shame. You are acting guilty upon yourself right now! Saying you are failing in owing yourself something. That suddenly if you didn't get married or have a family by 25 years old, your life is meaningless. Anxiety is what causes you not study! And anxiety is often times brought up by shame and guilt.

[Loveisonlyformovies]

Well, I'm not like that and that aren't the reasons. If it was I would be able to study but I'm not

[pink_sugar]

OP, I've been experiencing the same thing, especially today. Whenever my family gets together, I feel as if I'm overlooked and my 30 year old brother antagonizes me while the rest of my family encourages it and continues it. My relatives are fine with me on 1x1, but I'm harassed and teased often in a group situation. I even cried today. I didn't know what I did to deserve that treatment. I agree, walking away is best, even though it's tempting to yell back.

Edited April 7, 2014 by pink_sugar

[pink_sugar]

You know what is going to cure your depression? Getting off your butt & accomplishing something. At this point, its why you feel so bullied by your family. they have you so beaten you aren't even trying.

 

Since whatever else you have been doing hasn't worked, try something new. At least get a PT job. Getting away from you family & having money in your pocket even if they are putting a roof over your head will be a positive thing.

 

I agree, working since 16 has really helped me learn to stick up for myself and help my self esteem.

[nescafe1982]

Its not failing. You are being harsh on yourself and punishing yourself. The reason you feel like you have no time is because most of your time is spent licking your own emotional wounds. Emotional wounds in which you perpetuate. There is a lot of shame and guilt within you. You have to focus on relieving yourself of that. You aren't a defective person, you are just suffering is all. you have plenty of time ahead of you. you are only 20 years old! People usually claim their 20's are the best times of their lives when it comes to searching for individuality and autonomy. The one positive thing about suffering is it helps you become you; helps you understand yourself. Life has meaning if you go out and make it!

 

I know you disagreed with this post, OP, but much of it sounds quite apt. You can invest an amazing amount of time and energy into licking your emotional wounds... leaving you feeling hopeless and exhausted and unable to move on to other things.

 

This poster isn't trying to make you out to be like them. Your posts on this forum exhibit this circular pattern.

 

Having disregarded all of the possible solutions provided you so far, I don't know what you're going to do. But I hope that you find something that will allow you to break the cycle and take some more control for yourself, OP. It sounds very exhausting otherwise!

[whichwayisup]

Because I can't even get through school. If i can't take care of my studies, I definitely can't manage a job :/ I suffer from depression and panic anxiety (don't tell me to get treatment because so far nothing works) and it has made me very asocial, i'm the last person anyone would hire anyway :/ so job isn't an option...

 

then you haven't found the right Dr, treatment and medication yet that works for you.

 

You have to get counseling again, whether that be you admit yourself to a hospital and get the help you desperately need or you go to a women's shelter. Or you can stay with another family member or friend. If you stay where you are, life will just get worse for you and you're not in the strong and right frame of mind to cope and deal with your family.