Husband wants divorce to be single - says he doesn't love me anymore like that.

[Yarrow]

I feel as if I'm dealing with a child. It's like he only wanted a divorce when he thought he'd have fun out picking up women with his friends. Or when he thought I would be pining away after him and crying in my room all day long. And now the reality is rather different then what he expected.

 

Good! He got what he wanted. If he doesn't like it, that's not your problem anymore.

 

Mine had a similar reaction. He literally moved out and told me he was never moving back, but for some reason got mad when I filed for divorce. All I could think of was, "Uh...What did you think was going to happen?":confused: Maybe he thought I would spend my time pining away for him and if he changed his mind I'd welcome him back with open arms? I don't know. Bizarre.

 

Better days are ahead. Separate your finances. Divide your stuff. You have no kids that you share, so you never have to see him again. It will be a long 3 weeks, but the rest of your life awaits.

[AMcKineth]

It's been a while since I posted.

 

I've been back for about 4 months now. My divorce should be finalized soon. And for some reason this last week out of the blue I miss him. It's a heart wrenching ache even though my brain knows way better.

 

Since I've gotten back our messages have been limited to email and him texting me a few times. I blocked him from my email instant chat since I didn't want him messaging me. And he hasn't tried to call.

 

He told me that he went to military counseling after I left to try and figure out why he wanted to leave me. He thought that he was bipolar and they were investigating it, if he was they would have kicked him out of the military. However, none of that ended up happening so I have no idea what conclusion he came to with it. Other then that he "learned a lot in counseling and it helped him to make some choices about me, not that they were completely his to make."

 

Around a month and a half ago he asked if I wanted to try and work on our relationship again. Things happen everyday to him that remind him of me and it tears him up inside. And that he was willing to spend the rest of his life apologizing for the mistakes he'd made. He said he'd been waiting for me to bring it up again. Since I had so many times within the first few days of him asking me for a divorce. And that he needed to ask me before I was completely out of his life.

 

I basically just responded that since he wanted a divorce so badly in the beginning I think we should see it through. Especially since the papers were signed and it was already processing.

 

To which he responded that he's sorry that he hurt me so bad that I've begun to hate him and that he couldn't stress how wrong he was in the end but he completely understands that I want nothing to do with him. And then that he didn't want to let the chance go by the he wanted to be with me and if I had any desire for the same go by and him missing that chance before it was too late. Which he said was probably when he incorrectly stated that he didn't love me anymore.

 

I never corrected him about me hating him or any other emotional conclusions he's come to since I've left.

 

I'm not sure why now I'm starting to feel like this again. I could list countless reasons why I'm stupid to still feel this way and why he's a terrible person. Everything he's put me through. It just doesn't make sense.

 

The only things that have changed recently were that he didn't email me back instantly last week. I can't actually tell if he was doing it on purpose to annoy me since he then wrote me back exactly a week later from when I wrote him, down to the 5 minute time difference. Maybe I'd gotten used to hearing from him within 10 minutes to a few days of writing him.

 

The last time I wrote him was about not getting the paperwork for our divorce being finalized yet when I thought it would be. Since he's keeping me on his health insurance til we're officially divorced. And he either got confused about 30 days ago and thought it was already final or was just fishing for a reaction from me, so I'm trying to be ultra clear with him these days.

 

Anyways, he wrote back that it's ok about the divorce and that he really doesn't care that much anymore. Which of course wasn't great to hear right now but it's good to know because I need to snap out of this relapse in missing him.

 

I guess the point I'm trying to get at is that I don't know if I miss him or if I just miss the thought of him. When I think about our time together, the whole time, I look back and don't really see something that I should be missing.

 

You Don?t Miss Him. You Miss The Idea Of Who You Wanted Him To Be. | The Current Conscience

 

Also. The logical part of me knows that I should never attempt to be with this man ever again even if I do miss the actual him. With everything he's put me through. And honestly, he sends me an email to see if I want to work on the relationship. After hinting around about it for months. Who does that if it really matters that much to someone? He didn't even call me to talk about it. Or I dunno, we were married, fly out here and show up at my door begging to have me back?

 

I don't know why I'm lingering on my response to him asking if I'd like to work on it a month and a half ago. Maybe because I wasn't really honest with him back then about how I felt, but I guess I don't want to trust my feelings to someone who wanted me gone at the drop of a hat and maybe wanted me back that way too.

 

Anyways, sorry for the long rambling post. I guess I'm all over the place today.

[stillafool]

He's full of it. If he wanted you back it is up to him to be a man and beg you back. He should be doing all the work. He was the one who said he wanted a divorce, wasn't in love with you and didn't know if he ever really was in love with you. You really shouldn't be speaking to him IMHO after what he has put your through. Stop second guessing him. If he wanted the divorce to stop he would stop it. Move on and keep your head up.

[yessy21]

He met someone else.

 

 

she's probably in the group and he really likes her personality.

 

 

she wont give him the time of day if he's still married.

 

 

he wants out.

 

 

give it to him.

[AMcKineth]

He met someone else.

 

 

she's probably in the group and he really likes her personality.

 

 

she wont give him the time of day if he's still married.

 

 

he wants out.

 

 

give it to him.

 

Oh yeah. He relocated for a job not near his daughter, but to a city he was talking to a random girl from about swinging with not even one week after our divorce.

 

Around the time he got there is when he asked me if I wanted to work on the relationship at all. I figured he was just trying to get out of giving me whatever the divorce stipulated. Or whoever he was hanging out with there didn't turn out like he'd imagined.

 

After that I saw him on site looking for girls to hang out with in his city. I'm assuming that's why he suddenly doesn't care. Not that he did enough to begin with in the first place.

 

I have too much dignity to get back with him after everything he's done. I just wish I could get over this part of missing him and wondering if I should have been more open with him afterwards. I thought I was done with feeling that way.

[AMcKineth]

He's full of it. If he wanted you back it is up to him to be a man and beg you back. He should be doing all the work. He was the one who said he wanted a divorce, wasn't in love with you and didn't know if he ever really was in love with you. You really shouldn't be speaking to him IMHO after what he has put your through. Stop second guessing him. If he wanted the divorce to stop he would stop it. Move on and keep your head up.

 

Thanks, that's what I was thinking about him trying to get me back. I have no idea why this feeling suddenly came out of the blue this week.

 

Sometimes I forgot that I stuck around for four weeks to get back to his home state and everything in order and packed before I left. I gave him plenty of time to figure out what was going on with him and if he truly wanted me back he'd owe me more then a lame email.

 

Up until now I thought I'd been making great progress. I think responding to his emails, even though I gave him really no personal information and didn't think of it was a big deal, probably set me back. I assumed that if I didn't he wouldn't cooperate on the divorce stipulations without court involvement and now that they're completed and the divorce is almost final I don't have to worry about talking to him anymore.

 

Anyways, thanks for responding. It helps to hear from people over everything.

[seekingpeaceinlove]

AMcKineth, your feelings are 100% normal...who wouldn't be after being blind-sided with a divorce request by their significant other?

 

Know this though: A man who needs and wants someone back in his life, especially after calling it quits, will MOVE MOUNTAINS to be with her again.

 

You deserve true, mutual, selfless love.....do not settle for anything less.

 

Good luck and be proud of yourself. You seemed to have handled yourself with strength and grace, while many others, in a similar situation have crumbled and/or turned to revenge. 3 steps forward and 1 step back. You are making progress and set backs are just a part of the healing process. Keep looking forward and hold your head up high.

 

You will come out of this stronger and wiser.

Edited August 21, 2014 by seekingpeaceinlove

[stillafool]

Thanks, that's what I was thinking about him trying to get me back. I have no idea why this feeling suddenly came out of the blue this week.

 

Sometimes I forgot that I stuck around for four weeks to get back to his home state and everything in order and packed before I left. I gave him plenty of time to figure out what was going on with him and if he truly wanted me back he'd owe me more then a lame email.

 

Up until now I thought I'd been making great progress. I think responding to his emails, even though I gave him really no personal information and didn't think of it was a big deal, probably set me back. I assumed that if I didn't he wouldn't cooperate on the divorce stipulations without court involvement and now that they're completed and the divorce is almost final I don't have to worry about talking to him anymore.

 

Anyways, thanks for responding. It helps to hear from people over everything.

 

It's going to take time to get over this. He basically blindsided you with this and has wasted your time, money and energy. Don't be too hard on yourself that you still have memories as that is to be expected. Flow with them, grieve and get up and move on. Do not talk to him at all if possible, as you are right, each conversation will set you back and put more questions in your mind. Remember, if he wants you back it is up to him to come to you and beg you back. If he isn't standing at your front door do not talk to him.

[ChildofOdin]

You aren't alone in hearing these kinds of reasons for being left. My H is doing this as I type. I don't understand. I don't think anyone in this situation does. On either side.

 

There are those moments where you feel incredibly strong and that you can see in the future a time where you just won't care... and then something brings you right back to where you feel like there's a gaping hole in your body. Like something is missing.

 

I'm still in the early stages, but reading more experiences here is making reality a bit clearer. I'm confident in the choices I've made so far... as for what will happen, I don't know.

 

Short term marriages like ours... it hurts to see dreams and future just pulled away.

 

I think you're inspiring to me. I hope to get to a place much more stable, like you.

[Molly01]

This is really sad. I think your husband is immature and confused and instead of wasting your time it would be better if you stand up for yourself and move on. Go to a family law firm and file for a divorce. And believe in the fact that you deserve a much more better person.